Ottawa - It was a busy day for steve “field marshal” saunders. He had been invited to the prestigious “Eagle Creek” golf course, now a members-only club link course in Dunrobin and arguably the best one in Ottawa. He was heading there complements of john “methuselah” devries who had managed to secure four tickets. It was a perfect day, so “field marshal” headed out early to make full use of the “au-gratis” facilities before the round. He giggled as he headed down to the practice range, as excited as a toddler, climbing down the stairs on Christmas morning. His eyes widened like saucers as he rounded the corner and came upon the pristine field before him. An endless supply of golf balls awaited as well as complementary tees, all emblazoned with the “club link” logo. He stuffed his pockets full , looking carefully around to make sure no one was watching. He giggled once more, composed himself, and continued stuffing his pockets with more free tees till he simply couldn’t fit any more.

He set his bag on the stand and started with a 9-iron to stretch and warm up. Thump, he hit the ball, perfectly square in the sweet spot. It landed softly 150 yards straight down the fairway. So much for the warm up he thought, as he unsheathed his pride and joy. His brand new Callaway “big bertha alpha” 8.5 degree extra stiff driver. It was a thing of beauty. He almost hated to scuff it up by hitting balls with it. He slowly teed up a ball using one of his new club link composite tees, carefully pushing it down just far enough to leave the equator of the ball at the top of his driver head. He looked down the range and spotted the farthest target. He pulled out his garmin laser range finder and scoped out the distance. 300 yards even – uphill. He seized his alpha with his mighty hands and locked them together in a powerful overlapping grip. He aligned himself to the target and adjusted his stance till it was perfect. A couple of waggles and he was set. The other golfers on the range stopped what they were doing and took notice. They started whispering and pointing to “field marshal’s” stall, wondering if a tour pro was paying them a visit. “field marshal” took no notice. He was “in the zone”. He coiled his shoulders like a python, all the while resisting with his hips. His shoulders continued to turn, 30, 45, 60, 75 degrees they went. “field marshal” looked like a contortionist. The other golfers started taking pictures with their cell phones. Oh but he wasn’t done yet, 80, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89 when his shoulders hit 90 degrees he uncoiled like a trebuchet. His companions on the range were flattened by the shock wave. In one startling blink of an eye, his big bertha alpha hit that titleist range ball dead in the sweet spot. It sounded like a shot-gun blast. The ball crumpled up unnaturally as it bore the full impact of the powerful force before it adhered strictly to newton’s second law of motion and disappeared from sight. “field marshal” held his finish pose for what seemed like an eternity as he watched the ball sail down the ersatz fairway until it bounced off the 300 yard marker and came to a stop.

That would be it for his practice. Hard to improve upon that textbook swing he thought. He slowly cleaned off and covered his driver and put his 9 iron back in his bag. This is going to be a fun day, he thought to himself smugly as he headed back up the hill to the putting green, one final giggle as he rounded the corner.

The fun bunch had a rare full turnout for their game. In fact, there were six women as jess “bullseye” belanger brought out her friend Mikaela “wolverine” Williams for a try out. Mark “polygon” pintar couldn’t make the game but sent out his friend Ryan “man-o-war” Matishuk in his stead. “field marshal” greeted “man-o-war” when he showed up at the diamond. ‘“polygon” speaks very highly of you son’, “field marshal” acknowledged. ‘ He’s a very energetic player, so you have some big shoes to fill’, he added for good measure.

They were playing the “main street crawlers” a strong team with some grizzled veterans and clearly some new “young blood” recruits. They of course were fond of between inning pints and cannabis.

The fun bunch started off strongly with 4 runs, but the crawlers answered back with 5 runs of their own to put the fun bunch in an early hole. Next inning, the fun bunch scored 5 more runs, but the crawlers scored 5 of their own to make it 10-9 for the crawlers. “what do we have to do to beat these guys”, asked “man-o-war” who had quietly put together a strong start to the game going 2 for 2 and scoring 2 runs. “just keep doing what your doing son”, “field marshal” calmly replied putting a hand on the youngster’s shoulder.

The fun bunch women were having a field day as they crunched hit after hit into the field. Leah “roadrunner” morrell, kathie “daredevil” adare, rowena “scoresheet” sams, jess “bullseye” belanger, and alison “bulldozer” hale were putting on a show and scoring runs seeming at will. Heck “scoresheet” even snuck into second, when the aggressive crawlers tried to make an ill advised play at the plate and the catcher missed the ball that went sailing over his head.

The battled continued. The fun bunch were relentless and continued to pull away. After 6 innings the score was 26-16. The crawlers were in over their head and they knew it.

In an effort to kick-start their sputtering offense they reached into their bag of dirty tricks and started making glaringly bad “safe” calls, for runners that were clearly out. It didn’t matter, the fun bunch were on the brink of greatness and nothing could stop this juggernaut.

“field marshal” had the bases loaded twice—normally a slam dunk—but failed to put it over the fence either time. Sure he hit two doubles and drove in four runs anyway, but it was just so out of character for him, his teammates were left scratching their heads. Unwilling to throw his brother scott “boom boom” saunders under the buss for substandard pitching (like the rest of the teammates) , he took the high road and told him to “keep up the good work”.

A moment of hilarity occurred in the sixth inning, when “boom boom” rounded third and headed for home as the ball headed into the infield to the short stop. “boom boom” froze at the commit line as the short stop ran at him. Like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming 18 wheeler he realized his mistake too late. He was now cut off from third and his only option was to go home. As soon as he crossed the commit line, the short stop tossed the ball gingerly to the catcher who easily put “boom boom” out. “maybe next time, stick a little closer to third”, jibed the “roadrunner” as “boom boom” slunk into the dugout

Leading off the fifth inning, “field marshal” had no choice. His request to “waste” a solo home run had been denied so he looked around the field to see what options were available. There was a hole up the middle, but that would result in a single only. That just wouldn’t do. He looked up first base line and could see the fielder was back at the fence. A hit over the first base woman’s head would result in a double easy. Yes, that would do nicely.

He choked up on his bat, and smashed the first pitch down the first base line, halfway to the outfielder. With a double assured, he galloped around the base paths. He took a quick look before he reached second and saw they hadn’t retrieved the ball – a triple was even better he thought. He picked up his pace and started galloping now. The in fielders moved away from the bag so as to not be run over. “bulldozer” was flashing the “stop” sign with both hands in the air at third. He turned his head ever so slightly and saw that they were only now picking up the ball out of a puddle in right field. He was not going to be denied tonight. Ignoring “bulldozer” he rounded third and incredibly picked up the pace—a twenty-three year old boy trapped in a fifty-three year old man’s body. He crossed home plate and jumped into the back stop completing one of the rarest of feats in baseball – an in-the-park-home-run.

With “field marshal” stuck on base and “boom boom” next in the batting order, that led to some good-natured hijinks as “methuselah” was forced to pitch a few innings during the game. Erratic at the best of times, “methuselah” tried to “toss it in like a beachball” but instead it sailed towards the plate like knuckle ball. “Tarnation this gosh darn pitching is tougher than it looks”, “methuselah” wheezed as his pitches danced and darted about in the air on the way to the plate. The fun bunch batters, however, seemed unfazed as they nevertheless continued to make contact and pull away from the crawlers.

Going in to the bottom of the ninth inning the score was an unbelievable 35-17 for the fun bunch. The “roadrunner” had six hits. “daredevil” had five and “scoresheet” and “bullseye” each had four, while “bulldozer” had three. “man-o-war” – who had clearly filled “polygon’s” “big shoes”, was a perfect seven-for-seven with five runs scored. “methuselah” and “field marshal” were also 7 for 7. “boom boom” was 6 for 7 as was “the wrangler” who had quietly scored five runs at the bottom of the order.

The “crawlers” managed only two runs in the ninth as they went down meekly unable to stop history in the making as the fun bunch won the game 35-19 setting a record for the most runs in a nine inning game.