OTTAWA-Clark “pound ‘em back” Lawlor desperately wanted to skip the game tonight. He had explained to Steve “field marshal” Saunders, that his favorite hipster band was playing at the rainbow bistro, and he had made plans to attend. He had his outfit all prepared: starched red pants, jaunty straw fedora, and paisley vest -- he would blend into the hipster crowd seamlessly. Unfortunately that message was lost on Glen “the wrangler” Rankin, Scott “boom boom” Saunders and Richard “wild thing” Bujold, all of whom decided to kick-back and take a “me-day” leaving their teammate “pound ‘em back” on the hook to fill the void.

“I’m sorry “pound ‘em back” but you were the last to tell me about your plans so your going to have to play. I’m already one short even with you in the line up.”, “field marshal” informed him. Disappointed but supportive, he folded his hipster outfit and placed it back in his drawer, as he donned his snappy fun bunch jersey instead. Determined to make the best of the situation he put on his favorite band’s CD and sang their tunes on the way to the diamond.

The fun bunch were playing their nemesis “the aquabats”. The team that famously shamed their own teammates for years by yelling “M-O-R-O-N” in unison whenever one of them made an error. Sort of a team morale booster gone horribly wrong. Lacking pure power, they were adept at slapping hits with precision. They would be fine tuning their offense for the upcoming tournament and could not to be taken lightly.

With their four game winning streak on the line, the game started as badly as it possibly could when the funbunch scored zero runs in the first inning and the aquabats put on an offensive display and scored the inning maximum five. Not helping the situation was a defensive alignment in need of tweaking. Usually sure-handed Ryan “man ‘o’ war” Matischuk called for and dropped a couple of tough bloopers playing rover while neophyte nick “top cuts” Snedden struggled a bit with his positioning playing centre field for the first time in his career.

After the dreadful inning, “field marshal” convened a quick meeting with his outfield and they decided to move “top cuts” to rover and “man o’ war” back to centre field to see if that helped.

The next inning was a little more promising when the fun bunch finally got on the score board with two runs by meghan “marathon” saunders and “top cuts”. The defensive move paid off as well as the fun bunch kept the aquabats to a single run to narrow the gap slightly 6-2.

The pattern repeated in the next inning: two more runs by the fun bunch (“field marshal” and “marathon”), while the aquabats got only one. Score now 7-4 and the gap narrowed to three runs. Still the breakout inning had eluded them. The had opportunities but couldn’t quite deliver the knock out punch, with too many shallow pop outs and weak grounders to short.

Finally in the fourth inning, the fun bunch fortunes began to turn. With hits by Alison “bulldozer” Hale and Meghan “marathon” Saunders, “pound ‘em back” came to the plate. Still smarting from missing his hipster outing, he dug himself into the batters box determined to express his indignation. Continuing his annoying habit, he stood with the bat glued to his shoulder when the first pitch (an absolute beauty) sailed over the plate belt high. “I don’t swing at first pitches”, he turned and giggled to the opposing team’s catcher. “whatever”, she replied rolling her eyes.

Like an automaton, “field marshal” delivered the second pitch perfect as well. But this time—the stars must have been aligned—“pound ‘em back” decided to have a go at it. Tightly gripping the orange-and-black demarini 28 ounce “new breed” end-loaded bat, he uncoiled and hit the ball square. It sailed over the left field fence for a three run shot briefly tying the game.

With the home run ball now out of play, the aquabats tossed a replacement to “man o’ war” who had taken over for “field marshal” on the pitching mound as he was next batter. Wasting no time, “field marshal” swung at the first pitch and crushed it dead on the sweet spot. He could tell immediately—from his 35 years of experience—that the ball was gone. With a tribute to Jose Bautista, he watched it briefly, then tossed the bat and walked into the dugout. But something was awry. Defying the laws of Newtonian physics this ball suddenly stopped and started descending. Slowly at first but quickly picking up speed. The Aquabat right fielder was nervously pressed against the outfield fence, trying desperately to track the accelerating projectile against the pitch black night sky. The ball hit the top of the fence and bounced onto the playing field. “field marshal” had meanwhile sat down in the dugout and was adjusting his cleats when his teammates began to assail him. “get out there , the ball’s in play” , shrieked leah “the roadrunner” morrell when she saw what had transpired. “field marshal” sprang into action and managed to dig out a double, despite his late start and the flaring pain in his sciatic nerve.

He was left scratching his head as to how the ball stayed in the yard however. He knew he hit that ball hard enough to go over the fence. He could tell the moment he made contact. There was no wind to speak of so why didn’t the ball clear the fence? The mystery was solved with the next batter when the aquabats, chuckling, tossed a new ball out to the mound. “Sorry that ball shouldn’t have been used. Its an old water-logged punky ball that got mixed in with our league balls”, their captain admitted. “whoops sorry about that”, he finished grinning at “field marshal” standing at second base, robbing the fun bunch of a critical run.

With more hits from “man o’ war”, “the roadrunner” and kathie “daredevil” adare, “field marshal” scored and the fun bunch now were in the lead 8-7. The bottom of the inning saw the aquabats score one more run to once again tie the game at 8 all in the see-saw battle of tournament A division leviathans.

Not to be outdone, “pound ‘em back” hit yet another home run—a two run shot—in the fifth inning. His first multi-homer game of the season. With the misfortune of missing his club night long behind him, he was doing his best the lead the team on to victory. More hits by “daredevil”, “field marshal”, “man o’ war” and adrian “the jackal” seaman and the fun bunch had taken their first lead of the game 12-8. The aquabats kept chipping away however and scored two more of their own in the bottom half of the inning to keep the game close 12-10.

The next two innings saw the lead slip like a bar of soap from the fun bunch’s sudsy grasp as their offense evaporated in the cool night air. Zero runs for the fun bunch and three runs for the aquabats some them re-take the lead heading into the last inning 13-12.

Down one run, their four game winning streak on the line, the fun bunch dug deep. “man o’ war” got things rolling with a triple. He was driven in by “the roadrunner” on a controversial play at second. Hesitating after rounding first, she attempted a delayed steal of second only to be tagged and called out by “the jackal”. Fuming, she protested , loudly and vehemently. “Interference at first please!”, she shouted to everyone on the field. Eyes zeroed in on the aquabats first baseman immediately. “Well did you interfere with her?”, asked “field marshal” from the pitching mound. “yes I did”, came his muted response, awarding “the roadrunner” second base and keeping the inning alive.

More hits by “top cuts”, “the jackal” and “marathon” scored a total of three runs including “marathon’s” remarkable fifth run of the game. The fun bunch now held a slim lead 15-13. With the game on the line, “field marshal” issued the teams marching orders sternly: “ do whatever it takes but make sure they don’t score a run”. With the message crystal clear, the team followed orders like an elite military unit. “the jackal” caught the first hit on a deep fly ball to right field. “pound ‘em back” caught the next fly ball into left field. With a chance to end the game, the next batter hit a shallow pop fly to “top cuts” playing rover behind second base. Channeling his inner “wild thing” he squeezed the ball just a bit to soon and the ball squirted free allowing the runner to make it to first.

With the tying runner now at the plate, “field marshal” had a nauseous feeling in his stomach. They were oh-so-close to winning the game. He was doubtful they would get another such opportunity. But the next batter hit a shallow fly just past first base. Sure-handed “daredevil” snatched the ball from the air for the final out. The fun bunch had won again – their fifth win in a row.