FUN BUNCH MERCIED BY BASELINE STATION
Fun Bunch lose one-sided affair to least liked team in the league
OTTAWA - steve "field marshal" knew the odds were low that they would beat baseline station, but ever the optimist, he felt if everything went their way the would have an outside chance of beating "the team that fun forgot" --after all they had beaten them in the first game of the season. Those odds plummeted when the umpire ordered them to take the field and andrew "gazelle" campbell and taylor "the terror" albert were nowhere to be seen. Frantically, scanning his cell phone for any sort of notification to no avail, "field marshal" was steaming mad. This was the biggest game of the tournament, and his two young stars had decided to kick back and take a lazy sunday morning off leaving their teammates to twist in the win. "Ok gang", he addressed his crestfallen comrades, "we're going to have to shorten the bench for this game as we're down a couple of players. Their grins evaporated and their shoulders slumped. "Aye Aye captain", they said half-heartedly as they trudged onto the field into what was to be most certain death. Baseline station meanwhile had once again fielded an elite team of young, experienced, hard-core softball players with nary a weakness in their line up. They proceeded to slice-and-dice the fun bunch like a stalk of celery scoring 4-2-4-4-5 runs in the first five innings to mercy the fun bunch 19-6. The fun bunch fought back as best they could but could not catch a break. There were some great hits by Nancy "triple threat" Harris, Patti "gazoo" Anderson, Alison "bulldozer" Hale and Kathie "daredevil" Adare, but all were caught by baseline station. Glen "the wrangler" rankin almost made a spectacular play when he dove for a sinking liner, that he at first snagged in his glove, but it popped loose when he barrel-rolled in the dirt. The fun bunch in fact had trouble mounting any sort of sustained rally with four of their six runs coming off two dingers by steve "downtown" saunders. Still in the game 10-6 in the top of the fourth inning, the fun bunch needed to get some runners on base. Sadly they went down in order with three easy pop ups while base line station hammered two home runs to score four runs and take a commanding 14-6 lead. Scoring 5 runs in the next inning, they mercied the fun bunch 19-6
Fun Bunch vs Rebels 1:45 Carlington
FUNBUNCH ADVANCE TO B FINALS
Team digs deep to beat rebels by two runs
OTTAWA- Entering their last game of the tournament, the fun bunch were sporting a paltry 2-2 record and were in danger of getting relegated to the "C" division. The erstwhile toast-of-the-league fun bunch, had floundered in the tournament and were now looking to salvage their dignity with a much needed win over the rough-and-tumble rebels. The rebels however, had been roughed up in the tournament as well and so were looking for retribution. The rebels were a feisty lot and they earned their nickname the honest way. Always sporting fresh "ink", and with studs, rings, and chains garnishing their plethora of body piercings, they could easily be mistaken for a troupe of circus carnies. Games against them were always a spirited affair, filled with profanity laced tirades as they guzzled ice-cold tallboys from their cavalcade of coolers, and chain-smoked spliffs of boo boo bama, enveloping their dugout in tell-tale blue-grey acrid smoke. But this time they seemed a little more focussed. Their pride--what little they had--was on the line too and they were not about to go down without a fight. By the time the fun bunch arrived at the diamond, there was already a pile of crunched up beer cans and a large plume of smoke over their dugout that was just beginning to dissipate. "They must have had a team meeting", whispered richard "wild thing" bujold out of the corner of his mouth not wishing to raise their ire. In the first inning the rebels scored four runs, while all the fun bunch could muster was two. By the top of the sixth inning, the score was 7-4 for the rebels and the fun bunch were in danger of losing a game they should win handily. Unable to turn back the cruel hands of time, the fun bunch were showing their age. Exhaustion had begun to set in, and the usual timely clutch hits were not forthcoming as base runners were getting stranded on base. At the top of the sixth inning, steve "field marshal" saunders gathered his subordinates. "wild thing" cringed like a scolded puppy as he entered the dugout, knowing all too well what was to follow. "field marshal" wasted no time as he tore a strip off his teammates, working his way methodically through the batting order. The diatribe lasted even longer than usual, and a couple of players had to ask "field marshal" to pause briefly so they could get a sip of water to stave off dehydration. The invective ended with field marshal bellowing, "now get out there and get me five runs!". Once again, the team rose to the occasion. Despite their age, exhaustion, injuries and fatigue the team buckled down and turned the tides. Key hits by scott "boom boom" saunders, glen "the wrangler" rankin and kathie "daredevil" adare brought steve "downtown" saunders to the plate. With the weight of the entire team once more placed squarely on his broad shoulders, he strode to the plate. He looked up briefly at the sky. "What a beautiful day", he thought to himself--for a moment free of pain and exhaustion and instead filled only with exhilaration. He closed his eyes and envisioned what must happen next. Now at peace, he calmly dug himself into the batter's box. With some concern, the rebel fielders quickly ran as far as they could and pressed their backs up against the home run fence. Clearly they were worried. "downtown" calmly spoke to his brother "boom boom" on the pitching mound. "Ok 'boom boom', this is a pretty important pitch right here. I think by now you know how I like it, but just to be sure I'm going to tell you again", he said almost hypnotically. "just lob it in here nice and easy--like a beach ball". "boom boom" new the drill. As he looked out at the rebel fielders, he could see that sweat was now clearly beading off their faces, running down their shirts and staining their armpits. Like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck, they were terrified but helpless to prevent their imminent demise. "boom boom" tossed in a beauty. "downtown" unloaded his mighty bat with such force that it bent in half, but not before the ball sailed out of the park and rolled halfway up carlington hill. The fun bunch added another run for five--as demanded by "field marshal" and now held a 9-7 lead. But oh those pesky rebels would not stay down. Despite the enormous amount of alcohol and cannabis that they had consumed they were still going strong as they scored two more runs to tie the fun bunch 9-9 going into the seventh and final inning. With their last shot at glory, the fun bunch came to bat. Mark "polygon" pintar could a double. Patti "gazoo" anderson got a single and "polygon" scooted to third. Scott "boom boom" saunders came to bat and crushed a triple to score "gazoo" and "polygon", but was stranded at third base. With the score 11-9 for the fun bunch, glen "the wrangler" rankin, put on a fielding display extraordinaire as he robbed the rebels of a game winning hit as he sprinted to the warning track and climbed the ladder to pull in a ball destined for a home run with a brilliant over-the-shoulder catch. Fun bunch win 11-9 and advance to B finals against the dogs bollocks.
Fun Bunch vs Dog's Bollocks 3:00 Carlington
FUNBUNCH FIZZLE OUT
Bats go silent as fun bunch lose for second year in a row to dog's bollocks in B final
OTTAWA - Facing the Dog's Bollocks in the B final for the second year in a row, the fun bunch were feeling good about their chances. They had, after all, beat them 13-8 in the round robin on Saturday, so clearly they had the capability to win this all-important game. Sadly, however, the fun bunch team of Sunday was a very different team from the fun bunch team of Saturday. Age had finally caught up to them it seemed. A wild night at the team party hammering back whiskey didn't help either. Compounding the situation was the sudden and perplexing evaporation of their youthful duo who were conscripted specifically to prevent this type of situation. Andrew "gazelle" Campbell and Taylor "the terror" Albert simply vanished. Stranding their teammates without notice in the first game, they failed to show up for the second and third games too. That left a team of quintagenarians, and mark "polygon" pintar as their sole youthful player. "thank god for 'polygon' ", harrumphed richard "wild thing" bujold, still sporting his pizza stained baseball jersey from the team party. Despite missing their two young stars, and feeling the ravages of time, the fun bunch played with spunky verve and managed to keep the game close--behind only two runs 12-10 going into the seventh and final inning. Aiding the team immensely, was the brief respite between games, when stalwart fans, Teresa "I don't play baseball" McGovern, Nathalie "I don't play baseball either" Boucher and Isabelle "I'd love to play baseball" Rankin, walked on to the field singing "happy birthday" and carrying a tray full of cupcakes for steve "field marshal" saunders' big day. Momentarily getting choked up, he wiped away a tear before snapping, "everyone take a cupcake and then get back on the field--we have a game to win". With the soothing warmth of chocolate in their bellies, the fun bunch felt rejuvenated. "Heck this is better than advil", chuckled Richard "wild thing" Bujold in a lighter moment on the field. "Downtown" had smashed a grand slam homer in the first inning, and "boom boom" had a hit a solo shot (with his big brother's permission) in the sixth. In the top of the seventh, the dogs bollock's added four more to make a tough task even tougher as the fun bunch now trailed 16-10. Richard "wild thing" bujold got aboard but was forced out on "bulldozer's" fielder's choice. Running out of options, "downtown" cranked the team's last home run ball over the fence to make the score 16-12. "polygon" got a hit as did Nancy "triple threat" Harris, but both base runners were once again stranded on base as the fun bunch simply could not extend the rally. "I will sit down with team management and we will discuss how this team built for success, unravelled in the playoffs. Players will be held accountable", were "field marshal's" final words as the team trudged off the diamond.
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