OTTAWA – Having just beaten perennial tournament champions the “Athletics”, and the “Aquabats”, steve “field marshal” saunders was basking in the glow of well deserved 4-0 start to the season. With some of the “bottom feeder” teams coming up on the schedule he was breathing a sigh of relief and looking forward to a more relaxed and less intense next few weeks. Sure it would hurt to be missing stalwart Alison “bulldozer” Hale for the rest of the season after her dramatic injury last week, but all the new recruits were playing exceptionally well and he was sure that the youngsters would pick up the slack.

The playbook on “Got the Runs” was that they were a “middle-of-the-pack” younger team. Lots of verve and energy, but not always well directed. Should be a “slam-dunk”.

A last minute calamity-in-the-making was narrowly averted when neophyte Adrian “sweetspot” Seaman, informed “field marshal” that he “couldn’t make the game” a mere hour beforehand. Thankfully, always reliable mark “polygon” pintar jumped at the opportunity to suit up in the grey-and-red-pin-stripes when he was called up as a hasty replacement. That kept the team at a healthy five-guys-and-four-girls. “field marshal” let out a deep sigh of relief – although “sweetspot” now had a blemish on his report card.

With the game required to start at 6:20 sharp ,“field marshal” was a little perplexed that his full team had suddenly evaporated. They stood in the dug-out a measly seven players, down two from the expected roster. Missing were glen “the wrangler” rankin and kathie “daredevil” adare, both of whom had confirmed that they would indeed be at the diamond on time. With his team casting him a “what do we do now” look – like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming tractor-trailer, he calmly ground his teeth and ordered them out on to the battle field--like sheep to the slaughter.

It was a skeleton crew in the outfield, and “field marshal” was forced to cover short stop and third base, leaving a cavernous opening that the “got the runs” players would soon exploit. As they came up to the plate, “field marshal” was having trouble recognizing any of the faces from last year. Athletic, powerful, speedy and aggressive one by one, they came to the plate and one by one they smashed hit after hit. Their women hammered two towering shots over the heads of the scott “boom boom” saunders and mark “polygon” pintar in right and left field. With the bases loaded a squat, and muscular player came to the plate and crunched the first pitch into the neighboring diamond for a grand slam and four more runs. Down five runs after five batters, the fun bunch were in for a real dog fight – this was clearly no longer a “slam dunk”.

The “fun bunch” slunk off the field a dejected troop. They were in a deep hole and knew it. With “daredevil” and “the wrangler” still AWOL , and down five runs they would have to stem the bleeding immediately.

With military precision they executed the battle plan. Hits by Jess “bullseye” belanger, “polygon” , “boom boom” and ryan “man-o-war” matishuck generated three efficient runs with no home runs used up. Meanwhile “daredevil” had sheepishly slunk into the diamond , tail-between-her-legs. “I went to the wrong diamond” , she apologized to her none-to-impressed teammates. Determined to make amends, she was called to the batters box, with only enough time to affix one cleat. With her other foot still sporting her Birkenstock sandal, she nevertheless swung at the first pitch and sprinted to first helter-skelter for a single.

With three runners already in and runners on first and second, “field marshal” strode to the plate. With only two runs left to score in the inning, he would eschew his customary gargantuan home-run-of-epic-proportions. That weapon would remain in his back pocket for maximum shock-and-awe effect when absolutely needed most. No, he could get by with a tidy hard drilled liner to the fence to score the two runs they needed. One pitch later, mission accomplished as “man-o-war” and “daredevil” came in to score. With their deficit now erased, a somewhat more jubilant fun bunch strutted back out on to the field, a slight skip in their step--albeit still without MIA fielder glen “the wrangler” rankin.

The defense had a better inning and managed to allow only two runs on some nifty catches in the outfield. Just as the last out was made, “the wrangler” could been seen jogging in from the overflow parking lot. “Sorry I’m late” , he effused as he ran into the dugout. “I’ll explain it all later, it’s complicated”, he continued tersely as if sending a not so subtle message to “back off”. Like a pit bull that’s been cornered, his teammates avoided eye contact so to not be singled out for attack.

Now down 7-5, the fun bunch got hits from meghan “marathon” saunders, “bullseye”, “polygon”, “boom boom” and “the wrangler” to score three more runs and momentarily take the lead 8-7.

Scoring a run, but slipping-and-sliding as she gingerly navigated her way carefully around the base path, “marathon” was having trouble keeping upright. The fastest runner on the team, she was nonetheless hobbled by her lack of proper equipment. Despite repeated attempts by her uncle “field marshal”, to browbeat her father “boom boom” into buying her a pair of baseball cleats, she was still forced to play with a pair of slick-soled running shoes. “I’m sorry uncle field marshal. I asked my daddy if he would get me some cleats, but he just laughed and walked away”. Scowling at his heartless baby brother, “field marshal” was seething. “don’t worry ‘marathon’, your birthday is coming up soon and I’ll have the family chip in to buy you a pair of cleats for your big day if your daddy won’t”. Her eyes lit up at the suggestion. “you’re the best uncle ever!”, she shrieked and gave him a big hug as she attempted to wrap her arms around his massive frame.

But the battle was not over yet. Not by a long shot. “Got the Runs” doubled down and used up two more home runs to score five more in the third inning. The fun bunch were now down 12-8 in this see-saw battle of epic proportions.

“Marathon”, still giddy over the thought of playing in proper baseball gear, jumped on the first pitch and sprinted down the line to beat out the infield throw by an eyelash. With “field marshal” next to bat, he was looking for a gap in the outfield , not wanting to waste a home run for the sake of only two runs. “Throw it outside a bit, but not like a beachball, I want to keep this one in the park”, he instructed his attentive brother on the mound. With a perfectly placed pitch, he choked up on the bat and took a half swing trying to guide the ball into a gap in the opposite field. But it was to no avail. The laws of Newtonian physics held tight as otherworldly acceleration deposited the baseball into the nearby football field. “field marshal” grimaced—he had wanted to save that home run for later.

But it was a good start to the inning and the rest of the team rallied to score three more runs for a total of five on additional hits by “daredevil”, “polygon”, “boom boom” and “the wrangler”. The fun bunch clung to a narrow one run lead 13-12.

The next two innings would be their undoing. Back-to-back, three up three down innings and two donuts for their lack-lustre efforts would saddle the fun bunch with a deficit from which they would not recover. Punctuating their woeful offense, was a double play where “man-o-war” got picked off first base on a harmless pop-out to extinguish the inning. Sheepishly he slunk back to the diamond, averting his teammates annoyed gaze.

The fun bunch defense however managed to limit their opponents offensive barrage to four runs , giving themselves an outside chance of redemption—but make no mistake about it was tough going. This was trench warfare at its finest. This was a team of hand-picked, battle hardened combatants with nary a weak link in the chainmail. The women crushed the ball. The men hit home runs at will. All of their players galloped around the base paths aggressively, taking extra bases on every play. Defensively they were the same – only better. Two plays in particular stand out. “Daredevil” drilled a text-book perfect single between third and short, but astonishingly, as she was about to step on the bag at first she was gunned down on a throw from the outfield no less. This particular fielder , sporting “look at me” attire of leggings and other odd apparel, clearly was “playing down a few rungs” in this league. On another spectacular play, “bullseye” crushed a pitch into the gap for an easy double or possibly a triple, but watched with horror as “major league” ran flat out and then dove head first to catch the ball, arms outstretched to end the inning.

The fun bunch, nevertheless soldiered on, hitting two more home runs—a two run shot by “boom boom” and a “solo” shot by “man-of-war” but in the end came up short. Beaten 16-20 by a worthy opponent, the funbunch would not be so ill prepared for their next conflict. “They’ve won the battle but they’ve not won the war”, seethed plucky first base woman leah “roadrunner” morrel.