AQUABATS LATEST VICTIMS OF FUNBUNCH JUGGERNAUT
Team improves record to 3-0 with scorching hot start to the season beating Aquabats 25-19
OTTAWA - Once a rag-tag band of n'er do wells, the fun bunch have metamorphosed into a majestic butterfly, under the careful tutelage of team captain and mentor, steve "field marshal" saunders. Using just the right dose of encouragement and admonishment, "field marshal" has watched his team rise to his challenge and emerge from their pre-season cocoon to quickly spread their wings and take flight, soaring over the competition - still in the pupal stage. Sure there are still some defensive "rough edges" to be smoothed off but the team has become an offensive juggernaut -- feared and reviled by the other teams in the league. Long gone are the days of mollycoddling and blown leads, now only a distant memory, since replaced by discipline and victory. Tonight the team was facing another tough opponent --the wily aquabats--so "field marshal" had no time to rest on his laurels. Re-joining the squad was disgraced former co-captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale. She had taken one on the chin for abandoning her post in the first game of the season, but had returned with steely determination to earn back the respect of her teammates and her rank which she had so carelessly frittered away. "private bulldozer hale reporting for duty sir", she piped up chipperly. "you're three minutes late for the game solider!" , shouted "field marshal" unimpressed. "now drop and give me twenty push-ups", he continued contempt in his voice. Rolling her eyes heavenward, "bulldozer" quickly realized that the mountain might be a bit steeper than she first anticipated, but without skipping a beat she landed with a plop in the dusty dugout and began pushing herself up unsteadily off the ground. After what seemed like an eternity, she completed her task and rose slowly to her feet. Looking somewhat bedraggled and with hair stuck to the sweat on her face, she nevertheless stood ramrod straight and exclaimed "all done sir!" with great pride and dignity. "Don't just stand there looking for a pat on the back, get yourself onto the field soldier", "field marshal" retorted loudly as he chuckled under his breath to himself. Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks, the wily veteran silently ruminated as he stood quite impressed by her initial display of repentance. Aquabats came to bat first as the home team. They quickly loaded the bases with some hard grounders played off an infield that was like a wal-mart parking lot. The freshly groomed diamond was rock hard providing absolutely no friction, as the ball bounced through the infield without any loss of momentum . The fun bunch finished the inning down three runs. As they marched into the dugout, "field marshal" gave them a quick venue report. "The infield is brutal. Any ground balls are going to get through for singles. Keep the ball down and bounce them hard off the ground", came his sage advice. Alas, the first two fun bunch batters chose instead to eschew this guidance as they popped out harmlessly to put the fun bunch in a big hole. But this was the new metamorphosed fun bunch. When one teammate stumbles the other steps in to pick them up. So after richard "wild thing" bujold made the second out with a shallow pop out, kelly "crusher" campeau drilled the first pitch into the outfield to start the ball rolling. Next clark "pound 'em back" lawlor hit a double, then kathie "daredevil" adare got aboard to load the bases for (gulp) "downtown". With the aquabats nervously whispering, their outfielders ran to the fence, their backs firmly pressed into the chain links awaiting the inevitable. Fortunately for them, somehow "wildthing" had managed to saunter up to the pitcher's mound and was reaching into his usual back of tricks for "downtown". First ball - in the dirt. Second ball - three feet outside. At this point, "downtown" made an adjustment. Realizing that his choice of pitches was going to range from bad to worse, he choked down on the bat and got ready to drill the ball somewhere hard and not necessarily over the fence. Third pitch was the worse won yet, but you would never know it. "Downtown" took three gargantuan leaps forward and pummelled the stuffing off the ball deep into the gap in center field as two runs scored. Next up was "private" Hale. She dug herself in determinedly at the plate and drilled the first pitch deep into the field to drive in "downtown" and cap the five run, two out rally. "Well Done corporal", hollered "field marshal" as "bulldozer" had begun her slow but well-deserved re-ascension. The second inning saw the aquabats score only a single run, allowing the funbunch a perfect opportunity to twist the knife deeper. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin lead off with a solid double followed by another solid hit by new recruit kelly "crusher" campeau. With richard "wildthing" bujold looking to atone for his plethora of bad throws, popups and misplays in the outfield, he too hit a solid double to keep the rally going. Leah "roadrunner" Morrel got on base next. With two runners aboard clark "pound 'em back" lawlor continued his annoyingly bad habit of refusing to swing at the first pitch (a habit that he has unfortunately imparted to his wife kathie "daredevil" adare) leaving him with only two pitches to consider. Unperturbed, he swung at the second pitch and got all of it. Sailing ever higher, it might have a chance. With a last minute gust of wind, the ball cleared the fence to cap another five run inning. Fun bunch up 10-4. The game continued in this manner with the aquabats scoring a run or two only to be answered by three or four runs by the funbunch to maintain their ever increasing lead. While the funbunch offense was in high gear, their defense was another matter. Dropped fly balls, lack of back-up in the outfield, misjudged hits sailing over fielders, made the game much closer than it should have been. That said, richard "wildthing" bujold playing with a badly injured shoulder and unable to throw the ball, repeatedly covered for his teammates in the outfield and he did his best to get the ball in to the infield, all-the-while in a great deal of pain and distress. Also earning honorable mention was "pound 'em back" who made a great effort to run headlong after a shallow pop up and dive hard for the ball, injuring his wrist in the process. In the bottom of the fourth inning the score was 15-7 for the funbunch. Hits by "roadrunner", "daredevil" and "pound 'em back" had loaded the bases. Striding to the plate was a confidant looking "downtown". With "wild thing" on the mound again and looking somewhat vexed , "downtown" soothed him as he calmly advised him to "toss it in like a beachball". After the first pitch hit the dirt, three feet in front of home plate, "downtown" once again--with endless patience--told "wildthing" to "take a deep breath and toss it in like a beachball". This pitch was going to be good enough, as "downtown" pummelled it deep into the hampton park forest - capping yet another five run inning. All this time "bulldozer" hale was quietly impressing "field marshal". With three hits in as many at bats she had quickly become "master sergeant" hale with her sights set firmly on the rank of "captain". Another impressive game was had by newcomer kelly "crusher" campeau, going four for four so far at the plate as well as playing rock-solid at second base. In the sixth inning she made her pitching debut much to the delight of her teammates. "I wish 'field marshal' could pitch like you", "hey kelly can you play shortstop too?", "at least someone in the infield doesn't make errors", -- the taunts came fast and furious -- directed squarely at team stalwart steve "field marshal" saunders. In a disgraceful display of "what have you done for me lately", the team turned on their most decorated player. Quickly forgetting, the batting titles, the championships, the game winning home runs, the MVP awards, the first team all-star honors, they savaged him with their ferocious verbal attacks. Unimpressed he rolled his eyes heavenward as he thought back to the games earlier blunders by those most vicious in their attack. John "Methuselah" Devrie's dropped pop ups. Richard "wildthing" Bujold's wild throws. Sighing, with the fortitude of a giant, he let the abusive comments roll off him like water off a duck's back. In his twenty-eight years he had seen it all before. Continually being threatened by the "new recruit". But in those twenty-eight years, there was still only one "downtown". Irreplaceable, incomparable, unparalleled. "Keep up the good work kid", he shouted to "crusher" as he shot her a playful wink watching as her eyes lit up with his acknowledgement. At the end of the eighth inning the score was 25-16 for the fun bunch. Their offense had tailed off in the last two innings with a five up three down zero run seventh and only two runs scored in the eighth. However, one of those runs came after Alison "bulldozer" Hale got her fifth hit of the night. Advanced to second, she stood poised to prove her mettle as "the wrangler" came to bat. With two out, she knew she had a chance to score on a single if she took off on contact. Not disappointing, "the wrangler" crushed the first pitch into the gap in center all the way to the wall. Taking off like a shot, "bulldozer" easily hustled to third. Determined to once again lead by example, she ignored the harried pleas of the third base coach to "stay put", as her eyes narrowed to slits and her pace quickened. Feeling increasingly more nervous, the aquabat third baseman, shuffled quickly out of the way to avoid being bowled over by the ex-captain-cum-raging-bull. The ball came into the infield as "bulldozer" crossed the commit line. There was no turning back now. Quick thinking by "the wrangler" bought her an extra second as he quickly stutter-stepped at second base to give the short stop a momentary cause for concern. Realizing the ruse, he threw the ball home but not before "bulldozer" crossed home plate wheezing and exhausted and collapsing in a heap. Over the cheers of her jubilant teammates she could hear the loud voice of "field marshal" as he boomed, "welcome back 'CAPTAIN' Hale.
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