A-N-N-I-H-I-L-A-T-E-D
Shameful, embarrassing effort woeful pre-cursor for end-of-season tournament
OTTAWA-In a season of many lows, tonight's effort broke new ground. With Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins, Scott "boom boom" Saunders, Glen "the wrangler" Rankin, Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros, and Richard "wild thing" Bujold all deciding to "kick back" and take the night off, that left Steve "field marshal" Saunders and John "Hans Solo" Devries to twist in the wind as they watched their team be humiliated by the Athletics in a 22-4 rout--called mercifully after 7 innings. Also missing Kathy "dare-devil" Adare, Chantal "rum runner" Bujold, Paris "pop star" Patricelli, Rowena "score sheet" Sams, and newcomer Lindsay "line drive" Andrusek, the writing was on the wall for a loss of epic proportion. The fun bunch fielded a team of seven players including spares Matt "the magician" Bujold and Bill "the thrill" Ranson and were simply no match for the battle hardened Athletics who toyed with them all night--crushing three home runs over the fence and spraying the ball hither and yon at their discretion. "I have played on this team for twenty-seven years and I have never been more ashamed than tonight", stated Steve "field marshal" Saunders matter-of-factly. "Not for the players who showed up and gave it their all , but for the players who took the night off and let their teammates twist in the wind", he continued with disgust. To say the game was a miss-match was an understatement. Sporting Allison "bulldozer" Hale at first base, two novice outfielders, a novice back-up pitcher, Patti "gazoo" Anderson at third base and a back catcher supplied by the other team--this was going to be a tough assigment. The Athletics started early and often. They sprayed the ball with reckless abandon. They drove in runs on demand. The Fun Bunch struggled. They hit singles and then grounded into fielder's choices. They dropped balls and mishandled liners. They scored runs in only two innings. One run scored by Matt "the magician" Bujold in the second and three runs in the fourth on a home run by Steve "downtown" Saunders. To add insult to injury, Matt "the magician" drilled a liner up the middle in the fourth inning. With the ball careening directly at "field marshal's" head, he spun--seemingly defying the laws of physics--in a scene reminiscent of "the matrix", but to no avail as the ball struck him firmly in the shoulder, for an out to extinguish a feeble rally. Like euthanizing a faithful dog that has become lame, the Athletics suggested the game be ended after seven innings to spare the Fun Bunch further embarrassment. "I am not quitting this game in the seventh inning, while there is still a breath in my body", screamed steve "field marshal" saunders at the suggestion that the game be ended to stem the hemorrhaging. Look "field marshal", I feel your pain but I'm calling this game so we can leave this diamond with a modicum of dignity", retorted team captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale. "Don't look so smug--we will pay you back in spades in the tournament", spat "field marshal" through clenched teeth as his teammates dragged him kicking and screaming from the diamond-- furious, humiliated and refusing to shake hands.
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