OTTAWA - Steve "field marshal" Saunders was stuck in the doldrums. He had just finished his fourth consecutive round of golf in the 70's and had lowered his handicap to 5. But he wasn't celebrating. While accomplishing such a remarkable feat is simply impossible for the vast majority of golfers, he wasn't satisfied. His goal quite simply was perfection - to become a scratch golfer. To shoot par or better every time he teed off. But that elusive target was proving much more difficult than he ever imagined. Of course he wasn't doing himself any favours by playing the most difficult courses in the city. Wednesday's round, for instance was at the insidious "Emerald Links". With 27 holes, he asked to play the most difficult 18. It was unimaginably hot - pushing 36 degrees Celsius, but "field marshal" was undeterred. He started on the more difficult "East" course. A barrage of tight fairways, and crooked dog-legs that would bring a tour player to his knees. Compounding the layout was ridiculous pin placements--set up for the canadian amateur championship tournament the following day. The flags were tucked in the tightest corners of the undulating, postage-stamp greens, protected by mammoth bunkers -- big enough to swallow your soul. It was going to be a true test of his mettle.

Armed with a six-pack of gatorade and three gallons of spring water, he commenced his journey. Slowly he carved his way surgically around the course. Brandishing his bushnell "pin-seeker" laser range finder he carefully measured distances to the myriad of booby-traps that lay in wait. Bunkers, trees, ponds, hillocks, swamps, out-of-bounds, he methodically navigated his way around the obstacles like Amundsen sailing the north-west passage. But despite his mastery of the game, he was foiled by the diabolical greens. Dried-out and rolled flat to accentuate their speed, he was stymied time and time again by their treachery. He finished the front nine three over par. Only three bogies and no birdies for a 39. He proceeded to the "west" course.

His driving was off-the-charts. He striped every green dead center close to three hundred yards. He quite simply could not possibly drive the ball any better. But oh those greens. With every pin in a ridiculous position, he did his best to lob balls in as close as he could get. But getting his approach shot close was proving a challenge and when he did manage to get one tight it required a civil engineer to determine the proper ball path to drain the putt. Slowly and surely he manoeuvred his way around this no-man's-land-cum-golf-course. By the end of the second nine he had shot another three over 39 for a total score of 78 - six over par. He was despondent. He snapped his taylor-made "daddy long legs" putter. "No birdies - time for a new putter", he stated matter-of-factly. Already the middle of August, he was running out of time.

With that he packed up his equipment and hurried over to the Hampton Park diamond. This was the second last game before the tournament. The team had held a batting practice on the weekend which was a great success for the few who attended. Tonight they were playing the Athletics. Last season's tournament finalists. Notorious for padding their team with a few "tournament specific" ringers, they were a tough team with a handful of particularly annoying players.

"Field marshal" had begged his team to show up on time. The game was supposed to start at 6:15 but for the fun bunch that was simply a "moving target". But tonight, it was critical that the game started as scheduled, as his "tier-1" Carleton University hockey team had a playoff game at 8 PM, and therefore he would have to leave at 7:30 PM sharp in order to make it in time. "field marshal" was of course there early as were leah "roadrunner" morrell and mark "polygon" pintar -- always the first to show up. But shockingly as he approached the dugout, he noticed a new face. One that he was not used to seeing until the second or third inning. It was Alison "bulldozer" Hale and she was early for the first time this year and quite possibly ever. " 'Bulldozer', what are you doing here?", "field marshal" asked completely baffled. "You gave us an order, and I am complying", she replied straight faced. It almost brought a tear to his eye.

By 6:15 the fun bunch had done the unlikeliest of things. They had fielded a complete team, warmed up and ready-to-go. The Athletics were flabbergasted and caught somewhat off-guard. Not used to this unusual punctuality they had to hurry to get ready to start the game on time. An unlikely occurrence when playing the fun bunch.

"field marshal" approached their captain and league convener colin bromfield. "Hey colin, I need a favour. I have to leave at 7:30 PM sharp, so could we play either 7 innings or until 7:30 whichever comes first?", field marshal asked. "sure thing", colin replied congenially. "Oh and one more thing, we have six guys tonight, so do you mind if one of our guys plays catcher?", "field marshal" continued, attempting to push his luck. But tonight colin was in a good mood and agreed without issue to the request so the fun bunch came to bat. "Roadrunner", "polygon" and Jess "bulls-eye" belanger , the first three batters all got a base hit and loaded the bases for "field marshal". This would be a good start to the game, he thought. Smash a grand slam and get off to a good lead. Sadly, he got slightly under the pitch but hit it all the way to the giant home run fence in center field where it was caught, scoring "roadrunner" on a sacrifice fly as "polygon" tagged up and went to third on the play as well. After the top of the first, the fun bunch had a modest 2-0 lead.

The Athletics came roaring back as they scored four runs to take a 4-2 lead into the top of the second. The fun bunch looked a little unsettled as they failed to close the door with two out including an odd play where "polygon" came charging for a shallow fly ball and then sat down hard when he realized he had overrun the ball, which plopped onto the grass behind him resulting in two runs scoring. Before the start of the second inning, "field marshal" had a little chat with his teammates. Something to do with "pride", "dignity" and "winning the game whatever the cost". As is usually the case the team responded with a five run inning as they put on a batting display extraordinaire, including mammoth hits by "roadrunner" and "bull's-eye", a rally extending hit by "bulldozer" and oh yeah an undisciplined solo shot from "wild thing".

Exposing the weak underbelly of the Athletics, the fun bunch went for the jugular and scored five more runs in each of the next two innings as well to take a commanding 17-11 lead. With six guys at the game, the fun bunch were able to play with four guys in the outfield and that strategy paid big dividends as some great defensive plays were made. For the second game in a row, "bulldozer" --playing the hot corner-- made a fly ball snag for a big out, helping to end an inning. The fun bunch also turned two double plays in the infield, a nice stop and toss from "roadrunner" to "field marshal" to "bulls-eye" at first and a hard grounder to "field marshal" for a tag and toss to "road runner".

At the start of the sixth inning, it was 7:20 PM. The score was 17-13 for the fun bunch. "field marshal" reminded colin that this would have to be the last inning, so everyone was informed that this would be the "endless" inning. Hits by glen "the wrangler" rankin, leah "roadrunner" morrell and mark "polygon " pintar once again loaded the bases for "field marshal". There would be no denying him this time. He grabbed his trusty 30oz refurbished demarini bat. The old gem, was beginning to show her age. She was scratched, bent and rusted, living on borrowed time, but he still loved the old girl. He knew that soon he would have to do the right thing and take her out behind the barn and put her down. It wasn't fair to watch a trusted companion try to get by in all that pain. But not tonight. Not this at bat. They both still had a few good dingers left in them and right now the timing was impeccable.

"field marshal" sauntered up to the plate. He was going to be patient with his baby brother scott "boom boom" saunders this time. Of course he requested his standard "beachball", but he was going to be disciplined. He looked at the first pitch. good god he wanted to swing at it, but with the patience of a saint, he watched it drift in a good two feet off the plate. "boom boom" giggled and shrugged his shoulders. "Ok let's try that again", he calmly urged his little brother. This one was magnificent. It floated in as if on a magic carpet. It got bigger and bigger as it approached the plate. He squinted and did a double-take. He would later swear that he saw the words "crush me" emblazoned on the side just before he swung his bat.

Annoyed about flying out (albeit to the deepest part of the outfield), the last time the bases were loaded, he would not be denied this time. He unloaded with all his might, like a trebuchet. The ball - though designed specially not to--deformed on impact, so mighty was the blow. It took off on an unnatural arc. There was no question that it was going to clear the fence, that was a foregone conclusion, the only question that remained was - would it ever come down? Defying the laws of physics, it continued for what seemed like an eternity only to land in the nearby fenced in dog park, causing an odd looking shih-tzu to yelp in distress as the ball bounced hard twice before hitting it in the rear.

Going into the bottom of the last inning, the fun bunch were in the driver's seat, leading 21-13. With time running out to make it to his hockey game in time for the opening faceoff, "field marshal" implored his team for a quick three-up-three-down inning. Four batters later the fun bunch had won the game 21-14 on some great defensive plays. They had beaten the Athletics and their plethora of unsportsmanlike players and won the season series against them. With only one game to go, they were almost ready for the tournament.