IMPACT MAKES AN IMPACT
Fun Bunch showing their age in first loss of the season
OTTAWA-With the ravages of time taking their toll on the Fun Bunch, the team lost 24-20 to impact in their first defeat of the season. With John "hans solo" Devries (charlie horse), Rowena "score sheet" Sams (pulled muscle), Glen "the wrangler" Rankin (torn rotator cuffs), Paolo "slip'n'slide" Daros (tired), and Steve "downtown" Saunders (pulled groin, sprained ankle, surgically repaired back, arthritic hip and shoulders, contusion of 3rd metacarpal, failing vision) all nursing ongoing health issues and Scott "boom boom" Saunders kicking back and taking the night off, the team was left at the mercy of a powerful Impact team that had no qualms about taking full advantage of their adversaries frail condition. It was a remarkable feat by Impact who did not hit a single ground ball to short stop the whole game leaving the Fun Bunch unable to record even one out at first. In fact two of their women, hit triples and all of their hits made it to the outfield. Even more astounding was the fact that they hit only one home run en route to their 24 run victory. "That is one good hitting team ", stated Steve "field marshal" Saunders rather impassively. "if we want to beat them, we have to stop giving them easy-out slow-rollers to short stop", he continued, clearly becoming agitated. Hitting slow grounders to short is something the Fun Bunch did with verve and aplomb all night long, handing out after easy out to Impact on a silver platter. Despite the fact that the Fun Bunch had to work twice as hard for their outs, they kept the game surprisingly close with some big innings and clutch hits through their plucky play. Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins--in his first game of the season--made some spectacular catches in centre field and went 6 for 6 with 3 runs scored. Paolo "slip'n'slide" Daros averted the doghouse by the narrowest of margins when he hit a solo shot and then followed it up by a second brazen attempt at a solo shot that hit the top of the fence and landed in the outfield. With Steve "field marshal" Saunders caterwauling at him to "run it out", Paolo stood motionless in the batter's box--seemingly for an eternity--admiring his towering shot as it bounced off the top of the fence costing his team an easy triple in the process. Even captain Alison "Bulldozer" Hale couldn't believe her eyes. "For pete's sake we're trailing the whole game and slip'n'slide can't leg out a fly ball? Hard to win games when you play like that.", she snorted. Despite that bit of tomfoolery, slip'n'slide once again quietly went 5 for 5 and scored 5 runs -- all while batting at the bottom of the order. Rowena "scoresheet" Sams--nursing a clearly painful charlie horse--had 5 hits in the game and scored 3 runs. Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris had 5 hits and Patty "gazoo" Anderson had 4 hits and 2 runs scored. Trying to lead a charge late in the game, Steve "downtown" Saunders hit two home runs--including a rather bizarre in-the-park homer in the 7th inning. With Scott "boom boom" Saunders leaving his team to twist in the wind, John "hans solo" devries was forced to make his awkward debut as backup pitcher. With accuracy clearly not his strong suit, he baffled "downtown" all night with his assortment of knuckleballs that drifted in like drunken butterflies. Down to his last pitch, and praying for something within striking distance of home plate, "downtown" rolled his eyes heavenward as the last pitch--the worst of all--came in low and outside. Taking three great strides to try and make contact, he threw the bat at the ball and made haphazard contact as both the ball and the bat sailed over first base into the outfield. With the weight of the team on his broad shoulders, and paying no heed to his multitude of significant injuries, "downtown" bolted from the batter's box and started gobbling up the base bath fueled on raw adrenalin. Doing his best to ignore the throbbing pain, he took wide turns around each base as his eyes narrowed to slits, causing the opposing team to step away from the bags uneasily as he bore down. With nary a glance over his shoulder he rounded third and flew home--well before the ball sailed into the infield--as Impact stood stunned in the outfield. "There's plenty more where that came from", "downtown" wheezed triumphantly as his teammates helped him off the field--tylenol at the ready.
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