FUN BUNCH SNATCH VICTORY FROM THE JAWS OF DEFEAT
Heroic last inning rally leads to one run victory over Athletics and keeps unbeaten streak alive
OTTAWA - Facing the pugnacious, overly-competitive and annoying Athletics, Steve "field marshal" Saunders knew he had his work cut out from him. With their first four games of the season all played against elite teams, the fun bunch's tough schedule just got a tad tougher. To make matters worse, John "hans solo" Devries, Kathy "daredevil" Adare, Clark "pound 'em back" Lawlor, and Taylor "the terror" Albert, all decided to kick back and take the night off leaving their teammates to twist in the wind. But the most egregious absence was that of newly re-minted captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale. Less than a week after earning her stripes back--in her first game of the season no less--she decided to flit off to paris--after seemingly growing tired of her subordinates on the team. This left "field marshal" in a lather. "She went WHERE?!", he screamed when informed of her last-minute unsanctioned vacation plans. Sighing deeply, field marshal quickly shifted into "crisis" mode. "Listen team, let's all try to focus on the task at hand. Yes - it is terribly disappointing that our teammates and captain left us hung out to dry, but there is no use crying over spilled milk. Keep in mind that we are playing the Athletics--the team with the bottomless bag of dirty tricks. So never let your guard down or you will get sucker punched right in the face", came "field marshal's" extemporaneous advice. That seemed to quell the panic in the dugout as the fun bunch went to bat. Sadly, four batters later, the side was retired with no runs and only a single to show for their effort. Luckily, the Athletics had a shaky first inning as well and failed to score a run. In the second inning, the big boys (and girls) came to play. Leah "the road runner" Morrel crushed a leadoff double deep to the outfield. She had barely sauntered into second when steve "downtown" saunders--the older of the "bash brothers"-- made the best of a bad pitch and crunched a triple to the gap. Patti "gazoo" Anderson--in her season debut--got a solid single in her first at bat to bring scott "boom boom" saunders--the younger of the "bash brothers" to the plate. Trying his darndest to atone for his abysmal attendance record, "boom boom" walloped the stuffing out of the first pitch--an absolutely beauty--to easily clear the fence and drive in "gazoo". The Fun Bunch were now up 4-0. Unfortunately, the feisty Athletics were not about to go gentle into that good night just yet as they scored five runs including a solo home run by their annoying short stop "double gloves". "double gloves" dons two black batting gloves--perhaps to intimidate the other team?--before he strides to the plate and strikes a bizarre Babe Ruthian pose as he points to the fence with his bat--looking foolishly cartoonish. Down 5-4, the Fun Bunch came to bat in the second inning, and it was a doozy. A lead-off triple by Leah "the road runner" Morrel set the tone, as she smashed the first pitch all the way to the fence and flew around the bases. Hits by Chantal "rum runner" Bujold, Richard "wild thing" Bujold, Glen "the wrangler" Rankin loaded the bases for Steve "downtown" Saunders . With the "bash brothers" in firm control of the game, "downtown" intoned his little brother to "toss it in like a beach ball". One gargantuan swing of his mighty bat and the ball simply disappeared into a speck in the night sky accelerating like a rocket at lift-off to cap a five run inning. Fun Bunch back in the lead 9-5. Growing somewhat worried, the Athletics moved quickly to "plan B", as they reached into their arsenal of dirty tricks to level the playing field. A couple of glaringly one-sided "safe" calls extended their rally's to cash in a few extra base runners. An illegal maneuver by their irksome second baseman--continuing to run to second base after he was forced out--managed to break up an easy double play. And of course they had a bit of help from Richard "wild thing" Bujold who was seconded to the infield due to his inability to throw. With an Athletic base runner charging hard to second base, "wild thing" stood blocking the throw from the outfield as "field marshal" stood at the bag ready for the force. Neatly intercepting the precision throw for what should have been an out while standing off the bag in no man's land, "field marshal" asked him what exactly he was doing. "I was cutting off the ball for the tag", he responded proudly. "It was a force play at second. There was no need for a tag. Either stand on the bag and make the play or get out of my way ", came "field marshal's" curt reply. But "wild thing" wasn't done yet as he bobbled, tripped, stumbled and even did the splits while fielding routine plays at second base much to the merriment of the Athletics who doubled over with laughter at his playful hijinks. Add an errant "out" call at first base on nancy "knock 'em out of the park" harris by neophyte umpire glen "the wrangler" rankin and five innings with only two runs scored for the Fun Bunch, and the Athletics had built a 14-11 lead going into the ninth inning. The Fun Bunch were a dejected team. Their offense had dried up, they were down to four women after Kelly "crusher" Campeau injured her foot and Nancy "knock 'em out of the park" Harris left feeling ill, and they had only a single home run left--the team felt down, depressed, and sad. "If only "bulldozer" was here to mollycoddle us. We tried our best and we just can't do it. Trying our best is good enough isn't it?", someone in the dugout asked innocently enough. At that point you could have heard a pin drop. Fun Bunch players began shuffling furtively away from the guilty party. But it was too late. "Field Marshal" had witnessed the whole sordid affair. "If it's mollycoddling you're looking for then you can grab your gear and leave now ", hollered "field marshal" belligerently at his shocked troops. No one budged an inch. "Good I'll assume that means everyone left in the dugout wants to teach the Athletics a lesson they won't soon forget", he continued at the top of his lungs."This is the last inning so runs are unlimited. We need at least four runs to win, but let's aim for a lot more than that because they still have the bottom half of the inning. It won't be easy, but we are the Fun Bunch and we have crawled our way out of much deeper holes", "field marshal" finished triumphantly. The pep talk seemed to have done the trick as slumped shoulders straightened, frowns turned into radiant smiles, and the collective team gloom dissipated. "I'm gonna tear the hide off that ball", shrieked usually quiet rowena "scoresheet" sams startling the Athletics in the process as she sprinted for the batter's box kicking up plumes of dust on the way. One pitch later and she was aboard jumping up and down and fist pumping, unable to control her enthusiasm. The next batter was little "boom boom" Saunders , the youngest of the feared and reviled "bash brothers". Gulping hard, the Athletics moved to the fence. But it was all for naught as the first pitch sailed over the right field fence to bring the Fun Bunch to within one run of tying the game. The next three batters to get hits were kelly "crusher" campeau, Richard "wild thing" Bujold and Glen "the wrangler" Rankin, loading the bases for steve "the maestro" saunders oldest of the "bash brothers". "Ha ha, they are out of home runs, and this guy is a one-trick pony", "double gloves" taunted from the infield. Bad mistake. "The maestro" had a different plan up his sleeve as he gently coaxed his little brother to "throw it in like a beach ball". What happened next was the stuff of legends. "The maestro" picked his spot deep in the gap in center field where the Athletics weakest fielder was trying to look big and then drilled a line drive to the fence. He was out of the batter's box like a thoroughbred out of the starting gate. The "road runner" (pinch hitting for "crusher") came in to score - game tied. Ever faster he galloped - heading hard into second. "wild thing" came in to score - Fun Bunch up by one. The Athletic outfielder was fumbling with the ball in the wet grass in the outfield, so "the maestro" rounded second and continued to accelerate. "the wrangler" crossed home plate - Fun Bunch up by two runs. Heading into third "the maestro" saw that the ball had been picked up and was heading for a play at the base. The woman at third base had her glove outstretched and was tracking the incoming projectile. With split second timing, "the maestro" altered his base path to align with the trajectory of the ball giving not a second thought to his own well being. The plan worked flawlessly, as the ball hit him in the back of the leg and careened away from the third base woman. "The maestro" rounded third and charged hard home to beat the play by an eyelash for an exceptionally rare in-the-park-grand-slam home run. Fun Bunch up by three. Only half an inning to go. The Fun Bunch had done the unthinkable and scored six runs in the ninth, to take their first lead of the game. Now they had to hold the Athletics to two runs or less - itself a herculean task. The first batter was "double gloves". With only one home run used up, he could shrink the gap if he hit one over the fence. Instead he struck out weakly. "One Out" hollered "field marshal" loud enough that "double gloves" could hear. With a couple of runners aboard, the next batter hit a low liner that was caught for an out. "Two out" hollered "field marshal" as the win began to look inevitable. However, the next batter hit a liner to the gap that sailed through allowing two runs to score. Bottom of the ninth, two out, 17-16 for the Fun Bunch. "It doesn't get much closer than this", Leah "the road runner" Morrel whispered nervously into her glove as the next batter came to the plate. But the Fun Bunch were not to be denied, as Glen "the wrangler" Ranking snagged the shallow fly to end the ball game and leave the Fun Bunch undefeated so far this season.
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