OTTAWA-Neophyte ball player Jess "bulls-eye" Belanger, made history Thursday night, when she became the first woman in fun bunch history to hit a home run. The play started innocently enough when she asked pitching ace steve "field marshal" saunders to "toss it in like a beach ball". It was yet another perfect pitch, and "field marshal" knew as soon as she hit it that it was going to be impressive. The ball was crushed and it sailed over the head of the center fielder easily and made it all the way to the home run fence. "bulls-eye" meanwhile, was galloping around the bases--she would not be denied, not on this historic night. As the outfielders fumbled with the ball, picking it up then dropping it back down, resembling a poor-man's version of the keystone cops, "bulls-eye" lowered her shoulder and rounded second--never hesitating for a moment. With "field marshal" urging her on she trotted into third with an easy triple as the ball made its way to the shortstop. One of the nastier player's on the opposing team, a squat doppelganger for johnathan lithgow , he picked up the ball and fired it dangerously towards third. Catching his own player unawares, she missed the ball and watched as "bulls-eye" continued her victory sprint triumphantly all the way home, making history in the process. Her teammates rushed onto the field to congratulate her and hoisted her up on their shoulders to celebrate her monumental achievement. Meanwhile the doppelganger lowered his head to avert his teammates icy stares as he skulked embarrassedly back to his position on the infield.

The game was a defensive gem. The fun bunch defense shut down the Dog's Bollocks for seven straight innings -- a record achievement in itself-- allowing them to score in only the first and the ninth inning, chalking up zeroes along the way.

There were some great defensive plays. John "hans solo" Devries made two terrific run-saving catches in the outfield. A shoe string snag, and an over the shoulder catch--narrowly missing the home run fence. Corey "too tall" Ploegman made a spectacular play when he backed up "bulls-eye" at first. "bulls-eye" stopped an infield hit, but couldn't pick it up cleanly. Seeing her stumble, "too tall" made a bee line for first and with the wingspan of a 747, was there to complete the play once "bulls-eye" gained control. Not to be out done, "too tall" single handedly turned a double play when he caught an infield grounder at second, tagged the advancing runner and then ran to first for the second out. With mark "polygon" pintar, glen "the wrangler" rankin and scott "boom boom" saunders all chipping in the outfield stood as a "no man's land" for the dog's bollocks.

In an attempt to shed his "hans solo" moniker, john "Methuselah" devries hit a three run shot with a badly needed clutch hit and three RBI's. That was his second multi-run home run in as many games. "I'm a new man, give clark my old nick name", hans solo chirped as he rounded the bases and cast a playful wink towards "field marshal" on the pitching mound.

In the fifth inning, with no runners aboard, glen "the wrangler" rankin came to the plate. "the wrangler" had been struggling a bit at the plate lately and it was clear that he wasn't messing around as he hit the first ball foul all the way into in the far corner of left field--narrowly missing a home run. "field marshal"--who had been observing these machinations--looked towards home plate. He locked eyes with "the wrangler" who looked back but didn't flinch. Just as "field marshal" was about to warn "the wrangler" about not hitting a solo shot, the wrangler growled. "field marshal"-- caught off guard-- was startled by this unexpected behaviour. Looking once more towards home plate, he could see "the wrangler's" lips wrinkling back from his teeth-cum-fangs as the growl intensified. His forehead seemed to flatten and his nostrils flared as he began to resemble an ill-tempered pit-bull. At this point "field marshal"--relying on his decades of coaching experience-- thought better of further antagonizing this clearly agitated ball player. Before you could say "hans solo" , "the wrangler" crushed the next pitch for a home run -- a solo shot. As he rounded the bases you could see the weight leave his shoulders as he had finally busted out of his prolonged hitting slump. As he came around third and trotted towards home, "the wrangler"--no longer resembling a snarling pit-bull--cast "field marshal" a playful wink and said "thanks for letting me get that out of the way".

On an historic night, history was made once more when scott "boom boom" saunders extended his hitting-the-pitcher streak to three games. With his big brother, mentor and life-coach, steve "field marshal" saunders on the pitching mound , "boom boom" came to the plate. He had been having an awful night, going 0 for 2 up to that point. With all the home runs used up (complements of "the wrangler's solo shot), "boom boom" was going to have to get creative. "field marshal" realized that "boom boom's" go to play was to hit it up the middle as he had done in the previous two games. Despite "field marshal's" uncanny reflexes, "boom boom" had managed to hit him in both of those games. With the pain still seared in his subconscious, "field marshal" took a couple of extra steps back. Before you could even say "toss it in like a beach ball", "boom boom" drilled the first pitch right at his brother. With no time to react, "field marshal" braced himself for the impact and the agony that was to follow.

The ball hit him square in his calf muscle and made a loud sound like a tire exploding. There was a high-pitched scream from rowena "scoresheet" sams before she fainted. His teammates looked on in shock and horror. "boom boom" cowered--afraid for his safety. But "field marshal" just frowned and shook his head. To a lesser man, such a play would have been catastrophic, but to this living legend, this giant of a man, it was simply an annoyance. "You can't be wasting outs like that boom boom", he said to his little brother before calmly walking off the field.

Apart from "hans solo" three run shot, and "bulls-eye's" historic in-the-park-home-run , there wasn't a lot of highlights offensively for the fun bunch. Sure "field marshal" had a monster line drive three-run shot over the center field "green monster", scored three runs and went 4 for 4, but that was just another ho-hum night for him. That's when rowena "scoresheet" sams decided to take matters into her own hands. An astute student of the game, she came to bat in the sixth inning and decided she needed to start a rally. Mentally, reviewing her notes from the previous batting practice, she shifted her hands fully down the bat for maximum power, shifted her weight and then drilled the next pitch up the middle into the outfield for her best hit of the night.

That said, the fun bunch did not score a single five run inning all game--the first time this year that has happened--a worrisome sign. In fact the fun bunch had four scoreless innings themselves--and it was not because the dog's bollocks were playing good defensively. All in all the fun bunch scored only 10 runs. They still won the game 10-4, but had two guys who didn't not have a hit all night, far too many pop fly outs (including a home run for an out), and too many easy ground balls to short. Against a stronger team, they would have been in trouble.