OTTAWA-Steve "field marshal" Saunders was scrambling to field a team Wednesday night. Scott "twist in the wind" Saunders was absent for the second week in a row as he once again decided to kick-back and take the night off to the detriment of his teammates. John "Methuselah" Devries followed suit. He informed "field marshal" that he was "entertaining out-of-town clients" in what would no doubtedly be a drunken free-for-all compliments of the OCA. Adding to the dilemma was notice from rowena "scoresheet" sams and mark "polygon" pintar that they too would miss the game. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin made things more interesting when he told "field marshal" that he would be a "game time decision" with a hamstring injury.

That left only "field marshal", clark "pound-em-back" lawlor and richard "wild thing" bujold as the only guys available to play that night. "wild thing" had told "field marshal" that "he should be good to go" Wednesday night. So "field marshal" invited Colin "Vegas" Viegas to come out once again as a spare. When "the wrangler" informed "field marshal" that he would play Wednesday morning that made five guys and the team was good to go. Or so he thought.

In the middle of yet another sub-par round of golf on Wednesday afternoon, "field marshal" was surprised to hear his phone chime, just as he striped a three -iron 250 yards dead straight down the tightest fairway on the 17th hole at champlain. A mere 120 yds from the pin, it looked like he was going to break par once again, so he took a moment from his busy schedule to see who was texting him at 4PM in the afternoon. It was "wild thing". His worst fears realized, "wild thing" informed he that "he wasn't going to make it". "field marshal" was now in a real pickle. Trying to stay focussed on his outstanding golf round, "wild thing" had just thrown him a curve ball. "Where am I going to find a replacement player for a 6 PM game at 4PM?", he thought to himself as he selected his trusted 52 degree wedge and lined up his shot. Multi-tasking, he aligned himself and drilled a brilliant approach shot to within 15 feet of the pin as he quickly thought of who could replace "wild thing".

"I'll deal with 'wild thing' when I get home", he thought to himself. The chances of finding a replacement player at 4PM were slim to none, so he might as well remain focussed on his remarkable golf game. Missing the birdie putt (thanks to wild thing), he cursed under his breath and tapped in yet another par as he quickly approached the 18th tee box. A 400 yard, sharp dog leg left, "field marshal" once again grabbed his trusty 3-iron. "Aren't you going to use your driver?", his confused and perplexed golfing partner asked. "field marshal" just smiled and looked at him with disdain. "Hey use whatever club you think is best", he replied matter-of-factly as he planted his tee into the dirt before he striped and absolutely perfect 3-ron, that landed on the hill and then descended to the left with a bit of fade spin to come to rest once again 120 yards from the flag. His playing partner's jaw dropped. his tongue lolled out. He was speechless. Never had he seen such an audacious shot. Never.

Still mulling over the permutations for the night's softball game, "field marshal" lined up his approach shot. 120yds but a slight helping breeze, he grabbed his trusted 56 degree sand wedge. Playing the ball slightly forward to promote a high trajectory he absolutely crushed the ball. Taking a huge divot the ball sailed high in the air and came down softly , like a butterfly with sore feet, five feet from the pin. His playing partner could not believe what he was seeing. Why was this man not on the tour? A straightforward putt led to yet another birdie and the end of the round. Pleasantries were exchanged before "field marshal" looked at his watch. 4:30 PM. Game starts at 6 PM. I need to find a player in 1.5 hours.

No sooner had the round ended when his phone chimed once again. Almost afraid to look at the screen, "field marshal" checked his messages hoping for the best. Things just got worse. A lot worse. This time it was a message form clark "pound-em-back" lawlor. "sorry dude , won't be able to get to the game until 6:30 - cheers", read the message. "field marshal" stared in disbelief. He was now down to three guys an hour before the game. "What are these people thinking?", he asked to himself. "I don't get paid enough to put up with this", he wallowed in self pity , before coming to his senses. "you are the captain of the team, 30 year veteran all-star, take-no-prisoners , living legend field marshal" saunders - get this situation under control". As if slapped in the face "field marshal" snapped out of his daze and send out a message to colin "vegas" viegas and leah "roadrunner" morrel to see if they could find another player from their softball team. He then entered his sub-par score in his on-line handicap calculator and scooted home. By the time he pulled in his driveway, "vegas" had confirmed that he had another player for the game tonight. The fun bunch were not going to default.

"field marshal" showed up at hampton park at 5:30PM so he could install the bases since they were the home team. By game start time at 6:20 PM they still had only three guys: "field marshal" , "vegas" and new recruit andrew. No glen "the wrangler" rankin, No clark "pound em back" lawlor. "Ok team, we have to start. I have no idea where "the wrangler" and "pound em back are but we have to get in the field as he rattled off their new positions. His tough day just got tougher.

The fun bunch took an early lead. Steve "field marshal" saunders set the tone. Duplicating the feat of his idol reggie jackson from the 1977 world series, "field marshal" hit three consecutive home runs on three consecutive pitches on three consecutive at bats. The fun bunch took an early 12-5 lead after 4 innings.

But the dog's bollocks weren't about to lie down and roll over as they used their remaining three home runs to take the lead 15-14 in the bottom of the eighth inning. This despite god-awful pitching and three strike outs of their own players.

But what really cost the fun bunch was a lack of offense , scoring only two runs from the fourth to the eighth inning. There were lots of solid hits but usually directly to a fielder for an easy out or a hard grounder to second base or short stop for an out. There was a three up three down inning in the sixth, and the fun bunch never could get a rally going with too many easy outs. The sun was also a huge factor with very few outs at first base until the sun went down late in the last couple of innings. With Kathy "daredevil" Adare at first, she warned her teammates that she "couldn't see the ball" when it was thrown her way.

That said there were still some highlights: leah "roadrunner" morrel fielded a hard grounder at third and threw to first for an out. Glen "the wrangler" rankin went five for five to break out of his hitting slump in a big way. But best of all was nancy "5K" harris who snagged a hard grounder up the middle and threw to jess "bulls-eye" belanger to keep the runner from advancing.

Heading into the ninth inning the score was 15-14 for dog's bollocks. The game was still within reach. In the top of the inning, the fun bunch started with two out but could not hold the dog's bollocks who went on to score three runs including an oh-so-close play at home plate that was dropped for a run. When the fun bunch came to bat the score was 18-14. Tough but do-able. "field marshal" had to lead off the inning. With all the home runs used up, he would have to get creative. He surveyed the outfield and decided he was going to put one down first base into the corner. By the time Colin got to the ball he would be at third. He had done this many, many times in the past. It was a great pitch and he choked up on the bat to keep in the park, and hit it right down first base where he wanted to, only the first base woman was playing deep and just managed to catch the ball for the first out. Not the way they wanted to start the inning. Nancy "5k" Harris got a hit to start the rally, and then a hit and aggressive play by Andrew scored a run and got him to second. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin hit a double to score andrew, but then the fun bunch luck ran out. Final score 18-16 as the fun bunch record dropped to 7-3. Their worst in many, many years.