Team starts off slow but finishes strong
OTTAWA - The Fun Bunch took to the field on Wednesday to play the upstart "Mustangs", a supposedly new "C" level team. However, something seemed slightly amiss as steve "field marshal" saunders noticed a few familiar faces and the captain of the hated "Bass Line Station" managing the "new" team. "uh-oh this could be trouble", he mused, conjuring up images of the elite semi-pro team that Bass Line Station fields each tournament weekend.
Compounding the trouble, the fun bunch managed to field only four women, three guys and new recruit Corey "too tall" Ploegman for the start of the game. Absent were Scott "boom boom" Saunders, Richard "wild thing" Bujold and Glen "the wrangler" Rankin, who all decided to kick back and take the night off to leave their teammates to twist in the wind--a recurring theme. MIA were nancy "triple threat" harris and sophomore mark "polygon" pintar, both of whom said they would be there, but failed to show up for the start of the game.
Also absent was Leah "roadrunner" Morrel who was on vacation in Hawaii. Since she was celebrating her graduation from Carleton University with her Bachelor of Engineering degree, "field marshal" cut her some slack. "I told her she could miss one game in recognition of her impressive accomplishment, but god help her if she wasn't here next week", "field marshal" stated matter-of-factly.
With only three-quarters of a team available, the Fun Bunch had a few gaps to fill. Alison "bulldozer" Hale played third and "triple threat" played second base--not their regular positions. That left "too tall" to debut in right field -- in a night game no less-- a trial-by-fire to be sure.
Compounding the shortage of players, was the fact that 95% of the team eschewed the pre-season practice -- leaving them woefully unprepared for the game. So, with a shortage of ball players, neophyte players in challenging positions, other players in unfamiliar positions, and the majority of the team having skipped practice, the Mustangs promptly ran up the score 9-1 after the first two innings.
Fielding was atrocious. Balls were dropped and thrown away, leading to extra bases, runs scoring and a general state of confusion.
Having seen enough, "field marshal" summoned his troops after they trudged off the field--heads drooped, shoulders stooped, despondent and in despair. They assembled in a line and averted his steely gaze. The prepared themselves mentally for the unpleasantness that most certainly was to follow. "field marshal" wasted no time as he tore into the team, unleashing an expletive filled tirade, singling out each and every player for their failure to execute. After what seemed like an eternity--how can he possibly scream for so long without taking a breath--he sucked in a great lungful of air, wiped the spittle from his chin and adjusted his now askew ball cap.
The team stopped quivering, pulled themselves together and went to bat, battle plan in hand, fully prepared to right this listing ship.
The mustangs meanwhile were practically jubilant. Giddy with excitement one of them stopped to taunt "field marshal" as he made his way to the outfield. "We've got you right where we want you now old man!", he chuckled-- with their seemingly unassailable 9-1 lead in hand.
"field marshal" spun around and looked him right in the eyes. The mustang froze in his tracks. He wasn't so excited anymore. All of a sudden he felt cold and started shivering. He opened his mouth to speak, but only a strange sound-- like a whimper-- escaped his lips. "field marshal" approached him, slowly , methodically. He seemed twice his size. The mustang was scared--more scared than he had ever been in his life. He tried to run but couldn't move. He thought he might die. "field marshal" stopped inches from his face and began to speak. "Son...you don't have jack shit", "field marshal" replied slowly, and then spat a huge wad of chewing tobacco on the mustang's shiny new cleats--to emphasize his point. Without waiting for a reply, he turned and walked slowly to the pitching mound. The mustang, felt his bowel release. Ashamed, embarrassed and now sullied, he lowered his head and disappeared slowly into the outfield.
Now in the bottom of the second, and with "polygon" finally at the diamond, the fun bunch shifted into high gear and scored four runs as the good ship fun bunch began to level off from its early list. The onslaught continued as the fun bunch displayed their now legendary offensive might. It was a complete team effort with the women leading the charge: "bulldozer" , "scoresheet", "triple threat", "daredevil" getting hit after hit. Patti "gazoo" Anderson absolutely crunching the ball--her off season weight training clearly paying off--was a one-woman wrecking crew.
Not to be left out the boys did their part too. John "hans solo" devries showed some extra base power too pulling a couple of balls foul over the fence. "polygon" hit a grand slam to cap a five run inning. Clark "pound em back" lawlor hit a home run--albeit a solo shot. Steve "downtown" Saunders had a couple of triples before crunching a towering homer over the gargantuan centre field fence to disappear into hampton park forest forever.
And making his fun bunch debut, corey "too tall" ploegman displayed some impressive skill going 4-for-6 and playing particularly well at second base, where "field marshal" found him a particularly quick understudy to mentor.
Now turning the thumbscrews, the fun bunch had a masterfully executed out-at-the-plate to completely deflate the now gelded mustangs. With the mustang player approaching third and not slowing, john "Methuselah" devries ran down a deep drive to the fence. As he did so "field marshal" ran onto the outfield and yelled for the ball as the player rounded third. Mustering all his strength, "Mehtuselah" threw the ball on line and with pace into "field marshal's" outstretched glove. Never hesitating for a moment, "field marshal" --in one quick motion--turned and fired the ball with all his might into "scoresheet's" outstretched mitt to beat the baserunner by half a step for the out to end the inning.
At that point the Mustangs new they were in way over their head. The fun bunch had just turned in consecutive innings of 4-5-2-5-5-4 runs. The score stood at 26-17 . The fun bunch had outscored them 25-6 after the second inning. They knew when they were beat, and conceded the game in the middle of the eighth inning-- having been taught a tough lesson in the process.
Team comes from behind to beat their nemesis
OTTAWA- In what appeared to be a case of "deja vu all over again", the Fun Bunch faced Bass Line Station(BLS) for what seemed like the second week in a row. Although technically they played "the mustangs" last week, there were a lot of familiar faces in the BLS dugout. It seems "the mustangs" are in fact just the farm team for BLS, the battle-hardened-take-no-prisoners-win-at-any-cost team of triple-A elite players. Despised league-wide for their antics of stacking their team to win the tournament every year, this game was going to be a true test of Fun Bunch fortitude. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin summed it up best when he calmly surveyed the other team warming up, resplendent in their head-to-toe baseball regalia and remarked, "let's beat the snot out of them".
Thankfully the weather cooperated and they had perfect conditions unlike the week before where temperatures hovered slightly above freezing. The Fun Bunch also fielded their largest team of the season and one of the biggest turnouts ever--five women and seven men--only one short of a full contingent due to a broken toe for Rowena "scoresheet" Sams who was forced reluctantly to sit out a game after kicking a box of drywall mud in anger over the last game. Once again, however, the Fun Bunch continued their annoying habit of spotting the other team a big lead to start the game.
Down seven runs after the first inning and a half, it was co-captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale's turn to tear a strip off her teammates for their lackadaisical performance. "For pete's sake would you guys please try your darndest", she reprimanded them in her firmest tone doing her best to instill fear and respect. Stifling back chuckles and guffaws, her teammates appeared ready to ignore her request until a rather large shadow appeared from behind. Steve "field marshal" Saunders was not impressed with the lack of respect the team was showing his co-captain, and let them know what he thought rather matter-of-factly. "You heard the young lady you maggots. Now wipe those stupid smirks off your face and get out there and start playing ball", he admonished them at the top of his lungs causing BLS to sit up and take notice.
Given their marching orders, the Fun Bunch responded with seven runs of their own in the next two innings while keeping BLS to only a single run closing the gap to 8-7 for BLS after three innings. "Bulldozer" got on base to lead the charge bringing steve "downtown" saunders to the plate. With his little brother scott "boom boom" saunders set to pitch, "downtown" once again calmly gave him sage advice. "toss it in like a beachball", he cooed, immediately putting "boom boom" at ease. When the first pitch came in way outside, the fun bunch dugout let out a collective gasp and "boom boom" made a loud gulping noise--you could hear a pin drop. "that one's not too bad, but I know you can do better. Now think beachball right over the plate", "downtown" calmly and melodically instructed his little brother instantly soothing his frayed nerves. Wasting no time, "downtown" absolutely pummelled the next pitch into oblivion. Yes, it was only a two run shot, but "downtown" knew he had to give the team a morale boost--and pronto--to right this listing ship. Mission accomplished. The sheer magnitude of his mighty blast had the effect he was looking for. Shoulders slumped over in the BLS dugout. Spirits lifted and smiles broke out in the Fun Bunch dugout. All of a sudden - they were back in the game!
The rally continued with Richard "wild thing" Bujold stretching out a double to be driven in by "boom boom" for the third run of the inning. Next inning was even better with home runs from Mark "polygon" pintar and Clark "pound em back" lawlor, to bring the score to within one run. At this point, however the Fun Bunch were out of home runs so would have to get creative for the next six innings.
Despite the fact that the Fun Bunch women were all making solid contact with the ball and driving it deep, they were for the most part not getting rewarded as balls that would usually drop in the gap, were being drilled directly to the outfielders. Patti "gazoo" Anderson continued her torrid hitting, drilling the ball hither and yon, but again with such force that the outfielders were able to reel them in. Nancy "triple threat" Harris was the sole exception. She went a perfect five for five, spraying her hits around the infield and down the line with precision to have a perfect night.
The boys struggled somewhat once they ran out of home runs -- hitting four balls over-the-fence-for-outs-- unable to keep the ball down. Leading the charge was "pound em back" with two undisciplined home-runs-for-outs. Even "downtown" hit a rare homerun-for-out despite holding the bat upside down in an attempt to quell his unharnessable power. Alsas, it was futile as the ball sailed over the deepest part of center field despite his valiant attempt."Sorry guys", he apologized, "I'm just not capable of keeping it in the park. Maybe I'll try a plastic bat and whiffle ball next time".
In a dramatic moment on the field, "boom boom" drilled a well placed single up the middle in the fourth inning. Despite his cat-like reflexes, "field marshal" was unable to dodge the incoming missile completely and it careened off his calf for an out to be hit by a ball for the first time in 30 years. Yawning and shaking off what might have debilitated a lesser player, "field marshal" consoled his little brother and continued pitching--like water rolling off a duck's back.
As the game continued, the Fun Bunch now clung to a narrow lead. Leading the team's renaissance was clearly Richard "wild thing" Bujold. Playing second base, it seemed like he was involved in every play--cutting off throws from the outfield, snagging line drives, relaying grounders to second, throwing runners out at first--he did it all and with aplomb albeit not always gracefully. Not content to rest on his laurels, he continued to lead by example at the plate where he went four for four as he aggressively ran around the bases including a highlight reel steal of third. Feigning a walk back to second, he timed his play perfectly and took off for third as soon as the outfielder let his guard down. Building up some serious momentum (wild thing is not a small man), he was coming in hard to third and realized stopping might be an issue as the ball sailed in simultaneously. Reaching third a heartbeat ahead of the ball, "wild thing" attempted to "drop anchor" and stop. With the laws of physics not cooperating, he continued to travel past third much to his horror. Tilting is head he caught an unimpressed "field marshal" , arms akimbo and watching the spectacle with derision as he floundered in the dirt like a beached whale. Summoning all his competitive drive "wild thing" jabbed out blindly with his right toe and caught the edge of the base just before the tag was applied. "SAFE", the umpire screamed and the Fun Bunch dugout erupted in spontaneous applause. Feeling pride wash over him, "wild thing" struggled to his feet. Making a feeble attempt to clean his uniform, he stirred up a huge plume of dust before he removed his cap and took an awkward bow and smiled--his face barely recognizable through the thick layer of dirt. Chants of "MVP, MVP", could be heard from both dugouts. "Wild Thing" just stood there and took it all in. Realizing this might very well be his defining moment, a tear escaped and trickled down his face--march of the gladiators could be heard faintly in the distance. The Fun Bunch--spurred on by "wild thing's" heroics finished out the inning to beat Bass Line Station 17-14.
Team faces strongest competition yet
OTTAWA - In what has become an all-too-familiar pattern, the fun bunch couldn't field a full squad at game time--despite the fact that it was an 8 pm game. Colin Bromfield--captain of the Athletics and league convener--was not impressed. He harrumphed his displeasure and stomped around home plate kicking up a considerable amount of dust, when informed that the game wouldn't start on time. Steve "field marshal" Saunders gritted his teeth but was helpless as only Leah "the roadrunner" Morrell and Rowena "scoresheet" Sams, showed up on time. As soon as he spotted Alison "bulldozer" Hale pull into the parking lot--ten minutes late--he gave the go ahead to start the game.
The past two games, the fun bunch have merrily spotted their opponents early leads. Tonight was no different except the lead was larger and went on for four painful innings. Digging their biggest hole yet, the fun bunch were soon down 10 - 2. Compounding their predicament, the Athletics had clearly done some recruiting in the off season and had amassed a legion of amazons. As the fun bunch watched them take infield warm-up, their women gobbled up hard grounders and threw hard enough to "pop" the glove at first base. There wasn't a weak arm in the bunch. All of them could absolutely unload the ball with velocity. As if that wasn't intimidating enough, they were equally adept at bat as they easily crushed the ball hither and yon in the first inning to score five runs without an out including a triple that sailed over clark "pound 'em back" lawlor's head all the way to the fence.
After four innings, the team had seen enough. Down eight runs, steve "field marshal" saunders placed his firm hand on the tiller to wrest his ship from the shoals. "Listen team, we still have three home runs in our back pocket, so let's save those for when we have some runners on base", he said staring directly at John "hans solo" devries who let out a nervous giggle and then farted. But like the fun bunch has done so many times before, they rallied. "field marshal" with a triple, nancy "triple threat" harris with a single, scott "boom boom" saunders with a double, "hans solo" with a two run shot. When the dust had settled they had earned 4 runs and made the score a bit more respectable 10-6 half way through the fifth inning.
But, just when the pain had begun to abate, the Athletics replied with a soul-crushing five run inning of their own. Hit after hit dropped into the outfield with surgical precision--each one farther than the last. The Athletic batters came to the plate now with a swagger -- as if they were invincible. Donning batting gloves and surveying the outfield they tormented the fun bunch, goading them with their puerile behaviour. As the fun bunch struggled to keep the game within striking distance, the wheels soon loosened and then came completely off the wagon. With a couple of runners on, the Athletics hit a towering fly ball to deep center field. Tracking the ball and moving lithely, was sure-footed center fielder scott "boom boom" saunders. As the ball swirled in the dark night sky, "boom boom", kept moving quicker and quicker to keep pace with the sharply hit projectile. Tantalizingly close to reeling in the ball, the laws of physics caught up with "boom boom", as his slick tennis shoes finally lost their grip on the damp outfield grass. Airborne momentarily, he landed quickly on his head before doing an impromptu and unnatural looking cartwheel that ended in a jarring halt. The ball landed harmlessly on the warning track behind him, while the Athletics cleared the bases--resembling an old fashioned carnival carousel turning round-and-round. With his big brother looking on and shaking his head, "boom boom" regained consciousness, sat up painfully and made himself a quick mental note: get cleats tomorrow.
Sadly, the magical nay mystical play of Richard "wild thing" Bujold from the week before had all but disappeared--like Cinderella's carriage at the stroke of midnight. Deftly caught balls were instead juggled and dropped. Smooth fielding turned into a slow motion horror show. It was painful, like watching a failed vaudeville audition. The once gilded colossus had become severely weathered, exposing the cheap brass beneath.
With the score 7-15 for the Athletics after six innings, the writing appeared to be on the wall. Heads drooped in the fun bunch dug out. Dejected , dishevelled and on the verge of outright humiliation, the fun bunch seemed a shadow of their former selves. The team badly needed an inspiration and that is when Leah "the roadrunner" Morrell, decided to take charge. Normally, quiet and unassuming, she had seen enough. She stomped off the field and threw her glove in disgust. Chatter in the dugout came to an abrupt end. She picked up all the bats leaning against the back stop and threw them into the grass. Her teammates were transfixed. Without so much as uttering a word, she had brilliantly summed up the feelings of the team. She grabbed a bat and stomped into the batter's box promptly drilling the first pitch for a single. Taking her lead, "field marshal" came next to the plate. For the first time tonight, he did not have to bat leadoff and everyone knew what that meant as he too promptly drilled the first pitch and watched it sailed out of the ball park for a two run shot. Hits by "scoresheet" and "boom boom" resulted in a four run inning, to narrow the gap to 11-15.
With the Athletics coming to bat, the fun bunch practically needed a miracle to keep this game alive. As if on cue, with runners on first and second, the next Athletics batter hit a grounder directly at "field marshal" who had silently been praying for just such an occurrence. Straddling the baseline he scooped up the ball neatly. With a quick look heavenward, he mouthed the words "thank you" before he charged hard at the incoming base runner. Like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi , the base runner stopped dead in his tracks. "field marshal" accelerated towards him. With a look of sheer horror on his face he braced himself for the impact . A smile broke out on the "field marshal" as he smashed the base runner with all his might across the face with his glove. "payback's a bitch", he chortled as he flicked the ball to stunned second baseman richard "wild thing" bujold for the double play. "two out" , "field marshal" yelled to his compatriots as the unfortunate athletic player was helped off the field.
With two out now, the next Athletic batter came to the plate. Surveying the outfield they spotted what seemed like a gap between center and left. One pitch later they had drilled what seemed like a perfectly placed hit into that location. On an ordinary team, the batter would have an easy double, maybe even a triple. But the fun bunch is no ordinary team. At the crack of the bat, left fielder glen "the wrangler" rankin took off like a shot. He knew the odds were against him. This ball was perfectly placed but he sped up nonetheless. The ball began its decent. It was hopeless. Newtonian physics notwithstanding, this was a done deal. But "the wrangler" never studied physics--he was an accountant after all. He just kept running. The memories of all those five am hockey practices came flooding back to him. He was not a quitter. Impossibly he continued accelerating. It was no use, the ball was going to land hard. Taking one final leap "the wrangler" stretched out with all his might. The ball hit the edge of his glove, but bounced off. Undaunted, he reached out again--in mid air no less--with his bare hand and stabbed at the ball. This time it bounced off his index finger and farther away from his glove. It was a valiant effort but the ball was set to fall into the grass despite his herculean effort. But "the wrangler" would not be denied. Summoning all his remaining energy he took one last deep breath and lunged for the ball. Glove outstretched, he caught it --like an ice cream cone--in the very tip of his webbing before crashing face first into the outfield and sliding for ten feet before coming to a stop. In pain and out of breath, he held his glove high in the air--ball still firmly entrapped. "Three out" he said as he spit out a mouthful of sod.
With the score 16-12 in the top of the eighth inning the fun bunch still had an outside chance. Some clutch hitting and outstanding fielding had stemmed the bleeding and begun to turn the tide. The team was feeling more buoyant. Lead off hits by "scoresheet", "bulldozer" and Mark "polygon" pintar loaded the bases. The athletics collectively gulped as "field marshal" grabbed a bat. With the weight of his team once more on his broad shoulders he sauntered to the plate. Everyone on the field new exactly what was going to happen but stood helpless to prevent it. No, this wasn't going to be any ordinary home run, "field marshal" was quite sure of that. This was going to be a statement, meant to strike fear into the hearts of the Athletics.
After what seemed like an eternity, "field marshal" settled into the batter's box. His little brother, scott "boom boom" saunders, looked at him with respect and admiration. "field marshal" , salivating at this point, calmly advised his brother once more to "toss it in like a beach ball". One pitch later, the ball was gone. The sound that was made when the bat hit the ball was deafening. It was if a rocket had been launched from Cape Canaveral. The fielders fell down from the aftershock. The ball went on an unnatural trajectory--almost straight up. The ball cleared the center field fence, the hampton park forest, and Island park drive over one kilometre away. The fun bunch had impossibly tied the game.
Going into the bottom of the eighth inning, tied 16 all, the fun bunch knew they would have to come up with another stellar defensive inning. After quickly getting two outs, the win seemed within their grasp. But fate was cruel that night, as the Athletics managed a three run rally with two outs to move ahead 19-16. Down to their last chance in the top of the ninth, "boom boom" lead off with a double and came in to score on another double by "hans solo", but the comeback then came to an abrupt end as their bats fell silent. Out of miracles, the fun bunch lost their first game of the season 19-17, a victim of their propensity to spot their foes an early lead.
Fun Bunch win despite mid-inning slump
OTTAWA - Playing the Loonies should be an easy two points. But on Thursday, the Fun Bun made it interesting when they went 0-2-0-0 from the fourth to the seventh inning and had to grind out a win with a five run eighth. The game started promisingly enough when the Fun bunch Scored five runs in the first inning -- the first time this year they have not fallen behind--all without using up a home run
This was the first time the fun bunch have had to play a 9:30 game--a requirement this year with the expanded number of teams in the league. Players showed up yawning, complaining and generally in a bad mood. "What in tarnation!", wheezed elder statesman john "Methuselah" devries as he arrived at the diamond clearly agitated. "back in the good 'ol days, games ended when the sun set", he continued, fondly reminiscing about a bygone era.
Absent were Mark "polygon" Pintar and Ricahrd "wild thing" Bujold--both kicking back and taking the night off. In their stead was neophyte Corey "too tall" Ploegman, a call up from the fun bunch farm team, looking to start his second game of the season. With Patti "gazoo" Anderson also away, Jess "bulls-eye" Belanger was invited out for her first game this year.
Both young players had strong games. "Too tall" played second base and took a page out of richard "wild thing" bujolds playbook as he caught liners, made outs at first and received tosses at second with aplomb. Add to that some clutch hitting and aggressive base running and "wild thing" might have some cause for concern. "I wouldn't want to miss too many more games if I was 'wild thing' ", whispered leah "roadrunner" morrell out of the side of her mouth --saying aloud what everyone was thinking. Equally impressive was "bulls-eye" who made solid contact with the ball, flew around the base paths (including an aggressive run to second for a double) and played first base with no fear of steve "field marshal's" saunders potentially decapitating throws to first.
That the team started off strong was no doubt in part due to their hitting lesson two days before. "field marshal" held a clinic for anyone interested in learning how to position their hits. Pulling the ball, hitting up the middle and going to the opposite field--as well as trajectory--were all discussed and practised. During the game, the clinic participants put their new-found skills to good work as they did their best to find an open spot in the field to place their hits.
After the practice, it was discovered that Nancy "triple threat" Harris is actually a southpaw. She had been throwing and catching with the wrong hand since she had joined the team over ten years ago. When asked why she never got herself a right-handed glove she shrugged her shoulders and said "It didn't seem that important at the time".
With the score sanding at 13-8, going into the top of the eighth inning, "scoresheet", "hans solo" and "bulls-eye" loaded the bases. The loonies faces then turned ashen as steve "downtown" saunders, grabbed a metal bat and snapped it over his knee--simply because he could. Visibly unnerved by this seemingly impossible display of herculean strength, the fielders began whispering before collectively moving back all the way to the home run fence--as if that might offer a modicum of salvation. It was to be in vain however, as "downtown"--in a now well rehearsed script--strode to the plate. "I know, I know, toss it in like a beachball, right?", downtown's little brother scott "boom boom" saunders asked enthusiastically while trying to contain a giggle. "you got that right kid", chuckled "downtown" as he hoisted his 30 oz. refurbished demarini bat replete with new lizard skin grip and bat knob over his shoulder. It felt perfect. There was no doubt where the next pitch was going, as "downtown" crunched it over dead center field, notching yet another grand-slam home run in his now legendary career. The Loonies looked on in stunned silence trying to follow the trajectory of the ball as it disappeared on the horizon.
Corey "too tall" Ploegman, would drive in "the wrangler" with a double to cap the five run inning leaving the score at a more respectable 18-8 for the fun bunch. The Loonies put up a decent rally in their half of the ninth inning and managed to score four runs until the fun bunch shut them down. Final score 18-12 Fun Bunch.
Team beats them for the second time this season
OTTAWA-The Mustangs--a new team fashioned from castoffs and also-rans of the Bass Line Station juggernaut--went down to defeat at the hands of the fun bunch for the second time. The team did a appear a bit stronger this outing however, with a couple of new women recruits who were solid players.
Before the game started, the captains conferred briefly to make sure both teams were ready. "We only have three women right now, so the rules say we can play with six guys", the mustang captain stated matter-of-factly. "Actually, dingle-nut, the rules say you can play with five guys and three women", team co-captain steve "field marshal" saunders retorted, promptly correcting him. "However, tonight we'll cut you some slack and let you play with six guys--but that will be the last time we do so", "field marshal" continued magnanimously.
The game was to start at 6:15, but as usual, by 6:20 the fun bunch were still missing a few players. Although Clark "pound 'em back" Lawlor said he and Kathie "daredevil" Adare would be late, John "hans solo" Devries was nowhere to be seen. Making an executive decision, "field marshal" told Corey "too tall" Ploegman to "suit up", so they could start the game.
The youngsters Leah "road runner" Morrel, Mark "polygon" Pintar and neophyte Jess "bulls-eye" Belanger were the first three to bat, and all got on base to load the bases and all came in to score on base hits from Alison "bulldozer" Hale and Nancy "southpaw" Harris.
In the second inning, once again "road runner" and "bulls-eye" got on board as well as Corey "too tall" Ploegman to load the bases. By this time, John "hans solo" Devries had decided to show up after a leisurely dinner including a fine cabernet sauvignon. Typically, batting at the bottom of the order, it was a rare opportunity for "hans solo" to come to the plate with runners aboard. Wasting no time he hit the first pitch smartly to left field. With a buffeting wind the ball continued to carry, farther and farther. As the wind hit a crescendo , the ball cleared the home run fence for "hans solo's" first ever grand slam home run. As his teammates congratulated him , "too tall" ran to pick up the game ball, for everyone to sign as a memento to commemorate this inaugural occurrence.
The Mustangs meanwhile were struggling offensively as they quickly went down 13-2 after three innings. This despite a couple of gargantuan hits from one of their new recruits, a powerful looking woman, who put the ball over both "pound 'em back's" head and then "hans solo". In fact, doing his best impression of richard "wild thing" bujold, "hans solo" ran back for the ball--which he clearly misplayed--and made a stab at it with his glove. Momentarily, snaring the ball in the tip of his webbing--his glove briefly resembled an overstuffed ice-cream cone. But alas, the ball squirted loose--like a greased pig at the county fair--and dropped to the ground with a plop, before "hans solo" compounded the mess by booting it farther into the outfield, for yet another error.
The game was a pretty routine drubbing, but had a couple of eventful moments as well. Mark "polygon" Pintar made an aggressive play, taking an extra base by running to third. As he arrived safely, he was unceremoniously plunked in the head with the ball. Stunned, he fell to the ground and appeared to lose consciousness. Soon, he sensed the light dim around him, and opened his eyes to see "field marshal" standing over him, arms akimbo. "ok, son let's get you up and get some ice on that welt. You're going to have a bit of a headache but you'll live", "field marshal" reassured him and pulled him to his feet. A little woozy, he stumbled to the dugout to ice down his quickly enlarging forehead.
In the sixth inning, scott "boom boom" saunders came to the plate. "field marshal" took a couple of steps back. "boom boom" had drilled him with a line drive right up the middle a couple of games ago and "field marshal" decided he needed a couple of extra feet to get out of the way should he try to do that again. As if on queue, "boom boom" drilled the ball, head high, directly at "field marshal". Displaying almost unnatural reflexes, "field marshal" spun to the left to avoid the incoming projectile. Missing his body entirely, the ball unfortunately hit one of the strings on his glove. As the play happened so quickly, both teams looked on in stunned silence unsure what exactly had transpired. Even though no one realized the ball had hit him, "field marshal" called his brother out as it was clearly the right thing to do.
In the fifth inning, Clark "pound 'em back" Lawlor came to the plate with no one on base. Before the words "don't hit a solo shot" were out of "field marshal's" mouth, "pound 'em back hit the first pitch over the fence for a wasted solo home run--their third and last one allowed for the game. His selfishness was compounded when the next three batters loaded the bases for "field marshal", who came to the plate, now unable to hit the ball over the fence for an easy grand slam. He glared at "pound 'em back" before delivering a clutch double instead.
The game was never close. Although the fun bunch went scoreless for two innings in the 6th and 7th, the mustangs could only score three runs to make the score 17-11. In the eighth inning, the fun bunch turned the thumb screws and scored five more runs. After the mustangs managed only a single run to make the score 22-12 in the bottom of the inning, they conceded defeat.
First ever woman's home run recorded
OTTAWA-Neophyte ball player Jess "bulls-eye" Belanger, made history Thursday night, when she became the first woman in fun bunch history to hit a home run. The play started innocently enough when she asked pitching ace steve "field marshal" saunders to "toss it in like a beach ball". It was yet another perfect pitch, and "field marshal" knew as soon as she hit it that it was going to be impressive. The ball was crushed and it sailed over the head of the center fielder easily and made it all the way to the home run fence. "bulls-eye" meanwhile, was galloping around the bases--she would not be denied, not on this historic night. As the outfielders fumbled with the ball, picking it up then dropping it back down, resembling a poor-man's version of the keystone cops, "bulls-eye" lowered her shoulder and rounded second--never hesitating for a moment. With "field marshal" urging her on she trotted into third with an easy triple as the ball made its way to the shortstop. One of the nastier player's on the opposing team, a squat doppelganger for johnathan lithgow , he picked up the ball and fired it dangerously towards third. Catching his own player unawares, she missed the ball and watched as "bulls-eye" continued her victory sprint triumphantly all the way home, making history in the process. Her teammates rushed onto the field to congratulate her and hoisted her up on their shoulders to celebrate her monumental achievement. Meanwhile the doppelganger lowered his head to avert his teammates icy stares as he skulked embarrassedly back to his position on the infield.
The game was a defensive gem. The fun bunch defense shut down the Dog's Bollocks for seven straight innings -- a record achievement in itself-- allowing them to score in only the first and the ninth inning, chalking up zeroes along the way.
There were some great defensive plays. John "hans solo" Devries made two terrific run-saving catches in the outfield. A shoe string snag, and an over the shoulder catch--narrowly missing the home run fence. Corey "too tall" Ploegman made a spectacular play when he backed up "bulls-eye" at first. "bulls-eye" stopped an infield hit, but couldn't pick it up cleanly. Seeing her stumble, "too tall" made a bee line for first and with the wingspan of a 747, was there to complete the play once "bulls-eye" gained control. Not to be out done, "too tall" single handedly turned a double play when he caught an infield grounder at second, tagged the advancing runner and then ran to first for the second out. With mark "polygon" pintar, glen "the wrangler" rankin and scott "boom boom" saunders all chipping in the outfield stood as a "no man's land" for the dog's bollocks.
In an attempt to shed his "hans solo" moniker, john "Methuselah" devries hit a three run shot with a badly needed clutch hit and three RBI's. That was his second multi-run home run in as many games. "I'm a new man, give clark my old nick name", hans solo chirped as he rounded the bases and cast a playful wink towards "field marshal" on the pitching mound.
In the fifth inning, with no runners aboard, glen "the wrangler" rankin came to the plate. "the wrangler" had been struggling a bit at the plate lately and it was clear that he wasn't messing around as he hit the first ball foul all the way into in the far corner of left field--narrowly missing a home run. "field marshal"--who had been observing these machinations--looked towards home plate. He locked eyes with "the wrangler" who looked back but didn't flinch. Just as "field marshal" was about to warn "the wrangler" about not hitting a solo shot, the wrangler growled. "field marshal"-- caught off guard-- was startled by this unexpected behaviour. Looking once more towards home plate, he could see "the wrangler's" lips wrinkling back from his teeth-cum-fangs as the growl intensified. His forehead seemed to flatten and his nostrils flared as he began to resemble an ill-tempered pit-bull. At this point "field marshal"--relying on his decades of coaching experience-- thought better of further antagonizing this clearly agitated ball player. Before you could say "hans solo" , "the wrangler" crushed the next pitch for a home run -- a solo shot. As he rounded the bases you could see the weight leave his shoulders as he had finally busted out of his prolonged hitting slump. As he came around third and trotted towards home, "the wrangler"--no longer resembling a snarling pit-bull--cast "field marshal" a playful wink and said "thanks for letting me get that out of the way".
On an historic night, history was made once more when scott "boom boom" saunders extended his hitting-the-pitcher streak to three games. With his big brother, mentor and life-coach, steve "field marshal" saunders on the pitching mound , "boom boom" came to the plate. He had been having an awful night, going 0 for 2 up to that point. With all the home runs used up (complements of "the wrangler's solo shot), "boom boom" was going to have to get creative. "field marshal" realized that "boom boom's" go to play was to hit it up the middle as he had done in the previous two games. Despite "field marshal's" uncanny reflexes, "boom boom" had managed to hit him in both of those games. With the pain still seared in his subconscious, "field marshal" took a couple of extra steps back. Before you could even say "toss it in like a beach ball", "boom boom" drilled the first pitch right at his brother. With no time to react, "field marshal" braced himself for the impact and the agony that was to follow.
The ball hit him square in his calf muscle and made a loud sound like a tire exploding. There was a high-pitched scream from rowena "scoresheet" sams before she fainted. His teammates looked on in shock and horror. "boom boom" cowered--afraid for his safety. But "field marshal" just frowned and shook his head. To a lesser man, such a play would have been catastrophic, but to this living legend, this giant of a man, it was simply an annoyance. "You can't be wasting outs like that boom boom", he said to his little brother before calmly walking off the field.
Apart from "hans solo" three run shot, and "bulls-eye's" historic in-the-park-home-run , there wasn't a lot of highlights offensively for the fun bunch. Sure "field marshal" had a monster line drive three-run shot over the center field "green monster", scored three runs and went 4 for 4, but that was just another ho-hum night for him. That's when rowena "scoresheet" sams decided to take matters into her own hands. An astute student of the game, she came to bat in the sixth inning and decided she needed to start a rally. Mentally, reviewing her notes from the previous batting practice, she shifted her hands fully down the bat for maximum power, shifted her weight and then drilled the next pitch up the middle into the outfield for her best hit of the night.
That said, the fun bunch did not score a single five run inning all game--the first time this year that has happened--a worrisome sign. In fact the fun bunch had four scoreless innings themselves--and it was not because the dog's bollocks were playing good defensively. All in all the fun bunch scored only 10 runs. They still won the game 10-4, but had two guys who didn't not have a hit all night, far too many pop fly outs (including a home run for an out), and too many easy ground balls to short. Against a stronger team, they would have been in trouble.
Fun Bunch score 30 runs in only 6 innings
OTTAWA - The game Thursday night was one for the record books. The fun bunch did something they have never before done in all their illustrious history - they scored five runs in each inning of the game, giving them a total of 30 when the game ended after only six innings.
This was a massacre, plain and simple. The victims were the bons vivants. And while they did their best keep a stiff upper lip, they struggled under the barrage of offense, inning after inning. Leading the assault was Nancy "get 'er done" Harris going five for five and scoring five runs -- the most on the team. But she was by no means alone: Jess "bulls-eye" belanger, five for five with four runs scored. Rowena "scoresheet" sams - five for five. Leah "roadrunner" morrell and kathie "daredevil" adare, both four for five. Corey "wingspan" ploegman, four for four , four runs scored. Mark "polygon" pintar and steve "downtown" saunders, each five for five.
In fact, the final score was 30-5 and the only reason the bons vivants managed to score five runs, was because of a couple of defensive miscues in the first two innings. Once the fun bunch hunkered down, however, the bon vivants chalked up zeroes in the final five innings of the game. But to their credit, they remained chipper and good natured throughout the entire onslaught.
Meanwhile, a friendly rivalry seems to be developing between jess "bulls-eye" belanger and leah "roadrunner" morrell -- both competitive athletes. If you recall, "bulls-eye" hit a home run last week -- a first in fun bunch history. Responding to the challenge, "roadrunner" crunched the ball all the way to the center field fence in her first at bat for a triple, narrowly missing a home run herself. As she waltzed into third, she looked into the dugout, as if challenging "bulls-eye" with a "what do you think of that" glare.
Not finished responding, "roadrunner" grabbed a rocket of a shot down third base line for a huge out early in the game, showcasing her defensive talent as well. As she smirked towards "bulls-eye" at first base, "bulls-eye" mouthed the words "game-on bitch" back to her. No sooner were the words out of her mouth when "bulls-eye" snagged an equally impressive line drive right down first for another huge out. As she tossed the ball back to the pitcher, she cast a playful wink towards "roadrunner"-- as if to say "your turn". Taking in all the action from close quarters was team captain and living legend, steve "field marshal" saunders. He looked back and forth as his young protégés engaged in a snarling--but good natured-- catfight. He sighed a deep sigh and smiled as a tear escaped the corner of his eye. He was very proud of his youthful recruits and thought to himself that the future of the fun bunch looked very bright indeed.
What made the game particularly devastating was the complete lack of defense by bons vivants. Now the bons vivants are classified as a "C" team, but they scored an "F" thursday night as they struggled to get even a single out in an inning. Balls were dropped, misplayed, kicked, and overthrown all night long. It quickly became painful to watch--literally as "downtown" hit a towering fly ball that didn't leave the infield. It should have been a relatively easy out, but clearly was giving the first baseman some cause for concern as he staggered back and forth for what seemed like an hour as it continued rising upward, finally stopped and accelerated downward. Carefully, he tracked the ball on its decent, but it was falling from such a high altitude that it's terminal velocity was approaching mach 1. Beads of sweat broke out on his forehead , as the pinprick in the sky got bigger and faster. He was getting dizzy and his eyes were stinging from his sweat. He blinked only briefly to clear his vision but it was too late. The ball struck him squarely in the face. He emitted an unnatural sound as the ball crushed his zygomatic bone and rolled into the outfield. He dropped to the ground and writhed in the dirt as "downtown" trotted into second with a double.
With richard "wild thing" bujold missing his third game in a row, the game was a rather dull affair with the exception of one inning when john "hans solo" devries took his spot at second base. With two out , the bons vivants hit a gentle grounder to "hans solo" for an easy out. "hans solo" fielded the ball, took two steps towards first and then--doing his best "wild thing" impersonation--tossed the ball ten feet over "bulls-eye's" head for no apparent reason as two runs came in to score. When asked how he could have possibly made such a glaring error, he just shrugged his shoulders and giggled
Team loses by one run as game ends on controversial play
OTTAWA - Only one week after making history with a perfect 30 run game, the fun bunch unwound like a ball of cheap twine to lose 13-12 to Stop Hitting on Us. It was an error-filled nightmare executed with perfunctory effort by the entire team. There were a plethora of players on the bench thanks to last minute change of plans by john "methuselah" devries and clark "pound 'em back / hans solo" lawlor, leaving three players riding the pine each inning. This lead to some of the defensive lapses as players changed positions almost every inning.
Compounding the lack of defense was the appalling lack of offense, terrible base running errors, and the inability to drive in runners in scoring position. Mark "polygon" Pintar , Leah "roadrunner" Morrell, Steve "field marshal" saunders, john "hans solo" devries" all hit lazy fly ball outs when a hard grounder would have driven in runs. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin got called out for crossing the commit line and attempting to go back to third. Nancy "get 'er done" Harris--coming off her commanding five hit/ five run performance in the previous game--drilled a ball into the outfield and then was thrown out at first when she stopped running two feet before crossing the base out of fear of getting hit with the ball. Clark "pound 'em back" lawlor, tripped rounding first base and missed an easy stand-up double. On the next play he was forced out on an avoidable double play to end the inning. In fact, the fun bunch hit into a record four double plays during the game, extinguishing any and all momentum.
Mind you, Stop Hitting on Us played very well. They had a few new players and their fielding was exemplary with not a single dropped ball. The fun bunch on the other hand had scads of fielding errors: a miscommunication between kathy "daredevil" adare and corey "too tall" ploegman led to two dropped balls. There was a dropped ball on a force play at first. Alison "bulldozer" Hale back pedalled and waved off the outfielders only to have a ball plunk in the dirt over her head leading to a five run inning for Stop Hitting on Us. Corey "too tall" Ploegman missed an easy toss from Jess "bulls eye" Belanger at second for a force out that lead to another five run inning. With steve "field marshal" saunders sitting out and the bases loaded, leah "roadrunner" morrell fielded a grounder down third base. When she turned to toss the ball to third, mark "polygon" pintar--playing shortstop in lieu of "field marshal" was not covering the bag. It was hard to watch
There were a few highlights too. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin went three for three and scored two runs. He drilled the ball right down third base all night long and had a great aggressive base-running play at second for a much needed double. Clark "pound 'em back" lawlor too had a couple of hard line drive type hits, keeping the ball out of the air to keep the rally going. Jess "bulls-eye" belanger, filled in admirably for "field marshal" at short stop one inning as she stopped a hard grounder and threw to first for an impressive out.
Stop Hitting on Us did all their scoring on three home runs--including one grand slam. Whereas the fun bunch could muster only a single home run -- a solo shot complements of "field marshal" who was simply trying to drill a line drive into center field. When all the dust had settled, Stop Hitting on Us had a 13-10 lead going into the bottom of the eighth and last inning. With two out, and two runners on, steve "downtown" saunders came to bat. A Home run would tie the game. His teammates took a collective sigh of relief. Stop Hitting on Us grew agitated as they ran to the deepest part of the diamond. A few outfielders thumbed their rosaries as they quickly whispered a couple of hail Mary's for good measure. "downtown" strode to the plate, the weight of his entire team once more on his broad shoulders. He desperately wanted to hit a home run but was dealing with a couple of physical issues that would have prevented a lesser man from suiting up for the game. His right hand was crippled with a debilitating ganglion cycst, aggravated by a week of non-stop golf. Iced down, and pain muted with analgesic cream, he gripped his favourite thirty ounce demarini with lizard-skin grip as best he could. As he did so, he winced as a sharp stabbing pain shot through his left hand. Only days earlier, he had his little finger surgically re-attached after a accident severed a good portion of the tip including the proper volar digital artery. Stitched back together like some kind of frankenstein-cum-clean-up-hitter he dug into the batter's box. He knew exactly what he was going to do - drill another line drive up the middle and over the fence- he simply needed a reasonable pitch to complete his quest.
He looked out to the pitching mound. On it was his baby brother Scott "boom boom" Saunders. "Boom boom" had struggled with his consistency all night. But "downtown" was a patient man. Taking a deep breath he looked "boom boom" square in the eyes and reminded him, "now remember, just toss it in like a beach ball". "boom boom" gulped heavily as a profuse sweat broke out on his forehead. He reached back and threw the first pitch in. This clearly wasn't the pitch as "downtown" narrowly missed getting struck in the cheek. "boom boom" looked sheepishly towards the batter's box, expressing remorse for his failure. "Ok, let's try this again, just think beachball", "downtown", gently reminded him with the patience of a saint.
The next pitch landed about a foot short of the plate and rolled in the dirt to the catcher. No chance to make contact with that one either. "boom boom" was now clearly flummoxed. Down to his last pitch, "down town" was going to make contact with it even if he had to climb a ladder to do so. He took a deep breath, dug himself into the batter's box one last time, looked out towards "boom boom" and calmly said "beachball". The next pitch wasn't perfect but it was going to have to do. Watching it come in, "downtown" quickly realized that it was a bit inside and was going to be low. He took a couple of strides towards the ball and got down on one knee. Looking like tiger woods drilling a pitching wedge, he golfed the ball -- not out of the park as that was simply impossible with the pitch he was given-- but deep into the outfield. The runners on base started galloping around the base path immediately. First "daredevil" crossed the plate -- score now 13-11. Then "too tall" followed suit - score now 13-12. That left "downtown" still out on the base path. With two out, he knew he had to get to second to get in scoring position for the next batter and to stay out of a force play. It was going to be close. The ball was picked up deep in the outfield by the rover as he got to first. He dug in and headed for second as the ball was thrown in. In a seeming tie, "downtown" planted his foot on the bag, as the perfectly thrown ball was caught high and the second baseman turned to swipe "downtown" on the shoulder. The diamond immediately fell silent as the fun bunch umpire mark "polygon" pintar-- who had made his way out on the infield to watch the play unfold--took a moment to analyze the data. Under a fair bit of pressure from Stop HItting on Us, who had begun walking off the field, he made his call -- "out". Fun Bunch lose 13-12.
Return of wild thing leads to hysteria, hilarity and havoc in kafkaesque battle with the rebels
OTTAWA - richard "wild thing" bujold, a lightning rod for controversy, made a rare appearance at bell ball diamond on thursday. MIA the last few weeks, he had been sorely missed by his teammates. "it's just not the same around here without 'wild thing'", emphasized glen "the wrangler" rankin, echoing the sentiments of his teammates who nodded their heads in agreement. He was greeted heartily by his comrades who high-fived and fist pumped him as he trudged into the dugout still in his dusty work clothes, hard hat and steel toed boots. Pizza sauce from his dinner the night before splattered on his t-shirt , two days stubble growth and bags under his eyes clearly suggested a rough week. But "wild thing" was not one to complain and he slipped on his baseball cleats, did a little impromptu stretching and made ready for the nightmare that was to follow.
Also returning after an extended hiatus was patty "gazoo" anderson. Only a part-time player due to her demanding social schedule, it was good to see her at the diamond. Always enthusiastic, effusive and in good spirits, "gazoo" was a pleasure to have in the dugout.
Now before the game started, steve "field marshal" saunders marched over the rebel dugout to clarify the ground rules for tonight. He informed them that due to a scheduling conflict, he was going to have to leave no later than 9:20 PM so that he could make it to his 10PM hockey game at Carleton University. The Rebels understood, so it was agreed that the game would be called as close to 9:20 as feasible. Mind you this was before they dragged their refrigerator-sized cooler into the dugout and commenced downing tallboys with reckless abandon and decided to get a jump-start on the legalized pot bandwagon.
Noticeably absent from the game was scott "twist-in-the-wind" saunders who sent a last minute text that he "would be away for the next two weeks", five minutes before the game started. Following closely in his footsteps was Alison "missing-in-action" Hale (an assistant captain no less), who simply didn't show up for the game. "We should string her up", growled "field marshal's" protege, Leah "roadrunner" Morrell, taking a page out of "field marshal's" playbook. "maybe she got in an accident and she's hurt", rowena "scoresheet" sams said in a worried tone. "No she's fine, she just fell asleep on the sofa!", chimed in Patti "gazoo" anderson in a chipper voice. "field marshal" was fuming. What type of "captain" misses a game because they fell asleep on the sofa? He was going to tear the "C" off her uniform next game and read her the riot act. He got giddy just thinking about it.
But the best was john "Methuselah" devries. He had assured "field marshal" the day before that he would be at the game, yet five minutes after starting time he was nowhere to be seen. Conscripting Corey "too tall" Ploegman at the last minute they started the game without him when "field marshal" couldn't get a reply from him on his cell phone.
The game started well enough with the fun bunch scoring five runs in the first inning including another triple from leah "roadrunner" morrell. Continuing their friendly rivalry, jess gave her the thumbs up sign from the dugout and yelled a congratulatory "nice triple bitch". Leah smiled approvingly and yelled back "thanks bitch" as the inning continued. Sadly, the fun bunch offense dried up after that first magic inning. with only three more runs in the next five innings as the fun bunch fell behind 11-8.
The rebels meanwhile had no problem popping home runs over the fence as they quickly used up all three of theirs. This actually lead to an awkward moment as one of the more intense and ornately tattooed rebel players inadvertently hit a fourth home run for an out. Smiling , his demeanor quickly soured as his teammates started yelling profanities and throwing their crushed up tall boys at him as he ran around the bases. "You're out you idiot", "we're only allowed three home runs you dufus", "your mother wears army boots", were a few of the refrains that rained down on him.
He went ballistic as he charged the dugout and started throwing punches. Tall boys sailed through the air. Screaming ensued as a huge cloud of dust enveloped their dugout. Loud thumps could be heard as blows landed with remarkable accuracy. Blood trickled out onto the field and congealed in the dirt. After what seemed like an eternity, calm ensued as the player emerged from the dugout missing a tooth but with an ice-cold tall boy in his hand. "Everything's good over hear now", he tried to reassure the fun bunch as his combatant lay face down in the dirt.
Meanwhile, "methuselah" had pulled into the parking lot five innings into the game. "Tarnation!" he wheezed as he made his way to the fun bunch bench. " I plumb forgot that the game was tonight", he guffawed." I went out for dinner with my boy, and here I get thissy here 'text message" on my whatchamacallit", he said motioning towards his blackberry. "Ain't this new-fangled technology something else?", he remarked shaking his head as if he had just arrived by horse and buggy.
With the eighth inning about to start, "field marshal" looked quickly at his watch. It was 9:10 PM. This was going to be the last inning. He once again reminded the rebels that he had to leave in ten minutes. The fun bunch were down 12-11. They were about to run on to the field when "field marshal" summoned them back to the dugout. They cringed, like a puppy about to be chastised, they slowly and awkwardly made their way back. They knew the drill. This was going to be unpleasant. They had failed so far in their mission and were going to be given a "dressing down". They prepared themselves for the worst. "Look we don't have a lot of time as I have to leave in ten minutes so I'm going to make this brief", stated "field marshal" before he tore into an abusive tirade that seemed to last an eternity. Just when you thought he was finished, he gulped in another great lungful of air and continued his high octane diatribe. Shamed, embarrassed yet rejuvenated, the fun bunch took to the field. They knew what had to be done and were prepared to do it.
It was a text book inning. Relay from "the wrangler" to "field marshal" to "scoresheet" for an out at home. mark "polygon" pintar corralled a short blooper and executed a perfect tag play on the base runner to second for an out. And--saving the best for last--richard "wild thing" bujold did what he does best. With a runner on first, the batter hit a soft routine grounder to "wild thing" who was playing second. What should have been an innocuous play turned into a white knuckle roller coaster ride as "wild thing" charged for the ball and promptly slipped in the dirt. He briefly and painfully landed on his head. He let out a sound like a tire that's been punctured and is leaking air. With "field marshal" screaming at him, his world was a hazy soup. He could hear sounds but none of them made sense. Lying on the ground in agony he simply wanted to go to sleep but out of the corner of his eye he caught "field marshal" charging towards him, spittle flying from his jowls and despite the pain and disorientation, he knew he better get up. He reached under his stomach and retrieved the ball that had thankfully came to rest there. With the base runner still charging hard towards second, "wild thing" righted himself on his elbows and began crawdaddying his way towards second like something out of a monty python movie. This was going to be close, but "wild thing" flopped face first on the bag, ball in hand milliseconds before the baserunner. "out" the rebel umpire begrudgingly yelled as the fun bunch had shut them down keeping the score 12-11 going into the bottom half of the inning.
"the wrangler" started the inning with a stand up double. He had been hitting the ball well all night long. "scoresheet" followed suit with a single. Hits by "Methuselah", "too tall", and "roadrunner" led to a five run inning (only their second one of the game) and a win for the fun bunch 16-12. Once again the fun bunch had risen to the challenge to come from behind and chalk up another win.
Fun Bunch drop into mediocrity with their third loss of the season on a hot dry night at Hampton Park
OTTAWA-Steve "field marshal" Saunders was scrambling to field a team Wednesday night. Scott "twist in the wind" Saunders was absent for the second week in a row as he once again decided to kick-back and take the night off to the detriment of his teammates. John "Methuselah" Devries followed suit. He informed "field marshal" that he was "entertaining out-of-town clients" in what would no doubtedly be a drunken free-for-all compliments of the OCA. Adding to the dilemma was notice from rowena "scoresheet" sams and mark "polygon" pintar that they too would miss the game. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin made things more interesting when he told "field marshal" that he would be a "game time decision" with a hamstring injury.
That left only "field marshal", clark "pound-em-back" lawlor and richard "wild thing" bujold as the only guys available to play that night. "wild thing" had told "field marshal" that "he should be good to go" Wednesday night. So "field marshal" invited Colin "Vegas" Viegas to come out once again as a spare. When "the wrangler" informed "field marshal" that he would play Wednesday morning that made five guys and the team was good to go. Or so he thought.
In the middle of yet another sub-par round of golf on Wednesday afternoon, "field marshal" was surprised to hear his phone chime, just as he striped a three -iron 250 yards dead straight down the tightest fairway on the 17th hole at champlain. A mere 120 yds from the pin, it looked like he was going to break par once again, so he took a moment from his busy schedule to see who was texting him at 4PM in the afternoon. It was "wild thing". His worst fears realized, "wild thing" informed he that "he wasn't going to make it". "field marshal" was now in a real pickle. Trying to stay focussed on his outstanding golf round, "wild thing" had just thrown him a curve ball. "Where am I going to find a replacement player for a 6 PM game at 4PM?", he thought to himself as he selected his trusted 52 degree wedge and lined up his shot. Multi-tasking, he aligned himself and drilled a brilliant approach shot to within 15 feet of the pin as he quickly thought of who could replace "wild thing".
"I'll deal with 'wild thing' when I get home", he thought to himself. The chances of finding a replacement player at 4PM were slim to none, so he might as well remain focussed on his remarkable golf game. Missing the birdie putt (thanks to wild thing), he cursed under his breath and tapped in yet another par as he quickly approached the 18th tee box. A 400 yard, sharp dog leg left, "field marshal" once again grabbed his trusty 3-iron. "Aren't you going to use your driver?", his confused and perplexed golfing partner asked. "field marshal" just smiled and looked at him with disdain. "Hey use whatever club you think is best", he replied matter-of-factly as he planted his tee into the dirt before he striped and absolutely perfect 3-ron, that landed on the hill and then descended to the left with a bit of fade spin to come to rest once again 120 yards from the flag. His playing partner's jaw dropped. his tongue lolled out. He was speechless. Never had he seen such an audacious shot. Never.
Still mulling over the permutations for the night's softball game, "field marshal" lined up his approach shot. 120yds but a slight helping breeze, he grabbed his trusted 56 degree sand wedge. Playing the ball slightly forward to promote a high trajectory he absolutely crushed the ball. Taking a huge divot the ball sailed high in the air and came down softly , like a butterfly with sore feet, five feet from the pin. His playing partner could not believe what he was seeing. Why was this man not on the tour? A straightforward putt led to yet another birdie and the end of the round. Pleasantries were exchanged before "field marshal" looked at his watch. 4:30 PM. Game starts at 6 PM. I need to find a player in 1.5 hours.
No sooner had the round ended when his phone chimed once again. Almost afraid to look at the screen, "field marshal" checked his messages hoping for the best. Things just got worse. A lot worse. This time it was a message form clark "pound-em-back" lawlor. "sorry dude , won't be able to get to the game until 6:30 - cheers", read the message. "field marshal" stared in disbelief. He was now down to three guys an hour before the game. "What are these people thinking?", he asked to himself. "I don't get paid enough to put up with this", he wallowed in self pity , before coming to his senses. "you are the captain of the team, 30 year veteran all-star, take-no-prisoners , living legend field marshal" saunders - get this situation under control". As if slapped in the face "field marshal" snapped out of his daze and send out a message to colin "vegas" viegas and leah "roadrunner" morrel to see if they could find another player from their softball team. He then entered his sub-par score in his on-line handicap calculator and scooted home. By the time he pulled in his driveway, "vegas" had confirmed that he had another player for the game tonight. The fun bunch were not going to default.
"field marshal" showed up at hampton park at 5:30PM so he could install the bases since they were the home team. By game start time at 6:20 PM they still had only three guys: "field marshal" , "vegas" and new recruit andrew. No glen "the wrangler" rankin, No clark "pound em back" lawlor. "Ok team, we have to start. I have no idea where "the wrangler" and "pound em back are but we have to get in the field as he rattled off their new positions. His tough day just got tougher.
The fun bunch took an early lead. Steve "field marshal" saunders set the tone. Duplicating the feat of his idol reggie jackson from the 1977 world series, "field marshal" hit three consecutive home runs on three consecutive pitches on three consecutive at bats. The fun bunch took an early 12-5 lead after 4 innings.
But the dog's bollocks weren't about to lie down and roll over as they used their remaining three home runs to take the lead 15-14 in the bottom of the eighth inning. This despite god-awful pitching and three strike outs of their own players.
But what really cost the fun bunch was a lack of offense , scoring only two runs from the fourth to the eighth inning. There were lots of solid hits but usually directly to a fielder for an easy out or a hard grounder to second base or short stop for an out. There was a three up three down inning in the sixth, and the fun bunch never could get a rally going with too many easy outs. The sun was also a huge factor with very few outs at first base until the sun went down late in the last couple of innings. With Kathy "daredevil" Adare at first, she warned her teammates that she "couldn't see the ball" when it was thrown her way.
That said there were still some highlights: leah "roadrunner" morrel fielded a hard grounder at third and threw to first for an out. Glen "the wrangler" rankin went five for five to break out of his hitting slump in a big way. But best of all was nancy "5K" harris who snagged a hard grounder up the middle and threw to jess "bulls-eye" belanger to keep the runner from advancing.
Heading into the ninth inning the score was 15-14 for dog's bollocks. The game was still within reach. In the top of the inning, the fun bunch started with two out but could not hold the dog's bollocks who went on to score three runs including an oh-so-close play at home plate that was dropped for a run. When the fun bunch came to bat the score was 18-14. Tough but do-able. "field marshal" had to lead off the inning. With all the home runs used up, he would have to get creative. He surveyed the outfield and decided he was going to put one down first base into the corner. By the time Colin got to the ball he would be at third. He had done this many, many times in the past. It was a great pitch and he choked up on the bat to keep in the park, and hit it right down first base where he wanted to, only the first base woman was playing deep and just managed to catch the ball for the first out. Not the way they wanted to start the inning. Nancy "5k" Harris got a hit to start the rally, and then a hit and aggressive play by Andrew scored a run and got him to second. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin hit a double to score andrew, but then the fun bunch luck ran out. Final score 18-16 as the fun bunch record dropped to 7-3. Their worst in many, many years.
Fun Bunch win nail biter with pinch hit home run in ninth inning
OTTAWA - The Fun Bunch have been struggling this season. With a 7-3 record so far they have been careening towards mediocrity. So it came as no surprise to see team president Soren "scoop" Sorensen sitting in the stands to observe the game Thursday night. He was doing his best to go incognito, with a ball cap, dark glasses , a wig and a fake beard, but there was no mistaking his looming presence.
Before the game got underway, he was having an animated discussion with Alison "bulldozer" Hale, team co-captain. Actually, it wasn't much of a discussion as he was cursing a blue streak at the top of his voice as "bulldozer" listened intently, her head bowed. It was hard to make out the whole conversation, but a few snippets that drifted their way including "shameful", "embarrassing", and "what kind of captain are you" , gave the team a pretty good idea. After his diatribe ended he stepped forward and tore the "C" off "bulldozer's" jersey. She was on the verge of tears, but she would not cry. With a stiff upper lip, she turned curtly on one heel and walked towards the dugout--determined to right this sinking ship.
Her job was unfortunately going to be a little more difficult. The team was missing regulars scott "boom boom" saunders, richard "wild thing" bujold and clark "pound 'em back" lawlor--all of whom decided to kick-back and take the night off leaving their teammates to twist in the wind--as they have on so many occasions this season. But that was the least of her worries. No, the real obstacle to victory was going to be the absence of steve "field marshal" saunders. "field marshal" was caught in a real dilemma. His unbeaten tier-1 Carleton University hockey team had a game scheduled at the exact same time. As the leading scorer and top-line center, he simply could not miss this critical game. "Listen 'bulldozer', Leah has rounded up a couple of spares from her baseball team. Andrew who played with us last week and Nick who is going to come out too. With john "Methuselah" devries, corey "too tall" ploegman and glen "the wrangler" rankin, we'll be able to field a full squad", he had told her the night before. Somehow those words did not console her. She knew that on paper she was going to have a real battle on her hand. If this game was going to be won, it would have to be her leadership skills that made the difference.
She huddled her troops before the start of the game. "Listen team, I want to see everyone give it 100% tonight. This is a watershed moment in our season. We need to win this game to maintain our "A" standing in the league. We have a lot riding on the outcome, but I know what you are capable of. Just give me all you've got and I guarantee a win", "bulldozer" said in a calm steady voice. The team responded enthusiastically and the game was underway.
It was a see-saw battle all night long. The fun bunch took an early lead on a five run second inning including a home run by "the wrangler". But the main street crawlers weren't about to roll over and play dead. They connived in their dugout between sips of their ice-cold tall boys. "This game doesn't seem to be going our way, I think it is time to enact plan B", said team captain Sheldon formerly of the Harris Cheetahs. "Plan B" became painfully obvious on the next play as a clear out at first was called "safe". Foul balls were called "fair" and any close plays were called in favour of the crawlers. The fun bunch were steamed. Not only were they going to have to beat them with a depleted line-up but now they would have to contend with their one-sided home-town umpiring too.
"This isn't fair, they're cheating", said leah "roadrunner" morrell. "Welcome to the big leagues sister", came "bulldozer's" retort. "Look, I don't like it any more than you do. I agree it is ridiculous, but all we can do is dig deeper and beat them the old fashioned way--with our bats and our gloves--umpire be damned", "bulldozer" continued. The team nodded their heads in agreement and buckled down. This was going to be a war in the trenches.
With "field marshal" absent, "the wrangler" filled in at short. By all accounts, he played exemplary. Corey "too tall" Ploegman played second and he too had a strong game. Nick and Andrew in the outfield also played solid--this despite their first time playing a night game. Both Patti "gazoo" Anderson and Nancy "5K" Harris had a chance to make their first catch at rover. They both tracked shallow fly balls, positioned their gloves only to have the ball hit the edge and plop to the ground despite their best efforts. Also having some trouble in the outfield was John "Methuselah" devries. A couple of deep fly balls were hit his was to right field. Usually sure handed, "Methuselah" waved his arms as if to signal, "back off I've got it" only to have the balls drop harmlessly in the outfield in front of him. "Tarnation! I couldn't see a gosh-darn thing. Those doo-hickey's blinded me for goodness sakes", he wheezed while gesticulating towards the high wattage field lights.
"too tall" got caught running the bases a bit too agressively in the sixth inning. He rounded first and headed to second on a single only to have the ball thrown behind him to first base. He was now trapped in a run down. A neophyte in this situation, that didn't stop him from putting on quite a show as he ran hither and yon, resembling an octopus with arms and legs flopping this way and that completely disorienting the other team who finally threw the ball away as he safely scooted back to first--lesson learned.
Another defensive gem involved a great bang-bang play as "Methuselah" picked up an outfield hit and relayed to "the wrangler" at short. Meanwhile the crawler runner didn't stop at third and decided to go for home just as the "wrangler" threw a beauty into the outstretched mitt of rowena "scoresheet" sams at home for the much needed out.
Meanwhile, "bulldozer" was quietly going about her business leading by example. She had gone 3 for 4 and scored 3 runs--triple the amount of the next closest fun bunch female. By god if this team was going down, it was going to go down swinging, screaming, biting and fighting to the last breath.
As luck would have it, "field marshal's" hockey game had ended at 9 PM. He was exhausted. After hastily showering and enjoying a quick post-game pint in the dressing room, he bid his hockey teammates farewell and proceeded to see if he could catch up with his baseball teammates at whispers. But then a funny thing happened. As we has driving along the Queensway towards the carling ave exit, he took a quick glimpse over at hampton park diamond and could see the tell-tale red cap of patti "gazoo" anderson on the field. "That's funny, I thought their game would be over by now. I guess I'll stop by and cheer them on", "field marshal" thought to himself.
At that point he arrived deux-ex-machina at the diamond. It was the top of the ninth inning. The scored was tied 13-13. " 'field marshal' can you bat for us?", came the doe-eyed request of his protege leah "roadrunner" morrell. "Guys, I didn't bring my cleats, I'm dressed in causal attire, I'm exhausted and I've had a pint already", "field marshal" replied shocked by the request. Now, don't get him wrong. With all his heart and soul he wanted nothing more to stride to the plate in the team's moment of need, but as such was woefully unprepared. He looked around the dugout. Like a litter of helpless puppy dogs they stared back at him with huge eyes, wagging tails and lolling tongues. How could he say no? "Ok I'll do it", he replied to a chorus of cheers. As they penciled him in the lineup, he did his best to prepare for his at bat.
He rolled up his twill chinos to the knees. He carefully hung his dapper harry rosen casual seer-sucker shirt on a hanger and donned an old t-shirt he found in the bat bag. "Must be 'wild thing's' ", he thought to himself as he noticed the pizza sauce on the chest. Finally, he removed his leather oxford's and dress socks, and borrowed a pair of flip-flops. It wasn't much, but it was going to have to do. He had zero traction as he strode to the plate, two out and the fun bunch up by a run. He attempted to dig himself in at the plate in his flip flops and laughed at the absurdity of the situation. With the weight of his entire team once more on his broad shoulders he took in a great lungful of air. He surveyed the outfield. Clearly the crawlers did not expect this. In a last ditch effort to sabotage the fun bunch rally, someone yelled "he can't just show up and bat like that".
Seizing the moment, Alison "bulldozer" Hale, screamed back at the top of her lungs, "He's the gawd-damned captain of the team and he can do whatever he likes". The objections ceased.
"field marshal" lived for this moment. Everyone in the fun bunch dugout and on the field knew exactly what was going to happen. He cast a glance at the still incognito "scoop" in the stands and gave him a playful wink. He looked out towards the mound at Andrew who was pitching and politely asked him to "toss it in like a beach ball". As the ball was on its way, "field marshal" looked at Sheldon, the captain of the crawlers. "Hey sheldon, guess what? cheaters never prosper", he said rhetorically as he absolutely crushed the ball into the stratosphere as it cleared the home run fence, the dog park and landed close to a kilometre away on island park drive. Fun bunch now lead by two runs.
Not quite out of the woods yet, the fun bunch took to the field. The score was 15-13. They would have to shut down the crawlers to maintain their lead. With "field marshal" having batted, he was forced to take the field in flip-flops no less to relieve "Methuselah". "Tarnation, I can't see a gosh-darn thing out there", came "Methuselah'" parting words.
The first crawler batter hit a sharp fly ball to center field. Nick charged hard for the ball and dove, the ball however scooted under his glove. By the time he got up the ball had rolled all the way to the center field fence and the runner had advanced to third. "This isn't the way I wanted to start this inning", "field marshal" thought to himself. The next batter hit a deep fly ball that was caught by Andrew. The runner at third tagged up and scored. 15-14 for the fun bunch. "I'm getting to old for this", said patti "gazoo" anderson from her rover position, reflecting the thoughts of her teammates.
The next batter popped up to the infield and was caught by "the wrangler". "I can't believe this but we just might win", giggled "the roadrunner" . The next batter strode to the plate. He looked to be the biggest and baddest looking crawler of them all. He swung at the first pitch and crushed a ball to deep center. Catching Nick, slightly off guard, he began to back pedal immediately. "I'm not letting another ball get by me this inning", he thought to himself as he ran with all his might towards the ball. As it started to descend he was still running full-flight. "He's not going to get it", said Nancy "5K" Harris as she watched dejectedly from left field. But Nick wasn't giving up, he dove at the last minute and with arm outstretched he snagged the ball for the out. Fun bunch would win this game 15-14 in dramatic fashion.
The team was jubilant. They had done the impossible and beat the crawlers, despite their terrible home-town calls and their depleted line up. As they were celebrating, Soren "scoop" Sorensen, entered the dugout. Gone was his disguise. There was no mistaking him now. The celebration came to an abrupt end. He approached "bulldozer". Expecting the worst she stood ram-rod straight. She had given it her all. she had scored 3 runs and gone 3-4 and managed to win the game. She had nothing left to give. She prepared herself mentally for the consequences.
"Scoop" took her "C" he had only hours ago ripped off her uniform and clumsily duct-taped it back on her jersey. "You have proved yourself worthy once again. I am very proud of you, and proud to re-instate you as co-captain of the team". The fun bunch burst into cheers and lifted her onto their shoulders as they headed to whispers to celebrate in style.
Nancy "5k" Harris wins the game with key play at second base
OTTAWA - Playing the Athletics is never easy at the best of times. League convenor colin bromfield keeps tweaking his team with bigger, stronger, meaner players--seemingly each encounter. Friendly banter and convivial game play go out the window in this no-frills affair, with scowling and surliness the order of the day as his battle-hardened team digs in for the siege.
Juggling balls masterfully, like a cirque-du-soleil veteran, team captain steve "field marshal" saunders, somehow miraculously manages to field a complete and competitive team each week. Behind the scenes however, things don't run as clockwork as they seem as certain players refuse to respond to his email requests, bail out last minute, show up late or simply don't show up at all. "Yes I certainly have a couple of problem players", field marshal sighed. "They make my job a heck of a lot more difficult but don't seem to care one iota", he finished, exasperated.
Facing the Athletics juggernaut, his world was about to start spinning out of control. In the middle of yet another under par golf game, his phone began to ring. Jubilant after draining a ten foot eagle putt on the 525 yard par 5 4th hole at the gatineau golf course, his elation turned to dread as he saw the name on his phone. It was his baby brother, scott "boom boom" saunders. "I'm not sure I can make it , better get someone else", came "boom boom's" curt instructions. The phone went dead. He looked at his watch, 5:30 pm. Game was at 8 pm and they were playing the Athletics. "Field marshal" snapped his putter. So much for breaking par today.
So the fun bunch stared down the Athletics with only four guys that night. Besides "field marshal" there were mark "polygon" pintar, clark "pound 'em back" lawlor, and glen "the wrangler" rankin. What they lacked in quantity they were going to have to make up for in quality. "Look team, we've only got nine players tonight, so the bad news is that we'll all have to cover a bit more ground and perhaps play some new positions, but the good news is that we're all going to have lots of at bats!", he said enthusiastically, trying to make the sale. The team looked back at him unimpressed. They weren't stupid. They were playing the Athletics and they knew it. A glance towards the field revealed a writhing snake pit of venomous ball players, coiled and ready to strike any unsuspecting fun buncher caught off guard. They would have to be on their guard the whole game.
So "field marshal" gave everyone their marching orders. Their spartan outfield would consist of "polygon", "pound 'em back" and "the wrangler". The new-look "charlie's angels" infield would be anchored by "field marshal" at short, leah "roadrunner" morrell at third, nancy "5k" harris at second, kathie "daredevil" adare at first and rowena "scoresheet" sams at home. Alison "bulldozer" hale would play as a deep infielder behind second base.
The game got underway, and the fun bunch scored three runs. Unfortunately one of those was on a solo shot by "polygon" leaving the team only two remaining. The highlight of the inning was a monster hit by "roadrunner" over the outfielder's head all the way to the fence. It was going to be an easy triple, but "field marshal" was screaming at "roadrunner" to "go home" for a chance at an extremely rare in-the-park home run. Not able to hear his directive over the roaring queensway traffic she safely held up at third and scored on the next play.
The Athletics promptly scored five runs in the bottom of the first inning with an impressive display of hitting as they flexed their offensive muscles and took an early lead.
The fun bunch, however continued to chip away and with back-to-back home runs by "field marshal" in the third and fourth innings took over the lead 9-7. The fun bunch defense was--for the most part--playing brilliantly. A couple of highlight catches in the outfield by "the wrangler and "polygon", provided key outs. "Daredevil" was having a great night at first. Without the sun to contend with she was confident and sure footed. "field marshal" fielded a deep hard grounder. Momentarily dropping the ball and picked it up quickly but the runner was flying down the line. He drilled the ball towards "daredevil" with a little extra velocity and slightly low. Like a pro, "daredevil" snagged the ball but in the process was pulled off the base. With cat-like reflexes she darted out her toe to tag the base just in time to beat the runner for another key out.
The "roadrunner" put on a show, when she dug deep into her bag of tricks to end an Athletics rally. When a hard line drive came her way, she jumped to her left to try and snag the ball. Realizing she wasn't going to be able to catch it she cast "field marshal" a playful wink and yelled "here take this", and swatted at the ball with her glove. Knocking it out of the mid air, she directed it towards "field marshal" who obligingly picked it up and there out the base runner.
Unfortunately, there were a few hiccups. "Pound 'em back" was playing right field and seemed to be having some difficulty with depth perception in the night sky. The Athletics quickly zeroed in on this chink in the fun bunch armour as they launched a barrage of balls his way with expected results. Playing too shallow, several of the powerful Athletic women launched balls over his head. Easy outs turned into extra-base hits. The score narrowed. In the top of the "endless" ninth inning the score stood 19-17 for the fun bunch. This was going to be a nail biter.
"Okay team. This is the endless inning, lets score as many runs as we can, because we know they are going to come out all guns blazing when they come to bat. Remember, no home runs left so if you hit it over the fence it's an out, so keep the balls down and let's be aggressive running the bases", came "field marshal's" sage advice. The team concurred and stepped to the plate. The women in particular put on an impressive display with each and every one of them getting at least a base hit. Nancy "5k" Harris had decided to don the team batting helmet to help her overcome her jitters running to first base. Her plan worked masterfully as her new found confidence seemed to make her bat grow larger as she plunked out base hits with ease and charged through first base with reckless abandon. "Daredevil" and "bulldozer" too had clutch hits to extend the rally and "scoresheet" mastered her "full swing bunt" to get on base in her last three at bats. After making it through the line up they had scored an impressive five runs and the scored stood at 24-17. A seven run lead , but the Athletics had two home runs in the bag.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, the Athletics dug in. Setting the tone, was a leadoff triple, when pound 'em back played in too shallow on their powerful catcher who promptly drilled the ball over his head. The onslaught continued as they hit with the precision of a master surgeon. A couple of caught fly balls by "the wrangler" and "field marshal" stemmed the bleeding somewhat but they had scored five runs already narrowing the score to 24-22. The next batter hit a towering fly ball. "Polygon" charged hard from center field, a bit too hard however and he overran the ball and it landed behind him. The athletics scored another run 24-23. With two out and a runner on first the next batter came to the plate. The fun bunch needed a miracle. The batter let the first two pitches go by. They were terrible. Down to his last pitch he swung hard and drilled a hard grounder towards nancy "5k" harris at second. She gulped as she felt her heart rate increase significantly. She squatted and put her glove open on the ground like "field marshal" had told her. But the ball was coming so fast. It was going to hurt she just knew it. She momentarily thought about getting out of the way of the incoming cruise missile. A sideward glance at "field marshal" made that thought evaporate immediately. His face was contorted in an unnatural looking way. He was screaming and had spittle flying hither and yon like a yard sprinkler. Yet oddly she could not hear a thing. She quickly came to her senses. She was going to stop this ball-- personal safety be damned. It was almost here. She was at peace now with her decision. Her heart rate lowered. Self-confidence began to ooze from her. She smacked her mitt once more for good measure before casting a playful wink at "field marshal" and yelling "get ready for the relay". "field marshal" slid into position at second base. With his foot on the bag he stretched his glove towards "5k", deep in the hole at second. After one final hop, the ball landed squarely in the middle of her glove. She felt the ball smack her hand hard. "That's going to leave a mark", she thought to herself as she quickly reached inside to pluck her trophy carefully out of her glove. With the base runner rapidly advancing towards second she softly tossed the ball into "field marshal's" outstretched mitt for the third out of the inning. She had just won the game. Her teammates came charging towards her. As they hoisted her onto their shoulders and cheered in jubilation, she thought to herself, "I'm sure glad I decided to get a right handed glove this year".
"bulls-eye" belanger stuns Laura Dang with yet another in-the-park home run
OTTAWA - Only weeks after her historic first, Jess "bulls-eye" belanger duplicated her feat and scored once again all the way from the batter's box, on a deep fly ball. Playing a new team "Laura Dang", the fielders were clearly unaware of "bullseye's" power when they played her shallow in center field. She galloped around the base path like a thoroughbred in the home stretch. The ball was thrown in "hot" to third and misplayed. Not skipping a beat, "bulls-eye" dug in and made it home easily for the rarest of feats - her second of the season.
The game however started out on yet another sour note, when only hours before the game, steve "field marshal" saunders was left twisting in the wind when rowena "scoresheet" sams, corey "too tall" ploegman, glen "the wrangler" rankin, john "methuselah" devries, mark "polygon" pintar, clark "pound 'em back" lawlor and kathie "daredevil" adare, all decided to kick back and take the night off. Compounding that mass mutiny, was scott "boom boom" saunders and richard "wild thing" bujold , both of whom told "field marshal" that they would be a "game time decision".
"field marshal" was having a rough day and clearly did not need the added stress. The morning started harmlessly enough with his usual 30 km gruelling bike ride up pink's lake mountain. He had--as is often the case--passed a couple of hard-core triathletes who simply couldn't keep up with his demanding pace. He left them in a cloud of dust as they flashed him the "thumb's up" sign. Next up was a leisurely round of golf at cedarhill. After a par-birdie-par-birdie start "field marshal" was thinking the day couldn't get much better. That is when his blackberry started going off like a slot machine at caesar's palace. "can't make it", "out", "too hot", "made other plans", came the cacophony of pathetic excuses. "field marshal" rolled his eyes. With his concentration now shot, it looked like he would be working the phones for the rest of the afternoon, instead of "going low".
Like a consummate professional "field marsh" hung tough and put together a rag-tag assortment of players so the team would not default. He got two players from the dog's bollocks, and another from leah's RA league team. By the time the game started "boom boom" and "wild thing" had decided to show up after all and sashayed their way onto the field to make a grand total of six guys. In fact, it had been so long since "wild thing" had played that he forgot that he needed his baseball uniform and he showed up in hard hat, steel-toed work boots, jeans and a safety vest on the hottest night of the year
There were only three women playing for the fun bunch: "bulls-eye", Alison "bulldozer" Hale and Nancy "5K" Harris. "bulls-eye" played 2nd, "bulldozer" at third and "5K" as rover behind second base. As luck would have it, these three pulled of yet another historic first as all three managed to snag a fly ball for an out. The first time all women playing for the fun bunch in a game have managed to do that! There were some gasps and crossed fingers as "bulldozer" and "5K" struggled to hold on for dear life, but in the end, they managed to do so to record another footnote in the fun bunch historical annals.
"Laura Dang" is a new team this year. They clearly are very keen and very young and athletic but could not quite match the skill of the fun bunch who made some great defensive plays including some great outfield catches by nick and "boom boom" and a line drive snag by "field marshal" that he turned into a double play, when the runner at first got caught going to second. Nick had a hans solo home run and field marshal added a grand slam for good measure thanks to the timely hits by "bulldozer" , "bulls-eye" and nick. Also key was having "boom boom" as back up pitcher so he could "toss it in like a beach ball".
The fun bunch took the lead in the second inning and never looked back. With the score 14-5 going into the eighth this one looked to be a massacre until laura dang cashed in their first home run with a grand slam to score 4 runs and make it 14-9. But the fun bunch answered with two more and laura dang could only get two more in the ninth. Final score 16-11 fun bunch.
Fun Bunch down 12-2 do the impossible and rally from behind with the help of "roadrunner's" in-the-park-home run
OTTAWA-It was a perfect golf day wednesday. A tad hot but no wind and sunny. Steve "field marshal" Saunders had a good feeling. He had confirmation from five guys and three women for the game tonight and his little brother scott "boom boom" saunders was going to ask jess "bulls-eye" belanger to bring out her friend to make a full squad. For the first time in a long while, he could simply concentrate on his brilliant golf game without having to worry about fielding a last minute squad. So confident was he in fact that he turned off his faithful blackberry so as to not be disturbed.
He was playing the local beater course "champlain". Although it was in need of a fair bit of TLC, "field marshal" loved the challenging layout including the monster 600 yd par 5 10th hole, tough even for him to reach in two. In addition, he had found an ad on their website stating that seniors of 50 years or older got a discount and had to pay only $20 for a round. He strode into the pro shop giddy with excitement as he exclaimed that he would like the reduced rate. That set the manager into fits of laughter as he and his assistant belly-laughed and guffawed for what seemed like an eternity as "field marshal" stood perplexed at the source of their merriment. "If you're fifty years old buddy, I'll eat your 3-iron", the manager managed to spit out with great difficulty between paroxysms of laughter.
Of course, now he understood. They didn't believe him. Looking a full twenty years younger than his true age of 53, "field marshal" nodded and reached into his wallet to pull out his driver's license. Unfortunately, this set the two of them into another fit of hysteria, causing the assistant to fall on the ground, roll around and start crying. "Look buddy, we're not looking at your photo-shopped, fake ID. There is simply no way you are fifty years old", the manager said firmly, wiping away tears from his eyes. "field marshal" was determined however. An hour later after displaying twelve pieces of ID including his passport, a water bill with his address on it, and a sworn affidavit from his lawyer, the manager begrudgingly charged him only the "senior's" rate.
With that he was off on a relaxing and leisurely round of golf for the bargain rate of $20. He started off with a 300 yd drive on the par 5, 520yd first hole. This caused some consternation with the group in front of him, who were putting on the green when "field marshal's" ball came sailing in with the velocity of a cruise missile. They quickly waited for him and waved him through so as to not be caught in the cross hairs of his next drive. The round continued in this manner for several more holes, with "field marshal's" game honed into mid-season form as he striped drive after drive down the middle of the fairway and hit every green in regulation. Bogey-less and with a couple of birdies in his back pocket he approached the "widow-maker". The 616 yd par 5, 10th hole. The hole that had caused grown men to break down and cry. But "field marshal" was feeling it today as he teed up his titleist prov1 and surveyed the daunting expanse in front of him. You couldn't even see the flag with the naked eye, the hole was so long but "field marshal" took a deep breath, waggled his callaway razr fit extreme driver and proceeded to wallop the stuffing out of his golf ball. He held his follow through for an eternity, patiently waiting for the ball to land. But so massive was the drive that he simply gave up, picked up his tee and proceeded walking down the fairway as the ball was still in the air.
It landed hard at about the three hundred yard mark, all carry, bounced once and continued rolling down the parched fairway. When all was said and done, the ball finished about three hundred and fifty yards from the tee box. That still left two hundred and sixty six yards to the green, a gargantuan drive for most players. But field marshal was unperturbed as he fished out his stiff steel-shafted big bertha three wood and dug in for the long haul. With great precision he crunched the ball , in the dead center of the sweet spot and watched it sail off towards the flagstick with uncanny accuracy. It landed just before the long undulating green, but the draw spin caused the ball to dig in and continue rolling. Up, up, up it rolled getting every closer to the hole with each rotation. It stopped about ten feet short of the pin, but on a tight slope. It was a potential eagle putt, but it certainly wouldn't be easy. Doing his best to calculate the precise vectors required to drain ball, "field marshal" released his taylor-made "daddy long legs" putter and the ball took off on a tightly sloping trajectory. With a bit too little pace the ball broke before the hole and sat on the lip for a tap-in birdie. While not an eagle, a birdie on the "widow-maker" was something he'd remember for a long time.
After the round, and a quick bite to eat, "field marshal" headed to hampton park to install the bases and get ready for the game. The fun bunch players started straggling in and by game time, they still hadn't fielded a full squad--which was typical. Four guys and three girls for a meagre seven players. "field marshal" asked "bulls-eye" where her friend was but she said no one asked her to invite her. So much for "boom boom" doing his job. Then there was the question of john "methuselah" devries, absent after confirming his participation only yesterday. "field marshal" told "boom boom" to start pitching and he would try to track down "methuselah" but could not get an answer on his cell phone, and he wasn't responding to text messages, email or smoke signals. His tough job just got a lot tougher as "boom boom" , rusty from kicking back and missing the last five games, struck out all three batters to end the inning.
The Aquabats, however, came prepared to win. They had a "new look" team with many young, agile, athletic looking players. Payback was first and foremost on their mind as they hadn't beaten the fun bunch in several years. They batted around and scored five runs to make a statement. Fun Bunch down 5-0, and with only seven players had a tall mountain to climb. That is when things took a turn for the worse. On a high fly ball to left-center field, in the top of the second inning, sure-footed fielders scott "boom boom" saunders and mark "polygon" pintar converged on the ball as it rapidly descended. Well placed in the gap between them, both fielders began running flat out for the ball, but unaware of what the other was doing. Just as "boom boom" went to close his glove, "polygon" landed with a thud, shoulder first on his nose, then lip, splitting both and causing a shower of blood to commence gushing from his now misshapen snout. With shards of his lip wedged between his teeth, "boom boom's" world was a hazy soup. He got to one knee, then fell over--not sure where he was or what day it was. Blood continued to pour from his nose like a broken fire hydrant. By that time his big brother steve "field marshal" saunders had arrived at the scene to survey the damage. While it didn't look good, he could see "boom boom's" nose at least wasn't broken. Sure it was going to be sore for a while--once it stopped bleeding, but some ice should get it down to a more manageable size. "ok kiddo, catch your breath and lets help you off the field. You're job is done for tonight, time to hit the showers", came "field marshal's" sage advice. With that his teammates helped him up and off the field as everyone applauded. "boom boom" was done, and now the fun bunch porous outfield looked like swiss cheese.
This was getting ridiculous thought "field marshal" as he was getting ready to play three positions in the infield single-handedly, when a newcomer from the aquabats approached him. "Excuse me, Mr. field marshal, sir, but I'd be willing to replace your injured outfielder if you'd like". Like a gift from god, "field marshal" simply couldn't believe his good fortune. "Sure kid, that would be great, what's your name?". "It's Dylan sir", he replied. "Ok Dylan, you've got center field, let's see what you've got". Dylan beamed. He was so excited he was giddy. He was going to play on the "field marshal's" team. He dug in to prove his mettle.
After the dust had settled and Dylan had replaced "boom boom", the aquabats had built up a seemingly insurmountable 12-2 lead by the middle of the fourth inning. The fun bunch still only had seven players as "methuselah" had still not responded to any communications forcing "field marshal" to file a missing persons report with the police. As the team shambled off the field, "field marshal" was laying in wait for them, in the dugout. They prepared themselves for the worst, but instead received some fatherly reassurance. "Look team, we've been through a lot tonight. We've lost "boom boom" and "methuselah" has left us twisting in the wind. But let's just do our best to at least make this game respectable. Let's start chipping away at that lead and see if we can get it down to single digits", "field marshal" calmly urged his crestfallen comrades.
Once again, the team responded to his behest. Hits by "roadrunner", "bulldozer" and "polygon" loaded the bases. "field marshal" strode to the plate. He had had some difficulty his first two at bats. With "boom boom" gone, that left richard "wild thing" bujold to pitch. Eager, but undisciplined, "wild thing" was a site to behold, as balls sailed in from every direction, eluding the strike zone with great proficiency. "field marshal" sighed. He looked out at the mound. There stood "wild thing" like a puppy. Tail wagging, tongue lolling, eyes bulging--wanting ever so desperately to please his master, yet failing miserably up to this point. "Ok 'wild thing' , you know the drill. think beach ball", "field marshal" cooed with the patience of a saint. No sooner were the words spoken, when the first pitch came rolling across the plate in the dirt. "Patience is a virtue", "field marshal" thought to himself. The next pitch was about two feet over his head, so it wouldn't do either. Down to his last pitch he choked up on the bat. Time for a new game plan he thought. Just try to make solid contact. Well lo and behold the next pitch was perfect. It was the perfect height, and speed and floated in right over the plate like, well, a beach ball. "field marshal" couldn't believe his good fortune as he pummeled the living daylights out of the hapless softball and watch it disintegrate as it sailed over the center field fence for a grand slam. By the end of the inning, the fun bunch had managed to claw their way back into the game 12-7.
The pesky aquabats managed to score three more in the fifth widening the gap to 15-7. But the fun bunch had changed. In that one last inning, they had become battle hardened. They realized momentum had shifted in their favour and they weren't about to take their foot off the gas. Like an advancing army, they moved forward in lockstep unison. The aquabats were unsure what to do about this. Their carefully drawn plans were unravelling like a spool of loosely wound toilet paper. They started squabbling in the dugout. They mishandled hard grounders and dropped balls at first. The fun bunch took extra bases at will. Their world was spiralling out of control and they were helpless to do anything about it. At least one of their players started to cry.
That is when the "roadrunner" strode to the plate. She had already scored four runs as she played the aquabats like a fiddle. They had no solution to her combination of power and speed. As she dug into the batter's box, they had an impromptu huddle in the outfield, trying desperately to brainstorm a defensive plan for this one-woman leviathan. The "roadrunner" took a deep breath and looked out to the pitching mound. "toss it in like a beach ball", she giggled. One pitch later, the aquabat defensive plan was in shambles as the ball sailed over the center fielder's head all the way to the home run fence. The "roadrunner" , issued a quick "beep beep" and took off like, well, a roadrunner. This was going to be good. The "roadrunner" was clearly on a mission as she rounded second and flew into third. This time she clearly heard "field marshal" yelling "go home" over the din of the queensway traffic. As she stepped on the bag at third, the ball was coming in to that base, but she would not be denied. Never wavering, she dug in and flew all the way home as the ball was misplayed at third. She had done it. She had recorded an in-the-park home run after coming oh-so-close on several other occasions, joining "bulls-eye" in that illustrious club.
After five innings, the score was 15-12. The fun bunch had closed the gap to three runs. But the teams traded runs in the six and the score was 18-15 for the aquabats -- still a three run gap. Heading into the last inning , the fun bunch would need a miracle. The first batter hit an easy single. The next batter hit a deep ball into center field. The runner on first advanced to second and then brazenly kept running to third. Meanwhile, newcomer Dylan had picked up the ball and saw the play unfold. Out of the corner of his eye he saw "field marshal" surveying the situation. He was going to make this his defining moment as he reared back and threw a perfect strike into Allison "bulldozer" Hale at third base. A little surprised, but prepared nonetheless, she glanced at the incoming base runner and realized that this was going to require a more difficult tag play. She blocked the bag with her body as she snagged the ball. The base runner, caught off guard by her aggressive play attempted to side step "bulldozer". At that moment, she swung her glove with all her might at the hapless player. Off balance, he left the ground, not of his own volition . He careened through the air and landed awkwardly, face first in the dirt. He was clearly out but that was the least of his concerns as he felt a tooth wiggle loose. He got up and with what little dignity he could muster , stutter stepped off the field--embarrassed, dirty, sore and facing a hefty dental bill.
With one out and a runner on first, "bulldozer" had served notice that she for one was not going down without a fight. The aquabats realized they were in over their heads. A couple of players began assembling a makeshift white flag of surrender, to have a the ready. In-the-park home runs? grand slam homers? tag plays at third? They had none of those weapons in their pop-gun arsenal. The fun bunch had called their bluff and they were beginning to regret it. Two more spectacular outfield catches and the aquabats had gone down without a run. The score was still 18-15, but the fun bunch had the bottom half of the inning to complete their siege.
"wild thing" lead off with a double on a clever base-running maneuver. Once again, digging out a big hit when they needed it "bulldozer" sprayed a ball into the outfield for a single scoring "wild thing". Score 18-16. "polygon" crunched a deep hit to score "bulldozer" and advance to second. Score 18-17 - nobody out. "Roadrunner" came to the plate. She had already scored five runs but she wasn't done yet. She crunched the first pitch once again into the outfield for a stand up triple to score "polygon". Nobody out, game tied and "field marshal" strode to the plate. He desperately wanted to park the first pitch over the fence and win the game in style. But somehow "wild thing" had gotten control of the pitching mound again and he was up to his old hijinks. "field marshal" watched the first pitch land about a foot before the plate. "be patient" , he thought. The next one was three feet outside the plate. "Take a deep breath, remain calm", he urged himself. The last pitch was going to land short of the plate too. With no choice he took three huge steps forward and lunged at the ball. He hit it a ton, but it went a mile into the air. He charged to first. There was a commotion as a number of players tried to track the flight of the ball which was still ascending. After what seemed like an eternity, the pin-prick in the sky started getting bigger. It was coming down fast and hard. With no spin, it was jumping around like a knuckleball. "field marshal" quickly realized this wasn't going to be caught. Not in this league. To make things more interesting, he began stutter stepping between first and second, to make the play more difficult. The ball landed with a thud, and almost completely disappeared as it embedded in the hard outfield. "roadrunner" seized the opportunity and trotted home for the winning run.
Seething, the first base woman dug the ball out of the ground and ran after "field marshal" who quickly stepped back on to the bag at first. The game was over the fun bunch had won, but this woman was delirious, as she continued charging hard at "field marshal". Bracing himself for impact, she dove at him with her glove. While she was no match for his rock-solid muscle, she was a big woman nonetheless and her momentum was much larger. She knocked him over. As he fell backwards, he stretched out and maintained contact with first base with the tip of his foot. She landed on top of him with the force of a small hippo, but still he kept his foot firmly on the bag. After her teammates pulled her off him, he got up, dusted himself off and ran over to celebrate with the rest of his teammates. They had done the impossible and beat the aquabats. Despite being down 12-2, despite losing one of their best fielders, and despite being short players.
Team beats Athletics with strong performance as they gear up for tournament weekend
OTTAWA - Steve "field marshal" Saunders was stuck in the doldrums. He had just finished his fourth consecutive round of golf in the 70's and had lowered his handicap to 5. But he wasn't celebrating. While accomplishing such a remarkable feat is simply impossible for the vast majority of golfers, he wasn't satisfied. His goal quite simply was perfection - to become a scratch golfer. To shoot par or better every time he teed off. But that elusive target was proving much more difficult than he ever imagined. Of course he wasn't doing himself any favours by playing the most difficult courses in the city. Wednesday's round, for instance was at the insidious "Emerald Links". With 27 holes, he asked to play the most difficult 18. It was unimaginably hot - pushing 36 degrees Celsius, but "field marshal" was undeterred. He started on the more difficult "East" course. A barrage of tight fairways, and crooked dog-legs that would bring a tour player to his knees. Compounding the layout was ridiculous pin placements--set up for the canadian amateur championship tournament the following day. The flags were tucked in the tightest corners of the undulating, postage-stamp greens, protected by mammoth bunkers -- big enough to swallow your soul. It was going to be a true test of his mettle.
Armed with a six-pack of gatorade and three gallons of spring water, he commenced his journey. Slowly he carved his way surgically around the course. Brandishing his bushnell "pin-seeker" laser range finder he carefully measured distances to the myriad of booby-traps that lay in wait. Bunkers, trees, ponds, hillocks, swamps, out-of-bounds, he methodically navigated his way around the obstacles like Amundsen sailing the north-west passage. But despite his mastery of the game, he was foiled by the diabolical greens. Dried-out and rolled flat to accentuate their speed, he was stymied time and time again by their treachery. He finished the front nine three over par. Only three bogies and no birdies for a 39. He proceeded to the "west" course.
His driving was off-the-charts. He striped every green dead center close to three hundred yards. He quite simply could not possibly drive the ball any better. But oh those greens. With every pin in a ridiculous position, he did his best to lob balls in as close as he could get. But getting his approach shot close was proving a challenge and when he did manage to get one tight it required a civil engineer to determine the proper ball path to drain the putt. Slowly and surely he manoeuvred his way around this no-man's-land-cum-golf-course. By the end of the second nine he had shot another three over 39 for a total score of 78 - six over par. He was despondent. He snapped his taylor-made "daddy long legs" putter. "No birdies - time for a new putter", he stated matter-of-factly. Already the middle of August, he was running out of time.
With that he packed up his equipment and hurried over to the Hampton Park diamond. This was the second last game before the tournament. The team had held a batting practice on the weekend which was a great success for the few who attended. Tonight they were playing the Athletics. Last season's tournament finalists. Notorious for padding their team with a few "tournament specific" ringers, they were a tough team with a handful of particularly annoying players.
"Field marshal" had begged his team to show up on time. The game was supposed to start at 6:15 but for the fun bunch that was simply a "moving target". But tonight, it was critical that the game started as scheduled, as his "tier-1" Carleton University hockey team had a playoff game at 8 PM, and therefore he would have to leave at 7:30 PM sharp in order to make it in time. "field marshal" was of course there early as were leah "roadrunner" morrell and mark "polygon" pintar -- always the first to show up. But shockingly as he approached the dugout, he noticed a new face. One that he was not used to seeing until the second or third inning. It was Alison "bulldozer" Hale and she was early for the first time this year and quite possibly ever. " 'Bulldozer', what are you doing here?", "field marshal" asked completely baffled. "You gave us an order, and I am complying", she replied straight faced. It almost brought a tear to his eye.
By 6:15 the fun bunch had done the unlikeliest of things. They had fielded a complete team, warmed up and ready-to-go. The Athletics were flabbergasted and caught somewhat off-guard. Not used to this unusual punctuality they had to hurry to get ready to start the game on time. An unlikely occurrence when playing the fun bunch.
"field marshal" approached their captain and league convener colin bromfield. "Hey colin, I need a favour. I have to leave at 7:30 PM sharp, so could we play either 7 innings or until 7:30 whichever comes first?", field marshal asked. "sure thing", colin replied congenially. "Oh and one more thing, we have six guys tonight, so do you mind if one of our guys plays catcher?", "field marshal" continued, attempting to push his luck. But tonight colin was in a good mood and agreed without issue to the request so the fun bunch came to bat. "Roadrunner", "polygon" and Jess "bulls-eye" belanger , the first three batters all got a base hit and loaded the bases for "field marshal". This would be a good start to the game, he thought. Smash a grand slam and get off to a good lead. Sadly, he got slightly under the pitch but hit it all the way to the giant home run fence in center field where it was caught, scoring "roadrunner" on a sacrifice fly as "polygon" tagged up and went to third on the play as well. After the top of the first, the fun bunch had a modest 2-0 lead.
The Athletics came roaring back as they scored four runs to take a 4-2 lead into the top of the second. The fun bunch looked a little unsettled as they failed to close the door with two out including an odd play where "polygon" came charging for a shallow fly ball and then sat down hard when he realized he had overrun the ball, which plopped onto the grass behind him resulting in two runs scoring. Before the start of the second inning, "field marshal" had a little chat with his teammates. Something to do with "pride", "dignity" and "winning the game whatever the cost". As is usually the case the team responded with a five run inning as they put on a batting display extraordinaire, including mammoth hits by "roadrunner" and "bull's-eye", a rally extending hit by "bulldozer" and oh yeah an undisciplined solo shot from "wild thing".
Exposing the weak underbelly of the Athletics, the fun bunch went for the jugular and scored five more runs in each of the next two innings as well to take a commanding 17-11 lead. With six guys at the game, the fun bunch were able to play with four guys in the outfield and that strategy paid big dividends as some great defensive plays were made. For the second game in a row, "bulldozer" --playing the hot corner-- made a fly ball snag for a big out, helping to end an inning. The fun bunch also turned two double plays in the infield, a nice stop and toss from "roadrunner" to "field marshal" to "bulls-eye" at first and a hard grounder to "field marshal" for a tag and toss to "road runner".
At the start of the sixth inning, it was 7:20 PM. The score was 17-13 for the fun bunch. "field marshal" reminded colin that this would have to be the last inning, so everyone was informed that this would be the "endless" inning. Hits by glen "the wrangler" rankin, leah "roadrunner" morrell and mark "polygon " pintar once again loaded the bases for "field marshal". There would be no denying him this time. He grabbed his trusty 30oz refurbished demarini bat. The old gem, was beginning to show her age. She was scratched, bent and rusted, living on borrowed time, but he still loved the old girl. He knew that soon he would have to do the right thing and take her out behind the barn and put her down. It wasn't fair to watch a trusted companion try to get by in all that pain. But not tonight. Not this at bat. They both still had a few good dingers left in them and right now the timing was impeccable.
"field marshal" sauntered up to the plate. He was going to be patient with his baby brother scott "boom boom" saunders this time. Of course he requested his standard "beachball", but he was going to be disciplined. He looked at the first pitch. good god he wanted to swing at it, but with the patience of a saint, he watched it drift in a good two feet off the plate. "boom boom" giggled and shrugged his shoulders. "Ok let's try that again", he calmly urged his little brother. This one was magnificent. It floated in as if on a magic carpet. It got bigger and bigger as it approached the plate. He squinted and did a double-take. He would later swear that he saw the words "crush me" emblazoned on the side just before he swung his bat.
Annoyed about flying out (albeit to the deepest part of the outfield), the last time the bases were loaded, he would not be denied this time. He unloaded with all his might, like a trebuchet. The ball - though designed specially not to--deformed on impact, so mighty was the blow. It took off on an unnatural arc. There was no question that it was going to clear the fence, that was a foregone conclusion, the only question that remained was - would it ever come down? Defying the laws of physics, it continued for what seemed like an eternity only to land in the nearby fenced in dog park, causing an odd looking shih-tzu to yelp in distress as the ball bounced hard twice before hitting it in the rear.
Going into the bottom of the last inning, the fun bunch were in the driver's seat, leading 21-13. With time running out to make it to his hockey game in time for the opening faceoff, "field marshal" implored his team for a quick three-up-three-down inning. Four batters later the fun bunch had won the game 21-14 on some great defensive plays. They had beaten the Athletics and their plethora of unsportsmanlike players and won the season series against them. With only one game to go, they were almost ready for the tournament.