OFFENSE GRINDS TO A HALT
Team loses again due to short bench and lack of timely hitting
OTTAWA-The Fun Bunch bats were once again oddly silent on Thursday night. Given ample opportunities to win the game, the team squandered their chances with an uncharacteristic display of easy grounders, shallow fly-outs and a plethora of double-play balls. The game got off to an ominous start, when the team could field only three full-time guys leaving team manager Steve "field marshal" Saunders floundering for some reinforcements to fill out the lineup. Working the phones all day long once again--something he has become accustomed to of late-- he managed to scrounge up only a single player- Cliff "ultimate" Youdale, who gamely agreed to come out and bolster the sagging lineup despite not having played softball since he was "eleven". With Chantal "rum runner" back at first, and Paris "pop star" Patricelli joining the ranks that made four women for a grand total of eight players--two shy of the ideal minimum. Sadly, "pop star" quickly re-aggravated her quad injury in her first at bat, leaving Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris and Alison "bulldozer" Hale to do all the running for the women. Once again missing Scott "boom boom" Saunders, Paolo "slip n slide" Daros, Glen "the wrangler" Rankin and Richard "wild thing" Bujold, the brunt of the heavy lifting was left to the rest of the team. The Fun Bunch managed only a single five-run inning --the third--when the bases were mercifully loaded for Steve "downtown" Saunders. With Cliffy "ultimate" Youdale, trotting out to the mound to try his hand at relief pitching, "downtown" tried to keep his instructions simple and succinct, "I'm going to make this really easy on you - just throw it in like a beach ball". With "ultimate" anxiously attempting to comply, "downtown" quickly parked the first offering into the stratosphere sending a clear signal the Fun Bunch were not about to go quietly into the night--at least not on his watch. The Athletics certainly weren't going to make it easy on the Fun Bunch, with a carousel of runners in each inning. Their pitcher in particular--sporting not one but "two" batting gloves--took easy swings in his first three at bats to clear the fence each time and drive in multiple runs. With a lead-off triple, "downtown" ignited a three-run fifth inning, punctuated by Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins home run--his second in two nights--to keep the score remarkably close at 9-8, but the Fun Bunch continued to sputter offensively and defensively. Dropped balls in the outfield, mis-handled grounders in the infield, dropped balls at home plate, as well as easy grounders to short, shallow pop-ups to the outfield and three routine double-play balls combined to mentally take their toll on the team. With a grand slam homer, two triples, a double and five runs scored already, Steve "field marshal" Saunders strode to the plate in the seventh inning with Alison aboard at first--pinch running for "pop star". With two home runs used up already, and only a single runner on base, the timing was not perfect, but "field marshal" knew the team needed a mental boost if they were to give the Athletics one last-ditch challenge. "What inning are we in?", he asked his Fun Bunch teammates as he strode to the plate, the weight of the team once again resting on his ever-broadening shoulders. Not waiting for a reply, he crushed the first pitch into the stratosphere to do his best to edge the team one step closer to victory. As he approached first base however, "bulldozer" stood firm, un-impressed, hands-on-hips, in a menacing gesture of defiance. "Well, thank-you very much for wasting a hit on your ego home-run mister. You should know that we've already used up our three home-runs so you just made an out and cost us a chance at the game", she harrumphed, becoming a little uneasy as "field marshal" continued to bear down on her, equally un-impressed, and showing no signs of slowing. "I have a bad feeling about this", whispered John "hans solo" Devries " as the two combatants prepared to collide. "Listen here "bulldozer", any captain worth their salt should know that I just parked the third homer - now stop talking and start running before I pass you and make you look silly", "field marshal" shot back as he approached within earshot of his captain. With that little misunderstanding straightened out, "bulldozer" commenced her victory trot around the bases and begrudgingly "high-fived" "downtown" as he crossed home plate. Heading into the final inning, down 15-11, the Fun Bunch still had a glimmer--albeit a very tiny one--of hope. "Ok team, we have no home runs left and we are down by seven runs. This is a steep mountain, but we've climbed much higher. Leave everything on the field--we have to shut them down", roared "field marshal" as his team, seemingly re-ignited by his fiery oration charged onto the field with purpose. Determined to make up for her mis-step the inning before, "bulldozer" led the charge as she deftly fielded the first two grounders and threw to "rum runner" to manage an easy two-up-two-down start to the critical inning. Sensing the mood lighten significantly, " field marshal" cast a playful wink at "bulldozer" as he shouted, "hey bulldozer, let the boys play", to the good-natured chuckling of his teammates. Unfortunately, at this point the "wheels started coming off the wagon". In what looked like a quick end to the inning, a "deja-vu" grounder rolled towards "bulldozer" who fielded it cleanly and was one toss from getting out of the ninth inning unscathed. What happened next unfolded slowly, like a macabre horror-show. First, "bulldozer" missed her release point and threw the ball wide of first base forcing "rum runner" to jump high in the air (disregarding her herniated disc) and make a wild stab at the ball as it sailed well over her head, hitting the fence and rolling slowly towards the dugout, while the base runner gleefully trotted effortlessly to second base with a giggle. "No biggie, we still have two outs", "bulldozer" calmly stated as she attempted to settle her troops. The Athletics, however, took that opening and ran with it, as they generated another carousel of base runners to score three runs before the last out was mercifully made. "Ok gang, the mountain just got a little steeper", "bulldozer" needlessly pointed out, as the team trudged off the field, heads bowed. The bottom of the ninth, saw another lead-off triple by "downtown", who was promptly driven in on a single by "knock em out of the park", but that was all the team could muster, as their offense officially fizzled out entirely to lose their second game out of their last three, 18-12.
--------------------------------------------