FUN BUNCH START SEASON WITH A THUD
Depleted ranks a factor in grudge match loss to Athletics
OTTAWA-It was clear that the Athletics were taking this game very seriously when their entire team--plus a couple of new free agents--showed up at the ball diamond before a single Fun Bunch player even pulled into the parking lot. Festooning the backstop with a plethora of bat bags and the latest high-tech carbon fibre softball bats, the Athletics were looking like a well-oiled machine. In stark contrast, the Fun Bunch fielded only a single player by official game time as the rest of the team slowly trickled in late--like a dripping faucet. By 6:30 they had managed to get seven creaky players in various states of readiness as the Athletics were growing increasingly annoyed at these all-too-common antics. With a porous outfield of only three fielders, a borrowed catcher, and a mostly novice infield the Fun Bunch were finally ready to play. All things considered, the game was kept remarkably close be by an Athletics offense that sputtered for most of the game. The Fun Bunch--who had earlier "pooh-poohed" the notion of a pre-season practice--were beginning to regret their hasty decision as they misplayed fly balls, swung at bad pitches, grounded out and popped up harmlessly for most of the game. When newly "un-retired" Fun Bunch player Patti Anderson sauntered into the park--three innings into the game--and proceeded to proudly flaunt the championship trophy--the Athletics became enraged and the game's tone changed dramatically. All of a sudden the Athletics sputtering offense surged into high-gear as they got hit after hit leading to a five run inning as their jubilant team high-fived and chest-bumped their way onto the field. "We were barely holding our head above water so I couldn't believe it when Patti showed up with the trophy", said exasperated shortstop Steve "field marshal" Saunders. "But to stand on the bench and wave it in the air and taunt the Athletics was the last thing we needed", he concluded glumly. The Fun Bunch tried to mount a couple of rallies including a five run inning highlighted by two great two-run shots from John "hans solo" devries and Glen "the wrangler" Rankin but in the end it was too little too late. Richard "wild thing" Bujold decided to start the season with a flair, when he showed up sporting new "Hollywood-style" baseball cleats and a brand new bat that seemed to hit only foul balls for him. New recruit Kathie "I'll play anywhere" Adare slipped effortlessly in to the first base position --recently vacated by Chantal "bud light lime" Bujold who was absent from the game--and did an admirable job cleanly fielding throws from the infield. A rejuvenated captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale showed up in midseason form proudly displaying the results of her off-season training program once again leading by example. "Consider this game our pre-season practice", she calmly stated between yawns. "I'm am not the least bit worried about our team - in fact I guarantee a win next week", she confidently predicted.
RAINED OUT
Fun Bunch set new low in team attendance as weather wreaks havoc with ball game
OTTAWA-With only two guys in the outfield and seven players total, the Fun Bunch were more than holding their own against the rebranded Booze Houndz-cum-Impact ball team. Mysteriously missing Scott, Glen, Martin, Paolo, Tea, Dom and Chantal, things started off fortuitously for the intrepid Fun Bunch when Impact failed to get a ball out of the infield for the first two innings. The Fun Bunch meanwhile managed to grind out three runs on a couple of singles and a two run shot by Hans Solo Devries--continuing his torrid start to the season--and very nearly added three more as Steve "downtown" Saunders hit a towering fly ball to the warning track. Devries also made the catch of the game when he "climbed the ladder" at the fence to snag a sure home run ball hit by the biggest (and meanest) Booze Hound--keeping them off the score sheet. Both teams were soon forced off the field however as the capricious weather spawned a deluge, huddling everyone under their umbrellas. Quick thinking Devries kept the bats dry when he covered them with Saunders' rainproof jacket forcing him to shiver through the rain delay in only his t-shirt. "This game is not ending early on my watch", shouted "downtown" over the howling wind and driving rain to his scanty crew who quietly listened on tenterhooks. Instructing the team to keep playing and pick up the slack should any members get hit by lightning, he marched them back onto the field over their anguished protests. With no option but to follow suit, the shocked Booze Houndz returned to the field as well. The Fun Bunch--rejuvenated after their brief respite and rousing oration--proceeded to pound out five runs in the inning including a two run shot by Saunders and a three run shot by Devries. As if finally realizing the Fun Bunch had only a meagre defense, the Booze Houndz responded by grinding out five runs with a combination of bloopers and opposite field hits leaving the Fun Bunch running widdershins in the outfield. With the Fun Bunch leading 8-5 heading into the bottom of the fourth inning, a fork of lightening landed at precisely the same time as the thunderclap sounded, leaving little doubt of imminent danger, and the game was called leaving Steve "field marshall" Saunders violently protesting from the infield, alone in the pelting rain.
FUNBUNCH CHALK UP FIRST WIN
Team finally fields full squad in third game of the season
OTTAWA- Well the rust was definitely showing on the johnny-come-lately team members who decided to make an appearance to help out their struggling team, but the bolstered ranks turned out to be just what the doctor ordered as the fun bunch beat the aquabats 21-13 in a game that started slowly but steadily improved inning by inning. Sure Scott "boom boom" Saunders, badly misjudged a lazy fly early in the game to allow the aquabats to score five runs but that error paled in comparison to the travesty that unfolded in the first inning. With the fun bunch at bat, Rowena "throw it home" Sams managed one of her trademark precision infield hits and was giddily trotting into first base when "boom boom"--pitching for the first time this season--inexplicably fielded the ball and proceeded to mow down his own teammate. The entire field went silent in utter shock. Meanwhile in the fun bunch dugout Steve "field marshall" Saunders promptly went ballistic and started gesticulating wildly for a time out as he screamed out "wrong team". Unable to obtain acknowledgement from his defiant brother, "field marshall" proceeded to storm the mound. Sensing imminent danger, Scott made a bee-line for the dugout as his big brother chased him off the field. "I have played in this league for 25 years and have never, ever seen anything as atrocious as that play", said Saunders seethingly through gritted teeth. When asked to explain his bizarre behaviour Scott mumbled sheepilshy - "It's my first game of the season and I kinda forgot which team I was on for a minute". After that debacle, however, the fun bunch settled down and showed flashes of brilliance--reminiscent of the team that won the league championship last season. There was Rowena grinding out a two out single to set the stage for Richard "wild thing" Bujold to blast a monster three run shot and earn a modicum of redemption following his strike out the inning before with two runners on. Then there was not one but two in the park home runs generated by Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins and Glen "the wrangler" Rankin both with deep shots to the fence followed by blazingly fast base running to manufacture two runs and keep the momentum going. Add to that rock-solid play at first base by Kathy "I'll catch anything" Adare and aggressive fielding by Tea "the terminator" Derakhshan and you could see the semblance of a championship team emerging. Going into the "endless" 9th inning, the "never say die" Aquabats proceeded to load the bases bringing their best home run threat to the plate. One pitch later the ball was launched to a well placed gap in left field. With the aquabat carousel of players clearing the bases, Glen "the wrangler" Rankin made the play of the game when he launched himself in the direction of the descending fly ball only to snag it in his outstretched glove to end the inning and secure the first win of the season for the fun bunch.
FUN BUNCH MAKE IT TWO IN A ROW
Solid team effort contributes to tight victory over Brawlers
OTTAWA-Facing their toughest rival to date, the never-say-die fun bunch pulled out all the stops to mount a come-from-behind win to beat the new-look brawlers. Staggering out of the starting gate, the fun bunch soon found themselves behind 5-2 after a couple of innings when the brawlers surprised them with a rock-solid lineup of hitters. With a new contingent of clearly experienced women to complement their rag-tag band of men, the brawlers will be a team to be reckoned with this season. The fun bunch meanwhile were without the services of Scott "boom boom" Saunders who was serving a one game suspension imposed by team co-captain Steve "field marshall" Saunders--dished out for his insubordination in the last game. Playing at Morrison diamond, both teams had a vast outfield at their disposal, however the sub-par field maintenance by city workers left the park with knee deep bundles of hay that wreaked havoc with the defense all game long. Once again, Richard "wild thing" Bujold was up to his old roller-coaster of hijinks to keep the crowd fully entertained. Pitching to Steve "downtown" Saunders, "wild thing" failed to get out of the way of a solid liner back through the pitching mound, earning himself a large welt and a tongue lashing from Saunders who was furious at being put out by his own player. Trying to play his way out of the doghouse "wild thing" followed that up by an in-the-park homerun consisting of a monster blast and some alacritous base running. Not content to quit while he was ahead, "wild thing" then proceeded to juggle a routine fly ball in a seeming audition for America's Got Talent before tumbling to the ground only to have the ball bounce off his head and land in the grass leading to an ill-timed double. Then the roller coaster swung fully into "descent" mode as "wild thing" left Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins flailing wildly at home plate as he struck him out with a series of terrible pitches as he wilted under pressure. Apart from the sideshow put on by "wild thing" the rest of the game was rather uneventful. It was a back-and-forth affair that featured solid hitting and defense from both teams. Noteworthy were a couple of terrific high-speed attempts by "the gazelle" to catch wayward fly balls as he dove mid-air with outstretched glove only to miss them by the slightest of margins but not for lack of effort or timing. As the top of the ninth inning rolled around, the fun bunch had only a precarious 14-12 lead. Instructing his team to "play like champions", Steve "downtown" Saunders strode confidently out to the pitching mound and proceeded to pitch a gem. With a demoralizing display of hitting prowess, the fun bunch batters dissected the brawler defense. Perhaps the defining moment of the inning occurred when captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale came to bat with two out and "downtown" on deck. Still pitching, "downtown" pleaded with "bulldozer" to dig deep and get on base so he would get one final at bat. With a playful wink, "bulldozer" crushed the first pitch into the gap for an easy single once again coming through with a clutch hit to lead by example. Saunders followed up with a scorching triple to clear the bases and drive in the fifth run of the ninth as he was left stranded at third by the next batter as the inning came to an end. Now up 19-12, the fun bunch knew what the brawlers were capable of after two five run innings during the game as they apprehensively made their way onto the field. A fortuitous hard liner to short for the first out lead to a quick three-up three-down inning as the fun bunch won their second game of the season.
FUN BUNCH ON A ROLL
Team comes from behind to win third game in a row
OTTAWA-Down 11-10 heading into the top of the 7th inning--their precarious two game winning streak on the line--the fun bunch listened intently as Steve "field marshall" Saunders once again read them the all-too-familiar riot act. "We beat this team 31-4 last year for crying out loud", he shouted belligerently as the unperturbed "Stop Hitting On Us" players continued to sip beer coolers from the dugout--their loud music contributing to a festive atmosphere. In fact, they couldn't believe their luck. The usually solid fun bunch had once again dug themselves a hole with a couple of error-filled innings contributing to nine of their eleven runs. Even the team stalwarts were affected including Kathy "I'll Catch Anything" Adare who misplayed a couple of routine throws, 25 time gold-glover Steve "downtown" Saunders who missed his release point and threw a rare pitch off line, Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins who overran a fly ball and Alison "bulldozer" Hale who dropped an easy toss at 2nd base to allow a runner to advance to third. At the end of the inning, "field marshall" called a time out and instructed everyone to take a collective deep breath as they were about to right this sinking ship. First he told everyone that "Stop Hitting on Us" were in way over their heads and had no business taking a lead in the game. Then he moved Richard "wild thing" Bujold to 2nd base allowing "bulldozer" to return to her more comfortable rover position. Next up, he promoted Patti "gazoo" Anderson's niece Jamie to third base. Although Jamie had never played the game before, "field marshall" could sense that she was a keeper. Boy did that do the trick as "Stop Hitting on Us" proceeded to score a grand total of three runs in the next four innings. Sure "wild thing" made things interesting, when on his first play as 2nd baseman he continued his juggling act--and prolonged audition for "America's got talent"--only to drop the ball and allow a runner aboard with an error. But his teammates backed him up with a sharp four-up-three-down inning, keeping the unearned run from scoring. Offensively, however, "wild thing" hit for the cycle with a rare single, double, triple and home run in four at bats in a modest attempt to redeem himself. "Downtown" also had a homerun, a triple and two doubles to score four runs in four at bats and lead the men as "I'll Catch Anything" led the women with three hits and three runs scored in five at bats. But the shining star of the game was Jamie "MVP" Anderson. A neophyte playing in her first baseball game ever, she crushed pitches into the deep outfield, snagged hard grounders at third, took force outs with composure as runners were bearing down on her and was able to throw the ball to first with zing from third. "Absolutely Amazing", extolled Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros, who had run afoul of "field marshall" for failing to purchase cleats in the off season costing him a chance to score on the previous play. Team president Soren "scoop" Sorensen was said to be negotiating a long term contract with Jamie's agent immediately after the game. Heading into the ninth inning with a comfortable 19-12 lead, the fun bunch had a disappointing turn at bat--unable to cash in two base runners who were left stranded in scoring position. "Stop Hitting on Us" made things mildly interesting when they scored two runs, but then the fun bunch defense shut them down and went on to earn a well-deserved third win in a row.
FUN BUNCH BEAT BONS VIVANTS IN TIDY GEM
Team now in mid-season form
OTTAWA-With their fourth win in a row, the Fun Bunch have entered mid-season in championship form. Beating the Bons Vivants 22-7 they scored at least one run in each inning and had two five run innings while limiting their opponents to a maximum of two runs per inning and shutting them out in four of the last five innings. Playing at the vast Morrison ball park, and oddly choosing to utilize only three outfielders, the fun bunch gave the Bons Vivants plenty of real estate to drop bloopers into--allowing them to chalk up their seven runs. In a case of "too-little-too-late", unpredictable outfielder Richard "wild thing" Bujold decided to "take charge" and swap himself from right field to rover citing a dearth of hits over first base. Looking timidly to Steve "field marshall" Saunders for approval that was not forthcoming, he nonetheless stood his ground--boldly defiant. What happened next gave new meaning to the term "worst case scenario" . Seeing the absurd exchange occur, the Bons Vivants could scarcely contain their glee as they immediately zeroed in on the fun bunch neophyte right fielder --in this case Dom "the dominator" Angelo playing in only her first game of the season --and decided to make the fun bunch pay for such a glaring defensive error. The next batter promptly hit a stratospheric fly ball targeted directly at "the dominator" who--despite her apprehension at playing the difficult position--made a valiant attempt to catch the ball and earned herself a fat lip for her effort as the ball careened off her glove and into her face. Verifying that all her teeth remained in place, she cast a hateful glance in the direction of "wild thing" as her teammates helped her off the field, ushering him once more back into the all-too-familiar doghouse. Down three players heading into the game, the fun bunch bolstered their ranks with newcomer Clark "thirsty hound" Lawlor. Lawlor, who is the husband of new fun bunch acquisition Kathie "I'll catch anything" Adare, was brought out with low expectations-- given that he hasn't played softball since he was ten--but put up a respectable performance crunching a home run in his first at bat and finishing the night with two runs scored and five hits, earning himself a spot on the radar screen. Newcomer Jamie "MVP" Anderson, was also invited back for a second look after her outstanding inaugural audition and once again did not disappoint with solid batting and a great defensive play at third where she dug a grounder out of the dirt and deftly mowed down the runner rapidly advancing to second. Team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale continued her streak of clutch plate appearances when she steadfastly refused to be the third out time and time again by placing efficient hits ever-so-slightly over the infielders heads. Steve "downtown" Saunders also contributed a home run with a monster blast into the back yard of an unsuspecting ball diamond neighbor despite a fierce inbound gale, giving him one of his five hits of the night. But this was a team effort, with solid hitting and fielding and base running contributed by everyone including a couple of double plays turned by newly minted second baseman Glen "the wrangler" Rankin. With the score safely out of reach, "wild thing" Bujold decided he was not quite finished for the night. When the next Bons Vivants batter hit a blooper solidly into rover territory everyone assumed the game was over. But unfortunately nothing is ever that simple when "wild thing" is involved, as he seemingly "fell asleep at the switch" as the ball was rapidly descending about ten feet from where he stood transfixed. Sensing--with shock and horror--that "wild thing" was not going to even attempt to make the play, Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins accelerated at a breath taking pace and lunged--glove outstretched--to try and cover for his immobile teammate. Alas, even "the gazelle's" valiant attempt was unable to prevent the bons vivants batter from reaching base. With a droop of his head ,a shrug of his shoulders and nary a word, team co-captain Steve "downtown" Saunders pensively wondered just which team "wild thing" was playing for. However, after the unwelcome comic relief, the team closed ranks and shut down the side, to finish the game and chalk up another solid win.
FUN BUNCH MAKE AN IMPACT WITH FIFTH WIN
Game ends on sour note as losing team accuse fun bunch of cheating
OTTAWA-With team captain Alison Hale away on vacation, Steve "field marshall" Saunders firmly took the reins of the team. "There's a new sheriff in town", he calmly advised his worried teammates. "Anyone looking for a feel-good have-fun touchy-feely experience can leave the field now", he gruffly instructed. Having drawn that line in the sand, and with his teammates all onboard, they proceeded to buckle down and execute a tight battle plan eking out a narrow one run victory in the process. With tempestuous weather threatening all night long, both teams fortuitously managed to stay high and dry as the turbulent storm encircled them. The new-to-the-league Impact team managed to confound the fun bunch outfielders for most of the game with several errors contributing to their early lead. A questionable defensive strategy of playing just three outfielders no doubt contributed to the offensive onslaught by Impact as acres of real-estate were left virtually unattended. Impact fielded a very strong offensive lineup--both male and female--keeping the fun bunch on the ropes for most of the game and smashing three home runs with relative ease. The game got off to a foreboding start when rusty first baseman chantal "bud light lime" bujold mishandled the first three tosses that came her way opening the flood gates in the first couple of innings. "Bud light lime" was playing in her first game of the season and in an effort to preserve her badly deteriorating back, opted to skip warm-up which effectively became the first two innings of play. Resembling "Mr. Magoo", Chantal squinted and strained her eyes to make out the rough shapes and colors of Steve "downtown" Saunders as he reared back and unleashed throw after precision throw that mysteriously evaded her snare. "I forgot my glasses", she chortled to her unamused teammates, willing to cut her only so much slack due to her precarious condition and lack of preparation. But like a trooper "bud light lime" settled down and started looking more like her old self as she began calmly fielding some real heat once she had warmed up. In addition Chantal came through big time with her bat, going four-for-five and crunching a number of extra base hits as she grimaced through the pain as pinch runner Tea "the terminator" Derakhshan proved no match for the Impact fielders with her blazing speed . Down 10 to 6 heading into the top of the fourth inning and trailing since the first, the fun bunch listened attentively as "field marshall" issued new directives. "the next person to fly or ground out is benched" he stated matter-of-factly. "I want five runs, right now and the lead", he continued. As if one queue, the team followed orders as Tea, Dom, John, Rick and Martin all scored in quick succession to net five runs in the inning and give the fun bunch the first lead of the game. Feeling the game slip from their tenuous grasp, Impact responded with a couple of jaw-dropping home-town calls to keep their runners on base despite clearly being thrown out. When the second of the disputed calls occurred at second base-with Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins juggling a hard grounder before gaining control and firing it into the outstretched mitt of "downtown" to beat the baserunner by a step and a half-- John "Hans Solo" Devries decided he for one had had enough. Overruling the umpire with a spirited shout of "OUT", the clearly confused, ersatz umpire quickly changed his mind and muttered "out" meekly --much to the chagrin of his irked teammates.Up by only a single run at the top of the sixth inning, Dom "the Dominator" continued her torrid hitting streak with her third straight hit of the game and got aboard. Sensing what needed to be done, Steve "downtown" Saunders instructed his little brother Scott "boom-boom" Saunders to "toss it in slow like a beach ball". One pitch later, the ball narrowly missed escape velocity and settled into the deep grass in the adjacent dog park scoring two runs. When the dust had settled, the fun bunch had a more comfortable 17-12 lead. But Impact was not about to roll over and play dead just yet as they continued their hitting extravaganza chalking up six runs in the next two innings to once again take the see-saw lead 18-17 heading into the eighth inning. After a miserable three up three down seventh inning saw "downtown" stranded in the on-deck circle, he decided that for the sake of the team, he would swallow his pride and blast a solo shot to tie the game. "Look, I never, ever do that, but the game was on the line and after last inning I didn't want to be stranded on second base", he further clarified. Following his brother's lead, Scott "boom-boom" Saunders, tagged a pitch over the fence in deep center to bring in three more runs for a five run inning putting the fun bunch up 22 - 20. However, the game took an ominous turn when the Impact infielders informed Dom "the dominator" Angelo that she "was out" and instructed her to leave the field as she was joyously trotting around the bases. It seemed Impact had miscalculated and assumed "boom-booms" home run was the fourth of the game. After seemingly clarifying the misunderstanding, "the dominator" and "boom boom" continued their victory trot much to the consternation of Impact. With the top of the ninth looming and a narrow two run lead, the fun bunch played great defensively --including an astounding catch by 3rd baseman Jamie "MVP" Anderson--her second of the game-- and allowed Impact only a single run to clinch the win. Embodying the ethos of poor sportsmanship, a visibly enraged Impact fielder accused the fun bunch of cheating to win the game when he sarcastically congratulated them for "winning the game by hitting four homers" in the hand-shake line at the end of the game. John "Hans Solo" Devries and Steve "field marshall" Saunders understandably took exception to the accusation and confronted the culprit. "Just what do you mean by that?", "hans solo" inquired, sensing a situation that needed to be set right. "This is a fun league -- we don't need to do that to win", "field marshall" calmly retorted his blood beginning to boil as their teammates wisely separated the combatants. When informed of the strange turn of events, absent fielder Glen "the Wrangler" Rankin was left a little dejected at the thought of missing out on "all the action", but it was probably all for the best.
OFFENSIVE ONSLAUGHT
Fun Bunch score 32 runs in eight innings to win sixth in a row in one-sided rout
OTTAWA-The Fun Bunch scored 32 out of a possible 40 runs in eight innings of play on Thursday to completely overwhelm the new "bass line station" expansion team who managed to score only eleven runs in response. The Fun Bunch took the lead in the first inning on Steve "downtown" Saunders' two run homer and never looked back. The stats are impressive: 5-five run innings--including the last three innings in a row, runs scored in each and every inning, every single player scoring at least one run, no fewer than two runs scored in each inning and four home runs including two in-the-park homers. Missing team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale, acting captain Steve "field marshall" Saunders has guided the team to impressive back-to-back victories in her absence including an equally impressive total of 54 runs. "This team is running like a well-oiled machine", Saunders affirmed. "My philosophy is simple -- either you contribute or you sit out", he continued matter-of-factly explaining his teams success. And boy did the team contribute! Dom "the dominator" Angelo led the way for the women with five hits and five runs scored. Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins led the way for the men with an incredible six hits and six runs scored for a perfect 1.000 average on the night with Scott "boom-boom" Saunders also averaging 1.000 on the night with five hits and five runs scored. Jamie "the machine" Anderson continued to impress, crushing one hit over the center fielder's head that rolled all the way to the fence. Her defense was equally impressive as she short hopped a hard grounder at third and then proceeded to throw out the base runner who was sprinting towards first. In addition, she charged a bunt in front of home plate and stunned the batter when she managed to dig it out and beat him by a half step at first with a blazing throw. A few bolts however, still need some tightening, as was evident when chronically absent fielder Paolo Daros hit a deep two-out fly ball that bounced off the fence, yet somehow managed only a double as he sauntered leisurely around the bases, admiring his hit for far too long, seemingly mesmerized by his hitting prowess--costing his team an opportunity to score another run. When asked why he ignored his team's shrieks of "keep running" and "stop watching the ball" and "bust your hump", Paolo inexplicably replied, "wow did I ever hit that far". As the lead became insurmountable, there were rumblings in the fun bunch dugout about letting up. Furious at the suggestion, "field marshall" Saunders instructed his team to "keep your foot firmly on their throat until the game ends" and the mutiny quickly subsided. But perhaps the most spectacular play of the night occurred in the eighth inning. With Bass Line Station attempting a rally, the hitter managed to hit a pitch to the warning track near Scott "boom boom" Saunders. Sensing an opportunity, Steve "downtown" Saunders planted himself firmly on the bag at second and urged his brother to put some mustard on it as the runner dug in, determined to reach second. Just like that it was over, as the throw came in perfectly on-line and with a ton of heat, directly into "downtown's" outstretched mitt as he quickly turned and planted his shoulder firmly into the midsection of the rapidly advancing baserunner--knocking the wind out of him-- before slapping him twice for good measure with his glove as he applied the tag. Wheezing and unable to catch his breath, the embarrassed player was helped off the field, pride in tow to end the ballgame, the latest victim of the fun bunch juggernaut.
FUN BUNCH STAY SCORCHING HOT IN THE HEAT
Hot miserable weather a factor in low scoring affair
OTTAWA-In a game that got off to an inauspicious start, the Fun Bunch managed to dig deep and win their seventh straight game under almost unbearable playing conditions. With the humidex reading 42, both teams were struggling to keep cool in the wheat field that passes off as a diamond on Morrison drive. The fun started when self-proclaimed "web wizard" Steve "dot-com" Saunders mistakenly posted the wrong information for the game on the team web site. Assuming that they were the "away" team, he then showed up without the bases, much to the chagrin of the rebels who were sitting comfortably in the shade waiting for his team to set up the diamond. A frantic phone call later, in transit fielder Glen "the wrangler" Rankin found himself forced to head back home through rush hour traffic to retrieve the forgotten bases. Muttering under his breath as he showed up, the fun bunch quickly staked the bases and the game got under way about twenty minutes late. Compounding the scheduling error, only two women showed up for the game. Jamie "the machine" Marchesi and Alison "bulldozer" Hale--playing on only four hours sleep after arriving shortly before the game on a charter flight from Moscow after feasting on borscht and perogies--were put to the test as they were forced to alternate at bat for the entire game. But like true Fun Bunch troopers, the duo persevered with nary a whimper in the sweltering sun, neither able to take a moments rest for the entire game. Meanwhile, the rebels sported an entirely new lineup with the exception of two players. "Looks like they cleaned house after last season", stated Richard "wild thing" Bujold matter-of-factly. In the first inning, the rebels got their lead-off runner aboard but as their second batter came to the plate, gruff shouts of "you can't have two guys in a row" could be heard from the outfield. John "hans solo" Devries wasn't about to let these young "whippersnappers" pull the wool over his eyes--as he clearly wasn't born yesterday. An awkward silence descended over the infield as their indignant pitcher retorted, "that's right girl-boy, first we had Janice and now Bill is at bat" as "hans solo" had obviously missed the disclosure at the start of the game that yes Janice was mistaken for a guy the odd time but indeed is a woman. Not quite sure of what to make of this "tomfoolery", "hans solo" then demanded a urine sample, but cooler heads prevailed, apologies were issued and the game commenced. Incensed by the embarrassment doled out by "hans solo", the rebels rallied around their androgynous player and struck fast and hard chalking up two quick runs to set the tone for the game. The Fun Bunch countered with two runs of their own as both Alison and Jamie came in to score on consecutive hits by "downtown", "wild thing" and Scott "boom-boom" Saunders. But then what looked like was going to turn into a slugfest instead became a defensive battle as neither team scored again until the fourth inning. Always exciting outfielder "wild thing" Bujold, was up to his old hijinks again, when sporting a new pair of "hollywood-style" sun glasses, he had everyone on the edge of their seats as he overran and then awkwardly backed up herky-jerky to snag a deep fly ball like a snow cone. With a grin from ear-to-ear he flashed the "thumbs-up" sign as he tossed the ball in from the outfield allowing the Fun Bunch players to breathe a collective sigh of relief. In an attempt to outdo "wild thing"--never an easy feat--Glen "the wrangler" Rankin served up some outfield magic of his own as he tracked down and snagged a deep fly ball to make the third out just as the rebels had loaded the bases. Honorable mention goes to "hans solo" who in the first inning made a diving attempt to snare a tailing blooper only to have it pop out of his glove as he landed from his barrel roll. No Fun Bunch player managed any better than a double all night as the humid air seemed to have a stifling effect on the softball. Normal "home run" type hits, hung up in the hazy air and stopped quickly when they hit the ground--no doubt as a result of the poorly cropped grass in the outfield. However, the rebels never scored another run after the first inning and the Fun Bunch went on to score four more to win the game 6 to 2--an astonishing turn of events after last week's thirty-two run extravaganza.
NEVER MIND THE BOLLOCKS
Fun Bunch soundly defeat dog's bollocks for eighth straight win
OTTAWA-The Fun Bunch beat the bollocks in a lop sided affair 21-6 on Thursday with four of the bollocks runs coming in a sixth inning hitting frenzy. However, with the exception of that one inning, the bollocks had trouble with their offense with many pop ups and ground outs and not a single home run at the "home run friendly" Hampton Park diamond. The game got off to a humourous start when Steve "senior moment" Saunders forgot to pick up first base woman Kathie "I'll catch anything" Adare after assuring her a ride just that morning. As the game got underway, teammates began asking "where's Kathie?" interrupting Saunders animated re-telling of his latest golf exploits. Color draining from his face, Saunders realized that Kathie was sitting on the front porch waiting for him to pick her up. "Sorry guys - I had a really stressful day today what with my hockey, cycling, golf and tennis games all running late, I came straight to the diamond and plum forgot about Kathie!", a clearly exhausted Saunders replied in his defense as Kathie trundled in on her son's tricycle having ridden the two miles to the park after realizing to her horror that Saunders was not simply "running late". With Kathie limping from saddle sores and clearly not impressed, apologies were issued and the team got down to the business of winning the ball game. The Fun Bunch--as usual--made quick work of the three home runs with Steve "downtown" Saunders, Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros and John "Hans Solo" Devries all belting one out of the park in short order. Unfortunately, "Hans Solo" parked his over the fence, when the team already had three runs scored wasting a run and a homer despite his teams anguished shouts of "just a single". The Fun Bunch started the game with only three women which was a big improvement over last week when they only had two. With Chantal "rum runner" Bujold off to get an extra shift at work, and Tea "the terminator" Derakhshan and Dom "the Dominator" Angelo embroiled in a nasty mid-season contract dispute, that left only "I'll catch anything" Adare, team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale and Rowena "throw it home" Sams to cover for their teammates. Stepping up to the plate both literally and figuratively all three women managed ten at bats each with some impressive hitting and base running all game long. Making her first foray into the infield in twenty years, Rowena "throw it home" Sams worked the "hot corner" like a pro snagging some hard liners with ease and taking several force plays at third as well. It was a quiet time in right field as Richard "wild thing" Bujold was caught napping on several occasions--after working the night shift the day before--as balls dropped all around him. Left field was another story, however, as Scott "boom boom" Saunders had several deep shots come his way, causing him some measure of consternation as at least one sailed over his head and crashed into the fence before he managed to pick it up and toss it back. Despite getting the odd hit, the bollocks never really threatened as the Fun Bunch made timely outs to extinguish any sort of half hearted rally attempt. One area of concern for the Fun Bunch, however, is getting hits once all the home runs are used up as both "downtown" Saunders and "boom boom" Saunders hit a home run for an out when a single would have sufficed. "Honestly I was aiming for the gap and tried my best for a level swing", said "downtown" as the ball sailed into the forest in center field penalizing the Fun Bunch with an unneeded out. Perhaps some mid-season batting practice might be in the cards for the Fun Bunch big hitters if they want a chance to repeat as season champions.
LOONEY TUNES
Fun Bunch beat IWD Loonies to win ninth straight
OTTAWA-On another scorching hot night the Fun Bunch kept their cool and pulled off an efficient 15-5 win over the new-look Loonies who had obviously done some recruiting in the off season and sported a plethora of young talent. With the wind blowing in, long balls to center field were hard to come by but that didn't stop Paolo "slip'n'slide" Daros, Scott "the big hurt" Saunders and Glen "the wrangler" Rankin from belting one each to deep right field and using their blazing speed to dig out in-the-park homers--Paolo's made all the more amazing as he skittered around each base as if running on marbles due to the poor traction of his tennis shoes. The game once again good off to a slow start as Patti "gazoo" anderson, martin "the gazelle" desjardins and paolo "email indifferent" daros all showed up late. Forced to start the game with only seven players, the Fun Bunch got behind the eight ball early as the "hit challenged" loonies loaded the bases in each of the first two innings. Tight defense by the fun bunch limited IWD to only a single run however, just in time for their ranks to be bolstered by their tardy teammates. A rookie mistake in the first inning saw john "hans solo" devries picked off base leaving steve "downtown" saunders stranded in the on-deck circle just as the fun bunch were threatening as his shocked teammates looked on in horror. The fun bunch women lead by team captain alison "bulldozer" hale put on a strong hitting performance with chantal "rum runner" bujold, Kathie "daredevil" Adare and "bulldozer" all crunching hits to the deep outfield. Novice catcher Patti "gazoo" Anderson was quickly indoctrinated at home plate as she filled in for absent player Rowena "throw it home" Sams and found out first hand that playing catcher is no laughing matter as steve "field marshall" saunders barked instructions at her all night long. Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins--the lone member of the team now under 40--had another outstanding game both at the plate and in the field as he glided around as if on wings in the outfield snagging tough hits with ease. With a rare chance to play infield, both "slip'n'slide" and "the wrangler" looked impressive with "the wrangler" snagging two low liners--one for an out and one for a toss to first for an out--to limit the loonies run production. In the third inning however, the wheels seemingly started to "come off the wagon" as a rare disastrous defensive bungling unfolded for the fun bunch allowing the loonies to score three runs. The fun all started with a deep hit by IWD to the outfield. With a runner heading to third and contemplating home, desjardins threw the ball towards home where saunders had rushed to cut off the throw. Once the ball sailed over second, the runner at first took off for second, where saunders quickly tossed a hurried throw - off line somewhat but catchable, that daros mishandled allowing the runner at third to score. When the dust settled, it seemed that every single player on the fun bunch team had handled the ball, yet they had nary a single out to show for their efforts-- "baby elephant walk" seemingly playing in the background. That allowed the loonies to score two runs and make the game close with the fun bunch still leading at 4-3. Worth noting also was a rare defensive miscue by 25 time gold-glover steve "downtown" saunders when he charged a mile-high shallow pop-up in front of home plate. Lunging to make the catch after sprinting at a breathtaking pace his outstretched mitt caught the edge of the ball as it rolled out of his glove while he spit out a mouth full of gravel. Road-rashed and bleeding, he dug the ball out of the back stop to put an end to the rally, while some of his edgier teammates seemed to take delight in his misfortunes with ill-timed taunts. Richard "wild thing" Bujold sat out most of the game nursing a hyper-extended elbow in preparation for the upcoming playoffs.
HOME RUN DERBY
Three home runs on three pitches sets the tone for tenth straight win
OTTAWA-The Fun Bunch only scored 16 runs--leaving runners on base in many innings--but it was enough to beat the hapless Harris Cheetahs 16-4 and earn their tenth straight win. "We need to do a better job cashing in runners in scoring position ", huffed team captain Alison Hale. "If we were playing an A team those opportunities would come back to haunt us", she continued irritatedly. Conjuring images of the 1977 world series when Reggie "Mr. October" Jackson belted three home runs on three pitches, Steve "downtown" Saunders duplicated that feat and set the tone for the fun bunch with six RBI's in his first three at bats. Cashing in three, one and two runs on his three home runs, there was some grumbling on the bench about the second dinger which was a single causing some disgruntled players to yell out "hans solo" and refuse to high five Saunders when he crossed home plate, but he remained unperturbed. "Look, at that point we were up by only 4-0 with "wild thing" and "slip'n'slide" having popped up so I wasn't sure how forthcoming runs were going to be this game. John scooted home from third unnecessarily on a ground out or I would have drove him in. At that point there were two out, so if I got a double I would most likely have been stranded at second. I figured we needed the extra run for paddding", Saunders explained in detail to his haughty teammates causing several to nod their head in apparent agreement after they fully understood his rationale. Fielding five women for the first time in a long while, the Fun Bunch capitalized on their advantage with stellar offensive and defensive play. Patti "Gazoo" Anderson belted her first at bat into the deep outfield for her longest hit of the season. Kathie "daredevil" Adare and Chantal "rum runner" Bujold, led the women--each with four hits and two runs scored. Alison "bulldozer" Hale snagged a tough blooper from her comfortable rover position to put out a Cheetah's rally. Rowena "scoresheet" Sams demonstrated her aggressive base running skills when she lunged for third and eventually scored to cap a five run sixth inning when she realized the third baseman had abandoned his post. The fun bunch men too had a strong defensive game. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin did his best impersonation of absent fielder Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins when he made an impossible sliding catch for an out leaving the Cheetahs--and his own teammates--flabbergasted. John "Hans Solo" Devries, Scott "the hawk" Saunders and Richard "wild thing" Bujold--still nursing a hyperextended elbow--all made spectacular catches at the warning track to keep the Cheetahs off the scoresheet. In fact, the Cheetahs unbelievably didn't score a run until the sixth when a player hit a solo shot to break the shut-out bid. Newly minted second baseman Paolo slip'n'slide Daros masterfully turned a hard toss from "downtown" into a perfectly executed double play with "rum runner" completing the play at first. Going deep in the hole, Saunders managed to get his glove on a hard grounder to keep it in the infield, sliding on the abrasive infield in the process. Writhing on the ground--in obvious pain--he dug the ball out of the dirt and tossed it to second on his back for the force out--his knee a bloody mess. Providing a light-hearted moment in the game, Patty "Gazoo" Anderson was loping to second with Steve "field marshall" Saunders instructing her--in no uncertain terms--to head hard to third. Half way to third, she seemingly had a change of heart and veered off course in a wide turn--almost colliding with the pitcher--before heading back to second to complete her arc. At that point the ball had been retrieved and was in the second baseman's glove. But "Gazoo"--seemingly in a daze--regrouped and proceeded to try for third on her second attempt. With "field marshall" screaming at her to "stay at second", Anderson ignored the sage advice and ran directly into the tag of the stunned Cheetah's short stop for a wasted out. "I don't think Patti can see very well with that huge batting helmet on", remarked "wild thing" after witnessing the shocking play unfold. With all three home runs used up--complements of "downtown"--the Fun Bunch were forced to keep the ball in the park to avoid an over-the-fence out. Results were mixed. While they did manage a five run sixth inning without using a homer, both Scott "boom boom" Saunders and Steve "Sayanora" Saunders hit an unintentional opposite field home run for an out. "I tried my best honestly. I opened my stance, and instructed the pitcher to throw it outside so I could drop one into the wide open opposite field. It went exactly where I wanted it to go but just a tad too far. In this diamond it doesn't take much to put it over the fence", said a clearly disappointed "downtown" Saunders. Heading into the ninth inning, the score was a lop-sided 16-4 for the Fun Bunch. With runners on first and second, and two out, the Cheetahs were trying their darndest to muster some sort of rally. With a hitless Cheetah player coming to the plate "downtown" Saunders sensed their despair. On the next pitch, she hit a soft grounder to Saunders for an easy out. Saunders, however, turned to third base woman Kathy "daredevil" Adare and gave her a playful wink, before "missing" the ball and letting the elated Cheetah get her first hit of the night on the "error". No harm - No foul as the next ball was caught for an out to end the game with no runs scored, but for one Cheetah player, the game had been a big success.
BRAWL BUSTERS
Fun bunch score 26 runs to beat the Brawlers for their 11th straight win
OTTAWA-Shoring up their depleted ranks with Clark "fire it up" Lawlor and Rachelle "the rocket" Dalpe, the fun bunch put on a quite a show during fan appreciation night-- the stands packed with fun bunch alumni. Soren "scoop" Sorensen, Betsy "double play" Moore, Maggie "magpie" McGovern and Cliff "home run" Harris--all fun bunch hall of fame members--as well as Ian and Nancy Harris, came out to cheer on their team on a special night at Hampton Park ball diamond. Sensing the enormity of the event, the fun bunch decided to put on a show including a very rare triple play turned in the second inning by Steve "downtown" Saunders. With runners on first and second and nobody out, the stage was set for what was about to unfold. The next brawler batter hit a hard liner directly to "downtown", who quickly proceeded to tag the base runner, step on second base to get the force from first, and then toss the ball to Chantal "rum runner" Bujold to complete the historic play. Making her debut as a new fun bunch recruit, Rachelle "the rocket" Dalpe came out to add some much needed youth to the fun bunch female contingent. Despite not having played ball for a few years, "the rocket" was spectacular going five for six with three runs scored to make an immediate impact with her new teammates. Missing three of their best men--Scott "boom boom" Saunders, John "methuselah" Devries and Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins--all off on holidays, the fun bunch recalled career minor leaguer Clark "fire it up" Lawlor to fill out the roster. "fire it up" then proceeded to do an admirable job, with four hits and three runs scored in six at bats as well as a respectable stint as back-up pitcher. In a move that shocked everyone on the field, Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros inexplicably showed up--albeit late-- with a new pair of cleats. Tired of being constantly admonished by Steve "field marshal" Saunders for his improper attire, "slip-n-slide" worked the infield like a pro with his new found sure-footedness, stopping and starting on a dime. After contributing a late inning home run, "slip'n'slide" dug in as he rounded the bases effortlessly during his victory trot--as if to accentuate his vise like grip to the infield ."I can't believe it took "slip'n'slide" four years to cough up and buy some cleats", snorted Richard "wild thing" Bujold--still nursing a tender elbow. "Steve was right all along, and I guess I was just too stubborn to take his advice", "slip'n'slide" admitted somewhat ashamedly. " "slip'n'slide" looked like a new man out there tonight", replied "field marshal" when asked for his take on the event. "We're going to have to come up with a new nickname for him I think", he glibly concluded. Seeking to make his own contribution to fan appreciation night, Glen "the wrangler" Rankin made a stupendous attempt to catch an infield fly that went up the middle. Darting all the way from centerfield, "the wrangler" attempted a shoestring catch--glove outstretched. However, as the ball entered his glove, he lost his balance and careened dangerously across the abrasive gravel--face first--only to have his glove fly askew in his valiant attempt to make the out. Sporting two skinned shins, he quickly retrieved his glove and the ball and jumped to his feet to quickly quell the nascent rally--bleeding profusely all the while. Displaying her legendary base running prowess, fun bunch captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale calmly waited for a deep fly ball to be caught before tagging up and advancing to third and eventually come home to score a well earned run. Rowena "scoresheet" Sams also dug deep to leg out an infield grounder to keep the rally going and bring "downtown" to the plate. Attempting to show his appreciation to the fans who came out for the game, "downtown" put on a hitting extravaganza--going seven for seven, hitting two home runs (one in the park) , a triple, two doubles and a single--to hit for the cycle and then some. Richard "wild thing" Bujold also contributed four runs scored going four for seven on the night. Kathie "daredevil" Adare and Patti "gazoo" Anderson each kicked in three hits as their contribution on the festive evening. The fun bunch then "lowered the boom" when they scored a total of eleven runs in the last two innings to pretty much put the game out of reach, leading 26-9 heading into the bottom of the ninth with the brawlers coming to bat. Avoiding a potentially ugly situation, "field marshal" Saunders pondered enforcing the "no sliding" rule when a brawler base runner deliberately slid back into first base in a direct contravention of the league rules. "I took one look at the amount of empty beer cans in their dugout however, and decided rather quickly that the prudent thing would be to let him stay in the game. The last thing we needed was a riot to mar this special night for our team", "field marshal" stated rather wisely.
ITS ALL OVER BUT THE CRYING
Decimated Fun Bunch no match for new-look Aquabats in one sided loss to end eleven game winning streak
OTTAWA-With four of their regular players deciding to "kick back" and take the night off, that left team captain Alison "Bulldozer" Hale scrambling to fill holes in the lineup with last minute call-ups, forcing the Fun Bunch to start the game firmly behind the eight ball. Making matters worse, the Aquabats sported a barely recognizable lineup of younger, seasoned players who came to the ball park meaning business. With newly minted outfielders Andy "Dandy Andy" Douglas and Scott "too tall" Bradley conscripted to fill holes in the Fun Bunch depleted roster, that left Richard "wild thing" Bujold as the sole original Fun Bunch male outfielder. Sensing an opportunity, the Aquabats wasted no time in putting the neophyte fielders through the meat grinder as hit after hit was launched to center or left field, leaving "wild thing" to watch the onslaught unfold from his placid safe-haven in right field. With their timing still a bit rusty, the new players valiantly did their best to field the arsenal of opposite-field hits , bloop singles, hard liners and deep fly balls that the Aquabats unleashed on them with surgical precision. The Fun Bunch managed to take an early lead on a home run by Steve "downtown" Saunders to go up 8-6 in the third inning only to see that lead evaporate in the fourth inning when they were unable to score a run. Compounding matters, Andy "dandy andy" Douglas injured his groin after the first few innings of relentless hitting to left field which greatly hampered his ability to track down the seemingly endless torrent of softballs. With "dandy andy" visibly limping in the outfield, the Aquabats seized the opportunity--like a pit bull after a poodle-- pulling hit after hit after hit down the line--their boot metaphorically pressed firmly on the neck of the fun bunch. Sensing despair set in, Steve "field marshal" Saunders attempted to rally his troops with an expletive filled tirade. "I don't care if your injured or not - we have our eleven game winning streak on the line and this game is still within reach so stop popping the ball up and make them work for their outs for gods sake" , he screamed hoarsely at his stunned teammates. As if on cue, the team proceeded to load the bases bringing Scott "too tall" Bradley to the plate. Looking him directly in the eye, "field marshal" instructed "too tall" to "park one". Without hesitation, "too tall" launched the next pitch into the stratosphere to rack up four RBIs capping a much needed five run inning. As the fun bunch were about to take their field positions, Richard "wild thing" Bujold timidly asked if perhaps they shouldn't go with four fielders--instead of three--to counter the Aquabats hitting onslaught. Whipping his head around with an audible snap, "field marshal" angrily surveyed his teammates to locate the usurper. Seeing "wild thing" nervously lower his gaze, "field marshal" proceeded to single him out and tear a strip off him for his insubordination, as he cowered and then began to shake uncontrollably like a beaten puppy. "Paolo, you move to the field and spread yourselves four across. That should fill up the outfield nicely. Alison you move to second and Patti take over catcher-any questions?", "field marshal" asked with no interest in waiting for a reply. The team responded and the Aquabats went three up, three down, seemingly confounded by the new-look Fun Bunch defense. Just as momentum began to shift in favour of the Fun Bunch however, "wild thing" moved into action. Fancying himself a back-up pitcher, "wild thing" ran breathlessly to the pitching mound when "downtown" came to the plate. With a sense of utter horror, "downtown" quickly realized that he was not in a nightmare from which he was about to wake, but rather "wild thing" was in fact about to pitch to him. "I'll just be patient he thought", as the first pitched sailed over his head into the backstop. "They can't all be this bad he wondered", as the second pitch rolled across the plate much like a ten pin bowling ball. Just as "downtown" realized that he would have to bite the bullet for the team, "wild thing" released his third and worst pitch of all. Determined to make contact, "downtown" ran halfway to the pitcher's mound and swung the bat, desperate to make contact before the ball hit the ground. Making a sound like a ball-peen hammer striking a coconut, the ball weakly hit the blunt end of the bat and popped up feebly for an easy out. "Whoops sorry about that", "wild thing" chuckled as "downtown" momentarily thought about where he'd like to put the bat. Alison 'bulldozer" Hale made the play of the game when she stood her ground as "downtown" unleashed a bullet for the force at home plate, and snagged the ball with aplomb, only to be denied the out by a home-town call from the Aquabats. Kathy "daredevil" Adare also did her best to challenge her former teammates going three for five in the losing cause. Making it close at 15-18 in the sixth inning, the fun bunch could only score four runs in the last three innings to lose 19-28 to end their eleven game winning streak with their most lopsided loss in years.
HOW LOW CAN YOU GO
Fun Bunch humiliated by Athletics for second straight lopsided loss
OTTAWA-For only the second time this season, the Fun Bunch managed to score less than ten runs, cashing in a paltry nine runners with one of their weakest performances in franchise history. Facing their 2011 tournament championship rivals, the Fun Bunch folded up like a cheap suit while the Athletics proceeded to crush them like a little league tyke team. The statistics speak for themself- seven innings with one or less runs scored, only one home run used up, only two women scoring a run, largest loss margin (14 runs) in franchise history. Once again, the Fun Bunch started the game behind the eight ball, missing three of their regular male players as Scott "boom boom" Saunders, Martin "the gazelle", Desjardins and Richard "wild thing" Bujold all opted out of the critical game. Especially disconcerting was "wild thing's" decision to skip out on the game last minute in lieu of a "pleasure trip" to Toronto for some R&R. That left Steve "field marshal" Saunders working the phones to bring up Andy "dandy andy" Douglas to fill the vacated spot in the roster. Douglas reluctantly agreed to play, despite having injured his groin the night before and labored in the outfield and running the bases all night long. Dragged back prematurely from his vacation, John "Methuselah" Devries was not amused when he got the call from "field marshal" telling him to "show up and play" or "sit out the rest of the season". The fun bunch offense was non-existent with a parade of lazy fly balls to yawning outfielders who scarcely had to shuffle their feet to make the catch. "This game is so boring", they could be heard whispering to one another as they casually strolled off the field. Not so for the fun bunch. Their t-shirts fused to their bodies with sweat, the fun bunch were run ragged in the outfield from the Athletics' relentless hitting offensive. With Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros nursing a bad knee and Glen "the Wrangler" Ranking unable to throw the ball without pain, "field marshal" Saunders decided he had seen enough. Shifting "slip-n-slide" to short stop and "the wrangler" to second--to reduce strain on their badly injured bodies--"field marshall" took to the outfield in a rare stint as left fielder. The move paid off in spades as "field marshal" snagged the first two deep balls that came his way to end the inning and keep the Athletics from scoring. Unfortunately, at that point the game was well out of reach. Compounding the defensive woes, was the lack of a reliable back-up pitcher when Saunders came to bat. Deciding he had seen enough, "hans solo" Devries snatched the ball and ran to the mound in the seventh inning when Saunders came to the plate for the fourth time. "Let me show you young whippersnappers how we pitched back in my day", Devries gruffly asserted as he hiked his trousers. Standing dangerously close to home plate, "downtown" urged Devries to retreat to the pitcher's mound to avoid a very nasty fate. "Don't you tell me how to pitch sonny-boy" Devries wheezed in defiance. Rolling his eyes heavenward in a "oh boy" gesture, "downtown" knew he would have to get the ball up in the air in a hurry in order to avoid separating Devries head from his shoulders. After the first pitch came in a good ten feed over his head, Saunders calmly urged Devries to take a deep breath and three steps backwards and then "toss it in like a beach ball". Despite being somewhat confused by the very simple instructions, Devries managed to follow orders and Saunders retaliated by launching the ball into the stratosphere after parting Devries hair straight down the middle to cash in three runs. "dandy andy" Douglas went three for four and demonstrated some aggressive base running to take second base all three times he got on base. Kathy "daredevil" Adare hit a deep fly ball to manage an extra base hit as she trotted into second. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin--having seen his team humiliated quite enough-- decided some payback was in order. After hitting a long single, "the wrangler" dug in, intent on reaching second. As the ball came in to second base however, "the wrangler" had already rounded the corner and was hell-bent on taking third as well. Becoming a little flustered, the Athletics' second baseman double-clutched the ball and proceeded to throw it well over the third baseman's head as "the wrangler" rounded third and moonwalked over the home base line in a carefully crafted display of defiance. "How does it feel to get a taste of your own medicine?", shouted Rankin to make sure that his point had been properly received. With the tournament coming up shortly the Fun Bunch have their work cut out for them. If they want to challenge again this year, they will have to convince their AWOL teammates to show up for the rest of the games in the regular season, work on some batting practice to better position hits, keep the ball down and avoid lazy fly outs, and work on consistency from their back-up pitcher.
THE BLEEDING CONTINUES
Fun Bunch self destruct with only two games to go before the tournament for third loss in a row
Ottawa- Just when you thought things couldn't get much worse, the Fun Bunch surprised everyone when they imploded on Thursday to lose 15-12 to Bass Line Station(BLS) in a game that should never have been close. In their previous encounter this season, the Fun Bunch annihilated BLS 32-11. Coming off two stinging loses to the Aquabats and the Athletics, the time seemed right to turn things around against an easy opponent, but woeful hitting put an abrupt end to each rally attempt, snuffing out any chance the Fun Bunch had to gain momentum. With only Alison "bulldozer" Hale and Chantal "rum runner" Bujold available to play, Nancy Harris was lured out of retirement to bolster the line up. In addition, two Rebel players volunteered to help out the team as well. However, the newcomers had trouble adjusting to the Fun Bunch offensive system making hits hard to come by. Injuries were a big part of the story Thursday night as well. "rum runner" Bujold was in pain all night from her chronic bad back. It didn't help that Steve "downtown" Saunders threw a couple of balls in low causing her additional agony which led to an exchange of choice words. Substitute player Andy "dandy andy" Douglas started the night in outfield but had to move to second base after the first inning when he injured his quad running to first. That left Paolo "slip'n'slide" Daros--playing with an injured knee--to play field along with Richard "wild thing" Bujold who was battling an injured groin. Joining the list of injured players was "downtown" Saunders, who injured his groin in an extracurricular men's league double-header on Monday leaving him unable to run around the bases. In fact that left Scott "boom boom" Saunders as the only uninjured member of the male contingent. Having skipped out on the last two losses--leaving his team to twist in the wind--"boom boom" was showing a little rust in his return to the outfield--as evidenced by his undisciplined attempt to throw out a runner from center field, only to have the wild knuckleball sail out of the diamond and into a parked car. That said, Saunders recovered nicely with a rocket of a throw to home--perfectly on line--to make a big out in the next inning. In fact, the Fun Bunch offense as a whole was listless, scoring runs in only three innings--twice on home runs by "downtown" and "wild thing" and one five run inning in the seventh. Even with their offense stuck in neutral the Fun Bunch grabbed a 12-10 lead going into the top of the eighth inning. But pop ups and ground outs resulted in a grand total of zero runs in the final two innings, while BLS scored five runs to steal the victory from the jaws of defeat. With only two games to go before the tournament, the Fun Bunch are going to need some batting practice. Learning to keep the ball down and direct the hit are going to be key to cashing in runs. Also, the Fun Bunch management needs to look at lining up some spares for the tournament as it is not likely that many of the men are going to be completely healthy by then.
FUN BUNCH WIN WITH CLASS
Team storms back to win in bottom of the ninth as animosity builds with Stop Hitting on Us
OTTAWA - Just when things looked like they were going to hit rock bottom, the Fun Bunch showed everyone why they are the defending league champions when the dug deep to beat Stop Hitting on Us 18-17 in the bottom of the ninth inning to end their three game losing skid. It was a testy affair as the once affable Stop Hitting on Us fielded some new, edgier players who seemed determined to "win at any cost". Once again, the Fun Bunch started behind the eight ball as they spotted their opponents a needless 7 run lead in the first inning and a half. Sensing the team slip into their all-too-familiar pattern of despair, Steve "field marshal" Saunders decided to take matters into his own hands and throw down the gauntlet to his teammates. Leading off in the bottom of the second--after a three up three down first--"field marshal" surveyed the outfield and eyed a big gap in the opposite field. Trying his darndest to keep the ball in the park with the bases empty, he instructed his little brother Scott "boom-hawk" Saunders to "throw one outside". With a deft flick of his wrist, and gentle half-swing, he pulverized the ball and sent it sailing over the fence--precisely where he was aiming - but about a mile too far. Unable to run due to a "level 3" groin tear, he instructed Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros to leg out the homer. Unapologetic for the wasted homer, he challenged his teammates to follow suit and as usual they did. Although they scored five runs to bring the game within two, it was an expensive inning as Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros earned a one-way ticket to the doghouse, when he needlessly belted a solo shot (after popping up the inning before). "Let's get this straight 'slip-n-slide'. The only solo shots that get hit on this team are be by me, and only when I deem it critical to the outcome of the game. For you, the game plan is the same as alway--no one on base--keep it down and get to second.", "field marshal" berated "slip-n-slide" in no uncertain terms. There was plenty of excitement elsewhere on the field as well with team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale leading the charge as usual. "bulldozer" was playing catcher after a miscue in the first inning when "downtown" took a hard grounder at short and proceeded to "gun down" the base runner who was heading home. With Patti "gazoo" Anderson playing catcher at this point, she got in position to make the out. With a rather late change of heart, however, "gazoo" screamed uncontrollably as the ball headed towards her mitt and ran for cover allowing the runner to score easily as Stop Hitting on Us collectively doubled over in laughter. It was at that point, that captain "bulldozer" Hale decided that perhaps catcher wasn't necessarily the best position for "gazoo" and moved her back to her more comfortable rover position--but more on that later. Meanwhile, with "bulldozer" at home plate and a runner on third, the next Stop Hitting on Us batter hit a slow roller back to the pitcher. "bulldozer" instinctively ran for the ball and looked to make the easy out at first. At the same time, however, the runner on third decided to take liberty and head for home. Bad idea. "bulldozer" caught the sneaky runner in her peripheral vision and decided that this was a challenge she simply couldn't back down from. Changing direction like a reflected laser beam, she sprinted instead for home plate and beat the base runner by an eyelash for a key out--preventing a huge run in the process. Rachelle "the rocket" Dalpe, had a strong game at the plate, crunching some deep hits and scoring a couple of runs. Some confusion about base running rules and a smidgeon of trepidation lead to a couple of unnecessary outs as she works to become more proficient on the base path with the guidance of her teammates. With the game tied 7-7 in the bottom of the fifth inning the Fun Bunch rallied to score four runs with no outs and two runners on base. Needing only a single to score the fifth run from third, Glen "the wrangler" Rankin came to bat and proceeded to squeeze into the doghouse with "slip-n-slide" when he tagged a pitch for a one-base home run. It was at this point that Stop Hitting on Us challenged the Fun Bunch and demanded that the runners go back to their bases, and for the homer to count as an out. "That's your fourth home run", they asserted--basic math obviously not their strong suit. "That was only our third homer", "field marshal" loudly confirmed--thinking that would end the matter. Becoming indignant, however, the Stop Hitting on Us bench rallied to the defense of their "addition challenged" scorekeeper to insist that the Fun Bunch had indeed hit four home runs--with the fourth counting as an out. Rolling his eyes heavenward, "field marshal" remained calm and politely re-confirmed that his team had only hit three homers--"downtown's", "slip-n-slide's" and now "the wrangler's". Stop Hitting on Us--now seething with anger--insinuated that the Fun Bunch were cheats when the shortstop-cum-ringleader yelled "whatever". "No - not whatever. we hit three homeruns only. our team doesn't cheat", "field marshal" stood his ground and stated matter-of-factly staring cooly into the opposition's dugout. Sensing an impending brouhaha, "the wrangler" prepared for the donnybrook with a few choice retorts of his own. Common sense prevailed on the Stop Hitting on Us bench, however, as more rational teammates managed to get their rogue short-stop under control and the game proceeded. In a bizarre play, a Stop Hitting on Us woman hit an easy liner up the middle. Charging hard to make the catch, Scott "hawk-boom" Saunders was stymied when the ball hit second base and changed direction dramatically leaving him in no-man's land as the ball rolled all the way to the fence. With the urging of her teammates, the runner dug in hard and started rounding the bases with determination. "This is going to be real close", mused outfielder John "hans solo" Devries as he witnessed the play unfold--having failed to back up his outfield partner. As "hawk-hawk" barreled rolled in the dusty outfield, the rest of the team screamed at "gazoo" to run and get the ball. Snapping suddenly out of her daze, she retrieved the ball as Saunders picked himself up and ran out to meet her. At this point the run was a foregone conclusion as the runner rounded third and chugged for home at the behest of her delirious teammates. Unperturbed, "don't call me boom-boom" Saunders decided then and there to right his wrong as he unleashed a gargantuan throw from the fence towards home plate. Her foot firmly planted on home plate, "bulldozer" Hale stood nonplussed as the ball rocketed in from the outfield. "This is probably going to hurt", she thought silently to herself as she willed the courage to stand her ground. With one hop, "bulldozer" clutched the ball a heartbeat before the base runner crossed home plate to make the out, end the Stop Hitting on Us rally, and finish off an absolutely spectacular play as the momentum clearly swung in favour of the Fun Bunch. Going into the bottom of the eighth inning, the Fun Bunch held a narrow one run lead 16-15 over Stop Hitting on Us. With two out, and runners on first and second, "gazoo" came to bat and hit a seemingly clutch single. Making a rare appearance at umpire "field marshal" wasn't feeling good about how the play was unfolding. In what should have been a solid single, "hans solo" was for some reason having a hard time legging the hit out to second base. "This is not going to end well", "field marshall" thought as his stomach began to do summersaults. The ball came into second followed very closely by "hans solo" in a too close to call play. Making their position crystal clear, the Stop Hitting on Us players ran off the field before the call was made in a shocking display of arrogance. In a moment that lasted a lifetime, "field marshal" quickly ran through the options in his mind. He knew he would be entirely within his right to call "hans solo" safe, but given the previous inning's debacle, he sensed that tensions were surely running high and that a safe call might spark a riot. Taking the high road he called the runner out and averted a calamity. Despite having denied his team a chance to pad their lead, his teammates were unanimous in their support of his decision. "Not to worry - we are the better team and we will win this game", Chantal "bud light lime" Bujold assured him confidently. What then transpired is the stuff of legends. Stop Hitting on Us, smugly congratulating themselves on their abhorrent behaviour, proceeded to score two runs to take a 17-16 lead into the bottom of the ninth as they backslapped and high-fived each other as they sauntered onto the field--the game seemingly in the bag. The inning, however, transpired somewhat differently. With no home runs left, Scott "boom boom" Saunders came to the plate and drilled a single up the middle. Saunders wasn't going to be left hung-out-to-dry at first however, as he rounded the bag with a vengeance clearly intent on getting a double. With a close play at second, Saunders remained safe with a stand-up double when the dust had settled. None out, a runner at second and Chantal "rum runner" at the plate. Despite the searing pain in her back, "rum runner" crunched the first pitch to advance "boom boom" to third and put the winning run ("gazoo" standing in for "rum runner" as pinch runner) aboard at first. Next up, "the wrangler" Rankin. Eager to earn his way out of the dog house following his solo shot earlier in the game, "the wrangler" wasted no time as he crushed the first pitch to the fence for a triple. "don't call me boom-boom" scampered in from third base for the tying run rather easily. Charged with emotion, "gazoo" headed for third in a gallop--intent only on winning the game. Despite her teammates instructions to "stay at third" she defiantly ignored them and picked up the pace as she rounded the corner. At this point, Stop Hitting on Us had picked up the ball and it was rapidly making its way to the infield. "gazoo" accelerated as her teammates cheered her on while Fun Bunch umpire "hans solo" Devries sidled into an unobstructed position to observe the impending outcome. What happened next seemed to unfold in slow motion. As "gazoo" bore down on home plate the ball sailed into the catcher's glove one step ahead of her. Unwilling to give up on the play, she lunged towards home plate--rattling the Stop Hitting on Us catcher in the process--and causing her to bobble and ultimately drop the ball--averting an almost certain bench-clearing-brawl by avoiding a controversial call at home. A teary-eyed "rum runner" --one of the many heroes of the night--broke down at the end of the game. "We won this one for my little brother who couldn't be here with us", she sobbed referring to the heart and soul of the team Richard "wild thing" Bujold who had left earlier to get treatment for a serious infection at the closest hospital emergency. Reached after the game for comment and sedated heavily with narcotics, "wild thing" assured his teammates that he was fine and that he "loved them all very much".
FUN BUNCH LOSE FINAL GAME OF THE SEASON
Many factors in play as Fun Bunch suffer a painful loss to the Rebels
(note: today's story was brought to you by junior cub reporter Patti "Gazoo" Anderson, with files from Alison "Bulldozer" Hale)
OTTAWA--- With Steve “Field Marshall” Saunders on the DL and out of town seeking treatment from some underground faith healer, the Fun Bunch hit the skids hard. “Three up three down” became a new song for the Rebels among the outfield crew, with the infield providing backup as the Fun Bunch struggled to get on base, and stay on base. Some magnificent hits by Hans Solo and Wild Thing contributed to the reasonable scoring for the Fun Bunch, but they just couldn’t keep up with the Rebels new, young shortstop who was vacuuming any ball hit to the infield (and a few that weren’t). Leaping and twisting in the air, spinning and throwing he was a one-man infield, robbing batters of hit after hit leading to three innings of only three batters. Nailing a replacement for their own MIA shortstop also proved to be challenging, so the Fun Bunch resorted to giving everyone a fair chance at the position. Ditto for the pitching as the balls rolled off the mound from all directions, except home plate. Knowing that Field Marshall had spies lurking in the bushes, the Fun Bunch made a valiant effort to pull out a win for their missing leader. Captain Alison “Bulldozer” Hale tried to muster the troops, but flying out on almost all her at bats, she could not lead by example, only implore her team mates to do their best to the end of the 13 - 21 defeat.
While the season ended on a disappointing note, there were many notable performances by the team:
Kathie “Daredevil” Adare – turned a double play at second to shut down the Rebel offence
Rachelle “The Rocket” Dalpe – snagged an impressive pop fly to end the bottom of the 8th
Alison “Bulldozer” Hale’s new giant glove was like a brick at the end of her arm. She managed to snag a foul fly for an out, her only contribution in a long game.
Rowena “Scoresheet” Sams, a little rusty after a month off, but not helped by more than one offline throw into home.
Bud Lite Lime smacked one deep into centre field to score the 5th run in the top of the 7th to bring us to within 2 of the Rebels.
Gazoo, showing that she is not, in fact, afraid of the ball snagged a grounder hit right to her without screaming and immediately threw the ball into 2nd to limit the batter to a single
Wild Thing - Hitting well over the fence, Wild Thing scored 4 times in his 6 at bats, left on 3rd for one other.
Hans Solo hit a hearty home run and scored 4 runs. He even offered some decent pitching in a couple of innings that his team was clearly grateful for
Scott “Don’t call me Boom Boom” Saunders – pulled something in, or out of, his rear end in the bottom of the 8th and was in agony for the rest of the game, so he smacked one out of the park on Slip n Slide’s spinner to jog around the bases.
Slip n Slide decided to stretch out a single to a double and was easily picked off 2nd. After his long walk back to the dugout, Slip n Slide could be heard to mutter “I thought I had that beat.” However Slip n Slide admittedly did make some great grabs at short.
Silent but deadly Glen “The Wrangler” Rankin was up to his old tricks: the team was sure he was on the field somewhere but he didn’t fully appear until he was sitting with a beer in his hand at his favourite watering hole, Whispers
Improved performance in left field may have been possible were it not for the visual distractions, and we aren't talking about Alison “Bulldozer” Hale's new glove.
Despite the thrashing the Fun Bunch feel they are ready to reclaim the championship trophy at this year’s DOE Softball Slo-pitch tournament to be held August 18-19, 2012 at Ottawa’s own Carlington Park. Admission is free, laughs provided by the circus in the outfield will cost twenty. All proceeds going to the off season physio bill.
FUN BUNCH START TOURNAMENT ON A SOUR NOTE
Team comes up with only six runs in lopsided loss to A's
OTTAWA-Here we go again. In an eerie case of deja-vu, the Fun Bunch battled white knuckles and butterflies to turn in a stone-cold performance to open the tournament and lose 13-6 to the Athletics. The Fun Bunch were never able to find their groove and had trouble getting runners on base. In fact, five of the six runs scored came on home runs: Steve "downtown" Saunders (2), Scott "don't call me boom boom" Saunders (2) and Richard "wild thing" Bujold (an ill-timed solo shot). Other highlights are few and far between but a few that bear mentioning: Alison "bulldozer" Hale broke out of her slump in her last at bat and got aboard as did Rowena "scoresheet" Sams, hopefully kick starting the offense for the next game. Also Rachelle "the rocket" Dalpe and Kathie "daredevil" Adare both scored a run (the only two scored by the women). With a long bench of seven guys in the lineup and woeful hitting as a team, each man got only two at bats and never really got a chance to shake the rust off as evidenced by the fact that three of the men did not get a hit in the game. Now sitting clearly behind the eight ball, the team will have to dig deep and win all their remaining games to have even a modicum of a chance to advance to the finals.
THAT'S MORE LIKE IT
Fun Bunch come from behind to beat Stop Hitting on Us in must-win game
OTTAWA-The Fun Bunch showed their true colours--after shaking off a miserable start to the tournament--to come from behind and beat Stop Hitting on Us 11-9 in the last inning. This was a see-saw affair that had the Fun Bunch take the lead and then lose it in the fifth inning to fall behind 6-4 when Stop Hitting on us scored four runs and the Fun Bunch were shut out. The sixth inning saw the Fun Bunch narrow the gap with four runs on hits by Rowena "scoresheet" Sams, Kathie "daredevil" Adare, Rachelle "the rocket" dalpe, Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins, Steve "downtown" Saunders, and Paolo "slip'n'slide" Daros. Down 9-8 heading into the bottom of the seventh, Chantal "bud light lime" Bujold and Rachelle "the rocket" Dalpe got on board bringing Scott "the hawk" Saunders to the plate. With his big brother Steve "field marshal" Saunders standing on the mound and instructing him to "park one" as he lobbed in a juicy beachball, "the hawk" followed orders and launched the ball over the fence to score three runs and win the game. The Fun Bunch have now evened their record to 1-1 as they face another "must win" game against the always tough aquabats at 3:15.
FUN BUNCH BEAT AQUABATS
Team holds on to win by one run after squandering six run lead
Facing her old teammates from the previous season, Kathie "daredevil" Adare decided she would "up the ante" and placed a bounty of "a bottle of whiskey and a case of beer" to secure a win. His eyes looking like saucers, Richard "wild thing" Bujold garnered visions of sugar plums dancing in his head as he heard of the wager. "You had me at the bottle of whiskey", he gleefully piped in, hardly able to contain his excitement. Wasting little time, "wild thing" promptly hit a hard liner to the fence and dug in as he rounded first to stretch for a double. Unfortunately, the base was unpegged and the ground was dry, hard clay. Without a foothold, "wild thing" attempted to defy the basic laws of physics and soon began skittering precariously. With his teammates holding their collective breath, gravity won the hard fought battle and "wild thing" went ass-over-tea-kettle as he settled in a cloud of red dust, his arms and legs splayed out at impossible angles. Steve "field marshal" Saunders--watching unimpressed from the dugout--quickly realized that the ersatz double-cum-single was soon to be an out if "wild thing" didn't crawl back to first base on the double. Unleashing a tirade of expletives, he brought "wild thing" crashing back to reality with a jolt and "wild thing" painfully (but hurriedly) made his way back to the bag. That debacle out of the way, the fun bunch settled down to play their best game of the day. Scoring four, three, three and five funs for a total of fifteen in the first four innings, the fun bunch seemed well in control of the aquabats who had managed only nine runs to that point. Moving into the bottom of the ninth, the fun bunch had a comfortable sixteen to ten lead (having managed however to score only one run in their last three innings). The Aquabats were in desperation mode and started spraying the ball hither and yon, to score several runs and make the game interesting. With two outs and two runners on, the Aquabat batter hit a towering fly ball to the warning track. Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins began tracking the ball and screamed "I got it". Eerily, Scott "don't call me boom-boom" Saunders, began tracking the ball as well and echoed "I got this one". As the two outfielders converged, neither giving ground, "field marshal" braced for the worst. The ball landed in Saunders glove as "the gazelle" passed in front of him and tumbled to the ground. Meanwhile the aquabats cleared the bases, to bring the game to within a single run. With two runners on board and the winning run at first base, the next aquabat batter mercifully hit a weak grounder to short which Chantal "rum runner" Bujold promptly caught to end the game and give the fun bunch a respectable 2-1 record for the day. Reached for comment after the game, Richard "wild thing" Bujold responded with a shrill shout of "I've got whiskey!" summing up his thoughts on the win.
FUN BUNCH TAME REBELS
Expensive win as "daredevel" forced to leave game with injury
OTTAWA-Facing the always feisty rebels, the Fun Bunch knew they had their work cut out for them. After a 2-1 Saturday, they had to win their remaining two games to have a shot at the finals. With Rachelle "the rocket" Dalpe out of the tournament celebrating her belated birthday, the Fun Bunch moved one of their men to 2nd base and went with only three guys in the outfield in an act of desperation. With most of the team nursing serious injuries, and Richard "wild thing" Bujold still legally intoxicated from the team party the night before, this clearly wasn't going to be a walk in the park. But doing what they do best the Fun Bunch dug deep and played a brilliant game with the bash brothers (Scott "don't call me boom boom" and Steve "downtown" Saunders) both smashing homeruns to get the ball rolling. Equally as impressive was a double by Rowena "scoresheet" Sams who came up with a clutch hit and then scampered to second in the ensuing confusion after an over throw at first before eventually coming in to score a key run. In the late innings, on a close play at second, Kathie "daredevil" Adare got her thumb jammed by the approaching rebel player. In serious agony she was forced to leave the game and the Fun Bunch played out the final two innings without a 3rd baseman. The rebels foolishly wasted their three home runs and in fact ended up with an out in the top of the ninth when their leadoff hitter put one over the fence. With one down and up by a handful of runs the Fun Bunch closed out the rebels for the win and to improve their record to 3-1. After the game it was determined that "daredevil" had indeed dislocated her thumb and would be out for the remainder of the tournament.
FUN BUNCH MAKE THE FINALS
Team beats undefeated Bass Line Station
OTTAWA-Putting it all on the line, Steve "field marshal" Saunders told his team in no uncertain terms what they had to do. "Listen very carefully. This is the biggest game of your lives. We have to beat this team to have a shot at the championship. It won't be easy. But winning never is. Now get out there, dig deep and give me a win." Startled and somewhat taken aback by this frank synopsis, the Fun Bunch scampered out onto the field, determined to follow orders. Having lost Kathie "daredevil" Adare the game before, the Fun Bunch female lineup was decimated. In a brilliant strategic move however, team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale quickly recruited a female player from a nearby team and Chantal "rum runner" Bujold negotiated a truce with Tea "the terminator" Derakhshan to bolster the female contingent. "the terminator" was welcomed back to the team with open arms, as she and Steve "field marshal" Saunders quickly "kissed and made up" before he hastily barked instructions at her just like in the "good ol' days". Tea wasted no time settling in with her old crew as she promptly crushed pitches, flew down the line and risked life and limb to stop the ball. "My god she is one talented player", stated Richard "wild thing" Bujold choking back his emotion. The other recruit--known simply as "shelly"--also quickly endeared herself to her teammates as she crunched the ball, made deep catches in the outfield and threw the ball far and hard--clearly a keeper. Once again the "bash brothers" Scott "don't call me boom boom" and Steve "downtown" Saunders got the party started with back to back home runs to set the tone early on in the game. Then, looking to make a further statement, Tea "the terminator" Derakhshan, charged hard on a close play into second base. With the shortstop blocking her way, she "lowered the boom" and promptly kneed him in the forehead. Trying to hold back a giggle, she muttered under her breath, "the wrangler taught me that one", as the shortstop stumbled around with an anguished look--resembling an auditioner for a high school drama production--looking for sympathy that was not forthcoming. Equally pathetic was the play of their infield tandem who had recently been recruited from a competitive men's league to bolster their chances in the tournament. Oddly resembling two of the three stooges, they took turns bobbling balls, writhing in the dirt, mishandling liners and throwing away the ball, albeit resplendent in their head-to-toe full uniforms. All of their home runs used up, "downtown" Saunders hit a check swing shot to the gap and proceeded to charge into second as the ball was coming in fast. With their second base woman completely blocking the bag, "downtown" had no choice but to step in hard with his leg delivering a charlie horse of epic proportions to her unprotected thigh. Bent over in agony she remained silent for what seemed like an eternity as her teammates consoled her. "Here we go again. Time for the drama auditions", yelled feisty, newly-minted infielder Richard "wild thing" Bujold from the dugout clearly not impressed with the theatrics he was watching unfold. From here the Fun Bunch settled into their dominant routine of tight defense and machine-gun like offense, adding run after run each inning to take the lead and not look back. The Fun Bunch ran into a slight hiccup once all their home runs were used up and had some trouble once again keeping the ball inside the park, but no harm no foul, as they maintained the lead throughout the game and never let Bass Line Station seriously threaten them as they won to improve their record to 4-1.
BACK TO BACK CHAMPIONSHIPS
Fun Bunch win B championship to get their names on the league trophy in consecutive years for the first time in team history
OTTAWA-This victory was somewhat bittersweet. On a technicality, the Fun Bunch were deemed to have "finished third" and relegated to the B final while the team they beat the game before--Bass Line Station--moved on to the final. The reason they were told, was that there was a three way tie for first between the Fun Bunch, bass line station and the athletics all with a 4-1 record. With each of the teams having beaten one of the others, the head to head record was a wash. That left the "run differential" of which the Fun Bunch had one fewer run than Bass Line Station who were awarded second place and a trip to the final. Mind numbingly ridiculous was the decision in the previous game by the umpire to not allow the Fun Bunch to play the bottom of the seventh inning, effectively preventing them from scoring more runs and improving their "run differential" to make it to the A final. Deciding to take the high road and not protest the biased decision, the Fun Bunch agreed instead to come out guns a blazin' and teach the Rebels a lesson they wouldn't soon forget. With Tea "the terminator" Derakhshan, not able to make the game, captain Alison "bullodozer" Hale managed to pull off a second brilliant management move when she quickly signed Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris to a one-game term sheet. With "shelly" returning to help out in the final as well, the Fun Bunch lineup was looking solid. It was a back and forth affair as the rebels at one point held a 10-9 lead at which point Steve "field marshal" Saunders decided to rally the troops. "We are the best team in this league and the convener knows it. He conspired against us to place us in the B final so he wouldn't have to face us and now you are going to roll over and let this excuse-for-a-team beat us? After we thrashed them this morning? Get a hold of yourselves and show some pride. We are the Fun Bunch and we are going to win", "field marshall" admonished his teammates. Not waiting for a translation, the team quickly took charge as Glen "the wrangler" Rankin crushed two pitches for home runs and Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris went a perfect five for five including a stand-up double to lead the way. With no one on base, and two of the three home runs used up, Steve "downtown" Saunders asked his teammates "should I keep this one in the park" as he strode to the plate. Not waiting for a reply he promptly crushed the first pitch into the stratosphere for a solo shot to add some additional padding to his teams lead. "Sorry but it came in like a beachball", he casually replied dismissing his teammates objections with a wave of his hand. But this was a team win, with Chantal "rum runner" Bujold making some great catches at first and the entire outfield making catch-after-catch to snuff out any Rebel rally attempts. The Fun Bunch showcased their precision batting skills in their best outing of the weekend as they repeatedly placed surgical hits to score run after run. With most of the team sporting injuries that were worsening, Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins lead by example when he duct taped his toenail to his foot and played through the pain until the searing agony forced him to sit out the last inning. With the score, 17-10 for the Fun Bunch, they proceeded to make the first two outs on a fly ball and a force-out at second. One out away from a victory, the next Rebel batter hit a shallow fly ball down third where Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris stood her ground. Stretching her arm, she squeezed her glove to trap the ball and make the out to fittingly win the game as a thunderclap sounded as if on cue to announce that the Fun Bunch had shut down the Rebels in the bottom of the seventh to win the championship for the second time in two years.