OTTAWA- At a casual glance it had been a very successful season. The funbunch had an impressive record of 10-2 with one game left in the schedule. The darlings of the league they were coming round for another grab at the brass ring--the tournament championship. Behind the scenes however, steve “field marshal” saunders had been hard at work, keeping the SS funbunch afloat as it lurched from side to side. First came the desertion of his front line officers: scott “boom boom” saunders (booked vacation during tournament weekend), john “hans solo” devries (kicking back at the cottage), ryan “man-o-war”matishuck (sister’s wedding), adrian “sweetspot” seaman (in-law get together), clark “pound ‘em back” lawlor (tournaments are boring), meghan “marathon” saunders (taken prisoner on family vacation), alison “bulldozer” hale (injured hamstring).

Next he was informed that one of his replacements for the tournament—a local baseball superstar—would not be able to play, as the winds now picked up to gale force. Then the storm surged yet again as his niece paris “songbird” Patricelli took a line drive off the thigh last week at the hot corner and looked iffy to play. At this point a lesser captain would have jumped into the nearest life boat and abandoned ship, leaving what remained of the crew to a watery grave. But “field marshal” -- a battle-hardened veteran of the high seas—lashed himself to the ship’s wheel and guided his prized brigandine through the pounding waves of this relentless nor’easter. He then commanded what remained of his crew to “batten down the hatches” and “man their posts” – the smell of salt water now intoxicating.

But just when he thought the worst was over, his ship was hit broadside by the biggest wave yet: kathie “daredevil” Adare would not play in the tournament: she had been involved in a biking mishap and was in a cast for two weeks.

The SS funbunch swung hard to port, nearly capsizing as it pitched and rolled, bobbing up and down like a cork. Now down to a meagre crew of four sailors, the task seemed impossible. But these stalwarts would not give up: first mate leah “ the roadrunner” morrell, cupped a hand to her mouth and yelled, “ ahoy captain – sarah ‘launchpad’ lord has made a change of plans and will arrive in Ottawa on Friday”. Then “songbird” climbed up from the makeshift infirmary down below still sporting a massive purple welt on her thigh. “aye aye captain, I’m ready for duty”, she yelled, wincing in pain. Richard “wild thing” Bujold swung down from the mizzenmast—a knife firmly clenched in his teeth—and braced himself firmly on the foredeck resplendent in his pizza stained buccaneer’s outfit. “captain, I have rounded up two more scurvy dogs: my brother Pat “oft injured” Bujold and Emily “former competitive ball player” Chen. Mark “polygon” pintar and jack “jackhammer” Lawlor both donned their canvas doublets, breeches and Monmouth caps from the slop chest to join the crew as they began hoisting sail.

The hurricane started to subside, now downgraded to a tropical storm, the SS funbunch righted itself as it parted the still choppy waters and continued on it’s course. “field marshal” untethered himself from the ship’s wheel and affixed his spectacles. The crew had reeled in a message in a bottle. He read it aloud to those onboard. “Honorable field marshal. I have kept abreast of your terrible dilemma and have been overcome with guilt. As such, I have altered my vacation plans and will return forthwith to be court marshalled at your earliest convenience as you see fit. I and my daughter “marathon” will in the meantime report for duty at o-seven-hundred hours on Saturday morning to play in the tournament. Respectfully, your brother, ‘boom boom’”.

The crew erupted into joyous cheer and quickly broke out into a rousing version of fifteen men on a dead man’s chest. The skies parted, the seas calmed. They had done it. They now had a full crew and were sailing full steam ahead to their next port of call: Carlington #1 diamond Saturday morning.

OTTAWA-The fun bunch were limping to the finish line. With only one game to go, steve “field marshal” saunders had managed to scrounge together a measly seven players and two of them--including himself--were injured. The other was his niece Paris “songbird” Patricelli still suffering the after affects of her line-drive mishap last week. Making matters worse, their opponent for the game-- “pitch please”-- was one of only two teams that had managed to beat them this year. It was going to be a tough game, and the season series was on the line. He desperately wanted to win and finish on a high note.

Unable to recruit a spare before the game, “field marshal” showed up to the diamond looking to secure some players from one of the teams that played in the early game. With a stroke of luck, three volunteers from “stop hitting on us” agreed to the doubleheader. Kelsey, Jason and Steve (or Steve 2.0 as he was called to avoid confusion) entered the dugout and exchanged greetings with their new teammates.

The fun bunch got off to an ice-cold start chalking up two scoreless innings with only a couple of batters reaching base. Luckily , they managed to keep the potent “pitch please” offense off the scoreboard as well.

In the third inning the team kicked things into high gear with hits from Adrian “sweetspot” Seaman, Jess “bullseye” Belanger and Kelsey from S.H.O.U. setting the table for “field marshal”. With some slight direction and encouragement , he coaxed neophyte pitcher steve 2.0 to “toss it in like a beach ball” before depositing it over the right field fence for a four run shot. Pitch Please clawed back with two runs of their own.

The see-saw battle commenced in the fifth inning as Pitch Please drove in five runs to move ahead of the fun bunch 7-6.

Unperturbed , the fun bunch answered back with five runs of their own in the fifth on hits by “the roadrunner”, paris “songbird” Patricelli, Kelsey, Glen “the wrangler” Rankin and Richard “wild thing” Bujold – all without using up a home run. The lead whipsawed back in favour of the fun bunch 11-7.

“Songbird” was putting on quite a spectacle. A nervous neophyte only games ago, she now strutted into the batters box and pawed at the sand like a bull waiting to charge. Lifting her front foot to shift her weight backwards she waited—like a coiled spring—until the ball was in range. Timing the pitch perfectly, she then uncoiled and threw her weight forward in order to maximize her bat head speed with impressive results as she hit the ball harder and farther in each at bat.

The highlight of the game occurred on a seemingly innocuous play. Their enormous short stop, had hit a single. Clearly disappointed, he rounded first aggressively, as “wild thing” picked up the ball from the outfield. Buffoonishly he stutter-stepped towards second, daring “wild thing” to throw the ball. Meanwhile “the roadrunner” closed in behind him and cut off his path of retreat at first. “wild thing” quickly threw to the ball to “the roadrunner” catching the baserunner off guard. He gulped hard and his pupils dilated as he began to sweat profusely. Now stranded off-base he was caught in a run-down. He took off towards second with “the road runner” in pursuit his breath now wheezing as his heart beat ever faster. Once “field marshal” sensed a run down he sprinted into action to back up “wild thing” and stood in the base path of the advancing runner and “the roadrunner” threw him the ball. In her excitement she missed her target and threw it over “field marshal’s” head and no where near his glove. He leapt in the air—a hobbled man with a torn achillies tendon—and snatched the ball with his bare hand. Wincing, he came down hard and charged the base runner who jammed on the breaks. The gig was up, he was in way over his head. Tears began to trickle from his eyes as he tried desperately to get back to first base. How could he have been so stupid. With the prey exhausted and his predators closing in, his demise would now be mercifully quick. “field marshal” flipped the ball to “the roadrunner”. He tried once more to reverse course, but it was no use. His legs buckled and he began to fall. “The roadrunner” slapped him with her glove with all her might. He yelped and tumbled to the ground in a dusty heap. Ashamed, embarrassed and in desperate need of medical attention he slunk off the field to a chorus of boos and catcalls from his teammates.

In another close-to-perfection moment, a Pitch Please woman crunched a huge hit to left field. “The wrangler” was caught off guard and the ball was sailing over his head. Relentless, he took off tracking the ball as it continued it’s upward ascent. As it started to descend, he was still running flat out and made a last ditch stab at the ball both feet now in the air. Snagging the ball, it rolled around in his glove as he landed and tried to regain his footing. He took two running strides before the ball popped out and fell to the ground despite his spectacular effort.

After the sixth inning the fun bunch clung to a narrow two run lead 13-11. The top of the seventh inning saw the fun bunch score only a single run to increase their lead to 14-11. Pitch Please found their second wind. They scored four runs to once again move into the lead 15-14. With time running out their would be only one more inning. The fun bunch season hung in the balance. Hits by “sweetspot” and “the roadrunner” put two runners on second and third with two out. “field marshal” approached the plate. He had only one thought in his mind and that was to park the ball in the adjacent field. The first pitch was high so he waited for the next one. He swung mightily but hit it off the handle, it was a towering moonshot but was not going to leave the yard. With two outs the runners were off on contact. Both “sweetspot” and “the roadrunner” came home before the ball landed with a plop in no man’s land as “the wrangler” –pinch running for field marshal—galloped into second. Further hits by “bullseye”, “songbird” and “wild thing” scored two more runs. At the end of the top half of the last inning, the fun bunch were now in the lead 18-15.

In the bottom half of the inning, Pitch Perfect—despite their best attempts—could not score a single run as the fun bunch defense shut them out to win the game 18-15, tie the season series 1-1 and finish their schedule 11-2