OTTAWA – The “twist in the wind” gang were out in full force on Wednesday night as John “hans solo” devries, Richard “wild thing” Bujold and clark “pound em back” lawlor all decided to make a rare appearance together at Hampton Park diamond. The team looked resplendent in their new uniforms, complements of their new sponsor – Ottawa Special Events. Coming off yet another of their uncle’s grueling “boot camps”, Meghan “marathon” Saunders and Paris “songbird” Patricelli showed up with bodies bruised and battered , but also battle-hardened and mentally tough as nails.

Steve “field marshal” saunders, was not in a good mood. He had missed his best chance at an eagle this year in his latest round of golf at his beloved “chateau cartier” course. It was a perfect morning, as he stepped up to the tee box on his most favorite hole -- #5. It was their signature hole – a 455 yard par 5 along the Ottawa River with a panoramic view from Britannia all the way down to the Parliament buildings. “field marshal” knew how to play this hole like a fiddle. A monster drive left—so as to be able to have a clear shot at the green around the dogleg and over the water—was his typical play. He had done it countless times before and could practically do it blindfolded. But today, he unleashed a stunning drive—even by his standards, that blew by his golfing partners by close to one hundred yards. When the dust settled he had 109 yards left to the pin—a 346 yard fairway-gobbling drive—his best ever on this hole. He had done the unthinkable and driven the ball right past the dog leg, leaving him a clear shot at the pin. Determined to take full advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity, he pulled his trusty callaway 56 degree mack daddy forged sand wedge out of his bag and took dead aim at the defenseless flag. One deft swing and a massive airborne divot later and his titleist pro V1 had landed softly eight feet from the hole. He cast his eyes heavenward and mouthed a cursory “thank-you” before licking his chops and striding onto the green. This was the flattest green on the course. He examined his intended ball path from all angles before confirming the obvious – dead center of the cup. He aligned his mallet-style “daddy-long-legs” taylor-made ghost putter with an extra thick “stroke-saver” grip and took two practice swings. This was going to be a slam dunk. Back and through, his stroke was flawless, as the ball trundled towards the center of the cup. “field marshal” commenced his victory stride mid-roll , so confident was he in the outcome. Four feet in, the ball hit a blemish in the green. An un-repaired divot. The ball jumped up and kicked right. “field marshal’s” eyes opened wide in horror. His mouth hung agape. The ball skittered along the edge of the cup. It started to descend but instead circled the cup and started to rise back up—triumphantly as if single-handedly defying the laws of Newtonian physics. The ball came to a rest on the lip of the hole—teetering—only a mild breath of wind preventing it from completing the rare feat. “field marshal” was crestfallen. His playing partners went silent. He waited for it to drop for what seemed like an eternity before tapping it in with the back of his putter in disgust. A glorious opportunity foiled by a selfish patron.

Seasoned veteran kathie “daredevil” adare , junior jess “bullseye” belanger, and neophytes “songbird” and “marathon” all had hits in the first inning and scored three of the five runs. For “songbird” , who had struggled somewhat in the last game, it was a ringing endorsement of her hard work and determination at boot camp as she went four-for-five and scored three runs (that despite a contentious out call on her at first on what should have been her fifth hit and perfect night). But the fun bunch women were just warming up as they put on a stellar defensive show as well. “marathon” made her first catch in the outfield. “songbird” took a flip toss from shortstop for her first force out at third. “bullseye”—playing deep outfield snagged a high fly ball for an out. “daredevil” made several great plays at first as she held on to the ball—despite the stinging pain.

Adding to the excitement, the fun bunch were involved in two tag plays – both for outs. This first one involved “songbird” in her first run down—a trial she passed with flying colours. As the runner was approaching third, the ball came in to “field marshal” at shortstop. He threw the ball to “songbird” who was standing astride the base with glove outstretched as he firmly directed her to “slap him with your glove”. The hapless baserunner jammed on the breaks and attempted to retreated. With “field marshal” blocking the base path, he locked eyes with “song bird” and calmly advised her to “throw it as hard as you can”. Complying willingly, she hit him square in the mitt with a beauty. One painful tag later and the baserunner shuffled off the diamond, humiliated and in need of ice.

The second tag play was even more spectacular. The “loonies” were running the base paths quite aggressively all game long. A deep hit to the gap in the outfield, and the batter, started galloping around the bases—his eye firmly set on a triple. Scott “boom boom” saunders fielded the ball. With a cannon for an arm, “field marshal” realized they had an outside chance to get the runner. Ryan “man-o-war” Matishuck covered second and awaited the throw. Instead of backing him up, however, “field marshal” realized the base runner was not going to stop at second so he moved into position between second and third and prayed that “boom boom’s” throw was going to be both hard and on-line. It was. As the ball smacked “man-o-war’s” glove the base runner was now half way to third. “field marshal” called to “man-o-war”, “throw it here”. The grin on the baserunner disappeared in an instant as he soon realized he was now barreling directly towards “field marshal” who was awaiting him ball-in-glove. “field marshal” calmly smiled as he watched him try to stop. His momentum carried him forward and now he was off balance. He tried to dodge “field marshal” who slapped him hard on the back with his glove. He grimaced as the ball left a welt on his skin. But worse, he was now airborne as “field marshal’s” tag had eliminated what little balance he had left. He seemed to fly for an eternity before coming down hard and sliding through the abrasive sand and stones of the infield. He came to a complete stop about six feet from third base. He was a mess—dusty, bleeding, pebbles stuck to his raw wounds. “field marshal” walked towards him, ashamed and humiliated, he lifted his hand up for assistance. “field marshal” walked by him and instead dropped the ball on his head. “I’d stop at second next time buddy”, came his sage advice.

Even with the stellar defense the fun bunch was not able to chalk up another five run inning and pull away. In fact heading into the seventh inning the score was only 10-8 for the fun bunch as they were clinging to a meagre two run lead. There were a couple of hiccups. Expected “growing pains” from the neophytes as they learned first hand the bitter rules of battlefield survival as “songbird” overran second to get tagged off the base, and “marathon” froze at third despite “field marshal” screaming at her to “go home”. They both sighed and resigned themselves to another grueling “boot camp” to help them “work through some issues”.

With only a couple of innings remaining, the fun bunch however quickly turned things around. Back-to-back five run innings – including a monster double by “bullseye”--and impermeable defense led to a more convincing win – 20-8.