OTTAWA-Going from feast to famine in one fell swoop, the fun bunch started the game Thursday night on a sour note fielding a miniscule roster of only eight players including only three women – two of them neophyte rookies. That left Kathie “daredevil” Adare as the only seasoned veteran left to “hold down the fort” as both paris “songbird” Patricelli and meghan “marathon” saunders were left “twisting in the wind” by their female compatriots in what was to be a painful “baptism by fire”.

They were playing “pitch please” a new team last season, filled with talented youngsters, who seemed to have done some recruiting in the offseason judging by the pre-game warm up. Missing Jess “bullseye” Belanger, Leah “the roadrunner” Morrell and Alison “bulldozer” Hale left a huge hole in their batting line up—not to mention their infield-- to say the least.

As the home team, however, the fun bunch got off to a terrific start on hits by “daredevil” (twice), Mark “polygon” Pintar, Glen “the wrangler” Rankin and capped off by a gargantuan home run by steve “field marshal” saunders—a deliberate attempt at shock and awe, to send an initial warning shot across the bow of “pitch please” and chalk up an impressive 5-0 lead after the first inning.

But then the wheels came off the wagon, in a painful, slow-motion, horror show that lasted the remaining eight innings as the fun bunch offense ground to a complete halt chalking up six scoreless innings – a new team low. Even the addition of their new bat—a beautiful composite 28 oz end-loaded Demarini “New Breed” –failed to kick-start their sputtering offense as player after player flew out, ground out, popped out, or struck out. Compounding the train wreck in the batters box, were the plethora of jaw-dropping base running errors for the few runners who managed to actually get on base. These included running into two double plays and getting picked off base twice on fly balls bringing any twinkle of momentum to a screeching halt.

Defensively, however, the team was impressive. With only three outfielders and no rovers, “boom boom”, “polygon” and “the wrangler” were covering the outfield like a battalion twice their number. “the wrangler” fielded a ball and threw a one-hope strike to Adrian “sweetspot” Seaman at second base for a highlight reel out. “field marshal” snagged a grounder deep in the hole at short and delivered an absolute rocket to “daredevil” at first to beat the baserunner by half a step. Even meghan “marathon” saunders got into the act, playing the “hot corner” when she used her shoulder to stop a wayward grounder that had bounced over her glove. “uncle field marshal told me to always backstop the ball with your body”, she said matter-of-factly, grimacing in pain from her now bruised clavicle.

Remarkably, holding a 6-3 lead heading into the bottom of the fifth inning, it looked like the fun bunch might be able to salvage a win—despite their offensive ineptitude. But then their luck ran out. A wayward throw to first. A bobbled play at second. A couple of clutch hits to the fence and when the dust settled, pitch please had their first lead of the game 8-6. But with three innings to go not insurmountable.

The teams exchanged goose eggs in the seventh and deuces in the eighth to leave the score 10-8 for “pitch please” heading into the top of the ninth. “polygon” got aboard bringing “field marshal” to the plate with one out. With a chance to tie the game he was licking his chops to park another over the fence. The hurricane-gale wind picked up in ferocity as it blew straight in from the outfield. He dug into the batters box and swung at the first pitch. He lowered his head in disgust as soon as he made contact. He had got under the ball. A home run on any other night, the winds were going to hold it up keeping it in the park as it was caught at the fence. The glimmer of hope faded in the dugout and the remaining batter went meekly, like a lamb to the slaughter.