FUNBUNCH START SEASON WITH A WIN
Team dispatches Aquabats in convincing fashion
OTTAWA-Despite the fact that only three players showed up for the pre-season practice session, the Fun Bunch nonetheless looked in mid-season form as they showcased their impeccable batting skills. Every single fun bunch player scored a run chalking up 21 in total to trounce the hated Aquabats 21-13 without playing the bottom of the last inning. The Aquabats started the game with five straight hits to chalk up a couple of runs in what looked like the beginning of a long game, but the Fun Bunch quickly answered back when John "hans solo" Devries deposited a two run shot into left field to tie the game. From that point on the Fun Bunch never looked back scoring runs in every inning and never relinquishing the lead. Newcomer Bill "slapshot" Ranson got off to a rough start when he drilled the first pitch right back up the middle at pitcher Steve "downtown" Saunders causing him to barrel roll out of the way to avoid a nasty welt catching the tip of his glove in the process. "slapshot" dejectedly took the slow, shambling walk of shame back to the dugout while "downtown" glared at him unimpressed, muttering under his breath. Rowena "scoresheet" Sams demonstrated first-hand how the pre-season practice pays dividends by using her new "hips first" swing to get on base five times, drive in steve "field marshal" saunders from third base for an RBI and make two great catches at home plate--both for outs. Patti "gazoo" Anderson did her part too by keeping the screaming in the outfield to a minimum and coming up with a clutch hit to keep a two out rally going. Scott "boom boom" Saunders had a career game. He scored three runs, drove in baserunners, got on base and all without using up a home run. But it was his play in the outfield that was the most impressive. He fielded no less than 80% of all balls hit out of the infield, caught everything that came near him, and threw a couple of rockets into the infield one for a nifty tag play at third with his big brother steve and another one right to home plate for an out that caught everyone off guard and stunned the hapless Aquabats. Meanwhile quietly going about his own business was Paolo "slip'n slide" Daros who scored two runs, went 4 for 4 and displayed his gamesmanship on the base path when he deftly did a stutter-step at third to cause the fielder to hesitate long enough to allow Kathie "daredevil" Adare to leg out a single--brilliant. With the game firmly in the bag and stepping up to his last at-bat with the bases loaded, steve "downtown" saunders did what he does best and crunched a monster shot into the stratosphere that landed just short of Island Park Drive to clear the bases with style as the Aquabats dejectedly slumped their heads in unison and stumbled off the field.
IMPACT MAKES AN IMPACT
Fun Bunch showing their age in first loss of the season
OTTAWA-With the ravages of time taking their toll on the Fun Bunch, the team lost 24-20 to impact in their first defeat of the season. With John "hans solo" Devries (charlie horse), Rowena "score sheet" Sams (pulled muscle), Glen "the wrangler" Rankin (torn rotator cuffs), Paolo "slip'n'slide" Daros (tired), and Steve "downtown" Saunders (pulled groin, sprained ankle, surgically repaired back, arthritic hip and shoulders, contusion of 3rd metacarpal, failing vision) all nursing ongoing health issues and Scott "boom boom" Saunders kicking back and taking the night off, the team was left at the mercy of a powerful Impact team that had no qualms about taking full advantage of their adversaries frail condition. It was a remarkable feat by Impact who did not hit a single ground ball to short stop the whole game leaving the Fun Bunch unable to record even one out at first. In fact two of their women, hit triples and all of their hits made it to the outfield. Even more astounding was the fact that they hit only one home run en route to their 24 run victory. "That is one good hitting team ", stated Steve "field marshal" Saunders rather impassively. "if we want to beat them, we have to stop giving them easy-out slow-rollers to short stop", he continued, clearly becoming agitated. Hitting slow grounders to short is something the Fun Bunch did with verve and aplomb all night long, handing out after easy out to Impact on a silver platter. Despite the fact that the Fun Bunch had to work twice as hard for their outs, they kept the game surprisingly close with some big innings and clutch hits through their plucky play. Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins--in his first game of the season--made some spectacular catches in centre field and went 6 for 6 with 3 runs scored. Paolo "slip'n'slide" Daros averted the doghouse by the narrowest of margins when he hit a solo shot and then followed it up by a second brazen attempt at a solo shot that hit the top of the fence and landed in the outfield. With Steve "field marshal" Saunders caterwauling at him to "run it out", Paolo stood motionless in the batter's box--seemingly for an eternity--admiring his towering shot as it bounced off the top of the fence costing his team an easy triple in the process. Even captain Alison "Bulldozer" Hale couldn't believe her eyes. "For pete's sake we're trailing the whole game and slip'n'slide can't leg out a fly ball? Hard to win games when you play like that.", she snorted. Despite that bit of tomfoolery, slip'n'slide once again quietly went 5 for 5 and scored 5 runs -- all while batting at the bottom of the order. Rowena "scoresheet" Sams--nursing a clearly painful charlie horse--had 5 hits in the game and scored 3 runs. Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris had 5 hits and Patty "gazoo" Anderson had 4 hits and 2 runs scored. Trying to lead a charge late in the game, Steve "downtown" Saunders hit two home runs--including a rather bizarre in-the-park homer in the 7th inning. With Scott "boom boom" Saunders leaving his team to twist in the wind, John "hans solo" devries was forced to make his awkward debut as backup pitcher. With accuracy clearly not his strong suit, he baffled "downtown" all night with his assortment of knuckleballs that drifted in like drunken butterflies. Down to his last pitch, and praying for something within striking distance of home plate, "downtown" rolled his eyes heavenward as the last pitch--the worst of all--came in low and outside. Taking three great strides to try and make contact, he threw the bat at the ball and made haphazard contact as both the ball and the bat sailed over first base into the outfield. With the weight of the team on his broad shoulders, and paying no heed to his multitude of significant injuries, "downtown" bolted from the batter's box and started gobbling up the base bath fueled on raw adrenalin. Doing his best to ignore the throbbing pain, he took wide turns around each base as his eyes narrowed to slits, causing the opposing team to step away from the bags uneasily as he bore down. With nary a glance over his shoulder he rounded third and flew home--well before the ball sailed into the infield--as Impact stood stunned in the outfield. "There's plenty more where that came from", "downtown" wheezed triumphantly as his teammates helped him off the field--tylenol at the ready.
FUN BUNCH LOSE AGAIN
Attendance, weather factors in lopsided loss to rebels
OTTAWA-This game was almost over before it began. With only three men in the dugout and a sparse team of seven players total, steve "field marshal" saunders was fuming before he stepped onto the ball diamond. "This is not acceptable" he hollered into the gale-force wind rendering him barely audible. With the temperature dipping into the single digits the game was clearly going to be a battle against the elements as well as the rebels. With John "hans solo" Devries, Scott "boom boom" Saunders, Martin "the Gazelle" Desjardins and Paolo "slip'n'slide" Daros all kicking back and enjoying a night off, their teammates were left to twist in the wind--both literally and figuratively. Slowly emerging glassy-eyed from their dense shroud of blue-gray cannabis smoke, the rebels cast a casual glance at their depleted opponents and immediately began licking their chops-- like lions furtively surveying wounded prey. Grabbing a fresh cold one from the beer cooler, their captain flashed the "ready to go" sign over at the fun bunch dugout--eager to get the annihilation underway. With Glen "the wrangler" Rankin injured and unable to throw any distance, that left Richard "wild thing" Bujold--back from Winnipeg for a brief respite--and steve "downtown" saunders-- to cover the massive expanse of outfield at Bell diamond and form the bulwark against the rebel offense. Perhaps not noticing the acres of unguarded real estate, the rebels started the first few innings by hitting only easy singles and allowed the fun bunch to take a quick 6-0 lead into the third inning. Apparently one of the few sober rebels finally took notice and pointed out to their teammates that the fun bunch indeed had only two outfielders as they quickly settled down into "slaughter" mode. Doing their best to stem the onslaught the fun bunch managed to keep their lead into the sixth inning. Richard "wild thing" Bujold hit a monster three run homer into the nearby football field. Kathie "daredevil" Adare, Rowena "scoresheet" Sams and Nancy "hit em out of the park" Harriis all scored runs. Steve "downtown" Saunders hit another homer (directly into the howling wind) to keep ahead of the Rebels. But then age, the weather and their depleted lineup all started to take their toll. "field marshal" and "wild thing" were under siege in the outfield. "the wrangler" was clearly having some trouble adjusting to his new position at short stop as he drilled throw after throw into the dirt at first base (causing "daredevil" to give him a dressing down in the dugout). Alison "bulldozer" Hale hit some deep shots but unfortunately directly at one or more eager and intoxicated rebel fielders. Tempers started to flare when a wayward rebel baserunner made a big mistake as he targeted "the wrangler" and ran into him in an attempt to get him to drop the ball. "This is not going to end well" , steve "field marshal" saunders quickly realized, as he charged into the infield to stem the all-to-certain-to-occur melee. With the combatants hastily separated, the rebels resumed their slugfest in short order. On the next pitch, "downtown" fielded a liner into the outfield and came up throwing hard to Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris at third for the force play and a clear out. The fun bunch were stunned when the rebel umpire called the runner safe to load the bases. "that was a force-out at third" hollered "field marshal" from the deep outfield, to be casually ignored by the rebels as they sent a gargantuan batter to the plate for an easy grand slam--inducing his teammates to giggle and writhe in delight. With the eight o'clock end-of-game deadline looming, the fun bunch were unable to mount a comeback--overcome by the cold, worn down by the relentless wind and exhausted from covering for their AWOL teammates.
FUN BUNCH GET BACK TO .500
Team ekes out a win in the ninth inning with clutch hitting
OTTAWA-With the Sens fighting for their playoff lives against Pittsburgh, the Fun Bunch were stuck on diamond #1 at Hampton Park fighting for their dignity against the perennial league champion Athletics. Coming into the game with an abysmal .333 winning percentage, Steve "field marshal" Saunders was on the war path. After last week's debacle, whereby only three guys showed up to the game, "field marshal" held no punches when he called out the culprits and demanded committment from the players. Sheepishly, and with great trepidation, Scott "boom boom" Saunders, John "Hans Solo" Devries, Paolo "slip'n slide" Daros and Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins quietly slunk into the dugout--their heads held low--to face the music. Seizing the opportunity to set an example, "Field marshal" wasted little time as he "layed into" the quartet, and proceeded to tear a strip off each and every one--seemingly for an eternity. With his booming voice rising over the din of the queensway traffic, the Athletics were privy to the belligerent affair. "Glad I'm not one of those guys" said a visibly shake Colin Bromfield, captain of the Athletics and convener of the league. Practically hoarse from his tirade, "field marshal" finished up with a "now get out there and play the game of your life" for good measure and the night game got underway. It was a close, low-scoring, back-and-forth affair with the lead changing hands numerous times. The Fun Bunch had some stellar defensive plays: "boom boom" picked up a deep hit to the outfield and threw a one bounce rocket to home play that was snagged by Rowena "scoresheet" Sams for an out. Kathie "daredevil" Adare made two great catches at first relayed from steve "downtown" saunders at short, and then made an impossible backpedalling catch--glove outstretched to end the inning. Nancy "knock 'em out of the park" Harris snagged two hard liners at the hot corner to keep the Athletics from getting extra bases. Also impressive was Bill "twinkle toes" Ranson, as he "climbed the ladder" to snag a high throw to second base and managed to nick the bag with his outstretched toe for a much needed out. Offense was more of a mixed bag--there were some great innings mixed in with several "three up three down" feeble efforts. "Downtown" once again lead the way with two multi-run monster home runs that disappeared into the night sky as they left the stratosphere to start his 4-for-4 performance. Robbing "downtown" of the chance to hit all three homers for the team, "slip'n slide" belted one out of the park and then immediately realized his faux pas. Casting a nervous glance at "downtown" and preparing himself for the repercussion, he was visibly relieved when "downtown" high-fived him and said "nice hit". Nancy "hit 'em out of the park" Harris scored three runs to lead the way for the women, with Rowena "scoresheet" Sams scoring two. Patty "gazoo" Anderson proved she is a fast learner when she used her speed to race right through first base--at the behest of "field marshal" to leg out a couple of hits. Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins, put on a base running clinic as he turned a single into an in-the-park home run with his dazzling speed. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin took a turn for the worst as he screamed in agony as the bat made contact with the ball each time he got a hit--clearly aggravating his shoulder injury. Heading into the top of the ninth inning with the scored tied, the Fun Bunch knew this game was a "must win". Leadoff batter martin "the gazelle" desjardins hit a solid single, but turned on the afterburners as he charged into second, determined to start the team off with a double. With the ball coming in hard to second, it was going to be a close play. The Athletics second baseman--who had juggled the ball all game and been charged with a bevy of errors--tried to apply a late tag and fell on top of "the gazelle" causing him to wince in pain as he rather unsportingly giggled "you're out" --despite the safe call from the umpire. With "field marshal" charging from the pitching mound to the defense of his fallen comrade, the atmosphere of the game intensified. "You interfered with the base runner and then sat on him", "field marshal" pointed out to the squat doppelganger for John Lithgow. "I tagged him and he's out", he retorted vehemently, spittle flying from his quivering jowls. In a stalemate, the courteous Athletics short stopped intervened. "The umpire called him out so he's out, it's just a game", he replied matter-of-factly, causing the second baseman to realize the absurdity of his actions. The Fun Bunch followed up that leadoff double with clutch hit-after-hit to score four runs, until the inning was unfortunately ended on a perfect double play ball. Up four runs, and realizing the Athletics would be out for blood after the play at second base, the Fun Bunch entered the bottom of the ninth prepared for a battle. Their leadoff batter got a double and headed to third on a throwing error to score on the next play--the lead cut to three runs. After two great catches in the outfield to leave the Fun Bunch one out away from a victory--the best was yet to come. The next Athletics batter made contact and started charging around the base path leaving "the gazelle" to spring into action. With the admonishment from "field marshal" still ringing in his ears, Martin charged the bloop hit into shallow centrefield. After heavy rainfall only hours before, the outfield was a saturated quagmire. Discarding any thoughts of his own personal safety, "the gazelle" lunged head first, caught the ball inches above the ground before hydroplaning through the marshy grass, sending up a spray of water in all directions. Coming to a stop thirty feet from where he caught the ball and wringing wet, he held his glove up--ball firmly entrapped--and intoned "game over", water all-the-while gushing from his mouth--before removing a wayward goldfish from his cheek.
FEISTY FUN BUNCH WIN LOW SCORING AFFAIR
Team scores fewest number of runs this year to scratch out a hard fought victory.
OTTAWA-Playing last season's tournament finalists "bass line station", the Fun Bunch knew they would have their hands full. The game got off to a rocky start when team equipment manager Scott "twist in the wind" Saunders didn't show up for the game and didn't bother sending the bases. That left team co-captain Steve "field marshal" Saunders in the awkward position of asking the other team if they could drive home and get their bases and delay the game by 30 minutes. "Is this guy for real?", the Bass Line Station captain asked incredulously at the request. "Who shows up for a game without the proper equipment? I mean this is just unbelievable and totally bush league. This team should be formally reprimanded", he continued clearly unimpressed. In a desperate attempt to defuse the escalating confrontation, quick-thinking "field marshal" scoured the city of ottawa equipment bin at the diamond and managed to pull out a set of bases from the locked receptacle. "If he wasn't my little brother I don't know what I'd do quite frankly", said the clearly exasperated "field marshal" letting out a long sigh of relief as he hammered in the bases. With that unpleasant side show out of the way, both teams settled in to a stunted offensive showing. With Bass Line Station sputtering on one cylinder, they were ripe for the picking. The fun bunch however, were simply unable to mount any sort of offensive attack of their own due to an inordinate amount of pop-ups, fly-outs, fielder's choices and ridiculously easy double play balls. Heading into the fourth inning the fun bunch were up by a score of 1-0 thanks to some aggressive base running by martin "the gazelle" desjardins who decided to manufacture a run on his own. Keeping the score close was glen "the wrangler" rankin, who came up with a spectacular catch in the first inning. Tracking a quickly sinking line drive, "the wrangler" slid feet first across the outfield to snag the ball and rob bass line station of a sure hit and end their inning. Another thrilling defensive play occurred in the fourth inning. With a runner on first, the Bass Line Station batter hit a line drive to the mid outfield. Rounding second as "the gazelle" picked up the ball , "field marshal" frantically pleaded with his teammate to throw it to third to have a chance at a tag. "The gazelle"--overriding his on-field captain and bordering on insubordination--threw behind the runner to john "hans solo" devries who was playing second base and was caught somewhat off guard. But the move turned out to be brilliant, as the runner had now rounded second and was caught flat footed, hung out to dry in the dead zone between second and third. Salivating at the opportunity to teach the base runner a lesson he wouldn't soon forget, "field marshal" pounced into action and blocked the base bath to third. "hans solo" chased him towards his gleeful teammate as he tossed "field marshal" the ball. Sensing imminent victory, "field marshal" outran his terrified prey and slapped him hard with his wet glove leaving a welt and causing him to stumble and slide across the rough stones of the infield abrading a good part of his nose like chalk on a rough blackboard. He got up slowly and painfully --bleeding , embarrassed and ashamed. "Don't take it so hard kid - most guys your age have to learn that the hard way", "field marshal" pointed out matter-of-factly to the dejected base runner who slunk off the field, his eyes welling up with tears of shame as he winced with each painful step. With Scott "boom boom" Saunders absent again, that forced rusty back-up pitcher Glen "the wrangler" rankin out to the pitching mound whenever "downtown" got up to bat. Making an adventure out of every pitch, "the wrangler" struggled early and often with his control as he threw them in high, low, inside , outside and even behind the back of his teammates, exacerbating his teams struggling offense. " I think we have a new 'wild thing' on the team", harrumphed a clearly not impressed team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale as she stomped out of the batter's box --the latest victim of "the wrangler's" wayward pitching. Up by only a single run and realizing that runs were going to be few and far between, steve "downtown" saunders strode to the plate with two out in the fourth inning. Throwing caution to the wind, he prayed for a ball within a country mile of home plate from "the wrangler". His patience wearing thin, he watched the first pitch roll over the plate, and dodged the second pitch as it came in behind his back. "Just take a deep breath and throw it in like a beachball", he calmly reassured "the wrangler". As the final pitch came in, "downtown" realized he had only a fighting chance of making contact and so quickly proceeded to take three great strides--not unlike happy gilmore--and to crush the ball into the next diamond for a home run. With an indignant John "hans solo" Devries expressing his displeasure at the solo shot, "downtown" waved him off as he explained that the team needed runs at any cost right now to ensure a win, that point clearly emphasized as the next batter grounded out. In a bizarre play in the following inning Kathy "daredevil" Adare watched in wonderment and awe as martin "the gazelle" desjardins fielded a ground ball in shallow center field and proceeded to flick it into the outstretched mitt of steve "downtown" saunders covering at second. With plenty of time to spare "downtown" regrouped to throw to first for the double play and was shocked to see "daredevil" walking off the field with only two outs. Quickly realizing her gaffe, and with images of doghouses racing through her mind, she sheepishly intoned, " I should have gone to first, right?", as her teammates nodded in unison, mouths collectively agape. Speaking of doghouses, Alison "bulldozer" hale, committed an uncharacteristic base running error when she drilled a solid single and then casually trotted towards first base. Thinking her single was "in the bag", she began ruminating about what to order at whispers after the game, unaware that the newly recruited left fielder from Bass Line Station--who had clearly played competitive ball before--had a different plan. He raced towards the ball, fielded it cleanly and threw a laser-like toss to first about a step and a half ahead of "bulldozer". The sound of the ball smacking damp leather seemed to pull "bulldozer" out of her fog, as she looked up and sighed "uh-oh my bad" as she scurried off the field, head down to avoid her teammates scowls. Determined to atone for their venial offenses, "daredevil" got on board in the seventh inning and hustled around the bases to score a much needed run, while "bulldozer"--in her next at bat --put her head down and charged through first base for a single in a play that would have made "charlie hustle" proud. Honorable mention also goes to Rowena "scoresheet" Sams, who managed to dig deep and get aboard with two outs in three of four innings, extending the team rally and allowing "downtown" to come to the plate and work his magic. Going into the top of the ninth inning, the score was 9 - 5 for the fun bunch, after both alison "bulldozer" hale and patti "gazoo" anderson each scored a run in the eighth. With only a four run cushion, the fun bunch would need to play tight defense to close the game out. Bass Line Station managed two singles intermixed with two outs to leave runners at first and second and their "major league" batter coming to the plate. He had previously crushed a solo shot over left field for a home run and was licking his chops eagerly at the thought of a three run dinger. Surveying the outfield he chose a huge gap between center and left field and placed a deep, towering fly ball precisely to that location. Sensing the urgency of the situation, "the gazelle" sprung into action and began gobbling up real estate, well, like a gazelle. Moving so fast as to appear blurred, "the gazelle" enacted one final surge of speed and caught the ball like in the tip of his glove--like an ice cream cone to end the inning and the game.
RAINOUT
Much anticipated rematch put on hold by inclement weather.
OTTAWA- After winning the season series 2 games to none last year, the Fun Bunch were looking forward to playing the Brawlers for the first time this year. Scoring a combined total of 45 runs in those two games, they made quick work of the Brawlers--another helpless victim of the Fun Bunch juggernaut. Early forecasts did not look promising however as the rain never let up all day long. As game time approached, the Brawlers nervously inquired about cancelling the game on account of the weather. Quoting Winston Churchill, steve "field marshal" saunders snarled, "we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender", followed by a forceful "NO", as he hammered the receiver down into the cradle causing the Brawler captain to wince in pain as his eardrum suffered a minor tear. With the radar showing the rain to be unrelenting and intensifying , fun bunch captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale tried to reason with "field marshal". " Look 'field marshal', even if the rain stops, the field will be a soggy mess, its freezing cold outside and no one wants to play but you", she pleaded. Spinning about on one foot, "field marshal" stared incredulously at "bulldozer", shocked at her insubordination. "Listen hear 'mollycoddler'. I don't care if lightning strikes home plate, we are marching out onto that field, in single file, with our heads held high, even if we have to swim to get there", "field marshal" roared in defiance, his lips curling back from gritted teeth. Unable to reason with the frenzied "field marshal", "bulldozer" had no choice but to pull rank. "Listen hear soldier, I am captain of this team and I order you to stand down", "bulldozer" screamed. Shocked and somewhat taken aback by this completely out-of-character display of authority, "field marshal" quickly snapped to attention as he saluted his commanding officer and replied "YES SIR!" in a booming voice. With the nascent mutiny quelled, the Brawlers were informed of the merciful decision to cancel the game and the Fun Bunch regrouped and made a bee-line for Whispers Pub to carefully plan their strategy for next week's game.
FUN BUNCH WIN SLUGFEST
Team scores record 31 runs in 8 innings
OTTAWA- Slugging their way to a team record 31 runs in eight innings (team record for nine innings is 35 runs), the fun bunch scored runs in every inning including four five-run innings to beat the Dog's Bollocks by a score of 31-20. The score was 25-20 heading into the seventh inning when the fun bunch pulled away and the Dog's Bollocks were unable to score another run. The mood darkened however, when Colin Bromfield crushed a line drive down the third base line in the fifth inning. Standing her ground, despite the imminent danger heading her way, Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris attempted to field the scorching liner, only to have the ball drill her cleanly in the bicep leaving behind a massive contusion and a "rawlings" tatoo. As steve "field marshal" saunders ran over to console her, she brushed away the tears welling up in her eyes and bit down hard on her bottom lip. "Don't worry about me - go get the ball", she instructed him calmly--despite the numbness in her fingers and searing pain in her arm. When asked if she would like to sit the inning out, she flashed an angry look and snapped back quickly, "I'm fine - let's play ball", clearly annoyed at not having held on to the ball. With the team rallying around their fallen comrade, they proceeded to put on a hitting clinic: Patti "gazoo" Anderson - seven hits and four runs scored, Glen "the wrangler" Rankin - eight hits, Richard "wild thing" Bujold--making a rare appearance on leave from Winnipeg-- seven hits, seven runs scored, Chantal "rum runner" Bujold--in her first game of the season--four hits and four runs scored, Steve "downtown" Saunders - six hits and six runs scored, home runs from "slip 'n slide", "wild thing" and "downtown", everyone scoring at least two runs. Giving up a whopping twenty runs - defense, however, was a different story. Missing Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins, John "hans solo" Devries and Scott "boom boom" Saunders, definitely hurt the team in the outfield. Paolo "slip 'n slide" Daros" and Glen "the wrangler" Rankin both played outfield despite serious shoulder injuries that prevented them from throwing the ball without pain or with any velocity. Richard "wild thing" Bujold" and Chantal "rum runner" Bujold, both playing in their first game of the season understandably showed some rust defensively too. That was compounded by the fact that the Dog's Bollocks only hit a couple of infield ground balls, giving the fun bunch outfielders a tough assignment. The fun bunch, however, buoyed by their extraordinary offensive onslaught, held on to win their fourth game of the year.
FUN BUNCH WIN TWO IN A ROW
New players contribute to easy win over Crawlers
OTTAWA-On a beautiful night at Bell diamond, the Fun Bunch sleep-walked to a tidy 16-6 victory over the Main Street Crawlers who never seriously threatened and for the most part look disorganized and a little disoriented. Two new players made their debuts for the Fun Bunch: Tim "sawbones" Capello and Paris "pop star" Patricelli. "Sawbones" did an admirable job in left field, catching every ball that came his way. Paris--who was playing in her first softball game ever-- was a yeoman on third base, stopping a hard grounder, almost catching a pop fly, getting on base in every at bat and scoring two runs--all that despite wearing what appeared to be ballet slippers. With her protective uncle, steve "downtown" saunders at her side, she was quickly coached on the nuances of the game. The game got off to a rocky start, when the Fun Bunch were forced to take to the field with no second baseman as a couple of players had not shown up well past 6:30. Earning kudos from her teammates, Nancy "knock-em-out-of-the-park" Harris, headed straight to the ball diamond directly from the emergency ward at the Queensway Carleton Hospital after insisting she be discharged so she could make the game--despite the serious contusion of her deltoid, brachioradalis, and posterior cutaneous nerve. Highlights included Scott "boom boom" Saunders crushing a three run home run on a spectacular pitch--thrown in on a silver platter that seemed to hover forever on its way across the heart of the plate. "I have to give my big brother credit. I mean that pitch was absolutely perfect. ", said "boom boom" excitedly extolling his brother's virtues as his eyes teared up, as well as Alison "bulldozer" Hale's new "ultra-gloss" lipstick that apparently had the other team in fits and starts as they battled the reflective glare of the sun off her "perma-shine" lips all game long. "Boom Boom" also had a stellar game in the outfield, vacuuming up every fly ball that came within a country mile of him and led the guys with five hits and five runs scored. Otherwise, it was a relatively uneventful game as the fun bunch failed to score runs in two innings and only scored a single run in three innings All the fun bunch players got at least one hit and all but two scored a run making it a good solid team effort to chalk up another win. Oh yes, and Patti "gazoo" Anderson made several brave attempts to catch a pop fly but sadly to no avail. The Patti watch continues.
FUN BUNCH LOSE UGLY
Team sinks to new low in rout by lowly Stop Hitting On Us
OTTAWA-Just when you think things couldn't possibly get much worse they did. Abandoned by their teammates, the remaining Fun Bunch stalwarts fielded a meagre team of four men and five women to start the game but lost Paris "pop star" Patricelli in the first at-bat when she pulled her quad muscle and had to be helped off the field. That left a spartan defense of three guys in the outfield including neophyte right fielder Bill "twinkle toes" Ranson and recovering John "Hans Solo" Devries to do the heavy lifting. With Glen "the wrangler" Rankin injured and unable to throw without pain from the outfield he traded spots with Steve "field marshal" Saunders to anchor the infield at short. With Paris quickly out of commission, that left poor Patty "gazoo" Anderson, press-ganged into service at third base--despite her loud and vehement objections--by Steve "field marshal" Saunders. "Get in there and take your medicine like a man", "field marshal" barked at the visibly shaken "gazoo" who nervously tip toed to the edge of the infield and peered through her glove as she raised it over her face , forming an ersatz protective barrier for her teeth. In a shameful showing of camaraderie, the team was missing five team members including four guys and team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale who mysteriously "opted out" of the game, leaving her teammates to twist in the wind. Also absent was Scott "awol" Saunders who choose an ill-timed vacation at the expense of his temmates, Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins, Paolo "no reply" Daros--who failed to tell anyone if he was going to show up or not, and poor Richard "blue bomber" Bujold -- left abandoned once again in Winnipeg. With the massive Bell diamond outfield barely covered by three fielders, and only one guy to play the infield, the stars aligned early for a massive blowout. Compounding the Fun Bunch defensive woes, Stop Hitting on Us had clearly gone on a massive recruitment drive and fielded five quality women who could both hit and play defense. In fact, two of the women, hit the ball over Fun Bunch out fielders' heads for easy triples. The onslaught started immediately and never abated. The Fun Bunch were spared a complete and utter embarrassment only by the fielding of Glen "the wrangler" Rankin, John "Hans Solo" Devries and Bill "twinkle toes" Ranson, all of whom made a plethora of spectacular catches to mercifully end several innings. There were no easy ground balls, or pop ups. The rejuvenated Stop Hitting on Us, smelled blood right from the get go and refused to take their metaphorical foot off the throat of the Fun Bunch as they hammered hit after hit into the outfield right up til the final inning. Sensing despair set in as the Fun Bunch fell behind 20-10, after yet another five run inning by Stop Hitting on Us, Steve "field marshal" Saunders did his best to rally the troops. "Look - we still have three innings to go -- and remember the ninth inning is unlimited", he barked at his crestfallen teammates. But the team struggled offensively as they broke in two new back-up pitchers, Glen "behind the back" Rankin and Bill "low and away" Ranson, causing batters to chase questionable pitches and further compounding their offensive woes. There were some highlights mind you. Rowena "score sheet" Sams went five for seven and scored three runs, managing to get on base in front of Steve "downtown" Saunders most innings and give him a chance to drive in some runs. John "Hans Solo" had a key hit in the eighth when he got on base with a double to drive in a couple of runs after struggling earlier on. Adding some comedy to a relatively dismal affair, Steve "downtown" Saunders chased a high and outside fastball from "the wrangler" and hit a hard single directly at the Stop Hitting on Us Center Fielder. In a scene reminiscent of Bill Buckner's famous blooper in the world series, the hard charging fielder overran the ball which promptly rolled to the fence. Never letting up for a moment, "downtown" sensed a fleeting opportunity to lead once again by example and tore up the infield in giant strides. As the ball finally sailed in from the outfield, it was too late by a mile, as "downtown" had gobbled up the final sprint from third base to home not unlike a triple-crown thoroughbred crossing the finish line-- by a lead of several lengths. Wheezing and unable to catch his breath, he was mobbed by his teammates, who attempted to lift him onto their shoulders, before quickly coming to their senses and setting him gingerly down as he sucked in great gasps of air and collapsed in the dugout. Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris--still recovering from her injury at third base had four hits as did Chantal "rum runner" Bujold who gamely agreed to fill in for Kathy "dare devil" Adare, despite her worsening herniated disc. Attempting the unthinkable--to rally from down nine runs in the ninth-- Patti "gazoo" Anderson did her job and drilled a solid single up the middle to move Bill "twinkle-toes" Ranson to second and bring "scoresheet" to the plate. Rowena "get the job done" Sams took a quick look at "downtown" in the on-deck circle and immediately knew what she had to do. Delivering yet another trade-mark clutch hit, she loaded the bases as "downtown" strode to the plate, dug himself firmly in to the dirt and calmly advised "the wrangler" to "throw it in like a beach ball". Showing patience well beyond his years, "downtown" backed off the first pitch as it sailed a good four feet outside. His soothing voice crooned " don't worry about me, just throw it over the plate", as "the wrangler" took heed and threw arguably his best pitch of the night. Not able to get it up in the air, "downtown" drilled it in the gap all the way to the fence. Without hesitating, he began chasing "scoresheet" with never even a fleeting thought of letting up. As the bases cleared, "scoresheet" rounded third with "downtown" hot in pursuit--seemingly destined to cross home plate as a tandem. However, "scoresheet" had a sudden change of heart at the commit line as she jammed on the brakes and started heading back to third--much to the chagrin of "downtown" who she ran into in the process. With no option but to run home, she once again changed direction but alas too late as the ball had been retrieved and she was out by a step. Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris drove in "downtown" from third base but that was the last run scored as the Fun Bunch went down to defeat 23-17 with their heads held high, scratching and clawing til the bitter end.
FUN BUNCH START GAME SCORCHING HOT
However, team gets shut out in last three innings as offense wilts in the heat
OTTAWA- The Fun Bunch started the game scorching hot on a scorching hot night when they built up a 16-0 lead in the first four innings of the game including three home runs in the first three innings. Steve "downtown" Saunders once again lead the way with a three-run homer in the first inning and a grand-slam in the third to drive in seven of the runs with Martin "the Gazelle" Desjardins belting a two run shot in the second. The story of the night however, was the play of Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris and Alison "bulldozer" Hale who were the only two Fun Bunch women to show up and took turns alternating at bat in a hitting frenzy that saw both women with three at bats in the first inning alone. "bulldozer" was atoning for her absence from the last game when she mysteriously "opted out" of the game. Trotting into the dugout, with her head held down, she apologized to her teammates and vowed to "lead with her bat tonight". Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins returned after a two game absence to his usual spot in centre field--eagerly vacated by steve "field marshal" saunders--and proceeded to put on a defensive clinic as he caught everything within a country mile of him and kept the Aquabats from scoring until they figured out that there were no hits to be had in centre field. In a "new look" infield, Glen "the wrangler" Rankin played first base as both regular first base women, Kathy "daredevil" Adare and Chantal "rum runner" Bujold were absent. After their torrid start, however, the Fun Bunch ran into a spot of trouble when all their home runs were used up and the guys were forced to get creative to keep the ball inside the park with not always the desired results. In fact, the offense sputtered and ground to a complete halt in the fourth inning as the team failed to score a run in the final three innings. Sensing the shift in momentum, the Aquabats devised a new strategy and began targeting players in the infield and deliberately avoiding centre field. This new game plan paid immediate dividends as they scored five runs in the sixth inning with nary an out, while also employing some very aggressive base running. All of a sudden, the Fun Bunch rock-solid defense began to show some cracks, with missed grounders and juggled balls in the outfield--the heat apparently taking its toll on the team (not the Aquabats though). An exception, however was a very unusual play that unfolded as a liner was hit down third base to Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris. With a runner heading to second, "Knock em out of the park", stopped the ball, picked it up and tossed it--rather unexpectedly--to "field marshal" at short, who pivoted--lightning fast--and threw it to "bulldozer" who was planted firmly on 2nd glove outstretchED--exactly as she had been taught by "field marshal"--for the out. "you don't see that every day", lamented the Aquabat pitcher as he shook his head in disbelief. In the last inning, after the Fun Bunch offense sputtered and went stone cold with nary a hit, the Aquabats now trailed 16-7 and sensed victory dangling before them. With an Aquabat runner heading hard to third after a deep hit to the outfield, "the gazelle" gathered up the ball and sailed a bullet over the cut-off man ("field marshal" at short) directly to "bulldozer" at third. Realizing that she was headed for imminent danger, she stood her ground and braced herself for the wave of pain that was sure to follow. Gritting her teeth, the ball made contact with her glove and drove her back a foot-and-a-half as she held on, forcing the runner to slam on the breaks at third--astounded that she had caught the ball. "Now that is how you lead by example", noted "field marshal" as he observed the play from close quarters and gave "bulldozer" a playful wink of acknowledgement. The Aquabats rallied for four more runs to end the game 16-11 and put a bit of a scare in the Fun Bunch, something the team will have to be wary of in their next game tonight against the Athletics.
OFFENSE GRINDS TO A HALT
Team loses again due to short bench and lack of timely hitting
OTTAWA-The Fun Bunch bats were once again oddly silent on Thursday night. Given ample opportunities to win the game, the team squandered their chances with an uncharacteristic display of easy grounders, shallow fly-outs and a plethora of double-play balls. The game got off to an ominous start, when the team could field only three full-time guys leaving team manager Steve "field marshal" Saunders floundering for some reinforcements to fill out the lineup. Working the phones all day long once again--something he has become accustomed to of late-- he managed to scrounge up only a single player- Cliff "ultimate" Youdale, who gamely agreed to come out and bolster the sagging lineup despite not having played softball since he was "eleven". With Chantal "rum runner" back at first, and Paris "pop star" Patricelli joining the ranks that made four women for a grand total of eight players--two shy of the ideal minimum. Sadly, "pop star" quickly re-aggravated her quad injury in her first at bat, leaving Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris and Alison "bulldozer" Hale to do all the running for the women. Once again missing Scott "boom boom" Saunders, Paolo "slip n slide" Daros, Glen "the wrangler" Rankin and Richard "wild thing" Bujold, the brunt of the heavy lifting was left to the rest of the team. The Fun Bunch managed only a single five-run inning --the third--when the bases were mercifully loaded for Steve "downtown" Saunders. With Cliffy "ultimate" Youdale, trotting out to the mound to try his hand at relief pitching, "downtown" tried to keep his instructions simple and succinct, "I'm going to make this really easy on you - just throw it in like a beach ball". With "ultimate" anxiously attempting to comply, "downtown" quickly parked the first offering into the stratosphere sending a clear signal the Fun Bunch were not about to go quietly into the night--at least not on his watch. The Athletics certainly weren't going to make it easy on the Fun Bunch, with a carousel of runners in each inning. Their pitcher in particular--sporting not one but "two" batting gloves--took easy swings in his first three at bats to clear the fence each time and drive in multiple runs. With a lead-off triple, "downtown" ignited a three-run fifth inning, punctuated by Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins home run--his second in two nights--to keep the score remarkably close at 9-8, but the Fun Bunch continued to sputter offensively and defensively. Dropped balls in the outfield, mis-handled grounders in the infield, dropped balls at home plate, as well as easy grounders to short, shallow pop-ups to the outfield and three routine double-play balls combined to mentally take their toll on the team. With a grand slam homer, two triples, a double and five runs scored already, Steve "field marshal" Saunders strode to the plate in the seventh inning with Alison aboard at first--pinch running for "pop star". With two home runs used up already, and only a single runner on base, the timing was not perfect, but "field marshal" knew the team needed a mental boost if they were to give the Athletics one last-ditch challenge. "What inning are we in?", he asked his Fun Bunch teammates as he strode to the plate, the weight of the team once again resting on his ever-broadening shoulders. Not waiting for a reply, he crushed the first pitch into the stratosphere to do his best to edge the team one step closer to victory. As he approached first base however, "bulldozer" stood firm, un-impressed, hands-on-hips, in a menacing gesture of defiance. "Well, thank-you very much for wasting a hit on your ego home-run mister. You should know that we've already used up our three home-runs so you just made an out and cost us a chance at the game", she harrumphed, becoming a little uneasy as "field marshal" continued to bear down on her, equally un-impressed, and showing no signs of slowing. "I have a bad feeling about this", whispered John "hans solo" Devries " as the two combatants prepared to collide. "Listen here "bulldozer", any captain worth their salt should know that I just parked the third homer - now stop talking and start running before I pass you and make you look silly", "field marshal" shot back as he approached within earshot of his captain. With that little misunderstanding straightened out, "bulldozer" commenced her victory trot around the bases and begrudgingly "high-fived" "downtown" as he crossed home plate. Heading into the final inning, down 15-11, the Fun Bunch still had a glimmer--albeit a very tiny one--of hope. "Ok team, we have no home runs left and we are down by seven runs. This is a steep mountain, but we've climbed much higher. Leave everything on the field--we have to shut them down", roared "field marshal" as his team, seemingly re-ignited by his fiery oration charged onto the field with purpose. Determined to make up for her mis-step the inning before, "bulldozer" led the charge as she deftly fielded the first two grounders and threw to "rum runner" to manage an easy two-up-two-down start to the critical inning. Sensing the mood lighten significantly, " field marshal" cast a playful wink at "bulldozer" as he shouted, "hey bulldozer, let the boys play", to the good-natured chuckling of his teammates. Unfortunately, at this point the "wheels started coming off the wagon". In what looked like a quick end to the inning, a "deja-vu" grounder rolled towards "bulldozer" who fielded it cleanly and was one toss from getting out of the ninth inning unscathed. What happened next unfolded slowly, like a macabre horror-show. First, "bulldozer" missed her release point and threw the ball wide of first base forcing "rum runner" to jump high in the air (disregarding her herniated disc) and make a wild stab at the ball as it sailed well over her head, hitting the fence and rolling slowly towards the dugout, while the base runner gleefully trotted effortlessly to second base with a giggle. "No biggie, we still have two outs", "bulldozer" calmly stated as she attempted to settle her troops. The Athletics, however, took that opening and ran with it, as they generated another carousel of base runners to score three runs before the last out was mercifully made. "Ok gang, the mountain just got a little steeper", "bulldozer" needlessly pointed out, as the team trudged off the field, heads bowed. The bottom of the ninth, saw another lead-off triple by "downtown", who was promptly driven in on a single by "knock em out of the park", but that was all the team could muster, as their offense officially fizzled out entirely to lose their second game out of their last three, 18-12.
THE BATS ARE BACK
Fun Bunch regain offensive touch with twenty-seven run tally in only seven innings
OTTAWA-There was a collective sigh of relief when the Fun Bunch finally turned in seven full innings of full-throttle offense after several previous outings where they had sputtered and stalled. At last fielding a team of more than eight players (they had nine), they felt rejuvenated and ready for pay back. With a lacklustre attendance record this season, Scott "boom boom" Saunders finally graced the team with his presence. "Thank god, you're finally back", sighed a visibly relieved Steve "field marshal" Saunders--his eyes closed and cast heavenward. "Between you and me, back-up pitching has been an adventure", he continued. Still missing three regulars, Glen "the wrangler" Rankin, Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins and Richard "wild thing" Bujold, team manager Steve "downtown" Saunders was once again left in the lurch and spent the better part of three days calling prospective spares to no avail. In a last-ditch, eleventh-hour deal, however, "downtown" managed to secure Matt "the magician" Bujold from the team's triple-A affiliate, the Pawtucket "Pleasant Bunch". Matt, it turns out, is the cousin of Richard "wild thing" Bujold and Chantal "rum runner" Bujold, so you kind of know in advance he is going to wear his heart on his sleeve (and pizza sauce on his jersey). As is customary when the team is playing "the rebels", captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale took great caution to point out (once again) to John "Hans Solo" Devries that "Nat" is indeed a female. "Who, you mean that guy over there", replied Devries loudly with his "outside voice", much to the chagrin of his teammates and the rest of the Rebel players. "Is that guy loaded or something?", the Rebel centre fielder said to his teammate as they trotted onto the diamond, while making a circular motion with his index finger in a "cuckoo" gesture. What happened next transpired as if right out of a softball textbook. The Fun Bunch scored four runs in the first inning and as they giddily skipped of the diamond--high fiving and back slapping all the way--they were met with a rather dour looking Steve "field marshal" Saunders. "uh-oh, I think we're in trouble", whispered Rowena "scoresheet" Sams, lowering her head to avoid "field marshals" glare. "Listen very carefully. I want to see five runs, in each and every inning--with the exception of the last--when I want to see ten. We have all let the team down with our performance the last two games and now is your chance to make amends", he boomed-- loudly enough that several Rebel players instinctively ducked as if to avoid a low flying plane. Spurred on by "field martial's" imperative, the team once again took the call to action deadly serious and proceeded to put on a hitting clinic. Every player scored at least two runs, "the magician", "hans solo" and "downtown" each went five-for-five, four runs scored by Paolo "slip'n slide" Daros, Matt "the magician" Bujold and five runs scored for "downtown". Four runs scored by "rum runner", three each by "bulldozer" and "scoresheet" and two more from "gazoo". In fact, there was so much offense, the score sheet pen ran dry twice causing Rowena "scoresheet" Sams to plead with a toddler in the nearby playground for a crayon in order to finish marking the game. The recently mowed grass in the outfield was thick and shaggy and the mulch was layered heavily on top, causing any outfield hits to stop rolling immediately. The rebels took advantage of the conditions to spray shallow balls around the outfield for their fair share of hits. A few untimely dropped balls, combined with some pretty "home town" calls by the rebel umpire and the game was closer than it should have been. In the top of the seventh inning, patti "gazoo" anderson, seemingly hit yet another solid single up the middle, but instead of running to first, she took a couple of hard steps towards the base and then turned away and started limping towards the dugout. Seething with rage, "field marshal" bellowed at "gazoo" to get back on the field and run out the hit but to no avail. "Sorry field marshal but I'm D-for-done", Patti stoically intoned, grimacing from the intense pain, as it became clear that she had injured herself rather severely on the play. When the Fun Bunch took to the field in the bottom of the inning, "gazoo" started hobbling towards her spot at back catcher. "At ease soldier", "field marshal" said as he calmly addressed "gazoo". "You've done more than enough for your team this game, we will cover for you while you rest", he continued--admiring her spunk all the while. "Listen here 'field marshal', I've played on this team for over twenty years and I am not about to abandon my teammates now. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few", "gazoo" hissed in response. Sensing that this was an argument he was not going to win, "field marshal" flashed her the "thumbs up" sign and headed out to the field, even more impressed with her tenacity. Heading into the bottom of the seventh (unlimited) inning, the rebels were attempting a rally. With three runs in so far and two out, they had two runners on and were looking to load the bases for their cleanup hitter. The next batter hit a shallow fly that looked like it was going to drop in for a bloop single. Sensing that this out was critical, "field marshal" began back pedalling immediately. Taking a brief look over his shoulder, he could see the fielders charging hard but well out of the range to make a play. As the ball sailed over his head, he made a well-timed leap in an attempt to make the catch. Higher and higher he rose, as if climbing an invisible ladder. At the zenith of his trajectory, he came to the gut wrenching realization that he could not catch the ball with his glove. A lesser player would have abandoned the play--but not "field marshal". With twenty-seven years of league play to his advantage, he calculated that he still had a chance--albeit a slim one to make the catch. In a herculean effort that defied the laws of physics, he exerted himself to impossibly climb one more rung. Reaching out with his bare hand he stabbed at the ball. One finger, two fingers, slowly he reeled it in--like a prize salmon, until he had the ball firmly in his grasp for the out. It was at that point, that time seemed to come to a complete standstill. "field marshal" swivelled his head around but no one was moving. Mouths were agape, fists were clenched in exultation, but there was no sound, there was no movement. Then the bubble burst and everyone--and I do mean everyone including the other team and all the kids in the nearby water park and a couple of neighbors barbequing in their backyard--rushed out to congratulate "field marshal"--realizing that they had just witnessed perhaps a once in a lifetime event.
NEW LOOK FUN BUNCH HOLD ON FOR THE WIN ON FAN APPRECIATION NIGHT
Team forced to juggle defense in response to two early injuries
OTTAWA- In a season that has officially gone from the sublime to the ridiculous, the Fun Bunch fielded a team of only four regular roster players--two men and two women--and were forced to supplement their ranks with six spares to avoid defaulting their game on Thursday. Matt "the magician" Bujold and "dandy" Andy Douglas joined Steve "field marshal" Saunders and Scott "boom boom" Saunders for a grand total of four guys. Alison "bulldozer" Hale, Chantal "rum runner" Bujold and Rowena "scoresheet" Sams, were joined by a bevy of substitute women recruited by "boom boom" to bolster the sagging ranks of the fun bunch. "Look, when I saw my brother dropping the ball as "manager" or whatever he calls himself, I knew I would have to jump in and help the team out so I started calling everyone I know", said Scott "boom boom" Saunders, grinning with pride at his own accomplishment. The four new women all recruited by "boom boom" made a total of seven for a new female fun bunch one game record. The game started with Matt "the magician" Bujold and Scott "boom boom" Saunders in the outfield joined by Mikaila covering right field with Laurie and Stephanie as rovers. The infield saw "rum runner" at first, "dandy" Andy Douglas at second, Steve "downtown" Saunders at short and Jessica at third. "This is going to take some getting used to", thought "downtown" to himself as he surveyed the unfamiliar landscape. The game was very close with IWD taking an early lead on a long home run by a new player brandishing two batting gloves. Down 3-2 heading into the bottom of the second inning, the Fun Bunch ran into some trouble as Matt "the magician" Bujold pulled his quad running to first and Scott "boom boom" Saunders pulled his hamstring running hard around the bases. Taking a 4-2 lead into the top of the third inning, on-field captain Steve "field marshal" Saunders was forced to make some defensive changes. "Andy and I will play the outfield so you guys don't have to run so much with your pulled muscles", he said to "boom boom" and "the magician" as they swapped spots with "field marshal" swooping into centre field. IWD was confounded by the move. "What's with the old guy in centre field? Let's hit the ball to him, he won't be able to run very fast", the next IWD batter snickered as he attempted to drop a hard liner in front of "field marshal". Moving as gracefully as he did twenty-five years ago, "field marshal" dove to catch the liner for the out. Keeping a watchful eye on the foolish third base runner who thought they would tag up and trot in for an easy sacrifice run, "field marshal" immediately barrel-rolled to his feet, spit out a mouthful of dirt, grass and black flies, and then launched a rocket into "scoresheet's" glove at home plate to beat the runner by a step and a half for a rarely seen double play from the outfield. "Keep the ball away from the centre fielder", the IWD batter said to his teammates as he slunk off the field and back into the dugout, his head hung in shame and embarrassment, his cheeks turning a deep shade of crimson. Tonight was "fan appreciation night" and the team was joined by several alumni who came out to cheer their team on. Maggie "magpie" McGovern, Betsy "double play" Moore and Soren "scoop" Sorensen all braved the hot humid weather, the black flies and the intermittent rain to support their team as they huddled under a sea of umbrellas. Heading into the third inning, the Fun Bunch started to tighten up their defensive play, as the players quickly adjusted to their new positions and proceeded to allow IWD to score only a single run in the next three innings. However, just when things started looking up, captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale took matters into her own hand. With one out in the bottom of the third, "dandy" Andy Douglas made it to second on a single and a tag up. The next batter--Stephanie--hit the ball deep to mid-center field for what looked like a single. "dandy" worked his way half way to third, keeping a watchful eye on the fielder who at the last minute made the catch for the second out. "dandy" then slowly walked back to second as the IWD fielder threw the ball hard into second base trying for the pick off. Nonetheless, "dandy" made it back to second and beat the throw by a half step. "Yer out!", screamed "bulldozer" the ersatz fun bunch umpire. "What are you talking about? He was safe by half a step!", screamed "field marshal" in response from the pitching mound--his blood pressure beginning to percolate--as he ran in to discuss the matter further with "bulldozer". "Look 'bulldozer', we're missing three-quarters of our team here and we're in a fight for our life, what are you doing calling our player out when he was clearly safe for crying out loud?", "field marshal" asked, genuinely perplexed. "You're right, he was safe, but he never should have been so cavalier about walking back into second base. I am going to teach him a lesson he won't soon forget", harrumphed "bulldozer", indignant at the thought of her authority being questioned. "oh boy, we are really going to have to win this one the hard way", muttered "field marshal" as he shook his head and shuffled off the field to start the next inning. With his team up 6-4 heading into the bottom of the fifth, "field marshal" implored his team to dig deep and come up with five runs which they promptly did as "dandy", Laurie, "scoresheet" and "boom boom" all came home to score the first four runs of the inning. With no one on base, "downtown" told his little brother to "throw it outside" as he saw a big gap in the opposite field as IWD was playing him to pull the ball. "downtown" promptly hit the first pitch into the gap and it rolled all the way to the fence. With no one on base to slow him down, "downtown" started tearing up the infield as he accelerated around the base path with ever widening strides. Leaning hard as he rounded third, he heard "boom boom" tell him to go for it, at which point he impossibly shifted into yet a higher gear to easily cross home plate for an in-the-park home run and the fifth run of the inning, to put the fun bunch up 11-4. With IWD scoring four runs in the next two innings, the gap closed to 13-8 for the fun bunch heading into the top of the eighth (for some reason the last inning of the game). IWD scored a couple of runs to threaten, but was then shut down by the Fun Bunch defense who won the game 13-10 without playing the bottom half of the inning.
FUN BUNCH BOUNCE BACK WITH A VENGEANCE
Team scores 27 runs in only 7 innings
OTTAWA-With steve "field marshal" saunders back from holidays, and his steady hand firmly on the tiller, he quickly righted and set back on course the "SS Fun Bunch", left adrift and sinking in the last game, without his sure-handed stewardship. "I don't know who was in charge last game, and quite frankly I don't even care to know. But this team is now under my command so be forewarned: I will personally keel-haul anyone who doesn't give one hundred percent tonight", "field marshal" bellowed at the top of his lungs. Needless to say the air was still, with no one daring to utter a syllable, let alone make eye contact or for that matter even swallow. "Good, then let's forget all about last week's debacle and teach "Impact" a lesson they won't soon forget", he continued as the team let out a collective sigh of relief, realizing they had got off very lucky. At that point, they were ready to trot onto the field when they realized that despite the fact it was 6:30, they still didn't have enough players nor any bats. Letting out a loud sigh, team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale realized that the team was still missing John "Hans Solo" Devries and newcomer Lindsey "line-drive" Andrusek, she herself getting to the diamond a full fifteen minutes late. "Nothing like leading by example eh 'bulldozer' ", chided Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins appearing in his last game before the tournament. With no option but to swallow her pride, "bulldozer" lowered her head and shambled over to the opposition dugout to ask if they could lend her a back catcher and maybe a couple of bats. "You don't have any bats? You do know this is a baseball game right?", the captain of Impact sarcastically replied, appalled at the all-too-common antics of the fun bunch, before reluctantly handing over a couple of well-worn models. "Here take these, but bring them back at the end of the game. Don't try to walk off with them or anything", she added for good measure. By this time John "Hans Solo" Devries managed to show up a solid twenty minutes after the official start time, punctuality, clearly not his strong suit. As the "home" team, the fun bunch headed to the field and executed a very tidy three-up three-down inning before they managed to score four runs of their own in the bottom half of the first in what was to be an ongoing theme in the game as they quickly built up a 12 to 1 lead by the bottom of the third. In fact, the fun bunch displayed such a barrage of offense, that the hapless Impact team was rendered helpless , stunned and quickly demoralized. Displaying selfishness, two gargantuan Impact players, gobbled up all three home runs generating a paltry 4 runs in the process. The fun bunch on the other hand, displayed patience and strategy as they generated an impressive 10 runs with their three home runs (including yet another ho-hum grand-slam from "field marshal"). In fact, the offensive statistics for the fun bunch are mind-boggling: newcomer lindsay "line-drive" andrusek, 7 for 10, 4 runs scored, alison "bulldozer" hale, 8 for 10 , five runs scored (including two clutch two out hits that she drove to deep centre field), martin "the gazelle" desjardins, 6 for 6 with 3 runs scored, bill "the thrill" ranson, 5 for 6 with 5 runs scored, steve "downtown" saunders, two home runs, 6 for 6 and 4 runs scored, scott "boom boom" saunders added another home run. In the middle of this maelstrom, the fun bunch bat bag was delivered to the diamond by matt "the magician" bujold. Looking rather sheepish, he explained that he had no excuse for being late, and that he was solely to blame and ready to accept the full consequences of his actions as he stood at attention and awaited his punishment. "At ease soldier. No reason to apologize, you have done us great service by sparing for our team the last few games, so rest easy you will not be punished--just don't ever let it happen again", "field marhsal" replied reassuredly. With the fun bunch on cruise control, things however did manage to get a little wonky in the later innings when the newly-minted infield tandem of scott "boom boom" saunders (playing short with a sore foot) and john "hans solo" devries playing second managed to make a couple of mental mistakes as can be expected adjusting to new positions. . "hans solo" in particular seemed to have trouble taking the relay from "the gazelle" as he dropped, mishandled, and otherwise resembled a farmer trying to catch hold of a greased pig as he struggled to get a firm grip on the ball. The fun bunch put on a base running clinic as they feinted, stutter-stepped and out-manoeuvred their way to easily a dozen extra bases. With the game winding down, "hans solo" was coming up to bat for the last time. Knowing full well that all three homers had been used up (complements of the "bash brothers"), he nonetheless proceeded to "give it all he had" in a confounding last-ditch attempt to "put one over the fence". With the ball seemingly headed over the fence for an unnecessary out, the laws of physics finally won out, and the ball hit the inside of the fence. Scanning the infield to see exactly where "hans solo" had made it during all the hang-time , "field marshal", was shocked to find him still standing at home plate, quietly admiring his handiwork. "What in god's name are you doing!", "field marshal" exploded, "you should be heading for home by now", he continued his rage now a full-on conniption. Awakened from his semi-trance by "field marshal's" caterwauling , "hans solo" quickly realized his foolishness and sheepishly trudged to first base for the longest single in team history. Those theatrics over with, Impact failed to score a run in the top of the eighth inning (the game cut short due to the late start time) rendering the need for the fun bunch to come to the plate moot. Fun bunch win 27-12.
A-N-N-I-H-I-L-A-T-E-D
Shameful, embarrassing effort woeful pre-cursor for end-of-season tournament
OTTAWA-In a season of many lows, tonight's effort broke new ground. With Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins, Scott "boom boom" Saunders, Glen "the wrangler" Rankin, Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros, and Richard "wild thing" Bujold all deciding to "kick back" and take the night off, that left Steve "field marshal" Saunders and John "Hans Solo" Devries to twist in the wind as they watched their team be humiliated by the Athletics in a 22-4 rout--called mercifully after 7 innings. Also missing Kathy "dare-devil" Adare, Chantal "rum runner" Bujold, Paris "pop star" Patricelli, Rowena "score sheet" Sams, and newcomer Lindsay "line drive" Andrusek, the writing was on the wall for a loss of epic proportion. The fun bunch fielded a team of seven players including spares Matt "the magician" Bujold and Bill "the thrill" Ranson and were simply no match for the battle hardened Athletics who toyed with them all night--crushing three home runs over the fence and spraying the ball hither and yon at their discretion. "I have played on this team for twenty-seven years and I have never been more ashamed than tonight", stated Steve "field marshal" Saunders matter-of-factly. "Not for the players who showed up and gave it their all , but for the players who took the night off and let their teammates twist in the wind", he continued with disgust. To say the game was a miss-match was an understatement. Sporting Allison "bulldozer" Hale at first base, two novice outfielders, a novice back-up pitcher, Patti "gazoo" Anderson at third base and a back catcher supplied by the other team--this was going to be a tough assigment. The Athletics started early and often. They sprayed the ball with reckless abandon. They drove in runs on demand. The Fun Bunch struggled. They hit singles and then grounded into fielder's choices. They dropped balls and mishandled liners. They scored runs in only two innings. One run scored by Matt "the magician" Bujold in the second and three runs in the fourth on a home run by Steve "downtown" Saunders. To add insult to injury, Matt "the magician" drilled a liner up the middle in the fourth inning. With the ball careening directly at "field marshal's" head, he spun--seemingly defying the laws of physics--in a scene reminiscent of "the matrix", but to no avail as the ball struck him firmly in the shoulder, for an out to extinguish a feeble rally. Like euthanizing a faithful dog that has become lame, the Athletics suggested the game be ended after seven innings to spare the Fun Bunch further embarrassment. "I am not quitting this game in the seventh inning, while there is still a breath in my body", screamed steve "field marshal" saunders at the suggestion that the game be ended to stem the hemorrhaging. Look "field marshal", I feel your pain but I'm calling this game so we can leave this diamond with a modicum of dignity", retorted team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale. "Don't look so smug--we will pay you back in spades in the tournament", spat "field marshal" through clenched teeth as his teammates dragged him kicking and screaming from the diamond-- furious, humiliated and refusing to shake hands.
FUN BUNCH LOSE FINAL REGULAR SEASON GAME
Team limps across the finish line to chalk up worst record in team history
OTTAWA-Another game, another short bench. The game tonight punctuated the dismal attendance record of the fun bunch players. With only four guys, the team was no match for the resurgent and tournament-ready bass line station team, who had picked up a plethora of new players--including an "amazon-like" female who hit one to the warning track. Missing Scott "can't-make-the-game" Saunders (gout), Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins (holidays), and John "Hans Solo" Devries (corporate retreat--i.e. golf tournament), the Fun bunch did manage to field five women and get a lift from the presence of Richard "wild thing" Bujold (back finally from exile in Winnipeg) , Glen "the wrangler" Ranking (well rested from two weeks of holidays) and Kathie "parlez-vous francais" Adare (back from posting in Saguenay). It was a valiant effort by all team members but ultimately the rusty crew made one too many offensive and defensive errors and let Impact win the game. Roaming centre field was Glen "the new gazelle" Rankin, who did Martin proud by catching everything within a country mile of him as well as comforting Patti who became hysterical when a fly ball came her way before making the out. Glen added some power to the equation when he parked a timely home run for a grand slam, to get the fun bunch back in the game on some great clutch hits by Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris, Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros and Kathie "dare-devil" Adare. Also performing admirably was Richard "wild thing" Bujold, who fancied himself a back-up pitcher as he seized the mound when "downtown" came to bat and proceeded to pitch a tidy gem. On a lighter note, Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros decided he-too would be a back-up pitcher when he strode to the mound with "downtown" at the plate and "wild thing" on second. Rolling his eyes heavenward in a "god help me" gesture, "downtown" calmly advised "slip-n-slide" to "throw it in like a beach ball". Choosing however, to ignore that sage advice completely, "slip-n-slide" decided to serve up a sucker pitch about six feet outside the plate. "Ha Ha, that's a good one 'slip-n-slide'. Now throw the next one over the plate like a beach ball", "field marshal" calmly asserted, clearly becoming annoyed. The next pitch sailed in about four feet behind "field marshal's" back. With a loud sigh, "field marshal" wondered to himself what he had done to deserve this fate. "Are you having trouble seeing the plate or something?", "field marshal" inquired, now become concerned for slip-n-slide's welfare. "Look, I have to swing at this next pitch so come a bit closer, and just toss it straight over the plate", he said encouragingly to "slip-n-slide", thinking that even a small child could follow the simple directive. Alas, that was not to be the case as "slip-n-slide" resorted once more to his bag of tricks and proceeded to apply heavy back-spin to a pitch that was nowhere near the plate. "Downtown" took three gigantic steps and got a piece of the pitiful pitch, managing to bounce one into the outfield for a hit, thereby ending "slip-n-slide's" brief tenure as a pitcher. The game see-sawed back and forth with the fun bunch holding on to a tenuous two run lead going into the bottom of the ninth inning. Impact quickly scored two runs to tie it up and put pressure on the fun bunch to not blow the game. With no one on base, an impact woman came to bat. She had been hitting the ball towards third base in her previous at bats, but not this time as she reared back and crunched the ball over poorly-positioned fun bunch outfielder paolo "slip-n-slide" daros. "slip-n-slide" immediately threw his hands in the air in a "there goes the ball game gesture" until the shrill shrieking of on-field captain steve "field marshal" saunders snapped him out of his daze of self pity. "Go get the ball. The game's not over yet!", "field marshal" screamed at "slip-n-slide" as glen "the wrangler" rankin rushed to backup his stupefied teammate and make the throw into third base for a narrow miss at a tag play. The next batter crunched the next pitch over the fence in center field for a 22-19 win, as the fun bunch trudged off the field, knowing that they were ill-prepared for the tournament this weekend
FUN BUNCH WIN BY THE SKIN OF THEIR TEETH
Huge run produced by "hans solo" and "rum runner" wins the game
OTTAWA-With the game on the line, and the fun bunch bats coming up woefully short, leave it to sickly, weak, and worn out John "methuselah" Devries to exceed his pain threshold and lead by example with a lead-off double in the top of the seventh inning to start a hopeful rally. Two pitiful outs later, he was still standing alone, afraid and depressed on second base, shrugging his shoulders at pitcher steve "field marshal" saunders in a "here we go again" gesture. The fun bunch started the game off with a vengeance scoring five runs including a two-run shot by Richard "wild thing" Bujold--with three runs already scored and two runners on. That was the last run they were to score until the seventh inning as the team managed to hit into three double plays in the first three innings, record two three-up, three-down innings and launch lazy pop-ups for ho-hum outs for the next five innings. Luckily, the Athletics didn't fare much better as they failed to hit a single home run as they picked away at the fun bunch lead. The euphoria of Richard "wild thing" Bujold's stellar pitching in the previous game quickly ended as he struggled early and often with his control making the fun bunch task that much harder. As the home team the fun bunch shut down the Athletics in the top of the seventh to enter the bottom of the inning tied 5-5. Fast forward to "hans solo" standing on second base with two outs and the game on the line as Chantal "rum runner" Bujold strolls to the plate wincing in pain from her herniated disc. Looking "field marshal" straight in the eye she confidently told him to "throw it in like a beach ball" and then proceeded to launch it into the outfield for a single and the game winning RBI. "It's great to start with a win, but really we are very fortunate that the A's were a little flat. I can't overstate the heroics of "hans solo" and "rum runner" who literally won that game for us", espoused team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale. "My advice to everyone is to stretch, take some advil and stay away from the sauce before our next game. Oh yeah --and keep the ball on the ground for crying out loud", she continued referring to the plethora of pitiful pop-ups produced by the team.
FUN BUNCH BOUNCE BACK WITH A VENGEANCE
Team "mercies" Impact in six innings to go 2-0
OTTAWA-What a difference one game makes. After yielding uncharacteristically quiet bats in the first game, the fun bunch listened with baited breath as" field marshal" read them the riot act in the pre-game "pep talk". "Listen very carefully, as I am only going to say this once. I don't want to see a single pop-up or ground out or base running error this game. There - simple isn't it?", he ended rhetorically as the team shifted their gaze downward, afraid to look him straight in the eye. But respond they did as they went on to score 13 runs in six innings and more importantly keep Impact to a single run as they kept them scoreless in five of the six innings with great defensive play. Steve "downtown" Saunders hit a three run shot in the first inning to get the ball rolling, and the team scored five runs in the second without using a homer on some clutch hitting throughout the lineup. John "hans solo" Devries lived up to his moniker when he belted a solo shot for no particular reason in the fourth--fist pumping as he crossed home plate. "whoops, sorry about that guys, I guess I should be wearing my 'hans solo' shirt", he giggled trying to stifle a laugh that wasn't shared by his teammates. "Look 'hans solo', that ego run won't hurt us in this game but if we were in tight that bit of selfishness could cost us", team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale scolded him loudly, quickly bringing him back to reality with a thud. Heading into the bottom of the sixth inning, the fun bunch were up 12-1, needing only a single run to employ the mercy rule. As if on cue, Lindsay "line drive" Andrusek hit a solid single and advanced to second on another single by Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris, to bring Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins to the plate. Having gone three for three up to that point, martin promptly drilled a solid single to cash in "line drive" to score the thirteenth run and end the ball game.
CARLINGTON COMEBACK
Fun Bunch down 12-4 score 16 runs in last two innings to win 20-12
OTTAWA-Playing their third game of the day against the winless Aquabats, with a perfect 2-0 record and the stands packed with family, friends and alumni, the fun bunch looked destined to cruise to a rare saturday sweep. Alas, the Aquabats were not willing to roll over and play dead just yet as they took an early 7-2 lead. After scoring only two runs in the first inning with runners left on base, the fun bunch bats once again went into the doldrums as they were shut out the next three innings--a habit that has become very disconcerting. The stands went deathly quiet as the fans packed into the bleachers sat on their hands as they stared astonished at what was unfolding before them on the ball diamond. In the fifth inning the fun bunch started to show some promise but scored only two runs as a nascent rally was extinguished quickly once again with three untimely outs. Making a small dent in the Aquabat lead--now standing at 7-4--the fun bunch felt they were at least within striking distance of the win. Sadly, what happened next completely deflated the partially unfurled sails of the fun bunch rally drive. The Aquabats went on to score five runs with nary a single out as the fun bunch fell completely apart in a shockingly horrific error-fest to put the game seemingly out-of-reach 12-4. Staring up at the tear-filled eyes of the fans--several of who had come all the way from kinburn to watch the game--and who were beginning to pack up their belongings and take down their banners to beat the traffic out of the parking lot, steve "field marshal" saunders decided then and there that the game was not going to end in a travesty--not on his watch, not while he still had a breath in his body. Taking a deep breath he strode over to the dugout with determination as his teammates quickly caught sight of him and braced for the onslaught. Knocking a water bottle out of Paolo "slip-n-slide's" hand with a firm backhand, he looked him straight in the eye and growled, "what are you smirking about. We're down 12-4 no thanks to you and your pop-out last inning". Panning the entire dugout he resumed his tirade, " You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Look up in those stands at our beloved fans. We have failed them. They came here to celebrate and we have embarrassed them. Shame on all of you". The team collectively lowered their heads and stared at their shoes. They knew--as always--that field marshal was right. "Stop feeling sorry for yourselves. The good news is it's not too late. We have two innings left and I know this team can rise to the occasion as I have seen it happen time and time again. So let's keep it really simple. Make sure you keep the ball down, run hard, get on base and be aggressive on the base path. We need five runs this inning to put the fear of god in them and then we have our unlimited run seventh to finish them off--any questions"? Apart from the crickets chirping you could hear a pin drop. The team knew they had let down their fans and knew what had to be done. Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris started the ball rolling with a solid single to be quickly advanced to second by Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin then delivered another hit to load the bases for Chantal "rum runner" Bujold who promptly hit one to the outfield to score a couple of runs. Steve "downtown" Saunders then strode to the plate and moved quickly to calm Richard "wild thing" Bujold on the pitcher's mound. "Ok 'wild thing', take three steps closer and lob it up in the air", he calmly advised "wild thing". One swing later, the ball sailed into Carlington diamond #1 for a three run shot to deliver the fifth run of the inning and make the score 12-9 as the Aquabats nervously skittered off the field. Coming to bat in the bottom of the sixth, the Aquabats were quickly shut out and the Fun Bunch came to bat in the endless seventh inning, needing three runs to tie. What happened next will go down in the annals of Fun Bunch history as the team proceeded to "bat around" and score eleven runs including two clutch home runs from Glen "the wrangler" Rankin and Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins , with the entire rally ignited by Rowena "scoresheet" Sams who got the first hit of the inning using her precision base hitting skills. The Aquabats came to bat in the bottom of the inning a defeated team. The fight had gone entirely out of them as they realized they had squandered a 12-4 lead and managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The Fun Bunch finished them off 1-2-3 mercifully to end their misery as the fans exploded with jubilation in the stands, finally given something to cheer about.
UNSTOPPABLE
Fun Bunch once again come from behind to improve their record to 4-0
OTTAWA-The fun bunch fell behind after only two innings 6-3, despite steve "downtown" saunders' three run homer in the second. They rallied to score four runs in the third with some clutch hitting, but then got shut-out for the next two innings as they failed to score a run--despite plenty of opportunities including the bases loaded with only one out--leaving them trailing 8-7 after five innings. Realizing what had to be done, the team dug deep and scored three runs (including an incredible triple by Lindsay "line drive" Andrusek) in the sixth and allowed only a single run by the rebels to hold a slight one run lead 10-9 heading into the seventh. Leading off the seventh, the team scored four runs to increase their lead to a still-not-quite-comfortable five runs. The rebels got their lead runner on board on a grounder and a not-quite-perfect throw by "field marshal" that tailed away from chantal "rum runner" bujold. The next batter got a single to put two runners aboard with none out--the worst case scenario. However, the fun bunch then shut the door firmly on the rebels with a force out at second, a fly out and a highlight reel play at third. With a long single to the outfield, the runner at second base charged hard into third as Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins released a hard throw from the fence. With steve "field marshal" saunders covering the base at third, Lindsay "line drive" Andrusek waited patiently on the base line for the incoming rocket as the base runner bore down hard on her. The ball hit her glove hard enough to raise a welt and release a cloud of dust. The ball fell out of her glove as the runner giddily side-stepped "line drive" looking to scoot in to third. "Not so fast", "line drive" wheezed as she picked up the ball, spun around in the dirt and slapped the woman's calf hard with her glove causing her to wince in pain and astonishment. Game over - fun bunch win again, going undefeated so far in the tournament.
THE WINNING STREAK COMES TO AN END
Team comes up short offensively to finish the tournament at 4-1 and advance to B Final
OTTAWA-The Fun Bunch just couldn't get going offensively in their final game of the tournament. The turning point probably occurred in the second inning when steve "downtown" saunders came to bat with two out and the bases loaded. He patiently let the first pitch go by, off the plate by a good foot or two, but chased an even worse second pitch--high and outside--to send a fly ball to the warning track for an out to lose out on a glorious opportunity for four much needed runs. Defensively, the team was very sharp with two magnificent catches by Alison "bulldozer" Hale in right rover, and another one by Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris platooning in that position. "knock em out of the park" had previously sacrificed life and limb to keep an off-line throw in play , catching the ball hard off her nose in the process. "I'm ok, I'm ok", she said through gritted teeth as "field marshal" ran over to check on her, determined to stay in the game and do her best to help the team. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin also made one of his trade-mark sliding catches to rob bass line station of a hit and keep the game within reach. In fact, even Patti "gazoo" Anderson, decided she wanted to join in on the action and tried her best to snag an easy fly. But sadly, the ball would not comply as it hit the edge of her glove and landed softly on the grass. "Darn it, I didn't even scream or anything", she said dejectedly after the play. Down 12-3 heading into the bottom of the "endless" seventh inning, steve "downtown" saunders lead off and kept the ball in the park to save the precious home runs for when needed. Unfortunately he was forced out at second when "bulldozer" hit into a fielder's choice leaving a runner at first with one out. Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros got the green light and parked the first home run of the game to score two much needed runs and make the score 12-5 as the fun bunch started chipping away at the lead. Richard "wild thing" Bujold then came to bat with two out and chances of a comeback fading fast. "wild thing" drilled a liner to the fence for an easy double. However, the bass line station fielder crumpled to the field as if shot by a rifle and began writing in agony. "keep running til the umpire calls time out", screamed pitcher steve "field marshal" saunders as "wild thing" complied and scampered home on a very odd in-the-park home run. The score was now 12-6 and that missed opportunity at the grand slam was coming back to haunt them as the next batter up grounded out and they headed to the B final with a respectable 4-1 record.
FUN BUNCH FALTER
Lack of crucial hits costs them the B championship
OTTAWA-Despite a less than stellar regular season, the Fun Bunch saved their best for the tournament and finished the round robin 4-1 in a three way tie for first place. Once again, however, due to the odd seeding formula they wound up in the B championship despite the fact that they beat the Athletics who made it to the A championship. Facing the feisty rebels--whom they had dispatched earlier in the day--they knew that they would be in for a good fight with the rebels looking for payback. The game started off promisingly enough with "line drive" getting yet another triple followed by hits from "the wrangler" and "the gazelle" to take an early 2-0 lead. The fun bunch kept the somewhat intoxicated and most likely high rebels scoreless until the third inning when they unleashed a "home run fest" and scored back to back five run innings for a commanding 10-2 lead. Battling back in the fourth "downtown" lead off with a double and was driven in by "slip n slide" who then scored on a double by "hans solo" to cut the lead to 10-4 . Heart and soul of the team Richard "wild thing" Bujold, who had become a leader in the tournament with his pitching prowess and batting skills was forced to miss the last game as he made his way towards the arctic circle during a marathon drive to rendezvous with his son. Realizing full well that his team needed him, Scott "boom boom" Saunders came off the disabled list and managed to hobble back and forth from the pitching mound despite his serious bout of gout. Unable to swing a bat or run, he did his best to inspire the team with his gritty performance as back-up pitcher. Nevertheless, the team simply could not mount an offensive assault as they missed opportunity after opportunity with basic base running errors leaving runners on the bases in almost every inning. Defense however was practically flawless as they shut out the rebels in every other inning with fantastic catches, force outs and tag plays. Rolling into the sixth inning, the team needed to score some runs. Leadoff batter steve "downtown" saunders got under a high pitch and hit it only about twenty feet from the plate but about a mile in the air. As the rebels panicked and circled the swirling fly ball, "downtown" bore down and headed hard to second, the ball still continuing its upward ascent. The rebel second base woman, however was watching the ball disappear into the stratosphere as she accidentally stepped right in front of "downtown" as he struck her solidly in full stride knocking the wind completely out of her. In tears and unable to speak she gasped for air as "downtown" held her steady so she wouldn't collapse to the ground disappointed that his bid for a leadoff double was nullified. However, the umpire ran out in the field and correctly signalled for "downtown" to take second as he was clearly impeded on the play. Once again "slip n slide" drove in "downtown" and scored himself on singles from "knock em out of the park" and "hans solo" making the score 10-6 with one inning to go. Once again the fun bunch shut out the rebels and needed only 4 runs to tie but managed only a single hit--a solo shot (the only one in the game) by "the gazelle" to make the score 10-7. By far the oldest team in the league and with certainly the best defense, the fun bunch had simply run out of steam.