OTTAWA - The Fun Bunch took to the field on Wednesday to play the upstart "Mustangs", a supposedly new "C" level team. However, something seemed slightly amiss as steve "field marshal" saunders noticed a few familiar faces and the captain of the hated "Bass Line Station" managing the "new" team. "uh-oh this could be trouble", he mused, conjuring up images of the elite semi-pro team that Bass Line Station fields each tournament weekend.

Compounding the trouble, the fun bunch managed to field only four women, three guys and new recruit Corey "too tall" Ploegman for the start of the game. Absent were Scott "boom boom" Saunders, Richard "wild thing" Bujold and Glen "the wrangler" Rankin, who all decided to kick back and take the night off to leave their teammates to twist in the wind--a recurring theme. MIA were nancy "triple threat" harris and sophomore mark "polygon" pintar, both of whom said they would be there, but failed to show up for the start of the game.

Also absent was Leah "roadrunner" Morrel who was on vacation in Hawaii. Since she was celebrating her graduation from Carleton University with her Bachelor of Engineering degree, "field marshal" cut her some slack. "I told her she could miss one game in recognition of her impressive accomplishment, but god help her if she wasn't here next week", "field marshal" stated matter-of-factly.

With only three-quarters of a team available, the Fun Bunch had a few gaps to fill. Alison "bulldozer" Hale played third and "triple threat" played second base--not their regular positions. That left "too tall" to debut in right field -- in a night game no less-- a trial-by-fire to be sure.

Compounding the shortage of players, was the fact that 95% of the team eschewed the pre-season practice -- leaving them woefully unprepared for the game. So, with a shortage of ball players, neophyte players in challenging positions, other players in unfamiliar positions, and the majority of the team having skipped practice, the Mustangs promptly ran up the score 9-1 after the first two innings.

Fielding was atrocious. Balls were dropped and thrown away, leading to extra bases, runs scoring and a general state of confusion.

Having seen enough, "field marshal" summoned his troops after they trudged off the field--heads drooped, shoulders stooped, despondent and in despair. They assembled in a line and averted his steely gaze. The prepared themselves mentally for the unpleasantness that most certainly was to follow. "field marshal" wasted no time as he tore into the team, unleashing an expletive filled tirade, singling out each and every player for their failure to execute. After what seemed like an eternity--how can he possibly scream for so long without taking a breath--he sucked in a great lungful of air, wiped the spittle from his chin and adjusted his now askew ball cap.

The team stopped quivering, pulled themselves together and went to bat, battle plan in hand, fully prepared to right this listing ship.

The mustangs meanwhile were practically jubilant. Giddy with excitement one of them stopped to taunt "field marshal" as he made his way to the outfield. "We've got you right where we want you now old man!", he chuckled-- with their seemingly unassailable 9-1 lead in hand.

"field marshal" spun around and looked him right in the eyes. The mustang froze in his tracks. He wasn't so excited anymore. All of a sudden he felt cold and started shivering. He opened his mouth to speak, but only a strange sound-- like a whimper-- escaped his lips. "field marshal" approached him, slowly , methodically. He seemed twice his size. The mustang was scared--more scared than he had ever been in his life. He tried to run but couldn't move. He thought he might die. "field marshal" stopped inches from his face and began to speak. "Son...you don't have jack shit", "field marshal" replied slowly, and then spat a huge wad of chewing tobacco on the mustang's shiny new cleats--to emphasize his point. Without waiting for a reply, he turned and walked slowly to the pitching mound. The mustang, felt his bowel release. Ashamed, embarrassed and now sullied, he lowered his head and disappeared slowly into the outfield.

Now in the bottom of the second, and with "polygon" finally at the diamond, the fun bunch shifted into high gear and scored four runs as the good ship fun bunch began to level off from its early list. The onslaught continued as the fun bunch displayed their now legendary offensive might. It was a complete team effort with the women leading the charge: "bulldozer" , "scoresheet", "triple threat", "daredevil" getting hit after hit. Patti "gazoo" Anderson absolutely crunching the ball--her off season weight training clearly paying off--was a one-woman wrecking crew.

Not to be left out the boys did their part too. John "hans solo" devries showed some extra base power too pulling a couple of balls foul over the fence. "polygon" hit a grand slam to cap a five run inning. Clark "pound em back" lawlor hit a home run--albeit a solo shot. Steve "downtown" Saunders had a couple of triples before crunching a towering homer over the gargantuan centre field fence to disappear into hampton park forest forever.

And making his fun bunch debut, corey "too tall" ploegman displayed some impressive skill going 4-for-6 and playing particularly well at second base, where "field marshal" found him a particularly quick understudy to mentor.

Now turning the thumbscrews, the fun bunch had a masterfully executed out-at-the-plate to completely deflate the now gelded mustangs. With the mustang player approaching third and not slowing, john "Methuselah" devries ran down a deep drive to the fence. As he did so "field marshal" ran onto the outfield and yelled for the ball as the player rounded third. Mustering all his strength, "Mehtuselah" threw the ball on line and with pace into "field marshal's" outstretched glove. Never hesitating for a moment, "field marshal" --in one quick motion--turned and fired the ball with all his might into "scoresheet's" outstretched mitt to beat the baserunner by half a step for the out to end the inning.

At that point the Mustangs new they were in way over their head. The fun bunch had just turned in consecutive innings of 4-5-2-5-5-4 runs. The score stood at 26-17 . The fun bunch had outscored them 25-6 after the second inning. They knew when they were beat, and conceded the game in the middle of the eighth inning-- having been taught a tough lesson in the process.