OTTAWA - The Fun Bunch have been struggling this season. With a 7-3 record so far they have been careening towards mediocrity. So it came as no surprise to see team president Soren "scoop" Sorensen sitting in the stands to observe the game Thursday night. He was doing his best to go incognito, with a ball cap, dark glasses , a wig and a fake beard, but there was no mistaking his looming presence.

Before the game got underway, he was having an animated discussion with Alison "bulldozer" Hale, team co-captain. Actually, it wasn't much of a discussion as he was cursing a blue streak at the top of his voice as "bulldozer" listened intently, her head bowed. It was hard to make out the whole conversation, but a few snippets that drifted their way including "shameful", "embarrassing", and "what kind of captain are you" , gave the team a pretty good idea. After his diatribe ended he stepped forward and tore the "C" off "bulldozer's" jersey. She was on the verge of tears, but she would not cry. With a stiff upper lip, she turned curtly on one heel and walked towards the dugout--determined to right this sinking ship.

Her job was unfortunately going to be a little more difficult. The team was missing regulars scott "boom boom" saunders, richard "wild thing" bujold and clark "pound 'em back" lawlor--all of whom decided to kick-back and take the night off leaving their teammates to twist in the wind--as they have on so many occasions this season. But that was the least of her worries. No, the real obstacle to victory was going to be the absence of steve "field marshal" saunders. "field marshal" was caught in a real dilemma. His unbeaten tier-1 Carleton University hockey team had a game scheduled at the exact same time. As the leading scorer and top-line center, he simply could not miss this critical game. "Listen 'bulldozer', Leah has rounded up a couple of spares from her baseball team. Andrew who played with us last week and Nick who is going to come out too. With john "Methuselah" devries, corey "too tall" ploegman and glen "the wrangler" rankin, we'll be able to field a full squad", he had told her the night before. Somehow those words did not console her. She knew that on paper she was going to have a real battle on her hand. If this game was going to be won, it would have to be her leadership skills that made the difference.

She huddled her troops before the start of the game. "Listen team, I want to see everyone give it 100% tonight. This is a watershed moment in our season. We need to win this game to maintain our "A" standing in the league. We have a lot riding on the outcome, but I know what you are capable of. Just give me all you've got and I guarantee a win", "bulldozer" said in a calm steady voice. The team responded enthusiastically and the game was underway.

It was a see-saw battle all night long. The fun bunch took an early lead on a five run second inning including a home run by "the wrangler". But the main street crawlers weren't about to roll over and play dead. They connived in their dugout between sips of their ice-cold tall boys. "This game doesn't seem to be going our way, I think it is time to enact plan B", said team captain Sheldon formerly of the Harris Cheetahs. "Plan B" became painfully obvious on the next play as a clear out at first was called "safe". Foul balls were called "fair" and any close plays were called in favour of the crawlers. The fun bunch were steamed. Not only were they going to have to beat them with a depleted line-up but now they would have to contend with their one-sided home-town umpiring too.

"This isn't fair, they're cheating", said leah "roadrunner" morrell. "Welcome to the big leagues sister", came "bulldozer's" retort. "Look, I don't like it any more than you do. I agree it is ridiculous, but all we can do is dig deeper and beat them the old fashioned way--with our bats and our gloves--umpire be damned", "bulldozer" continued. The team nodded their heads in agreement and buckled down. This was going to be a war in the trenches.

With "field marshal" absent, "the wrangler" filled in at short. By all accounts, he played exemplary. Corey "too tall" Ploegman played second and he too had a strong game. Nick and Andrew in the outfield also played solid--this despite their first time playing a night game. Both Patti "gazoo" Anderson and Nancy "5K" Harris had a chance to make their first catch at rover. They both tracked shallow fly balls, positioned their gloves only to have the ball hit the edge and plop to the ground despite their best efforts. Also having some trouble in the outfield was John "Methuselah" devries. A couple of deep fly balls were hit his was to right field. Usually sure handed, "Methuselah" waved his arms as if to signal, "back off I've got it" only to have the balls drop harmlessly in the outfield in front of him. "Tarnation! I couldn't see a gosh-darn thing. Those doo-hickey's blinded me for goodness sakes", he wheezed while gesticulating towards the high wattage field lights.

"too tall" got caught running the bases a bit too agressively in the sixth inning. He rounded first and headed to second on a single only to have the ball thrown behind him to first base. He was now trapped in a run down. A neophyte in this situation, that didn't stop him from putting on quite a show as he ran hither and yon, resembling an octopus with arms and legs flopping this way and that completely disorienting the other team who finally threw the ball away as he safely scooted back to first--lesson learned.

Another defensive gem involved a great bang-bang play as "Methuselah" picked up an outfield hit and relayed to "the wrangler" at short. Meanwhile the crawler runner didn't stop at third and decided to go for home just as the "wrangler" threw a beauty into the outstretched mitt of rowena "scoresheet" sams at home for the much needed out.

Meanwhile, "bulldozer" was quietly going about her business leading by example. She had gone 3 for 4 and scored 3 runs--triple the amount of the next closest fun bunch female. By god if this team was going down, it was going to go down swinging, screaming, biting and fighting to the last breath.

As luck would have it, "field marshal's" hockey game had ended at 9 PM. He was exhausted. After hastily showering and enjoying a quick post-game pint in the dressing room, he bid his hockey teammates farewell and proceeded to see if he could catch up with his baseball teammates at whispers. But then a funny thing happened. As we has driving along the Queensway towards the carling ave exit, he took a quick glimpse over at hampton park diamond and could see the tell-tale red cap of patti "gazoo" anderson on the field. "That's funny, I thought their game would be over by now. I guess I'll stop by and cheer them on", "field marshal" thought to himself.

At that point he arrived deux-ex-machina at the diamond. It was the top of the ninth inning. The scored was tied 13-13. " 'field marshal' can you bat for us?", came the doe-eyed request of his protege leah "roadrunner" morrell. "Guys, I didn't bring my cleats, I'm dressed in causal attire, I'm exhausted and I've had a pint already", "field marshal" replied shocked by the request. Now, don't get him wrong. With all his heart and soul he wanted nothing more to stride to the plate in the team's moment of need, but as such was woefully unprepared. He looked around the dugout. Like a litter of helpless puppy dogs they stared back at him with huge eyes, wagging tails and lolling tongues. How could he say no? "Ok I'll do it", he replied to a chorus of cheers. As they penciled him in the lineup, he did his best to prepare for his at bat.

He rolled up his twill chinos to the knees. He carefully hung his dapper harry rosen casual seer-sucker shirt on a hanger and donned an old t-shirt he found in the bat bag. "Must be 'wild thing's' ", he thought to himself as he noticed the pizza sauce on the chest. Finally, he removed his leather oxford's and dress socks, and borrowed a pair of flip-flops. It wasn't much, but it was going to have to do. He had zero traction as he strode to the plate, two out and the fun bunch up by a run. He attempted to dig himself in at the plate in his flip flops and laughed at the absurdity of the situation. With the weight of his entire team once more on his broad shoulders he took in a great lungful of air. He surveyed the outfield. Clearly the crawlers did not expect this. In a last ditch effort to sabotage the fun bunch rally, someone yelled "he can't just show up and bat like that".

Seizing the moment, Alison "bulldozer" Hale, screamed back at the top of her lungs, "He's the gawd-damned captain of the team and he can do whatever he likes". The objections ceased.

"field marshal" lived for this moment. Everyone in the fun bunch dugout and on the field knew exactly what was going to happen. He cast a glance at the still incognito "scoop" in the stands and gave him a playful wink. He looked out towards the mound at Andrew who was pitching and politely asked him to "toss it in like a beach ball". As the ball was on its way, "field marshal" looked at Sheldon, the captain of the crawlers. "Hey sheldon, guess what? cheaters never prosper", he said rhetorically as he absolutely crushed the ball into the stratosphere as it cleared the home run fence, the dog park and landed close to a kilometre away on island park drive. Fun bunch now lead by two runs.

Not quite out of the woods yet, the fun bunch took to the field. The score was 15-13. They would have to shut down the crawlers to maintain their lead. With "field marshal" having batted, he was forced to take the field in flip-flops no less to relieve "Methuselah". "Tarnation, I can't see a gosh-darn thing out there", came "Methuselah'" parting words.

The first crawler batter hit a sharp fly ball to center field. Nick charged hard for the ball and dove, the ball however scooted under his glove. By the time he got up the ball had rolled all the way to the center field fence and the runner had advanced to third. "This isn't the way I wanted to start this inning", "field marshal" thought to himself. The next batter hit a deep fly ball that was caught by Andrew. The runner at third tagged up and scored. 15-14 for the fun bunch. "I'm getting to old for this", said patti "gazoo" anderson from her rover position, reflecting the thoughts of her teammates.

The next batter popped up to the infield and was caught by "the wrangler". "I can't believe this but we just might win", giggled "the roadrunner" . The next batter strode to the plate. He looked to be the biggest and baddest looking crawler of them all. He swung at the first pitch and crushed a ball to deep center. Catching Nick, slightly off guard, he began to back pedal immediately. "I'm not letting another ball get by me this inning", he thought to himself as he ran with all his might towards the ball. As it started to descend he was still running full-flight. "He's not going to get it", said Nancy "5K" Harris as she watched dejectedly from left field. But Nick wasn't giving up, he dove at the last minute and with arm outstretched he snagged the ball for the out. Fun bunch would win this game 15-14 in dramatic fashion.

The team was jubilant. They had done the impossible and beat the crawlers, despite their terrible home-town calls and their depleted line up. As they were celebrating, Soren "scoop" Sorensen, entered the dugout. Gone was his disguise. There was no mistaking him now. The celebration came to an abrupt end. He approached "bulldozer". Expecting the worst she stood ram-rod straight. She had given it her all. she had scored 3 runs and gone 3-4 and managed to win the game. She had nothing left to give. She prepared herself mentally for the consequences.

"Scoop" took her "C" he had only hours ago ripped off her uniform and clumsily duct-taped it back on her jersey. "You have proved yourself worthy once again. I am very proud of you, and proud to re-instate you as co-captain of the team". The fun bunch burst into cheers and lifted her onto their shoulders as they headed to whispers to celebrate in style.