WRANGLER RALLY
Glen "the wrangler" Rankin puts on a clinic but team falls short as the Fun Bunch lose their first game of the season
OTTAWA - Glen "the wrangler" rankin put on an offensive barrage last night. He hit three over-the-fence home runs (two of them grand slams) and added a fourth in-the-park home run for a grand tally of 14 RBI's to do his darndest to keep the season long winning streak alive. Alas, the fun bunch were behind the eight ball right from the get-go, thanks to the usual gang of n'er do wells. Scott "boom boom" Saunders, Clark "pound 'em back" Lawlor and Andrew "gazelle" Campbell, all decided to kick back and take the night off leaving their teammates twisting in the wind. When asked what she thought of their decision to skip the game and put the season-long winning streak in jeopardy, co-captain Alison "bulldozer" Hale didn't mince words, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going", she snarled. That left only four full-time guys left to play, forcing steve "field marshal" saunders to conscript corey "stretch" ploegman for his first ever organized softball game. Missing the two strongest arms in the outfield, and with both "the wrangler" and richard "wild thing" bujold unable to throw the ball without pain, "field marshal" took over in center field and re-organized the infield. The new-look infield had "stretch" at the hot corner, "the wrangler" at short, Leah "roadrunner" Morrel at second and stalwarts Kathie "daredevil" adare at first and rowena "scoresheet" sams at home. That left richard "wild thing" bujold in right field , "field marshal" in center and john "Methuselah" devries in left. In an absolutely dreadful start, the fun bunch went six-up, six-down without a single hit in the first two innings and quickly found themselves in a big hole down 7-0. At this point "field marshal" unleashed an expletive-filled tirade covering a wide array of topics including "pride" , "discipline" and "dignity". After what seemed like an eternity, the team appeared to get the message as kathie "daredevil" adare promptly drilled the first pitch for a leadoff single. She was followed suit by singles from Corey "stretch" Ploegman and Alison "bulldozer" Hale setting the stage for the start of "the wranglers" monumental evening. With the first pitch tossed in like a beach ball, "the wrangler" promptly hit it spot-on to clear the fence for a much needed grand slam to jump-start the five run inning and put the fun bunch back in the game. But "the wrangler" wasn't done there as he went on to hit another grand slam homer in the fourth inning and a three run shot in the fifth to move the fun bunch into the lead 15-10. Unfortunately at this point the game started to spiral out of control as errors in the outfield began to hurt the fun bunch. With richard "wild thing" bujold reluctantly playing right field, he was somehow managing to hold his own. That all changed very quickly as he lost a towering fly ball "in the lights" as it dropped behind him for a triple. Sensing an exposed soft-underbelly, impact moved in for the kill as they drilled another hard shot towards "wild thing". With the ball seemingly within his grasp, it soon squirted free like a too-tightly gripped banana from its peel as it careened off his forehead--leaving a large red welt--to drop on the grass for yet another triple. Meanwhile in left field john "hans solo" devries was having a few difficulties of his own. His woes started on what seemed like a straight forward play. With the ball hit into centre-left field, steve "field marshal" saunders glided smoothly under the ball all the while yelling "I got it johnnie". As he was about to snag the ball, he could see in his peripheral vision a dark shadow growing larger, as "hans solo" inexplicably was still approaching him. Making the out, "field marshal" realized that a collision was unavoidable as he braced himself for impact using his hockey-playing skills to his advantage. Poor "hans solo" didn't stand a chance. With "field marshal" outweighing him by a good fifty pounds of solid muscle, "hans" crumpled to the ground like a ball of cheap tin foil. "Johnnie, what the heck were you doing, I called you off at least four times?", an incredulous "field marshal" yelled as he quickly approached his fallen comrade to see if he was still breathing. After what seemed like an eternity, "hans solo" gathered himself up, sucked in a great lungful of air and slowly replied, "I thought you said 'get it johnnie' ", before lapsing into unconsciousness. With that painful memory indelibly etched in his memory, "hans solo" ran into some trouble gripping the ball a couple of times. Resembling a farmer trying to grab a greased pig, the ball scooted and squirted from his grasp, while base runners merrily advanced around the diamond. With the fun bunch coming to bat in the bottom of the ninth inning, the score stood 23-20 for impact. Three runs for a tie or four runs for a win. Out of home runs, however, the hill seemed a little steeper. "The wrangler" lead off with his fifth hit of the game. "The roadrunner" blasted the first pitch deep to the outfield for what would have been an easy double, only to be robbed by the center fielder . "Wild thing" came to bat and got a clutch hit to put two base runners aboard. "Scoresheet" came to bat next and advanced the base runners but was put out at first. Steve "downtown" saunders strode to the batter's box. "If we had only one more home run left, this game would soon be tied", he thought to himself as he looked at the base runners on 2nd and 3rd. But alas, this was not the case as there were now two out and--worst yet--john "brush back" devries was on the mound. With no seasoned back-up pitcher, poor "downtown" had suffered the ignominy of having to deal with a veritable witches cauldron of terrible pitching all game long. Between "wild thing" and "brush back", they'd nary thrown a good ball between them, forcing "downton" to swing at a plethora of problematic pitches. Here we go again, he thought, rolling his eyes heavenward before asking "brush back" to "throw it in like a beach ball". Resembling more a bowling ball than a beach ball the first pitch approached the plate--low and outside. Realizing that it may get worse, "downtown" took three quick strides and caught the ball square on the stitching sending it soaring high to right field. With two out, "the wrangler" and "wild thing" were off in a flash scoring easily before the ball even reached its apex. As it came down and accelerated, the stocky fielder was running to and fro, as the wind buffeted the earth bound missile. Unable to track the flight of the ball, he stumbled and the ball dropped in for a base hit. Leaving "downtown" the tying run on first. The next batter however hit into a force play at second leaving the fun bunch one run short and with their nine-game, season-long winning streak abruptly ended.
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