FUNBUNCH START SEASON WITH A WIN
IWD saves the day with four spares as team fields only one male by game time
OTTAWA-The Fun Bunch kicked off the season with an ignominious start by fielding a grand total of just one guy by game time. Steve "field marshal" saunders was once again left twisting in the wind by his compatriots, as john "hans solo" devries, scott "boom boom" saunders, richard "wild thing" bujold and newcomer clark "pound 'em back" lawlor all decided to kick back and enjoy a night off. That left "field marshal" scrambling to conscript a bevy of IWD players who had played the game before and were only to eager to play a double header. Quickly slamming the lid of their beer cooler and downing the last of their tallboys they filed into the fun bunch dugout in a minor state of inebriation. But before the first pitch was thrown, Glen "the wrangler" Rankin sauntered into the ball park, followed an inning or two later by paolo "slip-n-slide" daros casually meandering in from the parking lot--oblivious to the fact that the game was well underway. That display of insubordination caused "field marshal" to commence hurtling an expletive-laden tirade directly from the pitching mound at the two lackadaisical players. "slip-n-slide"--well accustomed to "field marshal's" standard greeting--yawned and slowly donned his cleats before commencing some pre-game stretching. The fun bunch went up quickly 1-0 on "field marshal's" double , but were dealt a setback in the second inning when the aquabats scored five runs as the fun bunch showed their rust with a number of fielding errors including all-too relaxed play in the outfield in general. "Your defensive play is abysmal and you have no one to blame but yourselves. Everyone but "scoresheet" pooh-poohed the practice so you all show up to the first game woefully unprepared. The good news is we're only in the second inning so you can still right this sinking ship - now get out there and give me five hard-earned runs", "field marshal", screamed at the top of his lungs. As if being doused metaphorically with a bucket of cold water, the team quickly realized that the mollycoddling they enjoyed under the stewardship of Alison "bulldozer" Hale had run its course and it was now time to "put up or shut up". Trembling and visible shaken, the team proceeded to pound out five runs in the fourth inning to take a slim 7-6 lead as requested by "field marshal", leading to airtight defensive play and a string of three scoreless innings for the aquabats who seemed suddenly perturbed at this odd turn of events. In the middle of this rally, an odd play developed at second base, as the big new offensive threat for the aquabats came charging into second as a hard liner was hit at "field marshal". Handcuffed slightly by the grounder, his lightning fast reflexes nevertheless allowed him to recover quickly and deliver a hard toss into the outstretched glove of sheldon "big bang" cooper--on loan from IWD. Unfortunately, "big bang" couldn't squeeze the perfectly thrown ball and it glanced off his glove directly into the nose of the aquabat base runner causing him to barrel roll in agony as if he had been shot with a gun. "Quit your crying and let me take a look", "field marshal" bellowed--clearly with little tolerance for such on field theatrics. As there was no blood, no bruise, no cut and no facial distortion, "field marshal" pronounced the player "fit as a fiddle" as he nonetheless limped off the field, tears streaming down his cheeks, eyes red, puffy and swollen. The real story of this game however was the play of newcomers leah "free play " morrell, emily " world cup" mountjoy , and trevor "the terror" (on loan from IWD). "free play" and "world cup", both elite athletes and friends of jamie "the machine" marchesi, quickly found their groove although playing softball for the first time. Both women made solid contact and displayed some impressive speed, sprinting down the first base line to beat out infield hits. "the terror"--as it turned out was a dead ringer for martin "the gazelle" desjardins--as he made spectacular catches in the outfield, threw the ball with great gusto and hit two home runs to boot (even if one was a solo shot). Noting "the terror's" impressive debut, "field marshal" and Alison "bulldozer" Hale conspired to secure him as a spare for future outings. With some clutch hitting all round, some great defensive play, and another five run inning in the sixth, the fun bunch cruised relatively easily to an 18-13 victory to set in motion the start of perhaps a stellar season.
FUNBUNCH WIN AGAIN WITH DEPLETED RANKS
Roster situation goes from the sublime to the ridiculous
OTTAWA-Able to field a team consisting of only three men, the fun bunch were once again put on the defensive--but this time before the game even started. With only steve "downtown" saunders and john "hans solo" devries at the field by game time, joined by , leah "fair play" morrel, nancy "knock em out of the park" harris, and kathy "dare-devil" adare, the team was looking awful meagre when colin bromfield demanded the game get underway. "downtown" was put in the uncomfortable situation of having to explain that they in fact couldn't start as glen "the wrangler" rankin had the bases and hadn't shown up yet. Rolling his eyes heavenward while muttering "saints preserve us" under his breath, bromfield stomped off the infield raising tiny clouds of dust in his wake. Once "the wrangler" showed up--fashionably late--the bases were quickly installed (quite cockeyed as a result) and the game got underway as emily "world cup" mountjoy also showed up and was quickly added to the every growing roster. Unfortunately, with rowena "scoresheet" sams missing-in-action, the team's structure quickly broke down as no one could figure out how to organize the lineup and the game was further delayed as a hasty game of "rocks , scissors, paper" ensued to determine the rotation. With only "hans solo" and "the wrangler" to play the outfield, that left "world cup" as a newly-minted right fielder and "fair play" debuting at second base. "This could be a very long game for us", "field marshal" quietly muttered to no one but himself. Luckily the fun bunch picked the right team to be playing with a depleted line up as the hapless "dogs bollocks" quickly lived up to their "C" designation as they popped up, misplayed grounders, threw balls away and generally gave the fun bunch a much needed helping hand. Not that it was all a bed of roses however, as their one gargantuan short stop hit a couple of monster home runs with runners on to keep the game pretty tight. Some miscues by the fun bunch almost came back to haunt them as well when in the third inning, "downtown" parked a mammoth 3-run short for the fourth run of the inning. Needing only a single run to max out the inning, and with runners on second and third, "the wrangler" inadvertently hit a home run when a single would have done the trick, to needlessly use up a precious "over-the-fence" home run. Pitching was an adventure as rusty back-up john "hans solo" devries was conscripted to the pitcher's mound whenever "field marshal" came to bat. Struggling with control the whole night, the ball zig-zagged all game--as if thrown by a drunken knuckle baller--forcing "field marshal" to bite his lip and use his extraordinary hitting skills to make contact with consistently bad pitches including a pitching wedge over the right field fence for his second homer and some much needed runs. Kathy "daredevil" adare executed a perfectly time swing to hit a pitch over the head of the left fielder leading to a stand-up double and two RBI's. Newcomers "world cup" and "fair play" both displayed their blazingly fast speed as they tore down the line, beating out more than one infield hits. Then something so bizarre, so weird, so unexpected happened that the whole game just ground to a halt: paolo "slip-n-slide" daros showed up to start the game in the last inning. draws dropped, mouths hung agape as the other team began whispering in hushed tones and pointing at the audacious spectacle that was "slip-n-slide". "Is that guy on crack or something?", one of the dogs bollocks players said none-too-subtly as "slip-n'slide" once again began his pre-game stretching as the game was drawing to a close. With the score 9-6 in favour of the fun bunch and each team with one inning to play, a tight defensive inning was delivered by the fun bunch to close out the dogs bollocks. But then an odd thing happened. Sensing defeat being snatched from the jaws of victory, bollock's captain bromfield--desperate to give his team one more kick at the can declared that "one more inning" would be played, interrupting players in the middle of the handshake line. Confused and a little perplexed the teams once again took to the field as the fun bunch added a few more insurance runs to put the game clearly out of reach as they once again managed to stave off the dogs bollocks and run their winning streak to two games no thanks to their missing compadres.
FUN BUNCH LOSE
Dearth of players costs team dearly
OTTAWA- It was a cool evening. The wind howled in the trees and made the air temperature seem even colder. Players arrived decked out in sweatshirts and blew into their hands for warmth. Steve "field marshal" Saunders stood impassively, surveying the battlefield, preparing himself mentally for the onslaught that was about to ensue. He had played in this league long enough to know when the odds were insurmountable, even for him. As his gaze swept the dugout he made a quick mental note-- no "boom boom" (kicking back to watch the big game"), no "slip-n-slide" (bailed out last minute - feeling tired), no "wild thing" (stuck in nightshift "hell" as punishment for some transgression he never committed), no "wrangler" (working late to balance the books), and surprise, surprise no "pound-em-back"--who in his inaugural season with the fun bunch has failed to make an appearance) With a full roster of eager women staring at him with excited expressions, anxiously awaiting their marching orders, "field marshal" knew he must give them hope even though there was none to give. He cast an admiring glance at John "hans solo" devries -- a tireless workhorse who still battling back from the ravages of throat cancer stood a shadow of his former self. The two oldest men on the team, both with a litany of maladies but both battle-hardened veterans, knew they were heading into the meat grinder. With the Aquabats barely able to contain their excitement at the thought of being able to extract painful revenge for their loss at the hands of the funbunch two weeks ago, they hastened the game to get underway. Having no choice, "field marshal" quickly press-ganged rowena "score-sheet" sam's sixteen year old son corey and leah "free play" morrel's large friend nigel into service for the team--neither having played softball before although nigel had played t-ball when he was four. With kathy "dare-devel" adare also kicking back to attend a hootenanny, that left neophyte "fair play" as the team's newly-minted first baseman in a baptism by fire. With a deep breath, "field marshal" assigned positions and trotted out to the infield as he inspected his new-look team. "this is going to be painful" he thought to himself with his usual candid introspection. The aquabats got the party rolling with a tidy five run first inning as they hastily dug out several more blank game sheets to record all the runs that were sure to follow. Trudging off the field with their heads slumped, "field marshal" knew his team was badly in need of some leadership and hope. "Look team, let's just stick to our game plan--solid singles, run out every ball and try to force errors", "field marshal" spoke encouragingly. Following his orders, the team quickly posted a few base runners at which point "field marshal" came to the plate. With "hans solo" making his debut as back-up pitcher, "field marshal" offered some brief encouragement and then instructed him to "throw it in like a beach ball" before he proceeded to pummel the stuffing out of it. As the ball sailed high over the center field fence, like a rocket breaking free of the earth's atmosphere, the celebratory mood in the aquabat dugout dampened somewhat. Clearly this wasn't going to be the cakewalk they had anticipated. Gradually, however, the aquabats pulled away with a run here and there despite the excellent fielding of the fun bunch. "field marshal" added another run in the fourth inning--a solo shot--as he accidentally put one over the fence in an attempt to hit a double down first base line. The score now stood at 9-4--impressively close considering the sheer number of missing players--but with hopes of a victory fading nonetheless. Then, all of a sudden, glen "the wrangler" rankin pulled into the parking lot unexpectedly and quickly ran to the dugout, his general ledger tucked firmly under one arm, his calculator in the other. Giving the team a glimmer of hope, he ran into the outfield as "field marshal" quickly shifted the team to accommodate the belated fielder. "scoresheet" to catcher, corey to third, "the wrangler" to left field and patti "gazoo" anderson to left rover. With his haphazard team beginning to take shape, "field marshal" watched as they began to pound out hits and make great fielding plays: alison "bulldozer" hale with a catch in right field, "the wrangler" with an out in centerfield, nancy "hit em out of the park" harris with a catch at second. Patti "gazoo" anderson had a spectacular night at the plate getting on base almost every at bat, "fair play" outran several infield hits to keep more than one rally alive, "bulldozer", "scoresheet" and "hit 'em out of the park" all had clutch hits to keep the faint glimmer of hope alive. The game got exciting with a rare miscue by the aquabats in the sixth inning as two base runners converged on second base forcing a rarely occurring run down involving "scoresheet", "field marshal" and "knock 'em out of the park", with "field marshal" applying the final tag hard enough to leave a welt on the dejected aquabat base runner. With two home runs already to his credit, "downtown" parked his third of the night over the center field fence for a two run shot keeping the fun bunch within striking distance. In the bottom of the ninth inning, the funbunch made it interesting as both corey and nigel got their first hits of the game and both came in to score runs to bring the total to 13-9 before the rally was extinguished ending the fun bunch's brief two game winning streak despite a valiant effort by those who showed up.
FUN BUNCH GET HAMMERED BY ATHLETICS
Team embarrassed in sloppy loss - rare moth siting only highlight
OTTAWA-Once again left hung out to dry by the usual culprits--scott "boom boom" saunders and paolo "slip-n-slide" daros--the team was further hurt by the absence of glen "the wrangler" rankin. That left team stalwarts steve "bad back" saunders and john "bad everything" devries--the two oldest men on the team--to circle the wagons in an attempt to mitigate the onslaught. "If he wasn't my brother I'd string him up", seethed steve "field marshal" saunders through gritted teeth when asked what he thought of his brother's decision to leave his teammates twisting in the wind for the fourth consecutive game--a shameful team record. Joining their two wily veterans were clark "pound em back" lawlor (gracing the team with his presence for the first time this season) and richard "wild thing" bujold who sported a sledge hammer, hard hat and steel toe boots, since he was heading straight to work after the last inning of his first game this year. Add to the mix, two total neophyte players kyle and nigel who came out to play with a whole lot of exuberance but not much experience--complements of leah "free play" morrel--and the team now had a full roster of guys. With the game underway, the team went to bat with team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale nowhere in sight. In fact, she didn't make an appearance until the third inning when she sauntered in slowly from the parking lot furiously updating her facebook page on her blackberry bold as she took further time to giggle at a humourous "wall" posting sending a clear message that this game was not a priority. It didn't take the athletics long to exploit the inexperience of the team as they hammered hits everywhere as if being sprayed out of a shotgun. The fun bunch couldn't score a single run until the fourth inning at which point the game was out of hand. Timely hitting was the culprit for the team, as they simply couldn't maintain a rally, stranding base runners in every inning. Defense was an issue as well as the Athletics crushed three home runs as well as hitting a number over the fun bunch outfielders for extra bases. Fielding was sloppy as well with balls bobbled in the outfield and off line throws resulting in errors and extra bases to make the rout complete. Clark "pound em back" lawlor hit the only home run of the game but it was too little too late. The fun bunch are headed straight to the "C" division unless they decide to provide more leadership and show up on time, improve their lacklustre attendance and simply give more effort on the ball diamond. Rumour has it that roster changes are imminent
The rare moth turned out to be a "Hyalophora". See full details here.
DUBIOUS RAIN OUT
Bons Vivants cancel game due to "dangerous playing conditions"
OTTAWA- After playing in the league for 28 seasons, veteran captain steve "field marshal" saunders thought he had seen (and heard) it all. That is until he received a phone call from the captain of the Bons Vivants who told him he was concerned for the safety of his players and wanted to cancel the game. "Well it's not raining, there is no rain on the radar, and there is no lightning in the forecast either so I'm not sure what the problem is", "field marshal" asked quizically when told of the other team's concern. "Well the ground is wet and I don't want any of my players hurting themself", the bons vivants captain further explained as his voice lowered as if to emphasize the severity of the situation. "It hasn't rained all day, and besides we all wear cleats", "field marshal" continued , his blood pressure rising. He was not about to "go gentle into that deep night" after managing to rustle up a full contingent of five guys for the first time this year. He was looking for payback and the hapless Bons Vivants were the perfect target. Like a shark circling its prey, he continued with the full-court press, "look we only get to play a few games a year, so our position has always been to show up and try to play as many innings as possible unless of course lighting is striking the diamond -- in which case we can wait til it stops", "field marshal" explained, slowly so as to be no confusion. "We are prepared to go to the diamond and play, so you'll have to tell me what your team wants to do", "field marshal" stated his final position, somewhat exasperated. "Ok let me talk to my players and call you back", the bons vivants captain replied and hung up. Meanwhile "field marshal" was conjuring up images of the great soggy tournament of 2007 when it rained non-stop all weekend and pools of water filled the infield and outfielders hydroplaned on the wet grass when the dove for a ball. Surely the bons vivants remember playing that year. Yet even under those conditions the tournament proceeded. The phone rang. "Field marshal" picked it up slowly, knowing full well what their answer was going to be. "Sorry, I cannot have my team play in these conditions and therefore we will cancel the game", the bons vivants captain said with some trepidation in his voice. "Now if you'd like to...", but "field marshal" hung up the phone, abruptly cutting him off mid sentence, very discouraged that his team would wrongfully be denied victory tonight.
FUN BUNCH WIN. FUN BUNCH WIN. FUN BUNCH WIN.
Team shakeup yields big dividends
OTTAWA-A sombre pall descended on the fun bunch dug out. They had lost the last two games in a row in shameful fashion. Senior management was plotting some form of drastic action to kick start the sputtering offense. "Look we have assembled a team that should be contending and instead they are playing disgraceful baseball", said general manager and hall of fame alumnus soren "scoop" sorensen, refusing to sugar coat what everyone else was thinking but afraid to say out loud. "That is unacceptable and will not continue. Starting today Alison "mollycoddler" Hale has been stripped of her co-captaincy and we have instated Steve "stalwart" Saunders as sole captain of the team. Furthermore Scott "twist in the wind" Saunders has been issued an ultimatum - show up for the game tonight or report to pawtucket tomorrow", Sorensen continued matter-of-factly. There, the gauntlet had been dropped - but would the team respond? With new leadership at the helm, "stalwart" wasted no time in putting his stamp on the team. "Listen here you maggots. There will be no more "kumbaya'ing" on my watch. We aren't here for a good time - we're here to win. And you know how we're going to win? with good ol' fashioned hard work. So prepare to get dirty, bust your hump, and do what it takes to chalk up a win for this team", "stalwart" continued in one steady stream of vitriol barely able to catch his breath. Clearly, the team was under new management. Gone was the gentle cooing of "mollycoddler" encouraging players to "try their best" and reminding them that "it's just a game" --harshly replaced by the staccato bravado of Steve "field marshal" Saunders. "field marshal"--a wily veteran of twenty-eight seasons and defacto team leader--knew exactly how to proceed to stem the bleeding. "Stop feeling sorry for yourselves and stop your snivelling. You made this mess and you're about to clean it up. Have some pride for gawds sake", he bellowed at his visibly shaken subordinates. "We are going to follow my battle plan with mathematical precision , but be forewarned it will involve blood, sweat, toil and tears", "field marshal" continued, spittle flying from his jowls as the team stood aptly at attention, terrified and nonplussed. Gracing the team with his presence for the first time this season was Scott "twist in the wind" Saunders. Only under the threat of demotion to the minor-league franchise had he decided to show up for a game--a shameful lack of commitment. His lack of preparation clearly showed as he waltzed to the pitching mound and proceeded to baffle fun bunch batters with an assortment of crazy pitches--none even remotely approaching the plate. But the team took "field marshal's" battle plan to heart and started out with a strong four run first inning and followed it up with an even stronger five run second inning. "scoop" was looking like a genius right now as the change of leaders had worked like magic. The crawlers put some runners on base, but could not maintain any sort of sustained effort as the fun bunch chipped away with runs in almost every inning including a gargantuan home run by "twist in the wind" and four runs scored by leah "free play" morrel. Sure it wasn't completely smooth sailing as the ever entertaining Richard "wild thing" Bujold juggled a routine fly ball before dropping it like a hot potato and then throwing it off line like a bar of soap gripped too tightly, to rob his team of an easy out. Yet there was a different vibe to the team with "field marshal" at the helm. Confidence replaced diffidence. Motivation replaced apathy. Determination replaced hesitation. With an impressive 21-11 victory to break out of their winless slump, the team will be looking to win again next week and start the slow climb to the top of the division, "field marshal's" steady hand firmly on the rudder.
FUN BUNCH WINNING STREAK ENDS AT ONE GAME
Defensive miscues result in unnecessary loss
OTTAWA - With newly minted captain steve "field marshal" saunders firmly at the helm, and one strong win firmly under their belt, the fun bunch seemed ready to start climbing the ladder of victory as they fielded their largest team of the season to take on "stop hitting on us" at Hampton Park diamond on Wednesday. Things started off a little slowly, however as they were unable to capitalize on some early offense when they couldn't get clutch hits with runners on board and fell behind quickly 7-3. It was during this time that newcomer Chris "heads up" Nicol made his presence felt on the diamond when he accidentally hit a base runner squarely between the shoulder blades as she was running into second. Although it wasn't a hard throw, she reacted as though it was and limped off the field as if she had been struck firmly in the head leading "stop hitting on us" to insist they be allowed to play with six guys since the fun bunch had "deliberately injured their player". The fun bunch meanwhile weren't about to wave the white towel as they quickly loaded the bases in the top of the fourth inning bringing steve "downtown" saunders up to bat. He had been in this situation many, many times before and knew that that he must set an example. With a playful wink he calmly advised clark "pound 'em back" lawlor to "throw it in like a beachball" before hammering the first pitch high over the centerfield fence as it quickly disappeared into the night sky --never to be seen again-- to make the score 8-7 for the fun bunch and give "stop hitting on us" sudden cause for concern. The mood changed quickly over in the other dugout. Tallboys were now quietly sipped in silence --the festive atmosphere dampened somewhat by what had just transpired. They could feel the momentum shifting as they watched gobsmacked and helpless to stop it. When the fun bunch proceeded to shut them out in the bottom of the inning, one could feel a sense of panic setting in, as they realized the cakewalk was over. About this time paolo "slip-n-slide" daros waltzed into the diamond--four innings late--and a harbinger of bad things about to happen. What occurred in the next two innings was a complete and utter, defensive horror-show, as the fun bunch committed a profusion of sickening errors to let the lead slip from their grasp . "slip-n-slide" got the party started when he did his best imitation of bill buckner circa 1986, as he casually let a simple grounder roll between his legs to load the bases with two out. One batter later the ball was sailing over the outfield fence as "stop hitting on us" crunched a grand slam to score four runs which should never have happened. They finished with five runs to make the score 12-8 in their favour. The fun bunch went down in order in the next inning with "stop hitting on us" hardly breaking a sweat. The next inning was more of the same - only worse. The first play was like a scene out of "groundhog day", as another slow roller casually slipped between "slip-n-slide's" legs as he swatted at it awkwardly with his glove--as if trying to catch a butterfly--leading to yet another error and the lead off runner aboard. The next batter, thankfully, delivered just what the fun bunch needed -- a hard grounder to "field marshal" at short for a potential double play. He deftly fielded it and turned to flip the ball to "slip-n-slide" for a double play only to realize--with great distress--that he was standing beside him and no one was at second base. With no option now at second base, "field marshal" threw a bullet to first beating the runner by three steps only to witness alison "bulldozer" hale (filling in for kathie "daredevil" adare who was sitting out the inning) drop the ball like a hot potato. "stop hitting on us" now had runners on first and second--the result of three errors committed by the fun bunch. "slip-n-slide" the ersatz second baseman, realizing his gaffe giggled and said "sorry I wasn't paying attention to the game" as if giggling would help to rectify the hole he had single-handedly dug for his team. Behind the eight ball once again, the team rallied behind their new leader as they loaded up the bases desperately trying to atone for "slip-n-slide's" atrocious errors. "downtown" strode once again to the plate. As he passed rowena "scoresheet" sams, she playfully asked him to "save her a hit"--and they both chuckled at the absurdity of her request. Seeing "downtown" approach the plate, the "stop hitting on us" fielders gulped hard and nervously backed up-- pressing their uniforms uncomfortably into the outfield fence as they prayed collectively for a bad pitch. With the weight of the team firmly on his broad shoulders, "downtown's" eyes narrowed to slits as he dug in at home plate and signaled for a pitch. "pound 'em back" delivered another slow beachball--perfectly timed over home plate. The sound was deafening. As the bat struck the ball, it dented immediately and then deformed, unable to take the herculean force--crumpling up like a sheet of cheap tinfoil. The ball meanwhile, sailed out of the park, devoid of its cover, stitching , and most of its stuffing, all of which had been surgically cleaved at impact. The last two shameful innings were slowly fading from memory as the team dug deep to eradicate the effect of their defensive lapses. Even "pound-em-back" got in on the act as he crunched a two run homer to give the fun bunch five for the inning and make the score 14-13 with "stop hitting on us still in the lead". Another strong four run inning for the fun bunch in the eighth (despite the "stop hitting on us" first baseman deliberately interfering with "downtown" as he tore around first base as they dug deep into their bag of dirty tricks to try and salvage a win) and the game was all tied up 17-17 heading into the ninth complements of some great offense by the team as a whole and some key hits by the women including five hits and three runs scored by Leah "fair play" Morrel. The fun bunch started the inning with back to back hits and runners at first and second with no outs. Sadly, a pop fly and a double play later and their inning was done without scoring the go ahead run. In the bottom of the inning "stop hitting on us" got their first runner aboard and brought them home with a couple of clutch hits to win the game and extinguish the fun bunch "winning streak"-- guaranteeing a change of personnel in the infield for the next game.
FUNBUNCH SLUMP CONTINUES
usual suspects cost team another win
OTTAWA-Cougars were on the prowl Thursday night at Hampton Park diamond. No, not members of the large cat family "felida", native to the americas, but rather the middle-aged, fun bunch women who had their sights set firmly on a certain cub in dire need of nurturing. That cub was newcomer Jamie "guns out" Smith, professional body builder and friend of new recruit Andrew "gazelle 2.0" Campbell. Straight from a workout session and sporting a torn "gold's gym" muscle shirt, he sent the fun bunch cougars into a frenzy when he agreed to shore up the lineup. Even with an inauspicious debut, he quickly developed a cult following despite his strikeouts and misplayed fly balls. "sign him up immediately", snarled former captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale unable to divert her glaze from his rippling muscles. "I second that motion" , drooled Kathie "daredevil" Adare, her eyes like saucers as she too had trouble focussing on the game at hand. Once again, captain, equipment manager, trainer , scout, webmaster, team blogger, coach and general manager steve "field marshal" saunders was behind the eight ball thanks to the triumvirate of scott "twist in the wind" saunders, clark "pound ' em back" lawlor and richard "wild thing" bujold, all of whom kicked back and enjoyed a night off at the expense of their teammates. Add to that list paolo "slip-n-slide" daros who informed "field marshal" last minute that he would be "a bit late" and then skipped the game entirely. In a season of unending surprises, "field marshal" came through once again, as he rounded up a couple of new players to try out for the team. Andrew "gazelle 2.0" Campbell , the son of hockey legend Murray "old school" Campbell and friend of "field marshal's" came out and made a big impact on the team as he flew around the outfield with blazing speed, resembling a younger Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins. Like martin, "gazelle 2.0" could do it all with a strong throwing arm and consistent hitting, finishing the night four-for-five and very nearly beating out an in the park home run. The other newcomer was Jane "homerun" Hazel, who earned her audition with a somewhat deceptive resume that boasted of her "triple crown" threat, despite not having played softball for thirty-five years. "homerun" did manage a decent debut with solid contact at the plate and fast speed down the line despite getting on base only once--compliments of her propensity to hit the ball directly at the shortstop. The game itself was a relatively close affair with opportunities for the fun bunch to take the lead several times but lack of clutch hitting was an issue with a plethora of pop-ups and soft grounders to short quickly extinguishing any rallies-in-the-making. Sure steve "downtown" saunders parked a three-run shot in the third inning to make the score 5-7, but the team could not maintain that momentum as they were out-scored 7-3 in the next three innings. Adding to the team's woes was a singleton homerun by John "hans solo" Devries who giddily explained to the other team where he got his well deserved nick-name as he rounded the bases chuckling all the while. Leah "free play" morrel had another remarkable game as she went five-for-five and very nearly pulled of a razzle-dazzle play with "field marshal" as she flipped him a grounder at third for a close bang-bang play at first. Attempting to earn her captain's C back one stitch at a time, Alison "bulldozer" Hale had back-to-back gritty hits up the middle to do her part to rally the team late in the game. But alas, pop-ups, ground outs and strikeouts proved the fun bunch's undoing as they lost another game, this one 17-12.
FUNBUNCH BACK TO .500
Team comes through with must win game
OTTAWA-Could the fun bunch be turning the corner finally? It sure looked that way on Wednesday night when the team fielded their largest roster of the season - six men and six women to do battle with pesky brawlers and managed to scratch out a win. It wasn't a cakewalk by any stretch of the imagination, but the fun bunch dug deep and came up big when they needed to, as they managed to hold off the brawlers 19-12. Sure the usual culprits-- scott "twist in the wind" saunders and clark "pound 'em back" lawlor--were absent once again, but chantal "rum runner" bujold made her first appearance of the season and was rock solid at first base and went 4 for 5 at the plate. Andrew "gazelle 2.0" campbell was invited back after his impressive debut and played great in the outfield and went 4 for 4. Although the fun bunch cougars were once again on the prowl, they were sadly disappointed when jamie "guns out" smith did not receive a call back after his disappointing try out. "I demand a team vote", snarled ex-captain alison "bulldozer" hale, when she found out her prize cub would not be returning to the pride. "Sorry bulldozer, but that's not going to happen on my watch. Now stop growling, grab a bat and get on base", bellowed team captain steve "field marshal" saunders to quell the nascent mutiny in its tracks. The fun bunch scored four runs in the first inning and never relinquished the lead. Team curmudgeon, john "methuselah" devries showed everyone that although he is the oldest player on the team (and quite possibly the whole league) he still knows how to work a bat as he went five for five with four runs scored to lead by example. Sure steve "downtown" saunders crushed a pitch into the stratosphere and blasted another off the center field fence to do his part , but this win was a team effort with some outstanding plays by everyone. Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris, crunched several pitches deep to the outfield for an impressive batting display before she caught a pop fly nonchalantly for an out at rover. chantal "rum runner" bujold made an unassisted out at first when she snagged a ground ball and outran the base runner, looking like a woman half her age--despite her troublesome back. Heck even richard "wild thing" bujold joined in on the action when he awkwardly fielded a simple ground ball and had to crawdaddy back to second on his hands and knees for the out as "field marshal" looked on unimpressed. Not everything was smooth sailing however as a breakdown in team communication saw paolo "slip 'n slide" daros watch casually as an easy fly ball dropped between first and second. "oh was I supposed to get that?", he asked quizically, genuinely confounded by the basic defensive play. Across the diamond, rowena "scoresheet" sams rolled her eyes in a "you've got to be kidding me" gesture echoing, the sentiments of the rest of her teammates. In another odd play, accountant glen "the wrangler" rankin, who had been up all night cooking the books at some numbered company, seemed dazed and confused as he got picked off first base on a fly ball-- a mistake he never makes. "sorry guys, but CRA has been all over me this week. my mind is elsewhere", he offered up to his team as an explanation for his transgression. Patti "gazoo" Anderson also crunched a couple of big time hits deep to the outfield over second base for an impressive display of power and a couple of long singles. With the fun bunch pulling away from the brawlers, leah "fair play" morrel decided to have a bit of "fun" at their expense. In a well rehearsed display of athletic agility, she fielded a hard grounder down the third base line. But instead of attempting a long throw to first against a speedy base runner, she did the unthinkable. "fair play" smoothly lobbed the ground ball to her partner--twenty-eight time gold glove short stop steve "downtown" saunders. With a playful wink at "fair play", "downtown" fielded her toss, put the base runner in his cross hairs and seemingly defied the laws of physics. As first base woman chantal "rum runner" bujold saw the play unfold, she braced herself for the onslaught. Although she could not see the ball coming towards her--it was coming far too fast for that--she knew that "downtown" would place it square in her glove. Her job was simply to hold on through the mind-numbing pain. A moment later she was in agony as she closed her glove for the out, wisps of smoke coming from her mitt as the ball momentarily seared the leather on her hand due to its velocity. Even the umpire seemed confused by the play -- simply unable to follow the speed of the ball with the unaided eye--and didn't realize the base runner was out until "rum runner" opened her glove and pried the misshapen ball from the burned crust of her glove for the final out of the game.
FUN BUNCH WIN TWO IN A ROW
Team rounding into form but face big test next week
OTTAWA-The lacklustre fun bunch are starting to look like more like a ball team and less like the keystone cops since steve "field marshal" saunders took over the helm two games ago. With his trademark "take no prisoners" approach to the game, he has instilled a sense of pride and determination once again into this storied franchise. Slowly but surely, he has managed to tighten just the right bolts and turn just the right dials to keep the SS fun bunch from sinking. Still listing, but no longer taking on water, the team is now seaworthy but still a far cry from its glory days and much hard work remains to be done. "You have to walk before you can run", "field marshal" said calmly when asked of what he thinks of his team's progress to date. "We are slowly improving and every game we win goes a long way to restoring our confidence eroded away through seasons of mollycoddling", the sage veteran continued. Once again, the team was slow out of the starting gate as the first three guys went down in order as IWD took a quick 4-1 lead in the first inning. With the ravages of time seemingly catching up to john "Methuselah" devries , he struggled going o-for 3 in his first three at bats to quickly erase last week's impressive outing. A rare appearance by Clark "pound 'em back" lawlor held a modicum of promise until he popped out in three of his first four at bats. With Glen "the wrangler" Rankin informing the team two minutes before game time that he would be skipping the first half of the game in lieu of a golf tournament, that left "field marshal" with only four guys and in a real bind. Down 4-1 and short a player, "field marshal" sighed deeply. "What have I done to deserve this?", he pondered rhetorically, casting his eyes heavenward in a moment of self pity. Displaying uncanny savvy that has made him the scourge of the league, he huddled his troops together quickly before the start of the second inning. Fearing the worst, the team nervously convened with palpable trepidation. "This game should be a slam dunk for gawds sake. Keep in mind we are playing IWD the laughing stock of the league. Their shortstop couldn't throw the ball straight if he had a GPS strapped to his forehead. So I want everyone to take a deep breath, show some pride and load up the bases for me", he said in as soothing a voice as he could muster. Perfectly on queue, leah "the roadrunner" morrel, glen "the wrangler" rankin and kathie "daredevil" adare got aboard to load the bases and portend "downtown's" impending trip to the plate. With "hans solo's" failed debut as pitcher in the first inning, "downtown" signalled to the dugout for "pound 'em back" to take to the mound. "Are you sure you want me to pitch?", "pound em back" inquired incredulously from the dugout. "Get out there and throw it in like a beach ball", came "downtown's" terse reply. With a quick "yessir", "pound 'em back" scampered quickly out to the mound. Surveying the battlefield, "downtown" settled in to the batter's box and took a deep breath. "Remember, a beach ball", he reminded "pound 'em back before winding the spring. The ball kept getting bigger and bigger as it sailed lazily into home plate as if on a silver platter. In fact, "downtown" could have sworn there was a bulls-eye on it as he hammered it into the stratosphere for a gargantuan grand slam to give the fun bunch the lead 5-1. Ashamed of their actions in the first inning, the team quickly rallied around their leader and sprung into action. "the roadrunner" went 6 for 6 - outrunning even infield hits with her blazing speed. Kathie "daredevil" adare scooped up everything even remotely within the vicinity of first base like a hoovermatic and went 4 for 5 including a massive hit into left field. John "hans solo" Devries once again turned back the cruel hands of time and finished the game with three straight hits. Heck even patti "gazoo" anderson got caught up in the excitement as she attempted the unthinkable and briefly feigned catching a fly ball before nervously reeling in her glove like a contracting slinky. "I didn't scream this time!", she effused enthusiastically to her teammates beaming with pride. Not one to rest on his laurels, "downtown" proceeded to crush two more home runs for a grand total of three in three consecutive at bats to give his team a commanding 13-6 lead going into the sixth inning. Sadly, and despite the ten RBI's posted by "downtown", the fun bunch faltered as the next six batters failed to get a hit allowing IWD to stumble into the lead 14-13 heading into the eighth inning. Demoralized, "field marshal" once again huddled his troops. "Look - I've done all I can - we are out of home runs now. Each of you has to dig deep and get on base the old fashioned way - with well placed grounders and hustling down to first. You have to keep the ball on the ground", he admonished his teammates. As if a gigantic light bulb had just turned on, the fun bunch got the message loud and clear and proceeded to hit grounders and chalk up seven runs in the last two innings to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and cruelly crush the spirits of the hapless IWD loonies as they watched helpless as their win evaporated into the night air along with their dignity.
FUN BUNCH ON FIRE
Team "bats around" in the ninth to tie all -time record for most runs with 32
OTTAWA-New captain, new attitude, new results. After losing four games out of the previous five, steve "field marshal" saunders instatement as sole captain of the fun bunch proved a turning point for the floundering team. Now red-hot after winning their third in a row, the team has clearly accepted the wily veteran's mantra of "no guts no glory". With their first wire-to-wire victory of the season (they took the lead in the first inning and maintained it throughout the game), the fun bunch served noticed that they are a team to be reckoned with. "I'd eat a bowl of glass for 'field marshal'", stated clark "pound 'em back" lawlor matter-of-factly. "I'd climb over a razor wire fence for 'field marshal'!", exhorted leah "the roadrunner" morrel, eagerly echoing the unanimous chorus of her teammates. The fun bunch scored five runs in the first inning and never looked back. All five runs were scored without a home run as the team swallowed their pride and hit hard grounders to keep the ball out of the air, avoiding easy pop-outs. Even steve "downtown" saunders showed impossible restraint as he strode to the plate with one runner aboard and three runs already scored. "park it, downtown!", the bench hollered in giddy anticipation of yet another of his now legendary, tape-measure home runs, only to be scowled at from the batters' box. "We play as a team. I will not "waste" a home run unless there are at least three runners aboard. That is my benchmark and I never deviate", "downtown" quickly reminded his frenzied fans. True to his word, he drilled a hard bouncing grounder off the infield for a stand-up double to score the fourth run. The fun bunch offense was on cruise control. chantal "rum runner" bujold, brow beaten out of retirement, went 7 for 7. John "ponce de leon" devries, turned back the cruel hands of time and went 6 for 6 scampering around the bases, as if he too had sipped from the fountain of youth. Other players with at least five hits included leah "the roadrunner" morrel, kathie "daredevil" adare, richard "wild thing" bujold, and steve "downtown" saunders. The fun bunch had no trouble using up their home runs, but sadly one was a solo shot and the other accounted for only two runs, as clark "pound 'em back" lawlor decided to eschew the advice of his sage captain and hit a couple of "me first" dingers. Saving his best for last, he drilled yet another ball over the fence in the eighth for an out after all the home runs were used up, to end the inning with two runners on when a single would have cashed them both in, earning the disdain of his teammates. "I can't believe the guy did that after field marshal reminded him that all the home runs were used up", fumed his spouse kathie "daredevil" adare, clearly not impressed. But despite that one blip (and one more to follow), the team played exceptionally well. The outfield made big catches all night long, although most of them unexpectedly exhilarating . First there was paolo "slip-n-slide" daros who tracked down a deep fly ball on the run and made a stunning over the shoulder catch while slip-n-sliding on the damp outfield as he quickly recited a hail mary for good measure. Then there was richard "wild thing" bujold who--no one is quite sure how--made spectacular (albeit unorthodox) catches all night long, often resembling a weeble. Not to be out done clark "pound 'em back" lawlor did his best to entertain the crowds with a plethora of bizarre antics in the outfield. First there was his brazen and failed attempt at intimidation as he cat-called the aquabat batter to "hit one out to me". He quickly regretted those words as the ball sailed over his head while he stood transfixed, like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.. Then there was the pandemonium that ensued when john "hans solo" devries and "pound 'em back" converged on a lazy fly ball. Nervously watching the impending collision "field marshal" hollered for the fielders to "call it" as both players ignored his advice and charged even harder, avoiding total devastation only by accident at the last minute while somehow making the catch. But saving his best for last "pound 'em back"--looking to atone for his plethora of miscues--tracked a towering fly ball down in the ninth inning. As the wind buffeted the flying orb, "pound 'em back" did his best to track its trajectory, running hither and yon in the outfield. With only a faint hope of success, "pound 'em back" made one final stab for the ball as he ran full tilt, doing his best to keep pace with yet another gust of wind. "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can", he repeated like "the little engine that could", trying desperately to convince himself that the play was in fact possible. Diving at the last minute, arm outstretched, glove wide open, he managed to snag the ball. "I knew I could, I knew I could, I knew I could", he repeated excitedly as he picked himself up of the ground and danced around gleefully, doing a quick jig like a leprechaun. The infield was doing a pretty good job too. "the roadrunner" and "field marshal" cooked up some excitement with their now legendary relay from third to short to first. "rum runner" was rock solid all night at first catching everything and anything that was thrown at her. "daredevil" had shifted to second and was doing a solid job playing the new position. But just when things were humming along tickety-boo, poalo "slip-n-slide" daros struck. Somehow he managed to sashay his way into the infield between innings under the cover of darkness. When "field marshal" realized what had happened he turned ashen as a look of abject horror transmuted his countenance. Fearing the worst, but trying to reassure himself that "it was only one inning what's the worst that could possibly happen", he was about to find out. With one out and runners at first and second, "field marshal" felt somewhat better. Thinking that a hard grounder should lead to an easy double play to get out of the inning unscathed, he relaxed somewhat. Bad idea. What happened next was like something out of an alfred hitchcock movie. The next batter struck the ball hard to "field marshal". He calmly fielded the ball and softly tossed it over to "slip-n-slide" who had positioned himself on second for what should have been a text book double play. At that point reality warped. In a slow motion horror show, "slip-n-slide" reached out for the ball and attempted to throw it at the same time. Looking as if he had made his way on to the field after rubbing both hands with sticks of soft butter, the ball squirted from his hand to land almost comically with a loud "plop" on the ground. Quickly realizing that the double play was now only a faint memory, "field marshal"-- choking back bile--screamed at "slip-n'slide" to "get an out". Resembling a farmer trying to grab a greased pig, "slip-n-slide" proceeded to do battle with the inert ball but to no avail as it squeezed out his grip time and time again, whenever he applied the least pressure. Standing aghast, his teammates watched helpless as the travesty continued. Sweat dripping profusely from his brown after writhing in the dirt, "slip-n-slide" somehow managed to grip the ball ever so briefly as the base runner barreled towards second base. Reaching out, haplessly, with his left toe he made contact with the base seconds after the runner had made it safely aboard to load the bases. Fearing the worst, and covered in dust, he looked up sheepishly from his prone position, only to have his teammates avoid eye contact as if contending with a pariah. The next batter strode to the plate and crunched an avoidable grand slam home run to give the aquabats five runs and make the game much closer than it should have been. final score 32-19.
FANTASTIC FOUR-IN-A-ROW
Red Hot Fun Bunch claim another victim in seven inning game
OTTAWA-Playing their second game in two nights for the first time this season, the fun bunch were showing their age when they limped into the ball park for their pre-game warm up. Gobbling advil by the fistful, as if they were smarties, the team threw some soft tosses as the medication slowly kicked in and sent a glowing warmth down their spine, finally allowing them a modest degree of flexibility. With only three guys on the field at game time, the team was finding it difficult to shake their tardy habit that had bedeviled them all season. Beseeching the other team for "ten more minutes", captain steve "field marshal" saunders was greeted with disdain from "Bass Line Station". "Get your act together buddy", came one of the cat-calls from the bleachers. "What kind of a mickey mouse team do you run", rang down another, anonymously from the rafters. Begrudgingly, they agreed to the extended curfew as "field marshal" walked back to his dugout, seething with rage. Just as the curfew was about to end, glen "the wrangler" rankin pulled wildly into the parking lot side swiping three parked cars in the process. With the engine still running, he ran--still clad in his hockey gear--to the fun bunch dugout. "The game started twenty minutes ago", bellowed "field marshal" at his winded fielder. "I told you I had a hockey game in kanata and that I'd be late. I came straight here from the ice, I didn't even change for crying out loud", replied "the wrangler" haughtily, as he hastily removed his skates and laced up his baseball cleats. "whoops I forgot", replied "field marshal" sheepishly. "good job soldier", he offered up in solace to his teammate. With paolo "slip-n-slide" daros still nowhere in sight (in his defense he said he would be fifteen minutes late, but it was now thirty minutes after official game time), the team took to the field with only four guys. They were playing "Bass Line Station", the champions from the tournament last year, so expected to have their hands full with a tough team. In the first inning, the fun bunch stuck to "field marshal's" game plan and took a 5-0 lead with some stellar defense and five runs without using up a homer. One of the outs resulted from one of "the wranger's" trademark catches. Running full tilt he tracked the ball down, then dove--glove outstretched to snag the ball--as he did a barrel roll and dug up three feet of sod. Holding his glove aloft with the ball firmly ensnared he spit out a mouthful of dirt and proclaimed "one out". After the first inning, however, Bass Line Station started to turn the thumb screws as they scored 3-5-5 runs in their next three innings including two triples by one woman on the team who smashed the ball over both clark "pound 'em back" lawlor and glen "the wrangler" rankin. With the fun bunch short one fielder, the outfield resembled a large piece of swiss cheese as Bass Line Station dropped in hits hither and yon into the plentiful gaps. Down 8-7 now going into the bottom of the third inning, the fun bunch were coming to bat. "Look team our winning streak is on the line. I need you all to dig deep and get on base. Singles will do - just keep the ball out of the air", said "downtown" ,firmly, reminding his crew of the battle plan. Two innings later, the fun bunch had scored ten runs and had taken a 17-13 lead including yet another home run for steve "downtown" saunders, keeping his season long consecutive game home run streak alive. This one resembled a saturn V rocket taking off from cape canaveral as it rose higher and higher into the stratosphere eventually becoming a pin-prick in the sky, destined to join the myriad of other inter-planetary debris in space. Despite the new-look team, Bass Line Station clearly wasn't about to roll over and play dead as they continued to get hits and score runs, exacerbated by some defensive gaffes of the fun bunch. In what turned out to be a see-saw affair, the fun bunch answered the challenge by matching or besting Bass Line Station offensive output in each inning. Richard "wild thing" Bujold lead the team, going four for four, with every player scoring at least one run and "daredevil" and "downtown" scoring three each. Some "home town" calls by the fun bunch ref helped immensely, contributing to a five run rally with two out in the fourth. With the score 17-13 for the fun bunch going into the fifth inning the game was still up for grabs. Unfortunately the fun bunch offense faltered at this point, scoring only a single run in the next two innings by chasing far too many bad pitches ("pound 'em back" pitching) resulting in a score of 18-15 and a slim three run lead for the fun bunch going into the seventh and final inning. Desperately wanting to get out of this game with a win to extend their winning streak, the team dug deep to come up with a tidy three-up three-down defensive gem to end the game and avoid having to play the bottom of the inning to win 18-15.
UNSTOPPABLE
Dogs Bollocks latest victim as Fun Bunch win fifth in a row
OTTAWA-They swaggered in from the parking lot to the ball diamond, chests puffed out like peacocks. The Dogs Bollocks began whispering in hushed tones and a look of nervous anticipation crossed their brows. This was the NEW fun bunch--a team now known to annihilate opponents and inflict pain and suffering beyond one's worst imagination. Colin Bromfield gulped nervously as the man they simply refer to as "field marshal" approached, broad shoulders carrying the weight of a ridiculous number of softball bats. "Hi f-f-f-f-field marshal - nice night for a baseball game", Bromfield stuttered, clearly afraid and in awe. "Sure whatever", came "field marshal's" terse reply, leaving Bromfield embarrassed from the slight. This was clearly a different team. Long gone now were the shameful, namby-pamby affairs endured at the start of the season. This was now clearly "field marshal's" team. A no-nonsense troop of battle-hardened veterans who would jump through flaming hoops or to certain death for their captain. As they filed into the dugout, they resembled a well-oiled machine--crisp uniforms were donned, the lineup was quickly published and warm-up commenced--all with military precision. In the other dugout, the hapless Dog's Bollocks watched as their sad-sack group of ne'er do well misfits cursed at one another and pounded back tall boys. "It appears that we are sheep to the slaughter", mused Bromfield to himself as he rolled his eyes heavenward, mouthed a quick "our father" and prepared for the onslaught. The Fun Bunch had fielded their largest contingent of the season--including seven women--as word spread far and wide of the team's exploits. Carrie "the cruncher" Lehn and Taylor "tag out" Smith both made their debut in spectacular fashion as they displayed an impressive ability to hit, catch and throw the ball. In fact Taylor made a smart tag play at second when a throw from the outfield was cut off by "field marshal" leaving a base runner hung out to dry between second and third. A quick flip to Taylor and a hard tag to the face of the base runner and she had a new nickname while the fun bunch had an unexpected out. The fun bunch maintained yet another wire-to-wire lead assisted by home runs from john "hans solo" devries, andrew "gazelle 2.0" campbell and of course steve "downtown" saunders for a total of seven RBI's. Another newcomer this season, Jane "home run" Hazel had a solid game at bat with several hits and some fast sprints down to first base. Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris had a great game going 4 for 4 with two runs scored and two fly ball outs playing rover. Not one to be left out, Richard "wild thing" Bujold added his own signature to the game with a couple of spectacular plays. Running to second, he sensed a chance to make it all the way to third and garner "field marshal's" scant approval. But no sooner than you could say "wild thing", did his aspirations come crashing down, literally, as his boot caught the tip of second base when he turned the corner and he began to cartwheel in the dirt. HIs momentum carried him about half way to third base before the laws of physics kicked in and ground him to a forceful halt, leaving him splayed on the ground, limbs akimbo, in a cloud of dust, bruised and bleeding and out. Needless to say "field marshal's" approval was not forthcoming. After picking himself up and cleaning himself off he was ready for his second "big play" of the night which came in the following inning. With a late start tracking a lazy fly ball--after being distracted by a butterfly--"wild thing" suddenly realized with abject horror that he quite possibly may not make the play. Catching a glimpse of "field marshal's" scowl out of the corner of his eye, he began sweating profusely and quickly picked up the pace. He was closing in on the fly ball now so he became complacent and let out a relaxed sigh--prematurely--as he jumped to snag the ball it momentarily resembled a sno-cone as it sat about 99% out of his glove, before it popped completely out and fell to the ground to score a couple of runs. With "wild thing's" hijinks out of the way, the team settled down and turned the thumb screws. Final score 25-19.
FEAST TO FAMINE
Team wins sixth in a row with only eight players
OTTAWA-What a difference a week makes. After fielding their largest team of the season last thursday, the fun bunch could only manage to scrape together four of each for a total of eight this week as has been the case for most of the season. Nevertheless, the players who showed up clearly came to play as they once again cruised to a win maintaining a wire to wire lead from the first inning on. They were playing the Athletics--a team that had beat them badly at the start of the season--and were looking for payback. With five wins in a row, the fun bunch knew this game would be a tough one to win in order to maintain their winning streak. Returning after last week's solid debut was Carrie "bone crusher" Lehn, who continued to make solid contact with the ball as well as do an admirable job at second base. The fun bunch women all played great with everyone scoring at least one run, and Chantal scoring four. Leah " roadrunner" Morrel and Alison "bulldozer" Hale both went six for seven and scored three runs . The boys played equally as well: Andrew "gazelle 2.0" Campbell had five hits and a home run. John "hans solo" devries also had five hits and three runs scored. Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros played with enthusiasm all night. Richard "wild thing" bujold even showed up at the end of the fourth inning, decked out in hard hat, grubby work uniform and steel-toed boots--as he took a quick detour between job sites--insisting that he be allowed to play. After being physically restrained by his teammates he wished everyone good luck and hopped back into his pickup to continue his night shift at Latcon Demolition. Transcending the game, however, was the stunning performance of steve "downtown" saunders. With superlatives simply unable to describe the feat bore out on that night, "downtown" put on a show of monumental proportions--even by his standards. Seven hits, six runs scored, two home runs, two triples, two doubles, a single, and ten RBI's. No that is not the total for the team, but rather a typical "aw shucks" night at the ball diamond for "downtown"--captain, leader, mentor of the fun bunch juggernaut.
MUDFEST
slippery conditions don't deter fun bunch from ending the season with seven straight wins
OTTAWA-With the infield a sloppy quagmire after three straight days of rain, the fun bunch did their best to avoid any injuries as they annihilated the rough-around-the-edges rebels 20-9 in a soggy, muddy affair. The game started off very late due to an all-too-common, nasty habit of fun bunch players refusing to arrive on time or simply not showing up at all. Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros, Chantal "bud light lime" Bujold and Richard "wild thing" Bujold all decided to kick-back and take the night off, leaving their depleted teammates to once again twist in the wind. Exacerbating the shortage was John "hans solo" Devries who warned that he too would be late due to an urgent "cocktail gala" that he "must attend". Things got off to a rocky start when the ever-feisty rebels insisted the game start--after waiting twenty minutes past game time--despite the fun bunch having only seven players. Realizing that the cavalry was in fact not going to arrive and save the day, steve "field marshal" saunders acquiesced begrudgingly and the game got under way. Even with only two outfielders it was a one-sided affair from the get-go as the fun bunch scored thirteen runs in the first four innings including a home run, triple and a double in his first three at bats by steve "downtown" saunders who ended the game going six for seven with five runs scored. Everyone scored at least one run and everyone got at least two hits. Rowena "scoresheet" Sams led the women with six hits and two runs scored while leah "the roadrunner" morrel had three runs scored and four hits. In addition to "downtown's" heroics, clark "pound 'em back" lawlor scored three runs on four hits, glen "the wrangler" rankin scored three runs on five hits, and john "hans solo" devries scored two runs on a perfect night going six for six at the plate. The rebels were a different story. Upon arriving at the diamond they fashioned a make-shift rain shelter with a tarpaulin that they jury-rigged over the bleachers to ostensibly "keep them out of the rain" despite the fact that it wasn't raining. It became clear what the shelter's true purpose was as the rebels emerged tardily at the start of each inning giggling uncontrollably and confused as to what position they should be playing, resembling the keystone cops as they bumbled about on the field. John "hans solo" devries finally arrived in the third inning--straight from his gala event--after clearly imbibing rather heavily. Running out on to the field, still shod in his wingtips and wearing a smart navy blazer, he was sent back immediately to the dugout to don his proper uniform and cleats by an unimpressed "field marshal" who harrumphed his displeasure. While "hans solo" had an outstanding game at the plate as previously mentioned, his over indulgence wreaked havoc on his hand-eye coordination in the outfield as he stutter-stepped awkwardly before juggling and ultimately dropping a routine fly ball. The play of the game however took place in center field. With the rebels mounting a muted rally, their biggest player strode to the plate. He looked resplendent as he showcased his impressive array of tatoos and body piercings before he dug into the batter's box and waved his bat menacingly. One pitch later he crushed the ball deep into the gap. It was at this time that clark "pound 'em back" lawlor sprung into action. Looking to atone for his woeful pitching, he dug his cleats into the slippery outfield as he tracked the ball's trajectory. Huffing and puffing, he kept his eyes affixed--even as the ball disappeared against the night sky and bright sodium arc field lights. The ball was plummeting to earth now, seemingly exceeding the laws of Newtonian physics as "pound 'em back" realized he would not be able to make the play. With every ounce of strength he had remaining in his body, "pound 'em back" leapt towards the ball, glove outstretched in front of him. Timing his manoeuvre perfectly, "pound 'em back" closed his glove on the ball just as it began to graze the tips of the outfield grass, his momentum causing him to continue to slide until he came to an abrupt stop on the rough gravel of the infield, his glove held high triumphantly. Spitting out a mouthful of rain water, he flipped the ball to the pitcher before raising his index finger and stating, "one out", matter-of-factly to his teammates.
WINNING STREAK ENDS WITH A THUD
Fun bunch start tournament with a loss in winnable game
OTTAWA-It's funny how the teams that show up for the tournament often don't resemble the teams you play during the regular season. That definitely was the case Saturday morning at Carlington #1 as the new-look Athletics deployed a powerhouse squad of recently recruited hard-core ball players including at least three new faces. Despite their shenanigans, the game was very close as they ran into the rock-solid defense of the fun bunch. Alas, it was the offense of the fun bunch that was sputtering along until it ran completely out of gas with nary a home run to their credit. What about "downton" , you might ask incredulously. Sadly, the bat was taken out of his hand the whole game as he was forced to lead off in all three of his at bats and then was served up a plethora of nasty pitches to chase by Richard "wild thing" Bujold who eagerly climbed the mound when "downtown" came up to bat despite the objections of his teammates. The fun bunch offense was non-existant: soft grounders, easy pop-ups, base running errors, you name it. it was as if the team had nothing in the tank, after their stellar pennant race when they finished the season with seven consecutive wins. The highlight of the game occurred when a screaming line drive came hard down the third base line. Leah "I ain't afraid of nothin'" morrel jumped in the air to risk life and limb to make the catch. The velocity of the ball tore the glove off her hand and the ball fell to the ground. Quick-thinking, all-star short stop steve "downtown" saunders, didn't hesitate as he immediately picked up the wayward ball and fired a rocket to first to beat one of their elite players by an eyelash.
FUNBUNCH DIG A DEEPER HOLE
Team loses two in a row despite late-inning rally
OTTAWA-It never rains it pours it seems and boy did it pour saturday afternoon at Hampton Park diamond as the fun bunch lost their second in a row to the new-look Dog's Bollocks - yet another team to have a vastly improved lineup of new faces for the tournament. Clearly, Colin Bromfield convener of the league and captain of both the Dogs Bollocks and the Athletics, had winning on his mind as he engineered a "tournament ready" lineup of elite players for both teams. So new, in fact, were some of the players, that they seemed confused by the basic rules of the league as they continued to hit two extra home runs--both for outs--after they had reached their limit of three. The fun bunch woes, however, were due once again to a lack of hits. Five innings into the game, they had scored only a single and had managed to muster up a measly seven hits. With his team down seven nothing, steve "downtown" saunders strode to the plate in the fourth inning for only his second at bat, With two outs already recorded, he decided the time was right to eschew his strict "no solo home run" rule right then and there. Bearing the weight of his team , once again, on his broad shoulders, "downtown" instructed neophyte pitcher murray "old school" campbell to "toss it in like a beachball" before pummelling the stuffing out of the flight restricted ball as it ascended into the stratosphere. The brazenness of his act seemed to stun the dogs bollocks into silence as they watch with awe as the ball continued to rise for the next two innings before finally disappearing out of sight. Shocked into action, the fun bunch rallied around their leader and managed to score eight runs in the last two innings to make the final score 15-9, and hopefully carry their momentum into their next "must win" game at 3:15.
FUNBUNCH ANSWER THE BELL
Team salvages some pride with a slugfest win over Aquabats
OTTAWA-The fun bunch approached the dugout with dread, their worst nightmares visualized as team captain steve "field marshal" saunders stood awaiting their arrival. No sooner did the last straggler squeeze unwillingly onto the bench when the tirade began. Screaming at the top of his lungs, "field marshal" shamed the team as president of the club soren "scoop" sorenson looked on smugly. "Listen hear you maggots, show some fortitude out there for gawds sakes", he howled as his teammates averted their gaze as to avoid being singled out for insubordination. " This team has never, and I repeat never, had such a poor start to t a tournament", he continued barely audible against the driving wind and rain. "You are going to win this game or so help me god you will wish you were never born", he finished up driving home his point by snapping an aluminum baseball bat over his knee. The team then scampered onto the field, resembling rats fleeing a fire, the message indelibly imprinted on their psyche. And boy did they respond scoring runs in six of seven innings to barely edge the hated aquabats in a see-saw affair 26-23 that saw a seventh inning total of fifteen runs scored--nine by the fun bunch and six by the aquabats for a wild finish as the fun bunch held onto their lead for the win.
HERE WE GO AGAIN
Fun bunch win their second of the tournament to keep their hopes alive
OTTAWA- The fun bunch were back in fine form as they made quick work of the rebels to even their tournament record at 2-2. The women made a lineup change moving kathie "daredevil" adare to leadoff spot in order to give leah "roadrunner" morrel a chance to catch her breath between batting and pinch running assignments. The move paid off brilliantly as "daredevil" rose to the challenge to go 4-for-5 and score 3 runs as did chantal "rum runner" bujold. After a wild team party the night before at steve "field marshal" saunders' house, a few of the fun bunch players were looking a little green around the gills to start the game. Typically quiet glen "the wrangler" rankin, was in full on party mode, singing, dancing, standing on coolers and other all-round-good-natured fun. undeterred when "field marshal" kicked him out in the wee hours of the morning, he commenced an impromptu pub crawl in westboro. Waking up early this morning on the open air patio of the clocktower, he hastily made a bee-line for the nearest tim horton's and arrived to the game with two extra large double-double's--one in each hand and proceeded to chug them back burning his tongue and throat in the process. Seemingly, none the worse for wear, he had a solid game scoring two runs. The story of the game however was the inability of the fun bunch to cash in the plethora of runners they left on base. With the bases loaded three times, they ended the inning--unable to hit a single to score a couple of runs. That lack of clutch hitting was not an issue in this game but could come back to haunt them should they make one of the finals, where every run is critical. With the game seemingly out of hand, the rebels huddled in their dugout and quickly invoked "plan B", as evidenced by the large plume of acrid, gray smoke that began emanating from their bench. Final score 12-3 fun bunch. Next up Bass Line Station.
FUN BUNCH LOSE WITH PRIDE AND DIGNITY
win-at-any-cost bass line station pull out all the stops to ensure they beat the plucky fun bunch
OTTAWA-It was apparent during the warm-up that Bass Line Station was up to their usual bag of tournament dirty tricks. The team that the fun bunch beat handily only a week before was scarcely recognizable. In their place was an elite squad of youthful hard-core triple-A ball players--their mission: total annihilation of the fun-loving, middle-aged, and exhausted fun bunch. As if to drive home the point, they scored five runs in the first inning, including three home runs, that were dispatched with nary a modicum of effort--these guys were just getting warmed up. The fun bunch looked dejected as they shambled in from the outfield, heads down, joints aching. "Listen hear team. This isn't a fair fight and they know it. But we are going to do what we have always done. That is dig in, pull ourselves up and throw everything we've got at 'em", captain steve "field marshal" saunders barked at his troops. As if a great weight had suddenly been lifted off their stooped shoulders, the team perked up dramatically as they picked up the pace and trotted into the dugout, chest bumping and high fiving as they went. As has been the case all season long, the team responded to the challenge as they also scored five runs without using up a single home run. Suddenly the "shock and awe" campaign of bass line station in the first inning wasn't looking like such a smart move now, as they had exhausted their home runs and had failed to "shock and awe" the resolute fun bunch. Quickly they switched to "plan B" --intimidation. The first batter, hit a deep single and decided to stretch it into a double. As the ball came sailing in to "field marshal" at short stop, kathie "daredevil" adare took up her position at second base. As "field marshal" quickly threw the ball to his partner he reminded her that "you have to tag him - this is not a force play - swing your glove". As the base runner bore down, it was clear that a collision was imminent. Standing her ground "daredevil" turned quickly and slapped her glove smartly into his groin. With a startled yelp, he dropped his shoulder and sent "daredevil" careening into the outfield. Despite the forceful impact, however, "daredevil" did not release her grip on the ball and the runner was called out. Winded and dazed she lay momentarily on the ground unable to throw the ball to her partner. Sensing an opportunity to take an advantage of the situation, the base runner on third snuck home to score a run. "why wasn't time called? our player was injured by the bush league play at second. The run shouldn't score and that jackass should be kicked out of the game!" , hollered richard "wild thing" bujold from the outfield, the remnants of last night's pizza visible on his jersey. "I called him out. The run scores", yawned the clearly uninterested umpire as he check his watch to see how much time before the game ended. Just when you thought you had seen it all, bass line station dug into their bag of dirty tricks for their coupe-de-grace. "field marshal's" keen eye had been monitoring a bizarre play developing. The tall gawky player on their team had been pinch running for a rather tubby player all game long, yet he had not come to bat. "field marshal" remembered this particular player as he had struck out every time he came to bat in their previous game -- it seems that he had been "grounded" so as to better advance their chances of winning--relegated to pinch running only-- a definite league no-no. "Hey ump. Sorry if I'm keeping you awake or anything, but that player right there has been pinch running the whole game and is not in the batting lineup. That is not allowed. I mean what exactly are we paying you for anyway?", "field marshal" hissed, purulent sarcasm exuding from his wrinkled lips. The clearly confounded umpire scratched his head and looked nonplussed. After thinking about it for what seemed an eternity he informed bass line station that the "geeky looking player has to bat". Down 17-6 at this point, the fun bunch did their best to rally. "downtown" hit a three run shot in the fourth inning , and the team scored four more runs in the fifth. But the excuse-for-an-umpire called the game at the end of the fifth with the score 19-13 denying the fun bunch their last two innings and a chance at a comeback.
FUNBUNCH LOSE ONE RUN THRILLER
Team comes from behind to tie in the last inning
OTTAWA- The fun bunch faced a rematch with the Dogs Bollocks for the B final of the tournament with great anticipation. They had lost a close game earlier to this team when their bats were silent and were looking forward to another chance at victory. The game didn't start well as the fun bunch went four-up-three-down in the first inning without scoring a run as the dogs bollocks answered with three runs to take an early lead. The next inning, it it was glen "the wrangler" rankin's turn to answer the bell as he hit an impressive three run shot for a total of four runs in the inning to take the lead. Three more by the bollocks and they were back in the lead 6-4. Next inning, steve "downtown" did his part and parked a three run shot over right field for three more runs. Fun Bunch ahead 7-6. Half an inning later, the bollocks had scored five runs on their second homer of the game and had taken a four run lead 11-7. In the fourth inning paolo "slip-n-slide" daros hit a solo shot to score a run, but the fun bunch were now out of home runs while the bollocks had one remaining. In the fifth inning, the fun bunch scored three runs to bring the score close -- 13-11 for the bollocks. Unfortunately a badly timed 3-up-3-down sixth inning left the fun bunch with their backs against the wall and down three runs heading into the final inning. Doing what they have done all season long, the fun bunch scored three runs to tie the game, with the bollocks coming to the plate for their final inning. Sadly, the first batter hit a solo-shot to end the game as the fun bunch were defeated but not without putting a scare in the dog's bollocks.