FUNBUNCH WIN A THRILLER IN BOTTOM OF THE NINTH
Game goes down to the wire in back and forth slugfest
OTTAWA - With captain steve "field marshal" saunders' hand firmly on the tiller, he craftily guided the good ship "fun bunch" past the rocky shoals of the rebels for their second victory in a row. With the team playing from behind for most of the game, he had his work cut out for him as he coached, pitched, hit, admonished and generally led by example forcing the team to play to their full potential and beat the talented but undisciplined rebels. With eight women in the lineup the fun bunch set a new record for attendance with new recruits clamoring to get a chance to play for the red-hot fun bunch. The mood turned sullen when co-captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale sauntered into the dugout late. "field marshal" knew he had to set an example for the benefit of the team as he tore a strip off the startled player. "Last week you let your teammates twist in the wind, while you ate popcorn at the double-featured", he screamed at the top of his lungs, spittle flying hither and yon, as he reached forward and tore the "C" off her jersey. "you are hereby suspended from the team for insubordination. Now pack up your things and leave. Take this time to reflect on your behaviour and I want to see you here next week , on-time and ready to go. You will have to earn this "C" back one game at a time". "Bulldozer" opened her mouth to object but nothing came out. The diamond went eerily quiet. Crickets could be heard chirping in the bulrushes. She quietly closed her mouth. She knew she was wrong and he was right. Taking the high road, she packed up her bag and decided she would earn back the respect that had been eroded by her actions -- starting next week. The fun bunch started the game energized after their captain's brazen display of brinkmanship. Unfortunately the team struggled defensively early and often in the first inning with some atrocious fielding capped off by steve "field marshal" saunders charging a weak bunt. Handcuffed by the ball as it rolled in the dirt, "field marshal" attempted to make the play with a step to go before the player was on the bag. Mustering all of his strength he drilled the ball hard towards first base. What happened next unfolded like a slow motion horror show. As the runner crossed the bag she turned sharply into the flight path of the ball. The ball was misplayed at first base and not caught. The unsuspecting base runner took the full force of the throw behind the ear and went down like a sack of hammers. Gasps could be heard across the diamond as everyone rushed in to check on the victim. With ringing in her ears and a bag of ice on her neck she was helped off the field as the game ground to a halt until the rebels decided to take her to the queensway carleton hospital to get checked out. After a thirty minute hiatus the game once again got underway. The funbunch, now a little gun shy to throw hard to first base, let the rebels score five runs with a series of defensive lapses. After two innings, though they had pulled ahead 8-7 after a five run second spearheaded by a lead-off triple by "field marshal". "man, when he runs around those bases, it's like his feet don't even touch the ground", admired new recruit andrew "the gazelle" campbell, clearly astonished at what had transpired before him. "get used to it kid ", chuckled john "Methuselah" devries, the elder statesman for the team, "just when I think I've seen it all, he proves me wrong", he continued chortling under his breath. An unimpressive three-up three-down thirds allowed the rebels to take an 11-8 lead into the middle of the fourth inning. In a heart-warming display of tender affection, kathy "daredevil" adare got aboard in the fourth inning with two outs. As her husband, clark "pound em' back" lawlor approached the plate, "daredevil" blew him a kiss and cheerily encouraged him to "hit me home dear". With tears welling up in his eyes, he choked back his emotions as steve "downtown" saunders served him up one of his legendary beach balls. Swinging more from his heart than his hips, "pound em' back" leapt at the ball and hit it with all his might. What would have normally been a fly ball out, was buffeted by the strong wind blowing out (and perhaps the energy of their powerful love for one another) as it kept moving farther and farther back. The fielder took a few steps back, then a few more, then he was on the warning track as the ball started to come down. Once again the wind picked up and the ball inched a little higher, just high enough to hit the top of the fence where it sat spinning for what seemed like an eternity before a final gust blew it over the fence. "daredevil" looked at "pound em' back" and her heart melted. It was like a scene right out of a hallmark card. As "pound em' back" crossed home plate he was greeting with good natured cheers and a final embrace from his sweetheart. Even the gritty "rebels" politely applauded at the heartwarming sight. Now the rebels have earned a reputation in the league as feisty competitors. From their resplendent tattoos , to their plethora of piercings they clearly look a little rough around the edges. Of course their constant guzzling of tall boys and clandestine puffs of acrid blue smoke only add to their mystique. So it quite naturally only took a couple of innings before a new spirited recruit at shortstop--emblazoned with tattoos on every available patch of skin--became livid with the fun bunch umpire. First it was a "safe" call at first. Then it was a "safe" call at home. Then it was the non-call on a runner who "clearly crossed the commit line". The infractions were frequent and incessant. Working himself into a lather, he decided he would "settle the score" all by himself as he dug himself into the batter's box. In an almost cartoonish display of ineptitude he swung, undisciplined, at the first two pitches only to pop them up backwards harmlessly. With only one pitch left, and the pressure mounting, beads of sweat broke out on his furrowed brow and his arms began visibly trembling. With the third pitch sailing in, he muttered a quick "hail mary" as he lunged for the now off-line throw. Missing contact with the ball, he corkscrewed into the ground, as he kicked up a little dust-devil with his flailing limbs before landing in a heap. "strike three - yer out", his teammate teasingly taunted him, as he lowered his head in shame, his barbed-wire tattoo abraded by the coarse sand at home plate and beginning to show rivulets of blood that stung as it mixed with the salt of his tears. The game continued in this manner with the lead leap-frogging back and forth from inning to inning. Defense was not stellar for the fun bunch with routine outs misplayed and balls dropped and cut-offs missed allowing the rebels to score unearned runs. Back from his well deserved holiday and clearly well rested, glen "the wrangler" rankin was one of the rare defensive highlights for the team with some spectacular catches including a back-pedaling over the shoulder catch to rob a sure run from the rebels. Another defensive highlight was a spectacular throw from Andrew "the gazelle" Campbell into second base for a tag play on a hard charging rebel base runner to extinguish a rally. Shortstop steve "field marshal" saunders was taking some abuse from his teammates for a couple of spectacular plays in the infield including swatting two balls down after diving for them-- plays a lesser shortstop wouldn't have attempted--to keep the ball in the infield and the runners on first. "should have had that one field marshal", richard "wild thing" bujold taunted as he giggled from his rover position. As "field marshal" shot him a look of contempt, "wild thing" quickly realized his folly and lowered his head like a scolded puppy. Heading into the top of the seventh inning the score was tied 18 all. With the game starting late, and with all the drama over the hit base runner it was getting late. After a quick team consultation, steve "field marshal" saunders approached the rebels and asked them if they wanted to make the seventh inning the last. "We want to play nine" was their unanimous response. Clearly with a team of twenty something's, they had far more energy than the geriatric fun bunch. "Ok team, let's teach them a lesson they won't soon forget", urged team captain steve "field marshal" saunders. "no lazy fly balls and pop ups, hit the ball down on the ground. It is a massive outfield out there. Let's make them work for their outs for cryin' out loud", he continued, his voice rising in volume as his teammates clearly got the message. Once again leading by example, steve "downtown" saunders crushed a leadoff triple. As he charged hard around the bases, puffs of smoke billowing from his nostrils like a raging bull, the rebel infielders nervously distanced themselves from the bases so as to not be mown down. Runs scored by Taylor "the terror" Albert, "downtown", "wild thing" , "the wrangler" and "pound em' back" lead to a five run inning as the fun bunch took the lead 23-18 , metaphorically throwing down the gauntlet. With the game seemingly in the bag, the funbunch laid an egg in the eighth going three-up-three-down. Coupled with a five run top of the ninth by the rebels -- including a grand slam home run, their adversaries had clearly answered back. With his back to the wall "field marshal" knew exactly what had to be done. He addressed his troops. With their heads lowered they had the look of defeat about them. They were tired, dirty, sweaty and exhausted. "Listen gang. I need one more favour from each of you. I don't want to lose this game. What I'm asking you to do isn't going to be easy but it is necessary. So stand up, dust yourselves off, and when you enter that batter's box do so with pride. We are the funbunch and we never give up, we never lose hope and we never stop trying. All I ask you to do is to keep the ball down and make them work for their outs and I guarantee we will win this game and put a dagger through their hearts", field marshal calmly stated. The speech had its intended effect as the team collectively snapped out of its self-pitying stupor. First up - "field marshal" who had struggled all night with the replacement pitchers who served him up the usual array of wild and wacky pitches. With "the gazelle" on the pitching mound, he calmly instructed him to "toss it in like a beachball" only to see the first pitch land with a plop about five feet in front of home plate. "That's ok, the ball was on-line, just throw the next one a little farther", he gently asked the neophyte pitcher. The next pitch didn't have home run potential but "field marshal" knew he had to get the ball rolling. Taking a giant stride he pummelled the stuffing out of the ball as he drilled it hard into the gap in left center field. Charging around the bases, he eased into third base with another lead-off triple. Needing only two runs to tie the game and three to win, the funbunch were off to a great start. Next up was Nancy "knock em out of the park" Harris in her season debut. She cast a playful wink at "downtown" at third as she said under her breath, "get ready to run" before she did her job and hit a sacrifice infield hit to bring him home to score and shrink the gap to a single run. One out - down by one. Next up Richard "wild thing" Bujold. His instructions were concise: "don't pop it up". One pop up later and the fun bunch task just got monumentally harder. Two out and down by a run. It was Taylor "the terror" 's turn to show what she was made of. One pitch later she was standing on first after a clutch hit down the line. One on, two out, down by a run. This was a nail-biter. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin settled into the batter's box. He coolly cast "field marshal" a playful wink as he drilled the first pitch deep to the fence to score "the terror" as he made it all the way to third. Now the rebels were worried. Up by three runs going into the ninth inning, they had seen their lead surgically dissected by fun bunch. Clearly out-classed, out-played and out-coached, they felt the gut-wrenching grip of panic set in as Leah "the roadrunner" Morel dug into the batter's box. Two out, game tied, runner at third, she knew what she had to do as she crushed the first pitch over the heads of the infields as she flew down the line for a game winning clutch single. Funbunch win 26-25.
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