FUN BUNCH LOSE FINAL REGULAR SEASON GAME
Team limps across the finish line to chalk up worst record in team history
OTTAWA-Another game, another short bench. The game tonight punctuated the dismal attendance record of the fun bunch players. With only four guys, the team was no match for the resurgent and tournament-ready bass line station team, who had picked up a plethora of new players--including an "amazon-like" female who hit one to the warning track. Missing Scott "can't-make-the-game" Saunders (gout), Martin "the gazelle" Desjardins (holidays), and John "Hans Solo" Devries (corporate retreat--i.e. golf tournament), the Fun bunch did manage to field five women and get a lift from the presence of Richard "wild thing" Bujold (back finally from exile in Winnipeg) , Glen "the wrangler" Ranking (well rested from two weeks of holidays) and Kathie "parlez-vous francais" Adare (back from posting in Saguenay). It was a valiant effort by all team members but ultimately the rusty crew made one too many offensive and defensive errors and let Impact win the game. Roaming centre field was Glen "the new gazelle" Rankin, who did Martin proud by catching everything within a country mile of him as well as comforting Patti who became hysterical when a fly ball came her way before making the out. Glen added some power to the equation when he parked a timely home run for a grand slam, to get the fun bunch back in the game on some great clutch hits by Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris, Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros and Kathie "dare-devil" Adare. Also performing admirably was Richard "wild thing" Bujold, who fancied himself a back-up pitcher as he seized the mound when "downtown" came to bat and proceeded to pitch a tidy gem. On a lighter note, Paolo "slip-n-slide" Daros decided he-too would be a back-up pitcher when he strode to the mound with "downtown" at the plate and "wild thing" on second. Rolling his eyes heavenward in a "god help me" gesture, "downtown" calmly advised "slip-n-slide" to "throw it in like a beach ball". Choosing however, to ignore that sage advice completely, "slip-n-slide" decided to serve up a sucker pitch about six feet outside the plate. "Ha Ha, that's a good one 'slip-n-slide'. Now throw the next one over the plate like a beach ball", "field marshal" calmly asserted, clearly becoming annoyed. The next pitch sailed in about four feet behind "field marshal's" back. With a loud sigh, "field marshal" wondered to himself what he had done to deserve this fate. "Are you having trouble seeing the plate or something?", "field marshal" inquired, now become concerned for slip-n-slide's welfare. "Look, I have to swing at this next pitch so come a bit closer, and just toss it straight over the plate", he said encouragingly to "slip-n-slide", thinking that even a small child could follow the simple directive. Alas, that was not to be the case as "slip-n-slide" resorted once more to his bag of tricks and proceeded to apply heavy back-spin to a pitch that was nowhere near the plate. "Downtown" took three gigantic steps and got a piece of the pitiful pitch, managing to bounce one into the outfield for a hit, thereby ending "slip-n-slide's" brief tenure as a pitcher. The game see-sawed back and forth with the fun bunch holding on to a tenuous two run lead going into the bottom of the ninth inning. Impact quickly scored two runs to tie it up and put pressure on the fun bunch to not blow the game. With no one on base, an impact woman came to bat. She had been hitting the ball towards third base in her previous at bats, but not this time as she reared back and crunched the ball over poorly-positioned fun bunch outfielder paolo "slip-n-slide" daros. "slip-n-slide" immediately threw his hands in the air in a "there goes the ball game gesture" until the shrill shrieking of on-field captain steve "field marshal" saunders snapped him out of his daze of self pity. "Go get the ball. The game's not over yet!", "field marshal" screamed at "slip-n-slide" as glen "the wrangler" rankin rushed to backup his stupefied teammate and make the throw into third base for a narrow miss at a tag play. The next batter crunched the next pitch over the fence in center field for a 22-19 win, as the fun bunch trudged off the field, knowing that they were ill-prepared for the tournament this weekend
--------------------------------------------