UNSTOPPABLE
Dogs Bollocks latest victim as Fun Bunch win fifth in a row
OTTAWA-They swaggered in from the parking lot to the ball diamond, chests puffed out like peacocks. The Dogs Bollocks began whispering in hushed tones and a look of nervous anticipation crossed their brows. This was the NEW fun bunch--a team now known to annihilate opponents and inflict pain and suffering beyond one's worst imagination. Colin Bromfield gulped nervously as the man they simply refer to as "field marshal" approached, broad shoulders carrying the weight of a ridiculous number of softball bats. "Hi f-f-f-f-field marshal - nice night for a baseball game", Bromfield stuttered, clearly afraid and in awe. "Sure whatever", came "field marshal's" terse reply, leaving Bromfield embarrassed from the slight. This was clearly a different team. Long gone now were the shameful, namby-pamby affairs endured at the start of the season. This was now clearly "field marshal's" team. A no-nonsense troop of battle-hardened veterans who would jump through flaming hoops or to certain death for their captain. As they filed into the dugout, they resembled a well-oiled machine--crisp uniforms were donned, the lineup was quickly published and warm-up commenced--all with military precision. In the other dugout, the hapless Dog's Bollocks watched as their sad-sack group of ne'er do well misfits cursed at one another and pounded back tall boys. "It appears that we are sheep to the slaughter", mused Bromfield to himself as he rolled his eyes heavenward, mouthed a quick "our father" and prepared for the onslaught. The Fun Bunch had fielded their largest contingent of the season--including seven women--as word spread far and wide of the team's exploits. Carrie "the cruncher" Lehn and Taylor "tag out" Smith both made their debut in spectacular fashion as they displayed an impressive ability to hit, catch and throw the ball. In fact Taylor made a smart tag play at second when a throw from the outfield was cut off by "field marshal" leaving a base runner hung out to dry between second and third. A quick flip to Taylor and a hard tag to the face of the base runner and she had a new nickname while the fun bunch had an unexpected out. The fun bunch maintained yet another wire-to-wire lead assisted by home runs from john "hans solo" devries, andrew "gazelle 2.0" campbell and of course steve "downtown" saunders for a total of seven RBI's. Another newcomer this season, Jane "home run" Hazel had a solid game at bat with several hits and some fast sprints down to first base. Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris had a great game going 4 for 4 with two runs scored and two fly ball outs playing rover. Not one to be left out, Richard "wild thing" Bujold added his own signature to the game with a couple of spectacular plays. Running to second, he sensed a chance to make it all the way to third and garner "field marshal's" scant approval. But no sooner than you could say "wild thing", did his aspirations come crashing down, literally, as his boot caught the tip of second base when he turned the corner and he began to cartwheel in the dirt. HIs momentum carried him about half way to third base before the laws of physics kicked in and ground him to a forceful halt, leaving him splayed on the ground, limbs akimbo, in a cloud of dust, bruised and bleeding and out. Needless to say "field marshal's" approval was not forthcoming. After picking himself up and cleaning himself off he was ready for his second "big play" of the night which came in the following inning. With a late start tracking a lazy fly ball--after being distracted by a butterfly--"wild thing" suddenly realized with abject horror that he quite possibly may not make the play. Catching a glimpse of "field marshal's" scowl out of the corner of his eye, he began sweating profusely and quickly picked up the pace. He was closing in on the fly ball now so he became complacent and let out a relaxed sigh--prematurely--as he jumped to snag the ball it momentarily resembled a sno-cone as it sat about 99% out of his glove, before it popped completely out and fell to the ground to score a couple of runs. With "wild thing's" hijinks out of the way, the team settled down and turned the thumb screws. Final score 25-19.
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