FUN BUNCH ON FIRE
Team "bats around" in the ninth to tie all -time record for most runs with 32
OTTAWA-New captain, new attitude, new results. After losing four games out of the previous five, steve "field marshal" saunders instatement as sole captain of the fun bunch proved a turning point for the floundering team. Now red-hot after winning their third in a row, the team has clearly accepted the wily veteran's mantra of "no guts no glory". With their first wire-to-wire victory of the season (they took the lead in the first inning and maintained it throughout the game), the fun bunch served noticed that they are a team to be reckoned with. "I'd eat a bowl of glass for 'field marshal'", stated clark "pound 'em back" lawlor matter-of-factly. "I'd climb over a razor wire fence for 'field marshal'!", exhorted leah "the roadrunner" morrel, eagerly echoing the unanimous chorus of her teammates. The fun bunch scored five runs in the first inning and never looked back. All five runs were scored without a home run as the team swallowed their pride and hit hard grounders to keep the ball out of the air, avoiding easy pop-outs. Even steve "downtown" saunders showed impossible restraint as he strode to the plate with one runner aboard and three runs already scored. "park it, downtown!", the bench hollered in giddy anticipation of yet another of his now legendary, tape-measure home runs, only to be scowled at from the batters' box. "We play as a team. I will not "waste" a home run unless there are at least three runners aboard. That is my benchmark and I never deviate", "downtown" quickly reminded his frenzied fans. True to his word, he drilled a hard bouncing grounder off the infield for a stand-up double to score the fourth run. The fun bunch offense was on cruise control. chantal "rum runner" bujold, brow beaten out of retirement, went 7 for 7. John "ponce de leon" devries, turned back the cruel hands of time and went 6 for 6 scampering around the bases, as if he too had sipped from the fountain of youth. Other players with at least five hits included leah "the roadrunner" morrel, kathie "daredevil" adare, richard "wild thing" bujold, and steve "downtown" saunders. The fun bunch had no trouble using up their home runs, but sadly one was a solo shot and the other accounted for only two runs, as clark "pound 'em back" lawlor decided to eschew the advice of his sage captain and hit a couple of "me first" dingers. Saving his best for last, he drilled yet another ball over the fence in the eighth for an out after all the home runs were used up, to end the inning with two runners on when a single would have cashed them both in, earning the disdain of his teammates. "I can't believe the guy did that after field marshal reminded him that all the home runs were used up", fumed his spouse kathie "daredevil" adare, clearly not impressed. But despite that one blip (and one more to follow), the team played exceptionally well. The outfield made big catches all night long, although most of them unexpectedly exhilarating . First there was paolo "slip-n-slide" daros who tracked down a deep fly ball on the run and made a stunning over the shoulder catch while slip-n-sliding on the damp outfield as he quickly recited a hail mary for good measure. Then there was richard "wild thing" bujold who--no one is quite sure how--made spectacular (albeit unorthodox) catches all night long, often resembling a weeble. Not to be out done clark "pound 'em back" lawlor did his best to entertain the crowds with a plethora of bizarre antics in the outfield. First there was his brazen and failed attempt at intimidation as he cat-called the aquabat batter to "hit one out to me". He quickly regretted those words as the ball sailed over his head while he stood transfixed, like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.. Then there was the pandemonium that ensued when john "hans solo" devries and "pound 'em back" converged on a lazy fly ball. Nervously watching the impending collision "field marshal" hollered for the fielders to "call it" as both players ignored his advice and charged even harder, avoiding total devastation only by accident at the last minute while somehow making the catch. But saving his best for last "pound 'em back"--looking to atone for his plethora of miscues--tracked a towering fly ball down in the ninth inning. As the wind buffeted the flying orb, "pound 'em back" did his best to track its trajectory, running hither and yon in the outfield. With only a faint hope of success, "pound 'em back" made one final stab for the ball as he ran full tilt, doing his best to keep pace with yet another gust of wind. "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can", he repeated like "the little engine that could", trying desperately to convince himself that the play was in fact possible. Diving at the last minute, arm outstretched, glove wide open, he managed to snag the ball. "I knew I could, I knew I could, I knew I could", he repeated excitedly as he picked himself up of the ground and danced around gleefully, doing a quick jig like a leprechaun. The infield was doing a pretty good job too. "the roadrunner" and "field marshal" cooked up some excitement with their now legendary relay from third to short to first. "rum runner" was rock solid all night at first catching everything and anything that was thrown at her. "daredevil" had shifted to second and was doing a solid job playing the new position. But just when things were humming along tickety-boo, poalo "slip-n-slide" daros struck. Somehow he managed to sashay his way into the infield between innings under the cover of darkness. When "field marshal" realized what had happened he turned ashen as a look of abject horror transmuted his countenance. Fearing the worst, but trying to reassure himself that "it was only one inning what's the worst that could possibly happen", he was about to find out. With one out and runners at first and second, "field marshal" felt somewhat better. Thinking that a hard grounder should lead to an easy double play to get out of the inning unscathed, he relaxed somewhat. Bad idea. What happened next was like something out of an alfred hitchcock movie. The next batter struck the ball hard to "field marshal". He calmly fielded the ball and softly tossed it over to "slip-n-slide" who had positioned himself on second for what should have been a text book double play. At that point reality warped. In a slow motion horror show, "slip-n-slide" reached out for the ball and attempted to throw it at the same time. Looking as if he had made his way on to the field after rubbing both hands with sticks of soft butter, the ball squirted from his hand to land almost comically with a loud "plop" on the ground. Quickly realizing that the double play was now only a faint memory, "field marshal"-- choking back bile--screamed at "slip-n'slide" to "get an out". Resembling a farmer trying to grab a greased pig, "slip-n-slide" proceeded to do battle with the inert ball but to no avail as it squeezed out his grip time and time again, whenever he applied the least pressure. Standing aghast, his teammates watched helpless as the travesty continued. Sweat dripping profusely from his brown after writhing in the dirt, "slip-n-slide" somehow managed to grip the ball ever so briefly as the base runner barreled towards second base. Reaching out, haplessly, with his left toe he made contact with the base seconds after the runner had made it safely aboard to load the bases. Fearing the worst, and covered in dust, he looked up sheepishly from his prone position, only to have his teammates avoid eye contact as if contending with a pariah. The next batter strode to the plate and crunched an avoidable grand slam home run to give the aquabats five runs and make the game much closer than it should have been. final score 32-19.
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