OTTAWA- Ryan “man-o-war” Matishuk was mad as a hatter. He had stopped reading the revered “game reports”. “too long and too much field marshal”, he complained to his fellow teammate leah “the roadrunner” morrell. “That’s weird, I don’t see that problem at all. In fact I can’t get enough of those things. They are hilarious and I think they do a bang up job of summarizing the game”, she retorted – none to impressed with his “synopsis”. Failing to garner any additional support for his concerns, he decided he would take charge and do something dramatic this game.

The team had been playing woefully of late. They had lost two of their last three games against teams they normally beat. Hitting had not been consistent. Too many scoreless innings with soft grounders or lazy fly balls. Defence was a mixed bag too. With “field marshal” unable to play , there were a carousel of new players in the infield all trying to adapt to new positions.

Tonight they were playing “stop hitting on us”. Generally a good natured team but with a couple of over-the-top, far too intense players that sometimes spoiled the fun.

Determined to right the SS fun bunch, “man-o-war” kicked started the offense with a single and a run scored in the first. In fact the fun bunch scored five runs on hits by kathie “daredevil” adare, Jess “bullseye” belanger, Clark “pound em back” lawlor, paris “songbird” Patricelli, glen “the wrangler” rankin and scott “boom boom” saunders as well. Stop hitting on us however, quickly answered back with five runs of their own.

But the plucky fun bunch doubled down with hits by alison “bulldozer” hale, “boom boom”, “the wrangler”, “daredevil” and “songbird”. Not to be outdone “man-o-war” , strode to the plate and launched a towering blast over the right field fence for a home run to cap another five run inning. Once again the fun bunch took the lead 10-5. This had the makings of a high scoring affair.

In the bottom of the inning, the fun bunch held stop hitting on us to zero runs and maintained their comfortable five run lead. Also of note, was the growing reputation of meghan “marathon” saunders. Known as a speedster for her blazing pace running to first, she had caused stop hitting on us to sit up and take notice. “watch out for this one she’s REALLY fast” , came the warning from the dugout to the fielders whenever she settled into the batting box.

The third inning saw teams trade two runs too make the score 12-7 and to keep the five run fun bunch lead. Then the fun bunch bats fell silent. The team scored a paltry four runs over the next three innings. Lack of clutch hitting was taking its toll – too many lazy pop ups and soft grounders. In fact the fifth inning was down right dreadful with a quick three up three down exchange highlighted by a ball drilled back up the middle hitting scott “boom boom” saunders in the arm on the pitching mound for the final out.

Once again, determined to make a difference, “man-o-war” launched a two run shot in the sixth inning – his second of the night. But it was not enough to stem the stop hitting on us juggernaut, as they pounced on the hapless fun bunch mercilessly. Smelling weakness they barraged their opponents with a staggering thirteen runs to the fun bunch four. They now had a three run lead 17-14. Not insurmountable but they certainly had momentum on their side.

During this time, the fun bunch were juggling in fielders to try and find players who felt comfortable with new positions. “songbird” started at second base, but was having some difficulty adjusting to the challenging spot. She tried her old haunt third base but clearly had not got over getting drilled by a line drive last year as she ducked out of the way when balls came her way. She eventually settled in at rover.

At that point, Jess “bullseye” belanger tried third base and quickly put on a tour-de-force as she easily handled hard grounders and made a couple of perfect throws to gun down base runners – not an easy feat all the way from third base.

There was a controversial play at second base that kept the momentum going too. In what would have been the third out of the inning, a stop hitting on us base runner slid into second to be tagged by “the wrangler”. They could have been called out either because of the slide or because of the tag, but the umpire inexplicably called them “safe” and the inning continued only to be capped by a home run and five runs scoring. “the wrangler” was incensed and got into a brief shouting match with the baserunner to let him know what he thought.

With two innings to go and trailing by four runs, the fun bunch would need to quickly shift the momentum in their favour. In the seventh inning, the fun bunch had only three hits--a solo home run by “the wrangler” , a double by “man-o-war” and a triple by “the roadrunner”. Sadly both base runners were left stranded as their teammates failed to drive them in.

Entering the bottom of the eighth and final inning—due to time constraints—the fun bunch were now trailing 23-17. Needing six runs to tie they faltered miserably going four-up-three-down on a lonely double by “pound em back”. The team had now reached new depths of futility losing their third game in their last four. This was a team that lost two games all of last season and made it to the league championship final. Something would have to change and quickly as the season was slowly slipping away.