BASS LINE STATION SETS NEW LOW
Win-at-any-cost philosophy draws ire of Fun Bunch
OTTAWA - As Bass Line Station (BLS) filed onto the field, Steve "field marshal" Saunders thought for a moment he must be at the wrong diamond. Carefully scrutinizing each player he could recognize only one from their first encounter at the beginning of the season. Suddenly realizing that each player, both male and female, had a different ball team uniform on, he quickly figured out what was up and warned his team. "Watch out team. These guys are up to their usual shenanigans. Looks like they have assembled an all-star team of players. Be forewarned they are going to hit us hard and they are going to hit us often", "field marshal calmly advised his troops. After twenty-eight seasons in the league, "field marshal" had seen it all before, but this team looked different. Other teams had picked up ringers here and there, but this team looked like they just got off a triple-A bus in the parking lot. Young, fit and athletic, this team was assembled to annihilate the fun bunch and the rest of the teams in the league. To make matters worse, the Fun Bunch were missing four of their veterans including Scott "boom boom" Saunders, Clark "pound 'em back" Lawlor, John "Hans Solo" Devries, and Andrew "gazelle 2.0" Campbell all of whom decided to kick back and take the night off to leave their teammates to twist in the wind. Scrambling and working the phones, "field marshal" managed to scrounge up one additional player at the last minute--complements of Leah "roadrunner" Morrell. Mark "polygon" Pintar, a high-tech, video-game virtuoso agreed to come out and bolster the lineup after much arm-twisting and brow-beating by the "roadrunner". That left the fun bunch with a grand total of eight players. Four men and four women. Their worst turnout of the season couldn't have come at a worst time. As the home team, the fun bunch took to the field. With only four guys, that meant Richard "wild thing" bujold would have to play outfield. With a nagging shoulder injury leaving him unable to throw the ball overhand, it was a tough assignment. After the first three innings, however, the fun bunch were surprisingly in the lead 6-2. Mark "polygon" Pintar was playing centre field, and despite wearing artificial turf cleats, was doing an excellent job of tracking down every fly ball within a country mile of him. Even the BLS players were impressed. "Wow that guys covers a lot of real estate", Kathie "daredevil" Adare" overheard one of them saying as they headed to the outfield. Fun Bunch spirits were high, but "field marshal" knew this was only the calm before the storm. As if on queue, BLS ran off three five-run innings in a row. Balls were hammered to the outfield where they landed with laser-like precision. They had quickly realized that "wild thing" could not throw effectively and had targeted him with a non-stop barrage of hard liners. Clearly in over his head he was in effectively waving the white-flag of surrender. Under a "take no prisoners" order, BLS continued the onslaught. Glen "the wrangler" Rankin, had seen enough. "Let's move 'wild thing' to center field as they aren't hitting many balls there", he suggested in order to stem the bleeding. Next inning, with "wild thing" in centre field, the BLS barrage continued only this time directed at centre field, after a real-time ballistics adjustment. After the three five running innings, the fun bunch were looking dejected. They dragged themselves off the field slowly, shambling, with shoulders stooped. Steve "field marshal" Saunders surveyed the landscape. The fun bunch, barely a team of eight players, with one fielder who couldn't throw--at this point running on fumes. BSL, an enormous team of twelve players, handpicked from elite leagues around the city, younger, faster, stronger. This table needed levelling in a real hurry. "Look team, I know this isn't a fair fight but let's at least make sure we go down kicking and screaming. We're behind 12-6 right now but we've been down worse before. All we need is a five run inning to get back in this game, so let's try to keep the ball on the ground and not give them any easy outs", came "field marshal's" calm, soothing advice. The tranquilizing effect was immediate and palpable. Soon Leah "roadrunner" morrell, Alison "bulldozer" Hale , and Kathie "daredevil" Adare were aboard with Steve "downtown" Saunders striding to the plate. With no qualified back-up pitcher available, that left richard "wild thing" bujold to do the unthinkable and pitch to "downtown". "Focus wild thing, focus", came "downtown's" almost hypnotic voice. "focus" repeated "wildthing" slowly as if not comprehending the meaning. "That's right wild thing, now I want you to take a deep breath and throw it in like a beach ball", "downtown" continued. "Beach ball", wild thing repeated, as if in a trance. The first pitch came in. "Downtown" sized it up. It wasn't perfect but it would do. Bearing the weight of the entire team on his broad shoulders he swung his trusty 30 ounce demarini. He hit the ball so hard it made a loud popping noise like fireworks going off. The ball compressed and then jumped off the head of the bat like a rocket leaving its launch pad. Up, up, up, it continued. Over the infield, over the outfield, over the home run fence, over the off-leash dog park, over the bicycle path and finally landing on Island park drive, where it bounced off a rusty chevrolet cavalier leaving a deep crater in its hood. With that critical grand slam, the fun bunch were now back in the game 12-10. A huddle soon ensued at the BLS dugout. Whisperings could be heard. It seemed like someone was drawing a revised battle plan in the dirt with a stick. Soon heads were nodding in agreement. "uh-oh, I have a bad feeling about this", Alison "bulldozer" hale said under her breath as the fun bunch took to the outfield. Already caught with playing six guys on the field for the first two innings (when only five are allowed), BLS were not adverse to stretching the rules to their advantage and then pleading ignorance when caught red-handed. Their hitting picked up where it left off last inning as runners got on base at will. One base runner, however, tried to stretch a single into a double but was caught in the midsection, when "field marshal" applied a text-book tag on him on a toss from "polygon". The force of the tag so great the runner stumbled, tripped over the bag and tumbled in the dirt. Dropping the ball and trotting off the field, "field marshal" was shocked when the umpire called him "safe". His explanation: it wasn't a force play. "But I tagged him, he's out!", exclaimed "field marshal" shocked at the terrible call. Looking at the base runner, to overrule the umpire "field marshal" was met with only a blank stare. Clearly he wasn't going to admit that he was out. Now it was clear --this was BLS' "plan B". This continued for the rest of the game, with BLS calling their players safe time and time again when they were clearly out, padding their lead all the while. To make matters worse, whenever "field marshal" was on base (which was a lot, because he went 7 for 7), Glen "the wrangler" Rankin had to pitch to poor ol' "wild thing". Now if you thought "wild thing" was a sight to behold on the pitching mound, he looked like a cy young winner compared to "the wrangler". For some reason, despite being a gifted athlete, "the wrangler" simply could not manage to toss a ball in from the pitching mound for a strike. "the wrangler" seemed confounded. The first pitch rolled in the dirt before it reached home plate. The second pitch caught "wild thing" hard in the thigh making him wince. Taking a deep breath he knew he had his work cut out for him. The third pitch was the worst of the lot. You have to give "wild thing" credit for trying though. He leapt backwards (to avoid being hit again) and then chased the ball down the third base line. In a futile effort to make contact he jumped in the air and swung the bat but to no avail. Strike three and " the wrangler" had his first strike out. Despite the unsportsmanlike antics of BLS and their finely honed all-star team the fun bunch were doing their best to hang in there. "field marshal" hit another gargantuan home run to make the score 24-16 going into the top of the ninth. By this point everyone on the fun bunch was getting testy -- fed up with BLS' home-town calls to keep padding their lead. "Those guys aren't playing fair", Nancy "hit 'em out of the park" Harris said loud enough to be heard across the diamond as the fun bunch headed out to the field. Her words summed up the feelings of the entire team. Eight runs down, with only one inning to go, the fun bunch were going to do their darndest to win one for the good guys. The first batter up, hit a line drive to right field where "polygon" charged it hard and threw in one motion to "daredevil" to beat the base runner by a half step. "SAFE!", came the incorrect call by their umpire. "But she was out!", "daredevil" yelled back, fed up with their one-sided calls. The call remained and the runner remained at first base. "Daredevil" was seething mad now. They weren't playing fair and there was nothing they could do about it. The next batter hit a towering fly ball, and the runner at first took off. "Daredevil" back pedaled as she tried to track the ball against the black night sky. It drifted back and forth, buffeted by the wind, but she refused to take her eyes off it until it landed, plop, in her glove. The BLS base runner realized her mistake. Halfway to second, she started running back to first base only to see "daredevil" blocking her base path. "Daredevil", looking for payback, charged hard at the now frightened BLS base runner. As "daredevil" got within striking distance, she took the ball in her glove and spun around striking the base runner with all her might squarely in the cheek. The BLS base runner, stood for a brief moment as her skin split open like a ripe plum and blood squirted out. She then stumbled two steps backwards before collapsing on the ground in a cloud of dust. "Like I said - you're out!", "daredevil" added before she took the ball out of her glove and dropped it on the base runner's forehead before trotting off the field. So BLS managed to get only a single run in their half of the ninth inning. That left the score 25-16 with the fun bunch down 9 runs for the tie. Tough--but not impossible. First batter was team co-captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale. Looking to rally her troops she approached the batter's box. At that point the BLS catcher made a tactical error. "That runner was safe at first you know, you can't throw runners out at first from the outfield", she sassed. "Bulldozer" stopped walking and spun around to face her aggressor. Her eyes narrowed to slits. She clenched her teeth and her lips wrinkled back to reveal her gums. "IF YOU WANT TO PLAY IN THIS LEAGUE THEN LEARN THE $%^#$%^ RULES", "bulldozer" hissed at the now cowering catcher. With that she quickly composed herself, gave "field marshal" a playful wink and said "toss it in like a beach ball" whereupon she promptly drilled a hard liner for what looked like a perfect single. However, "bulldozer" was mad, fighting mad, so she rounded first and charged to second. At that point the outfielder threw the ball behind her to first. Quickly realizing her only play was to continue to second, she lowered her head and started running. Her feet motioned up and down like pistons straining under hard acceleration, she lowered her shoulder like a full-back and rapidly approached second base. As the ball was caught at second, "bulldozer" didn't flinch. She was going to stand up for her team right here and right now. She continued to accelerate, she lowered her shoulder a tad more. The second base man tried to apply a tag but the laws of physics weren't on her side. "Bulldozer" hit her square in the solar plexus with her shoulder. She tried t make a sound but nothing came out as all the air left her lungs involuntarily. She had a vague notion of flying-- like in a dream--as she sailed through the air. The ball popped loose on contact and rolled into the outfield. Unfortunately her dream-like adventure came to an abrupt end as she landed hard on the infield gravel. Sliding for what seemed like an eternity, she got a new appreciation for the term "road rash", as her entire leg from her thigh to her calf bubbled up and began oozing blood. As if to add insult to injury, "bulldozer" looked her square in the eye and said, "hey guess what?". Not waiting for an answer she completed her rhetorical question, "I'm safe moron" just as the first wave of excruciating pain washed over the injured player. The next batter, "polygon" drilled the first pitch up the middle to put two runners on with none out. That soon brought "downtown" to the plate. With two runners on, he knew what he had to do. Showing all the patience of a saint, he looked at "wild thing" on the pitching mound and proceeded to coach him. "Stay focussed wild thing. You've been doing great so far. Only one more pitch to go, then your job is done. Now take a deep breath and throw it in...", he was cut-off mid sentence. "Like a beach ball", wild thing finished. He then cast "downtown" a playful wink and the two of them began chuckling, sharing their inside joke. True to his word, "wild thing's" first pitch was a beauty. "Downtown" watched it sail in for what seemed like an eternity. In fact, he waited so long, that the BLS players began muttering and looking at each other confused and unsure as to what was unfolding. Then, at just the right time, "downtown" uncoiled like a trebuchet firing the ball like a projectile into the black abyss of hampton park forest. That brought the score to 25-19, leaving the fun bunch out of gas but not before putting BLS on notice that they would be looking for payback at the tournament.
--------------------------------------------