FUN BUNCH LOSE AGAIN
Attendance, weather factors in lopsided loss to rebels
OTTAWA-This game was almost over before it began. With only three men in the dugout and a sparse team of seven players total, steve "field marshal" saunders was fuming before he stepped onto the ball diamond. "This is not acceptable" he hollered into the gale-force wind rendering him barely audible. With the temperature dipping into the single digits the game was clearly going to be a battle against the elements as well as the rebels. With John "hans solo" Devries, Scott "boom boom" Saunders, Martin "the Gazelle" Desjardins and Paolo "slip'n'slide" Daros all kicking back and enjoying a night off, their teammates were left to twist in the wind--both literally and figuratively. Slowly emerging glassy-eyed from their dense shroud of blue-gray cannabis smoke, the rebels cast a casual glance at their depleted opponents and immediately began licking their chops-- like lions furtively surveying wounded prey. Grabbing a fresh cold one from the beer cooler, their captain flashed the "ready to go" sign over at the fun bunch dugout--eager to get the annihilation underway. With Glen "the wrangler" Rankin injured and unable to throw any distance, that left Richard "wild thing" Bujold--back from Winnipeg for a brief respite--and steve "downtown" saunders-- to cover the massive expanse of outfield at Bell diamond and form the bulwark against the rebel offense. Perhaps not noticing the acres of unguarded real estate, the rebels started the first few innings by hitting only easy singles and allowed the fun bunch to take a quick 6-0 lead into the third inning. Apparently one of the few sober rebels finally took notice and pointed out to their teammates that the fun bunch indeed had only two outfielders as they quickly settled down into "slaughter" mode. Doing their best to stem the onslaught the fun bunch managed to keep their lead into the sixth inning. Richard "wild thing" Bujold hit a monster three run homer into the nearby football field. Kathie "daredevil" Adare, Rowena "scoresheet" Sams and Nancy "hit em out of the park" Harriis all scored runs. Steve "downtown" Saunders hit another homer (directly into the howling wind) to keep ahead of the Rebels. But then age, the weather and their depleted lineup all started to take their toll. "field marshal" and "wild thing" were under siege in the outfield. "the wrangler" was clearly having some trouble adjusting to his new position at short stop as he drilled throw after throw into the dirt at first base (causing "daredevil" to give him a dressing down in the dugout). Alison "bulldozer" Hale hit some deep shots but unfortunately directly at one or more eager and intoxicated rebel fielders. Tempers started to flare when a wayward rebel baserunner made a big mistake as he targeted "the wrangler" and ran into him in an attempt to get him to drop the ball. "This is not going to end well" , steve "field marshal" saunders quickly realized, as he charged into the infield to stem the all-to-certain-to-occur melee. With the combatants hastily separated, the rebels resumed their slugfest in short order. On the next pitch, "downtown" fielded a liner into the outfield and came up throwing hard to Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris at third for the force play and a clear out. The fun bunch were stunned when the rebel umpire called the runner safe to load the bases. "that was a force-out at third" hollered "field marshal" from the deep outfield, to be casually ignored by the rebels as they sent a gargantuan batter to the plate for an easy grand slam--inducing his teammates to giggle and writhe in delight. With the eight o'clock end-of-game deadline looming, the fun bunch were unable to mount a comeback--overcome by the cold, worn down by the relentless wind and exhausted from covering for their AWOL teammates.
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