FUN BUNCH DO IT AGAIN
Late Inning Heroics necessary to keep perfect record intact
OTTAWA-What should have been a cakewalk turned into another gut-wrenching white-knuckle nail-biter. Playing the hapless "Stop Hitting on Me", the Fun Bunch missed a glorious opportunity to pad their stats and coast to an easy victory. With Stop Hitting on Me preparing for the game by guzzling back ice-cold tall boys in lieu of stretching and tossing the ball around, the fun bunch were licking their chops at what should have been easy prey. But a few offensive miscues and an inability to get the critical "third out" in several innings, lead to missed opportunities and unearned runs. The game started on a magnanimous note as career league offensive leader in every category imaginable, steve "downtown" saunders decided to let some of his teammates have their moment of glory by deliberately not hitting any home runs ending his season long streak. Humble as he is generous, "downtown" downplayed his benevolent gesture with typical modesty, "look, we only get three home runs per game, and I think I've hit every one for the team this year, so time to let some of the youngsters have a bit of fun", he said with a playful wink. However, that unselfishness almost came back to haunt him and cost the team the game, as the three home runs were used up to drive in only five runs. Using up two of the home runs was Andrew "the gazelle" Campbell, first with a two-run shot then an unthinkable "solo" home run, earning him a one way ticket to the doghouse. Quickly realizing his gaffe, he lowered his head like a scolded puppy as his teammates chided him with chants of "hans solo, hans solo" as he trudged around the bases. Unwilling to look "field marshal" in the eye, he tried to quickly head for the dugout but "field marshal" quietly pulled him aside and whispered, "don't worry about it kid", immediately lifting his spirits as if the weight of the world had been hoisted from his stooped shoulders. In another bizarre miscue, the fun bunch had two out when glen "the wrangler" rankin strode to the plate. He crushed the first pitch for a deep single, but rounded first and decided to stretch it into a tight double. Meanwhile, Richard "wild thing" Bujold was up to his usual antics. Although he was the designated "umpire" on the play, he had decided to multi-task and place a call on his cell phone while the play unfolded. "This is not going to end well", noted Scott "boom boom" Saunders to himself, in one of his scant game appearances so far this year. The outfielder picked up the ball and heaved it towards second. "The wrangler" meanwhile dug in, like a raging bull, intent on getting an extra base. Comically, "wild thing" was trying to run out on the field with his cell phone jammed into the crook of his neck as he was arguing vehemently on the phone with his ex-wife. With his concentration, divided --but not evenly--between the two intense concurrently unfolding events, he attempted to watch the play while screaming could be heard loudly coming from his receiver. In a very close call, "the wrangler" stepped on the bag, a split-second before the ball was caught. "wild thing" --now johnny-on-the-spot--made the "safe" hand gesture--unable to verbalize the call as he was now shrieking back into the phone. With a collective sigh of relief on the fun bunch bench, the next batter chantal "rum runner" bujold made her way to the plate looking to drive in "the wrangler" from second. But then in a bizarre play that had both teams scratching their heads, "the wrangler" walked off the field --seemingly calling himself out on the play and overriding the umpire. "what's the call on the play?", stop hitting on us asked perplexed and confused--no small thanks to the plethora of tall boys they had by this time consumed. With "wild thing" at this point embroiled in a full on shout-fest, he was unable to respond--a complete dereliction of his duties, the out stood and the fun bunch rally ended on the next pitch, once again frittering away a glorious opportunity to score runs, and worse yet, leaving "downtown" to lead off the next inning--effectively yanking the bat from his very capable hands. A couple of other noteworthy highlights involved team stalwarts rowena "score sheet" sams and nancy "knock 'em out of the park" harris. In separate innings both women had got to first on a single. With steve "field marshal" on the mound and two out in both cases, he prompted both to "take off as soon as the bat makes contact". And in both cases, "score sheet", and "knock 'em out of the park" were quick out of the starting gate as they sprinted for second. Sensing an opportunity to get runners to second and third, "field marshal" barked at the tired base runners to "dig deep and keep running". Lowering their heads and ignoring the pain, both players got their second wind and gave it their all to make it to third safely, both to make it home on the next play to score precious runs. Showing some great spunk, clark "pound 'em back" Lawlor had a good game too. He hit one of his infrequent home runs to score a couple of runs and gamely played third base for the last few innings. Unable to throw with much velocity he fielded a couple of grounders and threw two high-arcing soft tosses to first for outs--shocking both teams in the process. With only an inning to go before he had to leave to play in his second game of the night, Andrew "the gazelle" Campbell, made a second trip to the doghouse. In an innocent play, Stop Hitting on Us hit a shallow fly ball to left rover--a spot currently being covered by taylor "the terror" albert. "I got it", she yelled -- clearly enough for everyone to hear, but "the gazelle" kept charging seemingly intent on making the play. "This isn't going to end well", scott "boom boom" saunders noted once again--like a broken record. With "the terror's" glove, outstretched to make the catch, "the gazelle" reached in front of her to snag the fly for the out. With "the terror" casting him an "if looks could kill" icy stare, "the gazelle" gulped loudly and whispered "sorry about that", as he made his way off the field avoiding her gaze and to the taunts of "let the girls play" from the now fairly inebriated stop hitting on us dugout. Middle of the eighth inning. Once again some defensive miscues allowed stop hitting on us to score three runs and tie the game 15-15. At this point "field marshal" had seen enough and decided his team needed some more direct feedback. "Listen here you maggots", he screamed loud enough to be heard over the roar of the eight lane queensway directly behind them. "I will not let our unbeaten streak end here against this team. They are half in the bag and half as good as you are. Show some pride for gawd's sake. We are the fun bunch and we never give up, never surrender. Now get out there and hammer these sad-sacks mercilessly!", he continued, shocking his team back to reality with his diatribe. With all their homeruns used up, John "methuseleh" Devries strode to the plate. One pitch later he had a double into the gap. "scoresheet" hit her first pitch down in the dirt for a single. Scott "boom boom" Saunders drove a ball deep to the fence that sent "scoresheet" scurrying to third for a run scored. The rally continued in this fashion with "rum runner", "knock 'em out of the park", "the wrangler" and "downtown" getting key hits as well to score four runs before the inning ended. Going into the top of the ninth, the fun bunch were up 19-15. "All we have to do is keep them from scoring four runs and we can head straight to whispers!", kathie "daredevil" adare advised her teammates giddily. Stop Hitting on Us made it interesting by scoring a couple of runs, but the Fun Bunch were not to be denied as they won the game 19-17 and kept their unbeaten streak alive at five games.
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